The transition for the man (adjusting to the arrival of your Russian fiance/lady) - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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The transition for the man (adjusting to the arrival of your Russian fiance/lady)
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Posted by: Jutman

Hi
In most posts here its about the person who leave a FSU country and has to adapt to the western lifestyle.
I don't know if the change in my life is based on the fact she is russian or she is first serious GF I had.

But as bachelor, even I have a master degree

my life is changing. When I had my lady over this summer WE bought a new bed. WE bought curtains.
I of course have my flat, typical male based functionality. Not cosy. But that is going to change.

Recently my mother wrote me a letter and ended the letter. 'Hope you TWO...'. Today her mother bought a present for US -and for some days ago I got a another letter from Russia. Not from my lady, but from my future niece. 8 yo and adorable. She had made me a drawing and send her photo.

Maybe it sound silly, but this evening I was realising that had a place to live before. In the future, when my soon to be wife comes to live with me, I be having a home.

Posted by: Chris_UK

Over the last few weeks and months, in anticipation of sharing my house with someone else, I have been adding things and touches to make it more cosy. Although not a typical bachelor pad, I'm sure any RW would have things to say about it

This is even though there is as yet no set schedule for this 'arrival' to happen. And often, the motivation for doing this is subconscious... I mean I don't actively think "I must improve this for Elena's arrival", but I'm driven nonetheless to do things I wouldn't normally do and fix things that I'd leave for another year

The letter from your niece-to-be must have been lovely to receive. Treasure things like this

Chris

Posted by: Woody

The ladies signing onto this forum would recognise this straight away as "nesting". Putting things in order for the arrival of that special person. It is most natural and is an opportunity to view the best of what one has to offer in "shelter".
As you pointed out Chris it's an excellent opportunity to do the little jobs that perhaps have been put aside for another day if it weren't for the imminent arrive of the one we want to most impress.

And why not!

Clive

Posted by: klawsite

Hi gents!

I know just what you are talking about!! I have noticed how much I have started working on my house. I have installed new flooring. I remoldeled the kitchen and am basically improveing the house. I have decided not to do too much decorating. Nadya is very interested in that and when we meet, if we decide we are right for each other. I want her to decorate the house the way she sees fit. I want her to feel it is her home to. I'm sure I will like what she does. I'm not too picky that way!!

-Kevin

Posted by: Khashyar

I completely changed my living space to accomodate Lena before her arrival... I built new shelves, cleaned out closets and made more room....

There was also a psychological transition I think that we make after our Russian significant other arrives, and that is to make room for another person mentally, emotionally, and psychologically into our lives...

I had to get used to another person leaving their possesions in places that I used to feel was my "space"

I had to consider someone else's needs in addition (and sometimes instead of) my own...

I had to think about Lena's future, and help Lena make the right decisions in America since she did not understand the American system...

I had to accept financial responsibility for another person...

I had to help Lena fulfill her social and emotional needs, since she had to leave her friends and family (i.e., previous support system) behind...

And I had to adjust to the increased joy and love that was wonderfully brought into my life

I think that if you have lived alone for a while, then you will need to make some adjustments in your psyche to incorporate and include another person into your life, even if you love them and enjoy their presence and deeply are happy that they are in your life...

Khashyar

Posted by: Danika

hehehe so amusing to read about how you all have tried to polish up your apartaments/houses

*giggles* I know my husband did the same ... and you could see the layer of dust on the places he had forgotten to wipe *grins*.

From the emotional point of view, I think all the new husbands need to be prepared not only to the new joys of living together, but also the moments when she will feel really lonely and bad and will need lots of your support ... it depends on each person, how often and how tough those will be but most girls who have moved to a completely new place will have them.

Frustration about not being able to fully understand what people in the party joke about even if she's fluent in English, frustration about not being able to find a job, maybe depression for having to do a job she is overqualified for. Maybe frustration for some things that are different in the new country, and she cant get used to - its especially difficult to adapt to a new model of relationships between friends, neighbours, colleagues - in ex-USSR countries friends often just "drop by", and get treated with coffee/snacks or even dinner, I almost never see that here, and miss it - the whole visiting thing is just more official, "official" invitations for dinners etc ... the relationships between the family members are different too, everybody has their own lives, especially financially - it all takes time to adjust to

).

Longing for friends, family ... you will be her whole family and for the first time also the only friend, so she'll need lots of time and emotional support from you. Don't think she's being capricious, it's just that ...

