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What should I do
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Posted by: cedarwind

What should I do????

The Girl I have been writing to for the last 7 months just today log into her account on EM and changed her primary photo, (this is the photo any one can see for free). The new photo she put on is only there for one reason to attract guys as it is bathing suit photo.

This is quite a shock to me as just yesterday and on Valentines day she sent me the nicest letter and poetry a guy could ask for. She also sent me a very romantic gift and we had a wonderful phone call.

In the past 2 months the GF has told me every nice thing except that she loves me and she will marry me. We have built a lot of trust and discussed many important issues . She has said many things giving clues that she is interested in marriage with me.

No we have not meet in person yet……I am going in April/May…She knows that I am coming to see her and only her for 17 days. She has help to arrange a hotel , apartment, and a translator for our visit. I have also emailed her copies of my visa and tickets. She has suggested to me many romantic place for us to go together when I come and we talk often about the coming visit. She tells me that it will be the best spring of her life and that she will wait for me as I am her dream.

No it is not a scam….She is very young and innocent in many ways, as she is a strong Christian many men leave her alone, as for her sex is for only after marriage, thus they have no interest in such a girl. She also believes in the Orthodox teaching that a person is to be married only one time and remains married until death. This is so important to her that she made it clear more than one time to me that she would get married only in Orthodox church in Russia. (Orthodox church in the US belives you can be married 3 time in the church a intresting double standered)

On EM she has received very little mail. I would guess about 10 - 15 guys based on her expression of interest rate. She has never asked me for anything and she also has sent me gifts in the mail for Christmas and Valentine days. (not cheap gifts at that either).

On the letter I received yesterday she tells me that she wants to be not just my girlfriend but my best friend forever….In the same letter she also tell me that her Mom enjoyed talking to me and liked the answers to different questions she had asked and would like me for her son in law.

So what should I do?….I am about to spend many $1000 and ľ of my vacation time for the next year to go and see her.

I understand about many men promising to go and then they never do….and I understand about the chemistry may not be there when we meet in person….But I would think that by now she would have had plenty of time to look for a better deal if she was not happy with our correspondence.

If this was a American girl I would confront her now and it would be the end of it. AS if she is doing this now she is going to keep doing it after she is married. I also worry that if my RGF is doing this now and I married her what is she going to do when all the you Navy guys in my town are chasing after her.

1. Ignore the situation for the time being, see what happens and then confront her about it in a week or so. (This is what my Female friends and mother suggested)

2. Confront her about it now. (This is what I want to do but at the same time I am not sure how to do it tactfully as I am a bit pissed at the time)

3. Ignore the situation until I go and meet her in April. ( this is not my style)

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

I assume EM is a website with a profile. I don't know what EM is.
if so:

Has her profile changed?

Does she ask to meet new men there?

Could someone have put the picture there without her knowing?

Has she spoke, chatted, emailed, or made any communication with you since the change?

First, I would cool off and collect the facts, sleep on it, and then decide how to approach this.

I can't say more without knowing what this site is, she is posted on.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samurai_Bob

I assume EM is a website with a profile. I don't know what EM is.
if so:

Has her profile changed?

Does she ask to meet new men there?

Could someone have put the picture there without her knowing?

Has she spoke, chatted, emailed, or made any communication with you since the change?

First, I would cool off and collect the facts, sleep on it, and then decide how to approach this.

I can't say more without knowing what this site is, she is posted on.

The site is Elena’s models.

The only change is that she took one of her extra photos and made it her primary photo.

When you search the site you get to see the primary photo and just a little about the girl then if you are interested you can open her file and read more about her. If you are a paying member you then can see the rest of the photos a girl has listed. SO most men when they are searching will make the decision to learn more about the girl based on this one photo.

Only she can change the photos and it would not be done by a mistake.

I received email from her on Thursday evening Moscow time. as we only email every few days the next email I get will be on Saturday or Sunday evening Moscow time.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

I would send this simple email and nothing more.

