A Russian Woman in America (P1)-- arriving in a new country, marriage

My new life and experience during my first year in America.

Written by Elena Usachova (after having lived one year in the United States)

I decided to write this article because a lot of people and friends ask me about my impressions of America, about my adjustment and my life in general. A lot of men who have brought or are bringing Russian women to the U.S. also write me asking many questions about my transition and new life, if I like or do not like this country, if I’m happy with my American husband, and other questions.

I hope everything that I’m going to write here will be useful for men who have thoughts and plans to bring their fiancé thousands of miles to their country, and also helpful for women who have already arrived in their new country not so long ago.

So you may read my article and perhaps it will be useful for you to know what kind of problems or happy moments Russian women have to face in their new life with you.

My story will hopefully help you understand what you should or you shouldn’t do and how it is possible to help your fiancé or your wife adjust to a new country.

Remember that your patience help is very important to her.

I arrive in my new country to be with my fiance...

On January 24th, 2003, an airplane brought me to the ground of a new country, to a new language, new culture, new people and in general, new life. I will not describe for you a lot about how difficult it was to say good-bye to all my family and my friends, because I think that you can image yourself what it would be like to leave everyone you know in America and move to Russia. I will just mention that Russian culture is not the same as American culture. In Russia, people are close to their families and very often even live two to three generation in one house. Not every person can leave everything behind and begin a NEW life (as we Russians say) from “zero”.

In my fiance, I knew with whom I would be together, what kind of person would be near me and a confirmation as to why I decided to change everything and begin my life in a new country with new traditions. But I think that at my age (in my early twenties), it’s easier now than if I were to be in my thirties.

The flight was very long, so as you can imagine, I was a little bit tired, felt a little bit of stress saying goodbye to my family and friends. After I arrived at the Los Angeles airport and went through immigration without any trouble, my fiance and I went to our new home, and I slept almost constantly for the next few days as a result of how the difference in time affected me.

Close your eyes and imagine something very beautiful, very exotic: the Pacific Ocean, palm trees, sun every day, a lot of available fruits in stores, a lovely person living with you every day, beautiful nature…....What could be better? Especially after a very busy, hard life of working in Belarus. For you, perhaps it is a common life and nothing special.

That was my first days, months-- a vacation in California and Hollywood. I woke up every day with sun and the songs of birds outside my window.

In the beginning, when I saw a squirrel or any nice bird, I almost ran close to the window with a photo camera, and if it was possible to run up closer than 5 steps from the animal without startling it, I started to take pictures like crazy. I couldn't understand why local people referred to a squirrel as a mouse without a tail. They are so cute, and in Belarus, you very seldom see them in the street or in your neighborhood.

I saw the smiles on the faces of people who all the time wished me a good day and asked me "how I am." All this was as a fairytale with everything that a person could dream. Before moving, I relied on my imagination which told me that America is a wonderful country and was like what I saw on TV, at Oscar parties, with actors and actresses and films. I didn’t dream that I could be an actress myself, even though my husband is producer, and works in this field. J But anyway, I just had positive feelings about this country. I still have these feelings, but right now, my life and expectations are based more on reality: I have both happy and difficult moments, as any normal person would.

When I lived more and more in this country, I discovered that nothing is easy in our life-- even in America. It’s necessary to work, and necessary to reflect. In general, Americans have a good life, but they also work hard. As Russian people say: "money does not fall down from the sky" and "does not grow on trees." It's necessary to earn what you would like to have, and it’s necessary to work hard. And this is the truth. But this country has more opportunities and if you work hard, you will be able to receive a positive result.

Ok. I am straying away from my topic. Each of you knows about America. J But my opinion is that America has and gives freedom and a lot of opportunities for your future career, and for the future of your children.

After 2 weeks, my real, daily life almost began, but not completely. My husband had to go to work and bring income not just for himself, but he had to support me also. J I’m a very social, active person. I like to be near with people. But I didn’t have friends at all, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t even have ideas as to what to do. But this did not last a very long time. In the beginning, I tried to organize everything in our apartment, cooked, cleaned-- everything that the average Russian woman does. I didn’t have friends. The one friend that I had during this time when I was alone was the computer. J

I was thinking that I should do something that would be interesting and constructive for me. I decided to open my own Russian marriage agency because before I moved to the United States, I was working in this field in Belarus for about 2.5 years and knew how this business works. My main aim was not to earn money; my first aim was to help people and be useful for myself, and TO BE BUSY!

My husband Khashyar was definitely a very big help, because he also knows a lot of things about computer technology and he helped me to build this website. We both tried to learn more and more about how websites work and what our main goals were. To be honest, it was a great help to me to build The Russian Meeting Place, because I didn’t have time to think about that I missed my friends and my family since I had the chance to write messages to them, to speak by phone and to be useful for myself learning new and interesting things. I was so busy that I even didn’t have time to miss them.

Also, after one month of being in America, I registered at the Hollywood English language school. It was so fun, because I met a lot of interesting people, great teachers. I was a lovely student. J I was out of the house for several hours and went to this school with great interest. We had wonderful teachers; we had a lot of interesting projects which gave me the opportunity to meet a lot of Americans and to make some Bulgarian, and Russian friends. Each Friday, we had a communication café where we had the chance to speak, to communicate with different, interesting, new people. We had parties at the end of each semester.

So the first thing that you should do is to register your Russian fiance or wife in a language school. She will initially take a very small test which will demonstrate what level she will be placed. And then, she will begin her education in the English language (or whatever your home country's language might be). Most women are afraid of this initial language placement test because they think that they should prepare and be ready for this. But how is it possible to be ready if she doesn’t know anything about English? Explain to her that this is the American system and she doesn't have to have any knowledge of English to start this school.

On the 14^th of February we decided to get married. Before, we both were considering marriage carefully, because neither of us wanted to make a mistake. I was afraid to be with the wrong person because I was dreaming to get married only once and forever-- without any divorces. Every woman dreams about having a full and complete family, but very often we make mistakes. The truth is that in such kind of relationships we do not have a lot of opportunity to get to know each other 100%, and it is possible to make a very big mistake.

If people are from the same country, they have the opportunity to learn as much as possible about each other as they wish, have the opportunity to meet with one another at the same cafe, and at least date one another. When two people live in the same area, they can speak the same language which provides a lot of knowledge and understanding about each other.

In the situation of a Russian-Western couple, we do not have such opportunities.

Khashyar and I decided to be together and we felt that were right for one another. The 14^th of February was a happy moment for us both. Honestly, I didn’t want a wedding ceremony when we were married in Los Angeles because I was thinking that I do not know anyone in America and my parents will be so far away from me during this special moment in my life.

So, we decided, after we have a civil ceremony here in the United States, to have a big wedding party in Belarus in the future so that Khashyar’s family will be able to experience a Belarusian wedding, and so my family and friends will have the chance to be near with me during my one and only wedding ceremony.

(Now, it's hard to believe that we have been officially married for almost two years. Time flies so fast, and we have just celebrated our second wedding anniversary, and are moving towards our third and subsequent married years together.)