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Posted by: bassinfool

Ok I am going nuts now. Just got to vent to someone. My lady has not sent me a email in a week. Now this was just after a "I think I am falling in love with you" letter. Now 7 days later no respone back. boy I hope I did not say something wrong. She only has email at work and no phone

AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH I am stuck. Now there was the statement that she was going to check into coming here with an friends aunt (her friend is marrying a french guy and helped them) I told her that it was next to impossible to go that route. I also asked her allot of questions. She does pretty well with english but I do have some doubts my thoughts might come accross different to her than what I mean. Now she has never asked for money and said she did not want me sending her any gifts. I even gave her this site to ask questions. I feel like someone is ripping out my heart. Gawd I hope it is not one of those "if it is to good to be true stories" Way to much time to think of the what ifs, why, and is it me thoughts. If I can think of anything worse about long distance relationships it is the lack of the ability to drive over and just plain old ask what the hell is going on question. OK whew feel much better now maybe I can get some sleep tonight without checking my email 20 times a night.
OK let me have it
thanks,
Brent

Posted by: bassinfool

No sooner than I posted this I finally got a reply. but I am no better off. She has said in previous emails that she is having some issues getting computer time but I just can understand why she can not use a internet cafe. I set her up on a hotmail account so I hope she can figure it out. Darn it I wish she use the calling card I gave her to call me.aggghhhh ........ I am totaly lost on what to say or do HELLLLLLP I even offered several times to help out on the costs (internet is not that expensive from what I have been able to find)
Brent

Posted by: bassinfool

ok I losing it sorry I posted this in the wrong forum
Brent

Posted by: pharmrep2

Brent
Stop, sit down take a deep breath and count to ten. There that should calm you a bit. Well continue to communicate with her and go deeper and try to find the answers that are bothering you. I think it is very important to talk on the phone. If she really loved you she would try and do anything to try to communicate with you, whether by internet or phone. Good luck and try to calm down. I know it is hard......

Posted by: spamer

Brent
I think you are being blinded by your thoughts of this relationship. Use your gut feelings in any type of relationship. Remember, she has a life too and it may be hard for her to do things. How long have you been talking to this girl?

Posted by: Jutman

Hotmail ???

Why don't you create an account at a freesite with russian information? AND also in english

Since you write hotmail and I have no connection to following link, I hope its ok:

www.emails.ru

Hiowever I know the feeling, when our cellphones are down. Try to send/get sms every 5 minut

Posted by: bassinfool

well it is more fustrating than anything after several months of emails not to get one after 7 days. Guess what she calls and I am in the bathroom getting ready to go to work. Her first attempt at calling me and geez. Yes I know I am getting worked up over nothing most likly but just venting I guess. Not used to having such a difficult time communicating. Hey nothing good comes easy I just had allot of fustration building up and had nobody to vent to. thanks guys sometimes it helps just typing it out
Brent

Posted by: golek

She called you? That's going to a lot of trouble and expense for you. Keep in mind that it is quite expensive for her to call internationally, just as it is expensive for her to go to the internet cafe. When you think that a great many, if not most Russians workers live and support parents on $250-600 month, $1-3 a day to go to the internet cafe ($30-90 a month) puts quite a dent in the budget never mind intl. phone bills. For us westerners, it's nothing to spend a few bucks on a cup of coffee. For people in most parts of the world that $3 is quite a lot of money.

Maybe she has been having trouble with money lately. You know, it is normal in Russia for employers to delay payroll for weeks or months. They just tell the employees, "sorry, we can't pay you this week, maybe next week." Then next week comes and it's the same thing. This has happened to my fiancee a couple of times in the last year. If she is having problems with money, she might not tell you about it unless you ask for fear that you might think she is asking for money. Remember, you are not dealing with the average western woman. If you were, you could take the lack of email and phone response as a blow off.

My fiancee will only call me on special occasions (I call her every day or other day) and unless she has email access at work, she will check email maybe once or twice a week. You think seven days is bad, my Olya went to visit her relatives in Karelia who live in a small village with no phone or computers. We were out of touch for a whole month! But when she got back, we both realized that our love had grown even stronger during this time

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by golek

You think seven days is bad, my Olya went to visit her relatives in Karelia who live in a small village with no phone or computers. We were out of touch for a whole month!

