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Meeting a russian woman
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Posted by: Sanjuro22

Hi
For a couple months now I have been aware of these Western-Russian dating sites and though they have intriqued me greatly I treat each one with a fair degree of healthy skeptism. I have a lot of concerns and I'm glad that I have found this forum so I can finally express my views.

It worries me that some guys are going on dates with their translators. How can anybody cultivate a normal, loving relationship in this way? Even more disturbing is the fact that some couples have even got married after a brief period of correspondence and a couple of dates. This is not how a meaningful relationship works. If you want to find true love it takes far more than a few letters.

I'm sure that some lucky couple are deeply in love but surely they are the minority. How successful are foreign marriages? Do they last as long as it takes to get a green card.

Personally I would love the idea of falling in love with a beautiful Russian woman but it all sounds a bit too good to be true?

Posted by: firemansam

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sanjuro22

Personally I would love the idea of falling in love with a beautiful Russian woman but it all sounds a bit too good to be true?

How is falling in love with a beautiful FSU woman any different from falling in love with anyone?
People fall in love with personalities, not looks. If it were looks then it is not falling in love, it is falling in lust.
I see your point WRT translators.. There has been a few posts about them...
Still, this issue can be overcome. There is no need to definately have a translator on hand, you just need another plan. And ask anyone here who has visited the FSU, they, on the most part, have done well without a personal translator.
For me, I am no almanac. I am hoping to visit my lady in June/July. Still I see this as a great experience as opposed to a dubious meeting. I have done a lot of reading before commiting to the idea of travelling so far. She could take one look at me and say NOPE! You are so not what I am looking for!
Still, I think that through our communication to date this will not be the case.
Either way, take the time. Look around. There is a lot of info here. It may help you and if you still have questions, post them here and you will get our opinions. (Like it or not!)
Life is short, find your happiness where ever it is.
Sam.

Posted by: RobOhioGuy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sanjuro22

Hi

It worries me that some guys are going on dates with their translators. How can anybody cultivate a normal, loving relationship in this way? Even more disturbing is the fact that some couples have even got married after a brief period of correspondence and a couple of dates. This is not how a meaningful relationship works. If you want to find true love it takes far more than a few letters.

I'm sure that some lucky couple are deeply in love but surely they are the minority. How successful are foreign marriages? Do they last as long as it takes to get a green card.

Personally I would love the idea of falling in love with a beautiful Russian woman but it all sounds a bit too good to be true?

Really? Says WHO???? Prior to the 1800's pretty much all marriages were arranged. So, either you have to believe that all of those people were unhappy or most of them were unhappy OR your view of how love happens is not accurate. I would submit to you that the latter statement is true. Most people confuse lust and romance with love.

What makes a marriage work is when both people have realistic expectations of each other. Being totally honest with yourself and her in who you are. I think you will find that most guys who are married to eastern European women visited several times. All of them who are in successful marriages will tell you that you never ignore red flags in behavior. I know 2 other couples whose wives are taking english lessons at the community center in the city we live in. One of these guys is married to a girl who is OBVIOUSLY only interested in getting her green card.

How can you tell?? What she does. Is your wife affectionate, loving and tender? Does she make the home her home? In other words does she clean and cook and treat the home as though it is her home? Does she go out of her way to express in her actions, that she loves you? In short, does she act like someone in love?

IMO some of you make this so much harder than it really is. Its ALL in what they do. If what they say lines up with what they do your golden. You have problems when the actions do not line up with what is being said. 99% of men run into trouble by getting caught up in what is said and ignore what is or isnt DONE part of the equation.

That statement holds true if your dating sally down the street or Natasha from Moscow.

Posted by: bingism

Rob - 100% spot on mate!!!

Posted by: firemansam

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobOhioGuy

....99% of men run into trouble by getting caught up in what is said and ignore what is or isnt DONE part of the equation.

That statement holds true if your dating sally down the street or Natasha from Moscow.

A very good point Rob!

Posted by: ahsker5

Quote:

Originally Posted by RobOhioGuy

If what they say lines up with what they do your golden. You have problems when the actions do not line up with what is being said. 99% of men run into trouble by getting caught up in what is said and ignore what is or isnt DONE part of the equation.

That statement holds true if your dating sally down the street or Natasha from Moscow.

Another ditto...this point you make is critical.

I'd like to add another. Forgiveness is good and correct. But, one must not lose track of history to the point that one can't see "this is not going to work" or to the point where one does not insist upon (and foster) needed, positive change and at times restitution.

