The "Ask Lena" Page

Question: "What are Russian women looking for in Western men?"

This is a good question. I think that a lot of men are interested in knowing this question before beginning their search for a Russian woman.

Generally, Russian Women are not swayed be a man’s age and looks, provided that he is a genuine, decent person who will be a gentle husband to her and a good father to their children. These points are very important for every Russian woman. Russian women are very hard-working themselves, and appreciate a reliable and trustworthy man who will do his best to provide a regular income for their home and family. It’s common for Russian women to marry men 10 to 15 years older than themselves, since age to them means maturity, stability and security. For a younger woman, an older man is a guarantee of well-being.

Are Russian women interested in your financial situation? I believe that to the degree that every person thinks about the future, the answer is yes. But, maybe their understanding of a good financial situation is different than yours. I can say definitely that their requests are completely different compared to foreign people in general. It’s very important for her to know that her future husband has a stable secure job so that the family and everything necessary for life can be provided for. However, your kindness and wealth of your soul outweighs the size of your bank account. 

A Russian woman thinks about her future children so she wants to be near with a responsible man and in a safe and secure place to bring up her children. She cares about a good upbringing for her children, so she wants that a father should be a good example for a child. She is looking for somebody who can and will protect her and will care about her and her family.

A man should have education. As I mentioned in my article “Who is the Traditional Russian Women,” the majority of Russian women are educated and have university or college degrees, so they also want to have an educated man near with her who has a similar background. To a Russian woman, education means at least a college or university degree.

Do you know that all Russian women are romantic? So they like the smell of flowers, the dance of waves, walks under the stars. Most of all, Russian women have had only one example of men-- Russian men. To be honest, the majority Russian men are very romantic in the beginning of dating, but then many Russian women question ‘Where has all of this gone?’ after one year of dating or living together. It seems that many Russian men become rude and impolite. So, Russian women expect romance from men abroad, and you should know what it means to be romantic. It means you should present flowers and remember special events in her life. I think it’s not necessary to teach a man how to be a romantic person :)

As a Russian woman, I can say to you exactly that most Russian women seeking American, Italian, German, and other husbands are NOT doing so just to find a way to come abroad and have a better life. It’s not the main factor in looking for a foreign husband. The main reason and motivation of most of these women is to find a good husband and a stable relationship without divorce or disappointments. For most Russian women, the thought of divorce is very stressful. There are a lot of divorces in Russian, Belarus and Ukraine, not because the economic situation is bad, but because men drink and run around on their wives a lot more that most American and other Western men do. Foreign men have a good reputation throughout the world for being good husbands who treat their wives well and are generally faithful to them. For the most part, the most important reason that Russian women look for men away from their home countries is because they cannot find a good person to begin a family with among the men at home.

Every woman dreams to be happy all her life and to have a good family full of love, respect, understanding and warmth. Who doesn’t want such a life?

First of all, thank you that you found interest in communicating with some of our girls on our website. I really worked hard to find honest, good girls for foreign men and want to give more opportunities to help happy people and find each other.

I know your reaction when you received direct messages from girls with their wishes and interest. I know that the majority of them do not want to waste time.

I know in person some girls from the Personals because some of them (from Mogilev) are my friends. I know their situation very well. Some girls have had a lot of disappointments already because they spent 2-3 years on such communication without a positive result. Ok, the time spent is not a problem, but the money, emotions, efforts.

Maybe some of my information will be of help in understanding this situation. I’m a Russian girl and I went though the process of communication with foreign men myself, and met with a lot of examples how foreign men just have fun with play a game with the Internet. For foreign people it’s not a problem and they spend a lot of time with this toy :) from buying something online, doing work, communication with friends and even with such a thing as marriage.

But for Russian people, it’s a completely different situation.