BTW that's how 90% of Russian people live if u ask me. You all keep talking about the absence of a computer like about something disastrous. You all keep cracking me up over and over again.

Posted by: Knight_Kadosh

Hello Brent,

You are not alone my friend, thanks for sharing…

I receive about 1-email per week, sometimes two, and this depends on whether or not her friend has the available time to spare for her. Emailing for her starts by coming home from work and cooking supper for herself and her daughter. Then she and her daughter catch a bus for a 30-minute ride to her friend’s house across town. She then pays to have my letters printed and also pays for assistance writing to me in English. This process generally requires about 3 hours of her time; she reads all my emails for the week and tries to reply to them based on her friend’s available time, health, experience and mood. I agree it seems at times like an eternity between replies. As winter begins to arrive I wonder of its impact. I also agree that things are somewhat at the mercy of others, and at times I also feel helpless and frustrated. I will be the first to admit that I check for her emails often, especially if questions or important details from her are expected. When we planed our trip to meet I noticed that at times a different interpreter was used for our critical planning information and this often added time between replies. I suspect that I am suffering from mild separation anxiety since arriving home; I expect this to subside somewhat as time passes. I have taken much for granted regarding simple things for me may not be simple things for her. Unlike some, I am fortunate enough to be able to phone her from time to time, as the need arises. For whatever it may be worth, my heart goes out to you; delayed gratification is a difficult reality to endure when living in an instant gratification culture. I continue to write to her and put myself on paper as we move forward.

Best regards,

Brian

Posted by: bassinfool

I been around the world so I know what your saying. That does not make it any easier. I guess the hard part is just getting her to understand and trust me that its ok to say anything and I will not be scared off. In Costa Rico I spent two days just talking to the waitress about her life and culture and how we here in the US are different (I was there for the fishing my buddy was there for other entertainment so I sat in the bar while he did his thing). I had lots of friends overseas (Germany) that used to talk about how we were so caught up the instant and complaining when we did not get it. It is the curse of the americans I guess. All cultures have thier faults. I feel much better today

. Oh andrei how far from Irkutsk are you?
Brent

Posted by: myshka

Since it seems the majority of you do not speak Russian, you depend on your "girlfriend" to get her letters translated, and translate yours... and this is, according to your posts, costing her money.. why dont you guys just have someone in the US translate your letters into Russian and let her write to you in Russian? It is easier for you to pay someone here, reduces the chance of "scamming" which you are all so afraid of, and in general will make your lady's life easier! (and with less margin of error, since the person you find on this side will have no hand in the economic handling such as an agency will) Every university has a Russian department, almost every community has a Russian or Ukrainian group of immigrants who have stores where you could hook up with someone, etc etc. I mean, if you arent going to learn enough of her language to communicate without worrying about every nuance, this is a much better alternative.

Posted by: golek

Good advice myshka! Since my fiancee speaks excellent English, I never had to deal with that problem. However I did find a Russian tutor by calling a nearby University's Slavic Languages department. I talked to the Russian Professor there and he put me in contact with a Ukrainian teaching assistant!

Even if the local university or college doesn't have a slavic language department, there is still a good chance there are Russian speaking students who go there. Check and see if there is an office that helps foreign students and inquire there.

If you start sending emails in Russian, you will need to set up an email account on a server that can handle the cyrillic alphabet. I have used yandex.ru and mail.ru. I prefer yandex. You will also need to add Russian to the language bar in windows so you can type cyrillic on your computer.

Posted by: bassinfool

My lady speaks and writes rather well in english. Now the grammer is not always correct or the spelling but not much worse than mine. I have thought about this and I am going to do a letter and have it translated by Lena from this site for me. I have asked her if I come accross ok to her ok but I not getting a firm yes I understand you perfectly back. To make matters worse email just does not have any emotion attached to it. You can not say "call me" when your mean "I absoltly have to hear your voice so you need to get on the phone NOW !!" Phone calls to quote an old saying "next best thing to being there" With no phone it makes my letters all that more important but I am sure something will always be lost in transation. Valid point and one well taken
Brent

Posted by: klawsite

Hi Brent,

Find the Karma man!! Right now, I am going through a bit of a funk with Nadya. I think she has been hurt by unsincere men to the point that I think she wants to believe I am sincere and she can trust me, but I think there is an inner laiden fear she has that I will hurt her too. I want so badly for her to believe in me, but I have to believe as time goes on, she will become more sure that I am. Just give it time. Talk to her on the phone. I think that makes a big difference for both of you!! If you get to work a little late, so be it!! I try to put myself in her position. It is too easy to sulk about ourselves. Lets try to understand as best we can, our woman's position. It isn't nearly as good as ours!!!

