The "Ask Lena" Page

Yes it’s possible to be in love even if you do not see the person and correspond with them just online, on the Internet. To be honest, I didn’t believe in this at all before I began to work in a marriage agency in Belarus. I saw a lot of love stories with happy and sad endings. When I become old, I’ll write novels because there are really a lot of people who meet each other on the Internet nowadays. :)

I had a lot of feelings for Khashyar even before our meeting. My friends, my family thought that I was crazy because they did not believe in my happiness, love and meeting the right person by Internet. The first reason for their skepticism is the distance between us. How was it possible to love a person, to have physical attraction even without touching one another. My answer is that it is possible!!!!!!!

Before meeting my future husband, I felt and had a lot of feelings because we wrote messages to each other every day, and we spoke by phone very, very often. Sometimes he called me twice in a day. Such communication helped to develop strong and deep feelings. I was waiting for our meeting and had good expectations because I felt that we almost knew each other.

Yes, it’s true. Now I can say that I have a very successful relationship and marriage. Fortune has presented me with a good husband. I never thought that I’d meet him on the Internet. I have been living in America for only 4 months (as of May 2003), and I have not been homesick because of our website’s forum and communicating with people through the Russian Meeting Place. I do not have a boring life because my husband helps me to create this website and we work with this project together. All this gives us satisfaction and a good mood since even in this small way we can help people.

So, if you have feelings for your Russian girlfriend without even having met her yet, and feel comfortable with each other during your communicating, it probably means that when you meet each other that there is a good chance for success. I really wish you success and happiness in your communication with one another and in your blossoming relationship.

You can give my email address to your girlfriend and I’ll be happy to communicate with her too. I’ve met a lot of friends and good people though this website.

My best wishes to you and have a good day!

Yes, our website is new (it opened in early 2003), so we work hard to make it more and more interesting with every day.

I agree with you that there are so many websites about Russian marriage on the internet, but I think every man should be VERY careful with a dating service because for many agency’s, their main goal is to earn money, and even a lot of money, especially Russian marriage agencies.

First of all, Russian owners of marriage agencies have the opinion that almost every man living abroad is rich and that it’s not a problem for him to pay $5-$10 for a woman’s address. He will give all of his money in order to find a good wife, especially if he knows someone else who has had success with this. This is the first thing that I wanted to say to you about this topic, because I’ve worked 2.5 years in an agency and I know how Russian agencies work. But understand me correctly, I do not want to speak badly about Russian agencies and give a bad impression. Some of these agencies are very honest and provide a wonderful service. I only want to advise you to be very careful in looking for your second half through agencies.

Regarding our website…..I do not want to say that we are the best agency, or that we are far superior to other agencies. No, I’m not going to say this. :)  I’m going to answer your question about how we make money. Our forum and the personals section in our forum are free because our main goal is not to earn a lot of money. We want to help people to provide a service that really helps people to find their second half, to bridge the Russian-English communication gap, to feel happier in life, to find friends, to understand different answers to questions, to receive useful and interesting information, and so on.

We came up with this idea about personals in early 2003 because my friends and my friends’ friends asked me about adding personals onto our website since they knew that my story with Khashyar had a happy ending. So they want to try to find their second half also.

Yes, it’s true. I have a very successful relationship and marriage. Fortune has presented me with a good husband. I never thought that I’d meet him on the Internet. I have been living in America since January 2003, and I have not been homesick because of our forum and communicating with people through our website. I do not have a boring life because my husband helps me to create this forum and we work with this project together. All this gives us satisfaction and a good mood, since even in this small way we can help people.

Thank you for your question very much. Visit our website and I wish for you to find a good person and the right choice for your life. If you have questions or if you want to receive my opinion, feel free and ask me and I would be happy to answer you.

Question: “What are Russian Women’s view of divorce? My wife recently told me that she no longer loves me and wants a divorce. This will be my fourth divorce.”

I understand your situation and know that it’s not easy to experience disappointment in family life, especially if you experienced many things with this woman in the past, especially a child. To be honest, there were times I had such worries that after 3 to 5 years of marriage that I might stay alone and with a child, because one day a Russian man could say “Sorry, but my love has stopped and I found a new woman.” Divorce is not just a stress for men or women, but for also for children of marriages. Most of the time, children suffer even more when the parents decide to divorce. For them, it’s a very big stress.

