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How does everyone do this?
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Posted by: broncosfan

Hello everyone. My question is on how everyone copes with the wait, and with the distance between you and the women you are corresponding with. I have to say, this is the biggest emotional rollercoaster I have ever been on, and I have been on a few in my days. I have so many random thoughts, I don't know where to start. I am sitting here and have completely shut off my date life. I went out quite a bit before my travels to Ukraine, but I go back in forth in my mind so often. Not weather or not I should date, but are her actions the same as mine. I don't understand how I could connect so well and so fast with a women like I have. The "to good to be true" thoughts continue to fill my mind. She has given me no reason to feel like she is doing anything but being patient and waiting for my return in June. But I wonder sometimes anyway. The two things that have me concerned are 1)The first month, between cell phones-e mail,and text messaging we would talk throughout the day. She had the time difference down to where I would get a text message wishing me good morning minutes after my alarm would go off. For the last week I am lucky to get one text in a day. I know that she would never ask for anything, and that she has to recharge her cell phone card, she ran out of phone credit once last week. But it happened so suddenly, I wonder if John,Pedro, or Wong are visiting her this week. I have told her that if our communication ever puts a financial strain on her, to let me know and I would help. She has said nothing. The second thing that concerns me is there is no talk about the future. I do not want to know if she wants to get married yet, but am curious to how she sees things progressing, what will we do after our next visit- concerning future visits, and if she has interest in visiting the United States. She does not answer these questions. She said that we will talk about everything in June. She is meeting me at the airport, and this time I will stay with her and her mother. I hear all these stories on this forum about how bad women want to come to America, how quickly they throw out the I love you line. This is the opposite, "which I should be thankful for" But it has me a little confused on whether pursuing this type of relationship is something that she wants to do. How do you guys cope with these feelings? Is this noral for all of you as well?

Posted by: DocSpooky

I don't know. The only thing I know is that once I'm back from my trip I will feel exactly as you feel now. I'm in a poor state already and I haven't even been there yet!! (Next week

) I'm already scared to death by the thought of the time after that! I think it's one of the main reasons why this forum exists, at least you can share your worries with others and get some good advises.

Posted by: broncosfan

Good luck on your trip. Before I went, I did not even think about the time after my return. I was more worried about going to Ukraine by myself. Such a different experience. I hope you have a great time. But I still wonder if we are all crazy.

Posted by: JamesB

Hi,my friend you are going through all the normal feelings.My Luda often runs out of credit and i get up to 7 or 8 text a day.My bill is now Ł100 per month and we also speak on Yahoo messenger.When i first joined this forum i actually tested my girl by sending a false email as i was sitting and wondering what to do but all was ok.I think you should wait and speak to her in June as she said.Face to face will be better than other means.I get married 10 and i days time and im just living to work and save right now but be sure the end result will be worth it.Good luck

Posted by: broncosfan

Thank you James. I am sure you are right. I just get worried that without seeing the person you are talking to, that the spark might fade away. But I am sure everyone on this site has the same concerns.

Posted by: skinsfan

Hi Bronco.... it is a big step for a woman to move half way across the world....she must be sure about this....she also may be having a difficult time coming to grips with leaving her family and friends....this is why she may be saying that more will be discussed in June...... it is a difficult call...you really don't have, as far as i can read, any commitment from her...only a wait and see answer......IMHO it is a good sign that she does not accept your offer for financial help..... i guess it is a personal choice whether you want to place all of your egg's in one basket or not......maybe she is considering the same question.......as far as her visiting the USA, i am relatively certain that she knows that is rarely a possibility as far as visa's are concerned....it is a tough call...but i would trust my gut feelings....they usually are correct.

Posted by: DocSpooky

Quote:

Originally Posted by broncosfan

Good luck on your trip. Before I went, I did not even think about the time after my return. I was more worried about going to Ukraine by myself. Such a different experience. I hope you have a great time. But I still wonder if we are all crazy.

Thanks mate!
No doubt we ARE crazy!

Ah by the way , have you asked her about the future intentions on the phone or via mail? I think you should send her an email as soon as possible expressing your worries. Tell her exactly what you feel and that you really need some answers. I'm sure she will come up with something that clears the situation. Are you emailing via an agency or directly? How good is her English?

Posted by: broncosfan

Thanks skinsfan.

Doc, Yes I have asked through e-mail. I do not use an agency for writing letters. Her english is pretty good, in person there is no problem at all, but over the phone it can be difficult to talk about things that need alot of explaining. It is better for small talk. I have not asked again since she made the June comment, instead I told her how I felt about the situation, good side and bad. I have tried to put all my thoughts out there as honestly as possible.

Posted by: DocSpooky

I see.
And apart from postponing it to June there was no reply whatsoever?