-Kevin

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by myshka
Since it seems the majority of you do not speak Russian, you depend on your "girlfriend" to get her letters translated, and translate yours... and this is, according to your posts, costing her money.. why dont you guys just have someone in the US translate your letters into Russian and let her write to you in Russian? It is easier for you to pay someone here, reduces the chance of "scamming" which you are all so afraid of, and in general will make your lady's life easier! (and with less margin of error, since the person you find on this side will have no hand in the economic handling such as an agency will) Every university has a Russian department, almost every community has a Russian or Ukrainian group of immigrants who have stores where you could hook up with someone, etc etc. I mean, if you arent going to learn enough of her language to communicate without worrying about every nuance, this is a much better alternative.

I just happen to catch this thread.

True!

Every letter i've sent out is in Russian. I have a lady in Sacramento (Northern California) translate them for me.

While my responses haven't been great in numbers, I am asked who translates the letters for me. So, I do think it is appreciated.

Posted by: klawsite

When I started writing. I used Prompt Translator online. You have to translate your letter from Englih to Russian, Then retranslate it back to English to verify that it translated properly. If not, then you have to change your wording in English to work out the correct translation. It takes some time, but your woman you are corresponding with will understand easily what you want to say.
Plus it helps me to learn Russian a little better. Nadya has found she likes me to send it both in English and Russian. It helps her with her English studies.

-Kevin

Posted by: Jutman

I can confirm what Klawsite wrote. Please send your ladies the letter in both languages.
A different approch to the double translation is to translate it into a 3rd language, (many of you american speak spanish), but I translate the russian back to german.
I am a little multi-lingustist and can easily see that the german grammatics/ language is more closer to the russian than english. So many times the words/sentences give more meaning to translate it into german rather than english.

NB: after a some months, your lady perhaps would be so good to read english that she will only need the letters in english.

As a native english speaker, you must remember to use the most common word and not all the thesauruses, or slang or abbrivations. At least not before you know that she is aware of them.

Posted by: klawsite

Very true Jutman!

I have found, by the time I go through my translation ritual, my actual English letter ends up being very grammatically basic in nature. But at least I can be sure that Nadya understands the points I am trying to make! She actually can read quite a bit of the English letter now with out using my translated Russian text.

-Kevin

Posted by: Jutman

A little hint.

Promt has 2 free websites. The translate.ru and the translation2.paralink.com

The best knowed is the translate.ru, however here the limit are 500 characters, where the paralink has 1000.
Much more convient to translate small sections of a letter.

Posted by: Jeffery

Did you send her money? If yes, when? Look, the claxxon blares. Red alert! Red Alert! She calls you? Sorry, but it sounds like she is well-off enough for you to move there and be a kept man. That being said ... she could be busy. My fiancee's server kicks my messages back from time to time. You learn to live with it ... unless, of course, you have reason to be suspicious. Talk to me, what's going on?

Posted by: BlueSkies

I'm not sure if it applies in your case, but ...

Sometimes I think we don't understand, or forget, that it can be more difficult for a lady to email or call us on a regular basis. The internet and telephone are very easy access for us. We can, and sometimes do, check our email 20 times a day looking for that email from our lady.

Things may not be that easy for her. The availablity of internet access or the costs may prohibit her from responding quickly sometimes. Work, school and family may keep her simply too busy to write a quality letter...she is undoubtedly going to wait until she can write you an appropriate letter...it's important for her.

I think we in the West are a little spoiled with how easy it is for us to communicate on a global scale, instantly, at will. If you have a good correspondence going with a lady and you fail to get a reply to your letter for a week or so, don't be so quick to worry.

usually, if you have something to worry about you will KNOW it. Red flags are easy to spot if your paying attention. And I have found that most Russian ladies are quite honest if there is a problem.

just my $.01

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