I think for you it’s not a surprise that a lot of girls pay for translation and for the Internet. Do you know that some of these girls deny themselves a lot of things in order to go to the Internet café and to write messages to foreign men? I worked with a lot of Russian women, so I know this situation very well. They need to pay about $1 for the Internet  plus $3-$5 for the service of a translator because some of them do not know English well. But do not forget that the average salary is $45-$80 in a month. To have normal communication, a woman cannot just use basic vocabulary like “mother, father, sister, brother.” It’s necessary to write normal letters to get to know a person, because the best opportunity for a Russian woman to get to know a man from a long distance is by email.

I remember when I began communication by the Internet. I didn’t have problem with English, but anyway, I didn’t want to waist time and energy because the Internet was not a game and play for me.

It’s great that I lived with my parents, so I didn’t have any problems with food, paying for an apartment and so on, and could spend all of my teaching salary on this communication. Now I can spend all day on the Internet, and when I open my eyes in the morning I go directly to the computer to check up my email box . In Belarus, I would have to sell my house to have the opportunity to spend the same amount of time on the Internet as I do now. :) Of course, when I met Khashyar, all of my problems with this went away, because he helped me very much.   

Why do all these girls write you so directly? The first reason is that a lot of them had problems and disappointment in communication by the Internet already. I know some girls from our website who spent 2-3 years in search of a good, right person. And these girls are very attractive. They didn’t meet a serious person yet, so maybe with such bad experience they now have such behavior with other men.

It’s doesn’t mean that if she writes you that she doesn’t want to have pen pals and doesn’t want to waist her time. It doesn’t mean that she will have wishes to marry you after 2-3-4 months of communication with you. It’s not true because, I repeat you again, that I know a lot of girls from my program and know all their wishes and interests in life.

I agree that any man can’t be committed to anything without first corresponding…. But, Russian women do not ask you to be committed to marrying right now. It’s too silly. They ask and want to know that you are really serious and want to meet a woman and build a serious relationship. I can tell you that in Russia, there are such beliefs that foreign people have too much fun and entertain themselves by the Internet after a hard, long, working day. So, where is guarantee that you are not such man who just wants to have fun in this way and to just have communication with Russian women?  (Of course I am not saying that you are this type of man  :)

Do you know that a lot of women who begin to communicate with foreign men go almost every day or every 2-3 days to the Internet café or to the post-office? After long day, she spends a lot of energy, emotions, money, effort on this long distance communication (“relationship”), but then this man disappears without any explanations because this man also had communication with 15-20 girls at the same time and already found his second half. It can feel very difficult and result in unpleasant feelings.

I know a lot of women who, even in the beginning of their communication, begin to speak about meeting. :) But again, it doesn’t’ mean that you should go and buy tickets tomorrow to meet her :) NO. It means that she wants to hear from you that if everything will be serious in your communication, then you are ready to visit her or meet with her in neutral territory.  

This is just some things that I wanted to say to you, but if you have any specific questions, ask me and I’ll be happy to answer you and help you to find your second half. I receive a lot of profiles girls every day, so you’ll have opportunity to find your best Princess :)

I wish you good luck and wish all guys only success and best wishes to you in your relationship. 

Yes, these are questions and topics that are very relevant these days, so I’d like to share my thoughts on this subject.

I can’t give you an exact answer, because even within Russia, every person and every situation is different.

Some people think that the world is such a beautiful place, and that people are beautiful all over the world, and it doesn’t matter if a man is white, yellow, black. But some people in this world still have a racist mentality.  

I’m a Belarusian woman, from Mogilev, which is not a very big city. Perhaps you do not know much about Belarus, because a lot of Western people do not know this country very well and when I answer their questions about where I am from, their eyes become bigger and ask me where is this country?. :)  

I must say that in Minsk, in the capital of my country, there are a lot of black people who receive education, because this is the cheapest education for them and the education is not a bad education.

At this time, Belarusian marriages with ethnic Africans begin NOT to be a rare occurrence because a lot of students from all over the world come to study in Russia and Belarus. Some of them come back to their home countries not only with a diploma but also with a beautiful Russian wife. Psychologically, Russian women are traditional enough and with their famous patience, adapt more easily to life in every traditional culture.