Back to observing behavior...I believe this really poses a problem for finding true love with a FSUW. I don't trust myself to have a good feeling for the behavior of another until I witness a lot of that including dealing with problems. It can be partly addressed by how people conduct a long-distance relationship (mostly talk) but that falls rather short as far as evidence for behavior in various life events and routines.

Arragned marriages I believe have been/can be good if both sets of parents understand good marriages and have the happiness of the potential spouses in mind as opposed to other objectives (money, tradition, power, etc.) If this is lacking, I'd say it's a crap shoot.

BTW, hello to the board. I think this is my first post. Been lurking a few months.

Posted by: sidney

First I'd like to say welcome to RMP and we hope to hear more from you.

Quote:

I don't trust myself to have a good feeling for the behavior of another until I witness a lot of that including dealing with problems.

Good advice. Much can be learned from being around someone and seeing reactions to different situations. Time is of the essence and as much of should go into a relationship as possible. Unfortunately many jump into relationships with a minimum amount of exposure to a potential partner and oft times the consequences are not good. This is not something to rush into.
Sid

Posted by: SeekingForThe1

Great advice Rob, & Ashker,

They are right on the mark here....You must take time to learn as much as possible about your lady. You don't really know a person until you meet them and interact with them. Experience the way they react to situations.

It's fun to think that everything that is being said over the internet from your lady is true. Remember the more information you read on this website the more knowledge you will have to pursue a FSU lady. Thier are many good woman out there and many scammers too.

Corey J

Posted by: Algol

On my first attempt in Nov 2000, I went thru an agancy in Odessa, All dates were with a translator. I can't say it was a scam, but I learned alot.

In Jan '01 I was writing to another thru a translator. I visisted in March '01 and again in April. In July we both met in Turkey for 10 days. She had been taking English classes since Jan but it didn't do much good. But, she tried hard and I was patient.

She came to USA in Oct '01. Married in Dec '01. She got her Green Card Nov '02. She is still here and as far as I know, she doesn't have any plans to leave. We just applied for citizenship in March '06. So yes, occasionally it does work out.

My tips:
1) Go over to her county as many times as you can to meet her. Have her show you her school, work, friends. Learn everything you learn about her. Take your time 'cause after you bring her here you have 90 days to make your mind - and hers!

2) After you are married - take her home as many times as you can afford. We go once a year for 3 weeks. She will let you know how much she appreciates it.

Posted by: yodaamnot

Quote:

Originally Posted by Algol

On my first attempt in Nov 2000, I went thru an agancy in Odessa, All dates were with a translator. I can't say it was a scam, but I learned alot.

In Jan '01 I was writing to another thru a translator. I visisted in March '01 and again in April. In July we both met in Turkey for 10 days. She had been taking English classes since Jan but it didn't do much good. But, she tried hard and I was patient.

She came to USA in Oct '01. Married in Dec '01. She got her Green Card Nov '02. She is still here and as far as I know, she doesn't have any plans to leave. We just applied for citizenship in March '06. So yes, occasionally it does work out.

My tips:
1) Go over to her county as many times as you can to meet her. Have her show you her school, work, friends. Learn everything you learn about her. Take your time 'cause after you bring her here you have 90 days to make your mind - and hers!

2) After you are married - take her home as many times as you can afford. We go once a year for 3 weeks. She will let you know how much she appreciates it.

Magic happens, all the best...

Posted by: RoninRWP

Sanjuro,

Most obstacles can be overcome...

I've seen Western courtships that lasted years where the marriage lasted even less. There is no guarantees in this path to marriage. There are no guarantees in any path to marriage. All are a WIP. As such it is up to the partners to put forth the effort to make it work. Whether it's a OWW courtship or a 5 year courtship, success is in the eye of the beholder. Much of success is in the hands of the man. He is the one who offers marriage. Whether it is to a neighbor or on the other side of the world, it is his responsibility to offer it wisely,

RW... too good to be true pie in the sky pipe dreams? That's a firm negatory. Been married ~4 years now. This was after only ~40 hours of face time in Russia.

RoninRWP

Posted by: JamesB

Good Point.I had many hours chatting and emailing my liuda before meeting her for 4 days in Egypt.I am now making a programme with channel 4 about our journey together and i was taken to Siberia to meet her last week.I feel stronger with her than any other.I think that when you correspond you tend to absorb info more than if just talking.We marry in 4 weeks and i am confident we will be very happy.

Posted by: dagpop

Rima was not fluent with English,when I met her in Tashkent.We would have to pass the Russian/English dictionary back and forth.We were able to have an idea of what each other was trying to say.On the other issue about marriage,there is no guarantee.It takes the man and woman working at it to keep it going.It takes a lot of love and understanding.