I have seen the new photo of you on EM.

Why?

love,
cedarwind

No arguments, no anger, no fight, just one question.
Good luck.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

It is possible the layout may have been done by EM for appeal, and she knows nothing about it.

Don't freak until you hear her answer.
It maybe nothing.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Cedarwind... I think I have to agree with Samuri here.I think I would feel the same as you. If this is an issue for you you should discuss this with her....but very discretly. I would wager EM did this without her knowledge. If you find she told them to do this I would have very big concerns.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Thank you Cedarwind for the backup.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Cedarwind... I think I have to agree with Samuri here.I think I would feel the same as you. If this is an issue for you you should discuss this with her....but very discretly. I would wager EM did this without her knowledge. If you find she told them to do this I would have very big concerns.

I think I will send her the suggest question in the next day or two. I need a day to think about this and for the surprise to wear off a bit.

The only way the photo can be changed on EM is if my GF did it herself. A person must log in to there account with there pass word, then select home, then select the Manage photos file, then delete the primary photo, and then add a new photo for the primary photo and then click yes to make the change. SO thus I do have very big concerns as just the day before she told me she wanted to be my GF forever and she was worried about if her English would be acceptable in the US as they are teaching her British English in her classes.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

What if she was trying to close her profile, and accidently changed photos instead?

If it is English, she could have miss-read the instructions.

I screw up all the time on German and Russian sites with that problem.

A second language is really tough to learn !

I would give her the benefit of a doubt, until the facts show otherwise.

Best to you sir.

Posted by: Eryk

>>The only way the photo can be changed on EM is if my GF did it herself.

The WebMaster could do it too. It makes sense for a site like that to make sure that the lead photo on each profile is the most ...err ...'arresting' one available since they are trying to sell memberships.

However, I think the photo is a bit incidental. She still has a profile on there so obviously she is still interested in hearing from other men - that is 98% of the issue - precisely which photo her profile leads with is an minor detail.

Eryk

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

I felt the same way, but didn't want to upset the newbe anymore than he already is!

It is a reason for concern, as much as a photo.
Cedarwind, after getting that photo question answered, perhaps the reason she still maintains a profile there is a fair next question.

If she is really attractive, she may be there by the webmaster too.
Don't freak.
Quietly ask about.

Posted by: Chuckles

Cederwind, you are not going to like my opinion I'm afraid. You need to relax and realize a good woman is NOT going to commit over the internet, or over the phone. This is a GOOD sign that she has her head on strait.

You are acting like a love sick puppy dog. Women, especially the RW do not like this. Be a little more of a man and have some confidence in yourself. Yes, she IS still talking to other men. She WILL untill you show up at her door with flowers and a kiss. Maybe you will meet her still, and there will be nothing but awkward silence between you? You simply cannot know this. She is withholding full judgement untill she meets you in person. You should do the same.

Again, the is my opinion, do not get angry.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eryk

>>However, I think the photo is a bit incidental. She still has a profile on there so obviously she is still interested in hearing from other men - that is 98% of the issue - precisely which photo her profile leads with is an minor detail.

Eryk

A point well taken.

For the last 3 months she has only loged in a couple of times. So that is part of the reason why it was such a surprise to me today to see that she went on there to change her photo.

SB The site for the women is in Russian so no problems. She did it herself and knew what she was doing.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Chuckles also has a point.

These are not western women, and don't think like them.

It is in her right to be looking still, until she puts the little ringe on the little finger, and says I will.

Be a man, but not an angry one, and don't forget cultural differences.
Her continued looking online, may only reinforce her belief you are the one.
Until you meet, and the chemistry of love is there in person, she has every right to still wonder.

Stay cool, and expect the best.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckles

Cederwind, you are not going to like my opinion I'm afraid. You need to relax and realize a good woman is NOT going to commit over the internet, or over the phone. This is a GOOD sign that she has her head on strait.

