Am I just a fool in love? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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Am I just a fool in love?
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Posted by: Happytravels

I really need some advice on what to do about my situation. This is my first posting on this forum, though I have found it very helpful to read.
To explain my situation.
I started looking on the internet to meet local women and got a letter from a girl in Russia. After a long correspondence I told her I would come to Russia to see her. She stopped writing. But by this stage I was fascinated by the country and people. Towards the end of 2004 I joined up with mydarling.ru and started writing to several women. In autumn of 2005 I set out overseas and meet with 3 of them. It was a wonderful adventure, I travelled through the Ukraine and Russia. I was surprised at the difference between writing and meeting in person. The one I least expected was the one who I fell for, totally. We have continued correspondence, expressing how much we feel for each other, with a view to a long term relationship I have made plans to return soon. However I am not rich enough to afford to travel back and forth between our two countries (it costs $2000 per trip from here). So I am retraining and hope to get a job in Russia or Ukraine so that we can be closer together. I have not looked for any new women since then. But now I see that she has just posted a new profile on a dating site. (It is on a site which offered me free daily listings to my e-mail, and I never stopped them.) I want to ask her about it, I have already written an understanding and non judgmental letter, but I think that it may not be wise to send it. Could it be a trap to see if I am still looking? Instead I have tried to win her back with more positive and loving letters. We still write and there is no change in the attitudes of her letters, although I now see that in the week following her listing on the dating site, I received no letters. Of course she had an explanation for this.
What do you think I should I do?

Posted by: vic2012

Hi Happytravels and welcome to RMP.

You will get a lot of good advice here. But, I think you will find that most respondents will advise you to send the letter.

How can you go on with your correspondence knowing that Jim, Hank or Juan are chatting her up behind your back. You’ve got to bite the bullet. If you don’t, you’ll be burying your head in the sand.

There may be a plausible explanation for her actions, but I cant think of a realistic one.
And, It doesn’t matter now, if she knows you still get downloads from the dating site. More importantly, WHY has she re-advertised herself?

I wish you the very best of luck because, on the face of it, it doesn't look too good.

p.s. I still get emailed about girls wishing to contact me and I'm engaged. Fortunately, the sites I've used have counters showing the number of replies I have made. They both show "0". So, my Fiance is free to look at my home pages anytime.
.................................................. ........

On further reflection: you must have been writing for eight or nine months now. So, do you profess love for each other?

If not, perhaps she thinks that, things are going nowhere. In which case, you need to tell her your hopes and dreams and make her feel she has a future with you.

If you do love each other, then forget the “understanding” letter. And ask outright, “You say you love me, but you’ve made your self available again…..why?”

Posted by: Happytravels

Thanks for the advice Vic,
Yes we have been corisponding for over 8 months since we met, though we didn't get to spend much time together due to illness. However I did manage to change my travel arangements so that we could met again before I left the country.
Now we speak of our future happiness together and have confessed how much we love each other..... I guess I'm going to have to send that letter asking for an explanation and see what happens.

Posted by: firemansam

Hey Happy,
Like Vic said, you don't want to be burying your head in the sand, it will never lead to a good outcome.
There is not a lot I can offer you at the moment.
About the only thing I can think of that "might" (but probably not) explain the "new" profile is if her original agency has outsourced her profile to one of their affiliates.... Some of the agencies use networking to expand their client bases.
Anyway mate, Yes I think you need to find out what is going on and you know the only way to do this.... Ask.
Good luck Happy,
Sam.

Posted by: Happytravels

Thanks firemansam,
a nice glimmer of hope,
but the photos are all new.
As Vic mentioned about letting her know that I am serious...
We have been discussing very definite plans, such as my teaching English in Russia, salaries, cost of living, trains etc. I'm still working on rewriting the letter, mainly erasing unnecessary explanations on my behalf.
I think I'll still go to Russia to teach English anyway, I'll let you know what happens.

Posted by: RoninRWP

Happytravels,

Many RW are looking for a good man and perhaps a lifestyle that will be better for her future family. Perhaps she has found a better man in you. The bigger question is, "Can you offer her a better life?" Her actions seem to indicate that she is not sure. Your desire to make yourself more available by relocating to Russia is perhaps not what she had in mind. If you believe that she is in the top 20% of RW, then she may well have options in finding a good RW that can provide a good Russian lifestyle. Maybe even this is not good enough. Some RW just want to get out of Russia and see ther world. For whatever the reason, just from what you have presented, it appears that she thinks she can do better. For now she seems to believe that she has something in you until she can find someone that can offer her what she desires more.