Posted by: ConnerVT

Danika, thanks for your insight on this. Much of what you wrote I have heard before, it is all quite true (guys, pay close attention here

). I have given this much thought, and it is the “behind the scenes” preparation my fiancée has only seen a glimpse of so far.

I purchased this home only a few months before Natalya and I met. I have heard of a number of women who feel like they have moved into your home (or worse, you and your ex-wife’s home!), opposed to feeling like it is your home together. I have avoided doing much remodeling (in a decorative sense). Natalya now has many pictures of our home, and will be responsible (with my meager input

) with all aspects of running our household. Everybody needs things to keep them busy, and everyone needs to feel a part of their surroundings. We have discussed this to great length, and she is looking forward to ‘putting her mark’ on our new home together.

On loneliness: No matter what you do, at some point she will certainly miss her family, and her country. We may be fortunate in this area, as her 5 y.o. son will be traveling with her to the U.S. So we will have a bit of family right here. I will need to spend much more time with them than I even realize at the moment (thankfully, I’m self employed!). A second cell phone will be waiting for her (along with her keys) so I can always be found. And my calling card provider will certainly be getting more of my business, not less.

On differences in visiting: It is an interesting contrast. In the former FSU, where homes are secured like fortresses, people regularly drop by unannounced, and people offer their home and hospitality. In the West, where the homes are not as physically secured, there seems to be an invisible wall that says “keep out of my space”. This seems to develop as people grow older. Children and young adults don’t do this, it develops after college.

I have spoken to a few of my good friends, and have asked them to stoop by more frequently. Once Natalya is settled in, she plans on helping at Pasha’s school, and perhaps finding some volunteer work to meet people (and help improve her English). We can’t change a culture overnight, but I believe that by being proactive, and extending the invitations one can break down that invisible wall a little.

Posted by: barry

Perhaps I spend way too much time with women. Or maybe I have moved to many times with women. Whatever the case, every woman that I have ever shared living quarters with does her own thing with the decor and cleaning. Oxana makes a good point when she tells me that "men make houses, women make homes."

Knowing this, I did not change living arrangements until after her arrival. Even in the rental, the first thing she did was go through the entire house cleaning and moving things only heaven knows where!

When the time to buy arrived, we looked together and she decorated to her taste. While I was at work, she painted, wall papered, did prep work for the irrigation system, and on and on.

I know few men that can clean to the satisfaction of any woman, and they are gay!

Posted by: klawsite

Very True Barry!!!

I am not worrying about cleaning up my house. I am just updating it. New 6 panel doors on the interior. New flooring, redid the ceilings with the knock down texturing. Remodelled bathroom. When I get done, it will be like a new house!! That is what I'm doing! I am just doing things I had put off.

-Kevin

Posted by: rtking

OK... I'll confess that I'm kind-of bit by the bug also! I want to make the home comfortable for Alexandra should things work out.

I'm beginning to think about home improvements also! I'm thinking of tearing-out my front patio and putting donw textured concrete (too look like cobblestone). I'm also thinking of remodelling the kitchen, putting in canned lights (instead of flourescent) and painting the living room and installing crown-moulding!

Yikes!

Bob K.

Posted by: Jim_FL

hehe....
You'll be painting more than the living room by the time it's all over, trust me

If you've never done crown mold before, you're in for a treat

just remember to think upside down and backwards when you make your cuts

Posted by: spamer

Mine made me take pictures of inside the house. After she got the pictures, "she told me not to touch a thing!"

And she added. "Honey you have no decorating skills, please wait until I get there!"

and a (love you) at the end of the e-mail. (wow, that hurt)

She must not understand what a "well decorated bachelor pad" looks like.

(I told her the bras that hang from the ceiling fans would be gone before she got here)....... (joking)

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

Originally posted by spamer
I told her the bras that hang from the ceiling fans would be gone before she got here...

Good idea. She probably wouldn't believe you if you told her they just grow naturally everywhere around here...

Posted by: Castlestormer

One can sure tell the single guys on this board. I guess I shouldn't try to tell any prospective mate that all the dirty clothes laying around on the floor of my bedroom is considered "performance art".

I really need to get married. I'm color blind!

Posted by: klawsite

Quote:

(I told her the bras that hang from the ceiling fans would be gone before she got here

LOL Spamer!!!

Back to the dog house you go!!!!!

Nadya has pretty much told me the same thing. She said. Finish remodeling, but leave the decorating to her!!
That's OK.. I'd rather build things than decorate!! She did like my landscaping though!!!

-Kevin