You are acting like a love sick puppy dog. Women, especially the RW do not like this. Be a little more of a man and have some confidence in yourself. Yes, she IS still talking to other men. She WILL untill you show up at her door with flowers and a kiss. Maybe you will meet her still, and there will be nothing but awkward silence between you? You simply cannot know this. She is withholding full judgement untill she meets you in person. You should do the same.

Again, the is my opinion, do not get angry.

I like and value everyone’s opinion.

I do not take it as a good sign.

I am not a love sick pupuy but I wish I was!!!!

I do not expect for her to "commit" over the internet and I do expect for her to have other men she is writing to.

BUT why would she all of the sudden "actively" start searching out more men to write to when she has pretty much all but told me she wants to marry me?

I am the one that has been needing to remind her that we must first meet in person before jumping to any conclusions such as marriage and moving to the US.

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Cedar,

I would speak with her, calmly and politely express to her wha you noticed about her profile, and then listen patiently and carefully to what she has to say.

If you have not spoken with her on the phone, it might be a good idea to do that.

Also, if you are satisfied with her answer regarding her photo, reinforce that you really look forward to seeing her in the Spring (and maybe even send her a small gift in the mail like perfume-- Most Russian women feel appreciated and cared about if you send them small gifts).

But, I believe that clear communication is important here.

Good luck,

Khashyar

Posted by: Ade

Hi Cedar,

One could ask why, if you feel committed to this girl, you were looking on a dating site. Checking up on her? Looking at other women?

If you ask her about the picture, she may well ask why you were on the dating site.

Ade

Posted by: clever1

Ade has a valuable point,

1 question ceder, do you have a mens profile ?

I would go about it like this.
I would just talk to her as normal, and just ask her if she still has a profile or if because of what she has told you about her feelings has taken it off, you don't need to ask about the picture change, she might offer the information herself about the picture, or lie about her profile completely.
You can then direct your communication in either direction.

John

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ade

Hi Cedar,

One could ask why, if you feel committed to this girl, you were looking on a dating site. Checking up on her? Looking at other women?

If you ask her about the picture, she may well ask why you were on the dating site.

Ade

This will not be a problem, she knows that I use EM services for translation of her letters.

Yes Clever1, I have a profile on there but I blocked mine some months ago so it is hidden. I have mentioned this to her a couple of times in email but she never commented on it.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckles

Cedar

You are right, she has changed it herself, the only other person who could do this is the webmaster and I have never heard of that happening on EM. So you ask yourself why and you punish yourself wondering, the reason is as Chuckles staed earlier, this is how it is, this is how most RW will act until you are commited or she is commited, after which you will find they will in most cases be very loyal and not look elsewhere, but until you two actually meet and you get yourself over there don't expect her to remain out of bounds, writing, emailing and phoning is nothing like meeting in person. No matter what your feelings are now, believe me I have been there and experienced it.

Hope this helps.....just try and put the fact she changed her profile out of your mind or at least leave it a few days before confronting it with her, and even then be careful how you address the topic, calm down, don't act in haste!!

Chris

Posted by: Mr.Humble

Yeah what Chrismc said...

Until you physically meet in person you cannot put a "This is Mine, Go Get Your Own" sign on her (or even realistically, you for that matter).

I have gone over to Russia once to find that the person I was writing and talking to was not a 100% match (an awesome woman yes, but too many wildcard variables to make that connection). Currently (as you know) I am going over to meet another woman this spring. We email each other and talk on occasion but until we meet we both are keeping our expectations in check so neither one of us crashes at a failure.

This 'dead space' from now until I get there is driving me nuts yes but hey, I'll live. My worst enemy in that time is my own imagination....

Posted by: Spakoyna

I think 1 thing you guys are not considering is whether she posted her profile on EM or if this was done through the agency she is a client of. I do not know but will tell about a rocky road my wife and I had.