It's a bad position to be her #2 choice, especially when you know that there is no one in the number one spot. Why be there at all. There's a Russian saying that goes something like this, "What a person does is more telling than what he says." Russians take great heed to a person's actions and much less to talk. Perhaps it is time to follow in their thinking. I know that you have invested greatly in this one. It is difficult to let her go.

There are thousands of RW that are looking for a good man. No need to be led on by a RW that is treating you like this.

RoninRWP

Posted by: Jerico

Happy travels,
I wouldn`t even worry about her profile.Perhaps it is just a site advertising her listing without her permission ( happens all the time).
Hell some Russian guy is probably answering letters written to her.

My wife still has her profile listed on quite a few sites but not by her wishes.
We have wrote letters and still they dont drop her profile.
Feel sorry for the guys writing her letters if any. Because i know she is not responding and somebody probably is.
I also googled her name and a free profile came up with all her info and her real address that i paid for for free

Could not believe it was there but she doesn`t even answer it anymore.
The profile is old too , like when she was 21 years old.
I just did an internet search and behold, my wife`s profile
http://www.loveme.com/women/info46110.htm
Jerry

Posted by: Happytravels

Thanks for all your feedback,
It helps to know that there are people here that understand and care.
I'm glad to realise the situation now rather than being lead on until she finds someone else. Don't fancy the idea of getting a 'Dear John' letter when I'm already locked into a 9 month teaching contract in Russia. Like I said the photos are all very recent so I don't think it's an agency scam. If it had of been the old ones I wouldn't of worried. I've sent her a letter about it so I'm just waiting now to see if I get a reply. I figure that if she thinks I'm worth it she'll fight not to loose me. Although the damage is already done, I have not lost hope. She really is a very special lady and if nothing else I still want to be friends. Damn... I think I've heard that one before.

Posted by: vic2012

My fingers are crossed for you! At least she is still writing to you, which has to be a positive sign.

You know, it is so easy to move from friendship to love. Sometimes you dont know it is happening. But moving from love to friendship is one of the hardest tasks known to man.

Unless you have already done it, I would suggest you do not make the friendship offer. In these circumstances it has to be a take it, or leave it situation.

Posted by: Happytravels

Thanks Vic,
I have just been talking with her on the telephone, it's not easy as I know very little Russian and she knows very little English. But we managed to have a good conversation and express our love for each other. (I don't think she has read my letter yet.) She has told me that she has made plans to take holidays when I arrive. I am glad that I set my alarm for 5 am to make the call.
I have to admit that she has been waiting for me to return for a long time and it is natural to have doubts, her actions shout it loudly. But there is still hope.
And no, I have not made the friendship suggestion to her. Though I must say that I am still friends with my ex's.

Posted by: Happytravels

Thanks again for all the help on my dilemma.
I am glad to be able to post some happier news.

It's true, this issue had to be addressed but I was feeling bad at the thought of upsetting her so I arranged for flowers and some small gifts to be delivered anyway. Last night I received a most compassionate reply to my letter. Now she has changed phone companies in an attempt for us to send SMS's (We have tried before but it is not easy between our countries, remember I'm in the farthest corner of the world.) I was overjoyed to receive it and we sent each other SMS messages though the night. Well my night, her day. And then, before her day was over, the flowers arrived. Could not have been better timing.

Posted by: vic2012

Happy,
I'm so pleased for you that, things are working out.

But I'm so curious (and nosey). You said everything seemed OK before and now it's even better. So, why did she post herself on the internet?

Posted by: Happytravels

Vic,
I'm sorry but it's all 'yesterdays news' as far as I'm concerned.
The future look great and that's all that matters.

Posted by: firemansam

Congrat's Happy!
I am glad you are "happy".
Sorry about that.. lol!!
Good to hear though mate!
Sam.

Posted by: Happytravels

Cheers Sam,
Nice to 'hear' from a friendly neighbour. Looks like there ain't many of us here 'across the ditch'.

It's funny how the things that look like there going to ruin a relationship can actually strengthen it.

"Over every bolder we must climb, may we grow a little stronger"

Posted by: firemansam

Hey Happy, as far as registered users go, the numbers are few but there is another kiwi amongst our ranks.. Although he is kinda calling himself an Aussie.. Still, mate, if you would like to drop by the shed and say hi, you would be welcomed very warmly and I can assure you that in the days to come, the RMP is a great place to spruke and let off steam at the same time.... There is no presure on you but mate, I would suggest this to you if you want some support from those who have been there before...
Either way, I wish you well and hope that your plans come to fruition!
Sam.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Whoa, pulled victory out of the jaws of defeat!! Nice job HT, I wasn't expecting a happy ending!

Good luck,
GTR