I would like to write some words about divorce in the Former Soviet Union (FSU):

There are a lot of divorces in Russia also. The divorce rate in Russia is very high (at least 30%) and it continues to rise. This 30% is a statistic reported on paper, but I think it’s even more than 50% in Russia. Some Russian women have divorced two times and even more. What is the reason for this????  Is it a difference in character or choosing the wrong person???? I think in Russia the reasons for the high divorce rate are numerous. The reasons include personality and cultural differences, lack of privacy because of the Russian housing shortage, alcoholism, sexual incompatibility and adultery. The most common reasons are alcoholism and adultery. Men from the FSU do not care and do not worry about divorce, because for them it’s not a problem to find a new wife. They are not concerned about anyone else, just about their own life. It’s not a problem for them if the child will live without a father, and that he will suffer that his father left the family. So, if you visit any Russian personals, you will notice that there are many Russian women listed who are divorced and with a child. I can say that for most women from Russia, it’s not a surprise that many men abroad begin to build a family also after divorce. Yes, they ask themselves why there are a lot of divorces in a “successful” place like America or in the West.

Every day I receive questions from women about why foreign men are looking for a Russian wife. Why can’t they find a woman from their own country? Are Russian women  really such good wives, or is the interest to marry a Russian woman just a fashion in the West? Yes, sometimes I also asked these questions to myself. Why are there a lot of divorces in America and Europe???? The Western divorce rate is puzzling for a Russian woman because foreign countries do not have the same problems in daily life as in countries from the FSU.

Every person understands that there are a lot of problems and reasons for divorces, because there are a lot of people in this world and everyone has their own ideas, thoughts, requests, character, and plans for life. We should find our second half with the same interests and wishes in life. All this is theory, and to put this in practice is sometimes challenging. Every relationship teaches us something about ourselves and about life.

I have a lot of communication with Russian-Western couples with the help of our website. I can give you a brief example of one couple. Not so long time ago, Khashyar and I met with a American-Russian couple who are friends of ours. The American man was married more than one time and had several relationships in his life. He is over 45 years old already (I am not giving his exact personal  information because I want to protect his privacy). During this meeting, he told me that just now he is genuinely happy and feels that he has found his real Love. They are expecting a child now. His Russian wife knew about all his previous families and relationships, and even now she makes jokes about this. She says that she doesn’t care about his past. His private, family life should stay in the past and now they have a new life, a new family, and a new relationship. She is also happy with him and they both feel that they are right for one another.

No one knows what life will bring them, and how many times they will make mistakes. Sometimes we make a choice that brings us not good and right people into our lives.

In your situation, I advise you to meet a Russian woman who also had some disappointments in her family life, because a divorced woman will understand you better since she has been in the same situation as you. A lot of Russian women are alone and also have had broken hearts. She will share her experience with you and will understand you well. No one will understand you as well as a woman over 30-35 years of age, because most Russian women at this age are tired from a lonely life, rudeness and disappointment. They just dream about a good, honest, and sincere relationship.          

I think that you have a chance to be happy-- why not? Everyone has a chance to be happy. In the example that I gave you, this American man spent many unhappy years with different wives and children, and he is not so young. But finally he found the person he was looking for.

Try to have communication with different Russian women. First of all, show her what kind of person you are. Tell her about all of your faults and good times in your life. Be honest and be yourself. I think that if you are a kind person with a good, big heart, that she will value and appreciate you.

At the same time, I do not want to give you simply an optimistic answer to your question, because every person has his/her experiences in life. No one knows whether a blossoming relationship with a particular person will bring happiness or unhappiness in the future.

Every person is an individual, but I hope and wish that you meet the right person with whom you’ll be finally happy. I have a lot of women in my photo personals who write me and also describe very sad stories about their family life. Who knows, perhaps with the help of our website you’ll find the best relationship for yourself.

Try!!!!! Everything that we discuss now is theory. Try in practice and you’ll see what kind of result you will have.

Good luck and if you need more help, write me. I hope that this was of some help to you.

Sincerely,

Lena

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