We experienced a similiar situation after we were engaged. My wife wrote me after we became engaged and told me she removed her profile. I did the same. We were planning a month together in her city. I simply googled the name of her city and there she was on the 2nd page! Turns out she had profiles on 7 or 8 other sites! This was done by her agency. We met through Global Ladies and that was the only site they pulled her profile from. I very discretly asked her(I don' think you know approach) about her other profiles and explained how I found them. She immediately went into balistic defense mode! After everything unfolded it turned out the agency was telling her how bad I was for bringing this up and she was also frustrated because she had indeed tried to have her profiles removed. It actually took alot of work between the both of us to have her profiles removed. Once many of the agencies get their hooks in a profile they do not like to turn loose!

I believe these agencies control these ladies from an internet point of view more than we think!

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

Sounds like there's a lack of co-ordination between the agencies then; if a woman wants her profile suspending or deleting, it should be cascaded to all the agencies that her profile is registered with...sounds like it would ease some confusion.

Ade

Posted by: ham

http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...read.php?t=6467

Posted by: jpierce55

It sounds like a serious warning sign and you should confront her, but not harshly. I only consider it a warning sign if she has made it sound like she is truly serious, and the fact that you will be visiting soon. It seems strange she would up the search if she is serious.

I still suggest going but use caution like anybody should. Also be careful if she is arranging your room. You don't want stuck without one.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpierce55

It sounds like a serious warning sign and you should confront her, but not harshly. I only consider it a warning sign if she has made it sound like she is truly serious, and the fact that you will be visiting soon. It seems strange she would up the search if she is serious.

My thoughts exactly.

The issue for me is not that she is seeking men to correspond with but her timing to actively start searching again as for the last 3 months she has only logged into her profile to check her mail every 3-4 weeks.

I have tried to think of anything I may have said that may have made her upset at me but can not think of anything.

Ham: The photo is nothing like that!!! It is actualy not a good photo of her and is not sexy but it is the only photo I have seen of her in a bathing suit and I have 200 or more photos of her on my computer. Her photos On EM are very plain the ones on my computer would attract many more guys if she used them....But I am not about to help her in this reagard but if it does not work out when we meet in person I then would be glad to help her as she is such a nice girl and a bit innocent.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr.Humble

This 'dead space' from now until I get there is driving me nuts yes but hey, I'll live. My worst enemy in that time is my own imagination....

Yes I hear you there,

Posted by: jeffs

take a deep breath cedar...

My advice would be to talk to her about it... not confront... just open the dialog. Tell her what you are feeling, and gof rom there based on her response. Turn this around, this can be the beginning of something really good for you. Your concern will show her that you are looking for something more serious and may address some of her concerns. If not, then it's always good to find out sooner. But I'd approach this like you said you would with an "American gal".

Good luck bud... Let us know what you do....

ps....

Talk to her... talk to her... talk to her... (just my advice)

Posted by: ham

well, it can even be the agency rotates pictures chosen from a pool she supplied them with.
and as said, many women use such pictures to attract attention and-or agencies strongly request them because they mean more hits/sales.

Posted by: rnmedix

dude, i think you need to go meet her and see where it goes. what is there to confront her about? would you expect her not to recieve mail from others? she's looking for a husband, and you may not be her match. how would she know at this point?

i'd wouldn't worry about it. go meet her and have a good time, with more emphasis on getting to know her than marry her.

Posted by: Ade

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedarwind

.....The issue for me is not that she is seeking men to correspond with but her timing to actively start searching again as for the last 3 months she has only logged into her profile to check her mail every 3-4 weeks.........

Hmm, that makes it sound as though you're checking up on her....why do you need to know how often she logs on? she's not 'yours' in any way yet...don't worry about things like this until after you've met......then if things work out, she should presumably want to remove her profile anyway.

Good luck,

Ade

Posted by: jpierce55

I have a feeling most people do check up on them, it is a suggested technique. If the woman is highly active it is a warning sign.

I did a check up on Elena some time after meeting her as you know, but I had a reason to feel that need. I don't personally feel anything is wrong with an occasional check up as long as it is not at an obsessive level. The fact that you feel a need to check up does indicate you see some other warning sign. Or you are paranoid

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpierce55

I have a feeling most people do check up on them, it is a suggested technique. If the woman is highly active it is a warning sign.