Posted by: broncosfan

It is hard to explain. I think it is her being cautious. I never get a direct reply after I ask a question. Over time, a little something might come out in one of her letters, not so much answering the question, but aknowledging that a subject is on the table. I don't know, it is all pretty normal I think. The thing that has me guessing about these things is that everything has just kind of slowed down. When I first got back, she went to see a lawyer to find out all options to visit, we talked all the time. Now communication has been cut back a little, and we do not talk about the options of her coming anymore. Just about my next visit. Maybe it was the news from the lawyer that it is almost impossible for her to come without marriage. I don't know.

Posted by: skinsfan

Hi Bronco...i think you are absolutely correct in your assumption...who really knows what the Russian lawyer told her...but, in the long run, i think it is better that she comes to grips with reality of the relationship now ... is it real, or simply fantasy. i think that June will be the reality check for both of you. i would suggest that you prepare mentally for either situation. because there is no real comittment....maybe you can continue to test other waters...good luck....and on a side note....thanks for not taking the defensive end that we have been waiting such a long time for......Andre Carter !!!!

Posted by: GreenBarb

Broncofan, it is only natural that you are going to have a million and one thaughts running through your head. You said she lives with her mother but did not mention a father. She could be worried about her mother if things proceed more between you. All I can tell you is to take it easy and see what happens next June. Some doubts may have arissen and she dosen't know how to deal with them until you are reunited.

Best of luck for the future.

Posted by: STIFFKEY

I didn't notice this thread, as it was in the forum guidelines.

But you are definititely not alone. I have had all the same thoughts and I'm engaged. But at least my girl has cancelled all her sites. So I dont have to worry too much about the Perdos turning up. But you hit the nail on the haead when you said

Quote:

I just get worried that without seeing the person you are talking to, that the spark might fade away.

So, I call her a lot. Her English is not too good, so there are a lot of long pauses. I have a dictionary on my screen when I talk so I can use long words.
I'v got other problems to sort out which is not helping.

If I were you, I woud go out earlier, but thats me.

Posted by: RBS

Broncosfan
Did you ever consider getting off the roller coaster? I mean, do you realize this could be one of the most important decisions of your life? Would you rather not be standing sturdy on two feet instead of reeling with your head in the clouds? The way you get off the roller coaster is by dating other women. The moment you shut yourself down like this you become her slave. Date, and I suggest also get yourself humped, as a way of building a mental power base. This will help you to see her with a jaundiced eye instead of through the mental fog you now seem to be wandering in. I just don't understand this zest men have for putting themselves in a cage once they meet a woman. Why not date lots of other Russian women? What is stopping you? Do you feel some moral obligation? You are a man, and us men were born proud animals, running free on the savana. Not whimpering pups under the heel of an asiatic mistress. Wake up!

Gib

Posted by: SeekingForThe1

BroncosFan,

All the advice that you have been receiving is good. The emtional rollercoaster your having is normal and it will keep going until you have a real commitment from your lady. We all have questions going through or minds during the different stages and it only gets better with time and answers. I am sure between now and June you will find out most of you answers.

Keep your communication open and honest and talk to her as much as possible. We all ave very vunarable in this situation and it takes time to really figure out if our lady is true with her intensions or maybe a scam.

As far as RBS's advice, Dating is a great way to get to know different ladies and try to find out what you are looking for in them, but I wouldn't get to involved because someone always seems to get hurt.

Corey J

P.S. Side question...Do you live in Denver..I am moving there in May. Could use some info on the area.

Posted by: broncosfan

Thanks everyone. RBS, the dating and humping is what had me go to Ukraine in the first place. I was doing plenty of both before I left. I was married before to a women that I did not really feel love for, but we had a child when we were young, and I tried to do the right thing. Which I now know was probally the wrong thing. When we split up you could say that I tried to get my twenties back. Now at 30, I do not want that anymore. I had a good run, but the humping feels shallow, and the women I have dated all seem to have baggage. This is not because they are American, it is because of the age. I find that most women in America close to my age that are attractive usually are divorced, have kids, and carry a certain amount of resentment of the fact that they are single mothers. Maybe it is just the town I live in, everyone tends to get married and have kids early here. I have gone the younger route to, but with these girls it seems that I end up doing alot of drinking and going out which inerferes with work. Beleive me, I was not expecting much when I went to Ukraine. I did not truly think that sparks would fly with something aranged, or not happening naturally. But it did, and I don't think it blinded me. Actually I think I was blind before I went and now my eyes are wide open. I went to have fun, and out of curiousity. Now I realize how much is involved, and how big of a financial setback it can be to follow through. This is why I am now commited. We all are in a sense. Are cell phone bills have tripled, the thousands of dollars we spend in travel. Ukraine is nice, but don't get me wrong, if it was purely for vacation I would mix it up a little. In winter I would be in Mexico not Ukraine. So because of this I dedicate myself to one women right now. I can only hope she feels the same way. If not, the truth usually has a way of revealing itself. It might hurt the heart, but would stop me from making a big mistake.