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Interesting article which merits thought!
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Posted by: Spakoyna

I do not know where this article came from....it was posted on a forum my wife reads. Alot of truths ring through! My wife was a bit like this when she 1st came but has adjusted. Be interested to hear others thoughts and opinions!

Is this something cultural or is my Russian wife plain WEIRD?

by Lydia Johnson (aka Lissy)

Did you smile at the title of this article? Perhaps you did, but I suspect that many of those married to a Russian woman didn’t, especially those who are recently married. I see this question asked at the forums all the time, in many ways. I am being asked it myself quite often as well. Men are surprised at how small, seemingly insignificant things can suddenly become an issue with their newly arrived Russian bride, and how relentless she’ll be in proving her point and demanding a change to be made. Oftentimes the matter of her complaint is so ridiculous or, from the man’s point of view, so easy to get over that he will just shrug and dismiss it – only to hear about it over and over again, every time the situation repeats. Here are some examples for you; I believe you will find them familiar.

“We went to McDonald’s. I asked what she wanted to drink and she said hot tea (of course). When I brought it she remarked something about the tea being served in the styrofoam cup. I said, ‘Yeah, they don’t give you real cups here at this place,’ and thought nothing of it. Little did I know that it was only a start. Every time I go to a fast food place with her, I know what’s going to happen: she will ask for her coffee or hot tea and then fuss about it being served in the ‘wrong’ cup all over again. I once said, ‘Dear, we’ve been through this before. They won’t start using different cups just for you.’ She totally missed the hint. Her response was along the lines of, ‘No kidding, of course they won’t, they’ve got no idea how tea is served.’ It just doesn’t occur to her that I may be getting a bit tired of listening to it every blessed time!”

I came from work exhausted and plopped on the bed – yes, in my office clothes. Boy, you should hear how she screamed! You’d think I pooped in that bed, no less. I asked what the matter was, I wasn’t dirty or muddy or anything – and was delivered a lecture about “microbes” and how beds are only for sleeping on at night, wearing pajamas. She seems to be thinking it’s some sort of a crime to touch the bed during the day. If she wants to take a nap herself, she’ll lie down on the couch, and she demands the same from me…”

“House shoes seem to be a big thing with her. If I don’t put them on THE VERY SECOND I step through the door, I get yelled at. It gets rather tiresome, especially when I just need to run in for a moment to pick something up.”

“I can’t believe how presumptuous she is! She’s actually trying to tell me what to eat, and no, it does not come in the form of polite suggestions. I have tried to explain to her that if she thinks certain types of food are “bad,” she does not have to eat them, but would she please let ME decide for myself? No sir, no way. Every time I reach for a bottle of Coke at the grocery store or pour myself a glass I get “the look” or a lecture. Mind you, she drinks coffee all the time and does not see that as “bad” at all…”

So what is the answer? Are the above mentioned examples something cultural? Is this what every guy pursuing a Russian woman should expect? Well, my opinion on this is the following. There are cultural differences, and there are bad manners. While culture shock is legitimate, the way the particular woman deals with it depends on her character / upbringing / maturity, call it as you wish. I have met Russian-American couples who state that they did not have too much trouble with the lady’s adjustment. Why? Simply because the lady was a wise and considerate person. She had made a conscious effort not to allow the hardships she went through to affect the family happiness.

Unfortunately, former Soviet Union people are notorious for bluntness and lack of consideration, so it often comes in the package. What do we want to do when something goes wrong? We want to complain. Now, if we understand that complaining can be tiresome for others, we will check ourselves. Well, many Russians do not have that “checking mechanism,” or have it underdeveloped. Going back to the above-mentioned examples, yes, Russia is a tea-drinking nation, and no one drinks tea from styrofoam cups over there, so I can understand the woman’s initial surprise; however, I find her continuous complaining silly, selfish, and immature. Yes, Russians have a thing about “microbes” and think that beds are “pajamas-only”; perhaps the lady from Story #2 should have discussed it with her husband, but she should NOT have screamed at him like a madwoman for lying down in his office clothes. Story #3 – house shoes are a good idea; yelling isn’t. Story #4, dictating other people what to do IS presumptu! ous and wrong.

The shock of relocating to a foreign country has been compared to that of losing a family member, so yes, the adjustment period can be a difficult time. You will need to be patient with your newly arrived Russian bride, but my advice is DO NOT BEND OVER BACKWARDS. Don’t put her up on a pedestal “because she has left everything behind for you;” perhaps she has, but it was HER conscious choice, nobody dragged her here against her will. If her behavior is rude or annoying, tell her so. Point out that certain things cannot be changed and will have to be lived with. Perhaps you can install a flexible shower hose in your bathroom, but you can’t change the fact that “people don’t walk in America” or somehow force all the fast food joints to serve their coffee and tee differently. Ask her whether having a loving husband is worth dealing with some minor inconveniences. Be polite, but be firm. If she sees that you have a guilt complex over her coming here and she can play you any ! way she wants, she will; if she sees that she can’t, she will eventually stop.

Posted by: Pin Boy

thanks for posting that. there is some very good advice. i especially like the part pointing out there is a difference between cultural traits and plain bad manners.

pin boy

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Good article, I enjoyed it! I don't have a Russian wife but will be prepared for possible behavior.

When I was at my GF's apartment, I walked out of the bedroom barefooted and she immediately told be to put socks on ... and of course I immediately did! If you hear about an American man being abused by his Russian wife in Michigan, you'll know who it is!!!

Thanks for the info Spakoyna,
GTR

Posted by: Volga Trader

IMNSHO all the below are cultural and when the woman is surrounded by a non Russian environment which is threatening her with strange behaviours 24 x 7, the one who should adjust is the man. Certainly when it concerns behavour inside the house.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Volga, I know she has left her home and her family but for the guy to change all his behaviour for just inside the house is ludicrous. What will happen when they go out and meet friends and go to the friends house, is she going to have a problem with that, initially most likely. What is needed is maturity and understanding and for her to try to adjust to the majority's way ASAP. Otherwise it is going to be a very uncomfortable existance stuck inside a house where only one person is comfortable. JMHO.

Posted by: Jerico

Ya my wife was like the woman in that article in many ways.
The tea thing? Ya my wife loves that green tea

I deal with this problem everytime we go out to a resturant which is not often.Always with the hot tea lol.
If i get in bed after work and lay down she drills me that I am not clean also.
I put down bamboo flooring in my livingroom and I get yelled at for walking with dirty shoes from the backyard across the floor. Ok i know i shouldn`t do it but i am just cutting thruogh to the garage

Recently I was asked (since i own a PU truck) to get a futon for some Moldovian freinds of my wifes. i said No problem.
When we were carrying the futon into the house. His brides mother (who was visiting them) thought it was rude that i did not take off my shoes upon entering there livingroom with my hands full of furniture

Anyway I got a kick out of that.
Jerry