I did a check up on Elena some time after meeting her as you know, but I had a reason to feel that need. I don't personally feel anything is wrong with an occasional check up as long as it is not at an obsessive level. The fact that you feel a need to check up does indicate you see some other warning sign. Or you are paranoid

First thank you for the impute Jpierce I always enjoy reading your answers to not only this thread but also others. Many time you say exactly what I am thinking. It is a little weird but good to know that another person has some of the same thoughts.

ADE I do check on her on occasion but I do not go out of my way to do it. As I stated earlier I use EM to translate my letter to and from her as needed and I must log into my account to send them more money and why I am there I see her profile as it is the only one on my list. I see no problem with this as she has told me she wants to be my one and only GF.....BUT words are just words actions speak much louder.

AS I have not meet her yet I do not expect her to commit herself to me but from the things we have shared with each other about how serious we “Both” say we are about each other. I expected to see some action in that regards .

I see nothing wrong with checking up on her on occasion. If this was a Girl in my town I would not need to check up on her as my friends would be doing it for me in my best interest and her friends would be doing the same to me. But she is not a Girl in my town thus I must do something to look for any red flags before I decide to marry her and commit to support her for the next ten years.

I started a new thread it is titled what is a RW’s Definition of BF/GF. Check it out….. maybe I had her telling me that she wanted to be my one and only GF all wrong. I do not think so but is should be a interesting topic.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

But she is not a Girl in my town thus I must do something to look for any red flags before I decide to marry her and commit to support her for the next ten years.

Personally I like to trade up to a new one every 5-7 years!

Posted by: Texas Proud

Cedarwind...

I am on your side on your problem... my letters between me am my GF have come to the point of 'only us' for now. Early on she was upset I went to visit someone else, but I had only been writing to her a short time... I worked through it and narrowed it down to her.. but I saw that she had been on EM a couple of times... I asked her if she were writing to other... she said she was returning letters to tell them thanks, but no thanks... it happened again this January... I asked again.. she said many men had written to her because it was her birthday... but did not want to get any more letters... she asked that I delete her from the sites...

I was surprised to find she was on 6 to 8 sites!!! She gave me her login and password to get her off... she actually might not know how to delete her profile, but changing pictures seems like an active move to get more letters..

Just ask!!! If she hides information from you, she is NOT the one in my opinion..

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Cedarwind...

I am on your side on your problem... my letters between me am my GF have come to the point of 'only us' for now. Early on she was upset I went to visit someone else, but I had only been writing to her a short time... I worked through it and narrowed it down to her.. but I saw that she had been on EM a couple of times... I asked her if she were writing to other... she said she was returning letters to tell them thanks, but no thanks... it happened again this January... I asked again.. she said many men had written to her because it was her birthday... but did not want to get any more letters... she asked that I delete her from the sites...

I was surprised to find she was on 6 to 8 sites!!! She gave me her login and password to get her off... she actually might not know how to delete her profile, but changing pictures seems like an active move to get more letters..

Just ask!!! If she hides information from you, she is NOT the one in my opinion..

Well I guess that proves the trust TP, and the commitment to make it work on her side, giving you her login and password to delete her accounts, bet that made you feel good, in a nice way. I know it would me.
Have you met yet? I know you have probably mentioned it in another thread, I've just forgot.

John

Posted by: jpierce55

Glad I could help somebody out.

Posted by: cedarwind

Here is a little update…In the last letter I wrote her I told her as I tell her often how much I like her and other romantic things…I also told her how I was only corresponding with her and how I had blocked my profile on the marriage agency a few months ago and I have left it blocked as I wanted to only correspond with her and I had no need to look at the other girls as she was the one in my dreams. I also reassured her that when I come in the spring I am coming to only see her.

Her response to me on the subject...... was nothing…..