Every Russian woman is different-- some of them will never picture themselves advertising with an international marriage agency, but some of them marry African men and follow them to their countries. When I worked in a marriage agency in my country, I communicated with different women, and on my eyes were born a lot of stories. I saw a lot of examples and met a lot of women of different professions, ages, mentalities, and viewpoints about life. I helped them to fill in their profiles, and some Russian women wrote that they would like to meet a man just from Europe, with only a European appearance. But some of them told me that it doesn’t matter for them what kind of nationality their future husband will be from, and that the most important things are his personality, ability to feel, respect, care, love, and trust. When it comes to love, age, and appearance, skin color means nothing. Of course, this is true!

Now I work with an owner of agency from Belarus, where I previously worked for 2.5 years. One of her girls received a message from one of our clients, African man. She refused to communicate with him because he is black. But another two girls asked for his address so that they can communicate with him. So, you can see that all women are different.      

Everybody knows and it’s not a surprise that some people, some years ago and even in this current day, have negative attitudes towards black people; but you shouldn’t be upset and shouldn’t pay attention to such people, because perhaps they met only one, two or three black people in their life. They are not educated and have such feelings not just towards a black person, but in general to all Western people because Westerners are generally thought of in a positive way.

When they travel to Russia and Belarus to study, many Middle Eastern and black students would like to have a girlfriend in the university. Some Russians do not understand why a Russian woman is dating someone from the Middle East or Africa. Some people feel that if the girl met with an African or Middle Eastern man, then it means that she is very low class. The girl’s family is in shock. But sometimes, they realize that they made a mistake in their prejudice. I will give you an example from my real life:

My parents have a friendship with one family who have two very beautiful daughters. These two girls studied in a very prestigious university in Belarus. The parents tried to give everything to their children, from education to good vocations in Europe, expensive cloths, and so on. One of these girls studied in Minsk and I know her very well. One day, their daughter came back home with news that she wanted to marry. The parents were so happy, and had feelings that at last we’ll have a son-in-law and our daughter will bring us grandchildren. But when they discovered that the fiancé of their daughter was an African man who studied with her in the same academic department, they were in shock. This girl often received the attention of men and her family was surprised why she made her decision to be with him. They couldn’t do anything, because her feelings were more valuable and important to her.  She thought that her parents were not modern people and she didn’t want to listen to them. The day that the wedding came, the parents felt resigned to her choice, and attended her wedding because she is their lovely child. Two and one half years after the wedding, they live very, very happily in Minsk. They travel a lot, and she visited with him a lot of exotic places. Her father and husband have their own successful business. Her mum helps her with her wonderful child. This child is so cute that everybody stops and pays attention to this pretty boy because it’s impossible to pass this beautiful child. Her parents are happy now, because this African man married not only their daughter but the entire family. He helps the family very much. As her mum says, he remembers every event in the family, and they did not expect that he would all the time be so caring and attentive to everybody. They are sorry that they gave such stress not just to their daughter, but also to him. They do not listen to anything negative that anyone around them might say, because their own family is most important to them, and they live in their own small family world.

I told you a real story from my town, which happened with our family’s friends. I experienced this situation and witnessed the worry of this girl’s parents. I remember the shock that this even was for them. But now they live in peace, love and harmony. These parents have a wonderful son-in-law, and the daughter has a very good husband and lives very, very happily.

I would like to finish my message and advise not to think too much about what a Russian  girlfriend’s parents will think, or people who are around either of you. The most important things are what kind of feelings and relationship you will have with each other. As I wrote before, when it comes to Love, skin color means nothing.

A similar topic was discussed in our discussion forum (www.russianmeetingplace.com/forums), so you can read this and post additional questions in the forum if you would like. Our members will answer you with great pleasure. I remember that I read in our forum that one African man had communication with a Russian woman, and when she knew that he was black, she did not want to communicate with him. But her mum actually called him and said that she was sorry for her daughter’s behavior. It was very interesting to read.

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