There are a few things that are bothering me so I am going to call her on Sunday with my translator and very tenderly bring the subject up. My mother has told me to keep my mouth shout until I meet her in person as I already have a ticket but that’s not my style…..when something is bothering me I must talk about it…..SO its better she finds that out about me now and not latter.

I know that I will need to be very careful but I think she should understand my point of view as she is one of those women who runs on feelings.

I have also came to the conclusion that she is starting to get cold feet…she is starting to seriously think about the consequences of leaving Russia. I can understand that but not how it would tie in with her searching more vigorously for new contacts to write to. I am also staring to think that maybe her desire for me to come and see her in person has waned and now she is just being social polite as she know I have already spent a lot of money to come and see her.

I will hopeful know much more after the phone call on Sunday…..Hopefully I will still have a GF…..But either way I am going on a trip to Moscow an will have a good time.

Posted by: jpierce55

Don't push the issue, and be very careful what you say. It may be better to say nothing that you emailed her on.

Posted by: mistermopar

cedarwind,mothers always have the best advise,I think you should listen to yours.

Randy

Posted by: Pin Boy

since you asked for advice...play it cool...don't overthink the siutation. but if you have serious doubts, look for some backup contacts since you're already committed to going.

good luck,

pin boy

Posted by: jpierce55

Pin Boy why do I suddenly desire to go bowling?????????????

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by clever1

Hi John,

Must have missed this post for some reason...

Yes, It made me feel good to know that she trusted me with her accounts... I was able to see a couple of letters from some men... I asked if I could read them before I did... nothing special, just a happy birtday to her...

We have not met yet. She is in St. Petersburg and I could not take the cold.. but then again, she does not want me there now as it is so cold... she teaches and has asked me to come in June when the classes end.. so, I wait and we write to each other and we talk on the phone... just got off a call that was 1:45 (that is hours and minutes)... some of it is that she pronounces words differently than I do and does not know some... but we have a good conversation..

Thanks for asking.

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Hiya TP, I knew ya must have missed it, happens to me sometimes when 2 people post at the same time.

I have just started to talk to someone from the Ukraine on Skype, and its the same thing with my accent, so you sit there and try and explain it another way..........before you know it an hour has flown past.
She is also a teacher, I asked tonight about her holidays, they start in July.
Does your lady have a comp at home? you should try one of the chat programmes with voice if she has, would save you lots on phone bills or cards.

John

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by clever1

John

The school holidays start end of July and go through to nearly mid/end of September, plenty of time off for her to meet someone with a funny accent from Derbyshire he he

Chris

Posted by: Texas Proud

Clever...

Yes she has a computer, but from what I understand she buys a card for minutes online...

I can buy a phone card that only cost me 2 cents a minute to talk... an hour call is only $1.20... I only call once a week and we talk about 1 1/2 hour or so, so less than $8 per month... not a problem with me...

Posted by: mistermopar

Hey TP,what kind of card are you getting,sounds like a good deal to me.

Randy

Posted by: Texas Proud

I buy the Mega Clean and Stable... here is a link..

http://www.uniontelecard.com/

Here are the states they have local access. They do have an 800 number, but it cost you an additional 1.8 cents to call it.. try one of the other cards and see if you can find a good deal.

Mega Clean & Stable
Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New York
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
Texas
Virginia
Washington D.C.

This is only for information... I am not affiliated with any of these and get no kickback etc. etc...

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Clever...

Yes she has a computer, but from what I understand she buys a card for minutes online...

I can buy a phone card that only cost me 2 cents a minute to talk... an hour call is only $1.20... I only call once a week and we talk about 1 1/2 hour or so, so less than $8 per month... not a problem with me...

Thats a good rate TP.
I'm not sure how Inga pays for her internet, but she said she pays $25 a month, and judging by the time it takes to send files, it must be pretty quick.
She must also pay for some skype services as it says she has call forwarding.

John

Posted by: mistermopar

Hi TP,I looked at some of these cards,prices look good,few things about them I am still trying to figure out.

Thanks
Randy

Posted by: Jim_FL

Uniontelecard is a good company, we use their BOSS cards here in FL and oddly we get twice as many minutes if we go the the local market and buy the card as when we order online......dunno why.

Posted by: mistermopar

Thanks Jim_FL,i'll check that card out also,never hurts to look.

Randy

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim_FL

Uniontelecard is a good company, we use their BOSS cards here in FL and oddly we get twice as many minutes if we go the the local market and buy the card as when we order online......dunno why.

What local market do you see them in??? I will take a look and see what we have here...

The one I buy I like as it does not have any weekly or other fees and it is timed by the minute... some have a weekly fee and round to 3 minutes or some other thing to make it more expensive than the per minute cost..

Posted by: cedarwind

Ok…..Some were I jumped off and this thread went astray but now I am back on board and I am stealing my thread back from the hijackers but there advise is still needed. LOL

The original question was about my GF changing her photo on the Marriage agency… I never mentioned it to her . But that now is a mood point!

I had a long conversation with the GF a few weeks ago and then my mother and the GF mother had a talk then today I got a long email.

The mother is doing every thing she can to ruin the relationship

The GF and the mother are joined at the hip and they come as a package deal both or none…..

The GF would come alone but the mother keeps reassuring the daughter that if she leaves her that she is a traitor to her family, her country, and her church (they are very very religious)…..

The GF has asked for a dog for 20 years and mom always said no…but now mom is buying the girl a dog…..

mom is helping the girl get a job that pays well so she can have a career….

I have learned that the mother has read all my letters and helps the daughter answer them ….Daughter has never had a boy friend my guess is do to her mother and that they are very religious.

Her mother is a very strong person and very good with reveres psychologically at first it was the mother telling me how she can not live with out her daughter but now it is the daughter telling me she would rather die than live far from her mother. The sad part is that the GF has no clue to what is going on she is very young and innocent at heart as her mother has sheltered her greatly.

I understand the mothers point and I have made what I perceived as great concessions ….I have promised them that I would support there church and become more religious ( I am already a strong Christian but this girls mother should have been a nun ).

I have paid for my translator to talk with the GF mother and explain to her how visa and money work and that a House cost $250,000. I have told the GF If we fall in love and want to marry that I would be willing to support her mother in Russia or help her mom move to the US but that her mother can not live with us for a extended period of time as she will end up running the marriage and not just the daughter but me also. Did I mention that the GF mother was a very strong person and very set with her decision …..My phone translator was also a bit shocked with the mother stubbornness and that the mother is already seriously talking about that she can not leave her daughter and that she will move with her.

The Daughter tells me that her mother will be moving with her from day one and that she will not let her mom work that she will work and support her mother….They seem to not understand that it will be years before the GF could get a job to support the mother even thou this has been explained many times.

I will stop ranting for now….but did I mention that I have a plan ticket for Moscow in 57 days…..Looks like I will be having a friend as my tour guide and that will be it.

It is going to be very difficult for me to explain to the GF why I can not marry her as she is so innocent to it all ….I know that she is going to be very heartbroken and I am going to end up being the bad guy…..

It is also difficult as I really like this girl we have almost everything in common and I know that if her mother does not change that the GF will not ever find a husband and that one day she will come to this realization and by then it will be to late for her.

Posted by: Pin Boy

wow, what to say! i think you're putting the cart waaaay before the horse. you haven't even met this girl yet (correct?) - and you're talking marriage and bringing mom to the US - which may be VERY difficult.

you don't mention ages, but sounds like this girl may be young since she has never had a BF - and she is thinking of marrying a foreign man she has not met?

take a deep breath and rethink this trip or the purpose of this trip. if you do have chemistry with this woman, are you ready to handle the meddling mother-in-law who seems hell bent against this? think you'll have more influence over a sheltered girl than her 24/7, string pulling, speaks the same language mom?

this is a tough situation. wish you luck whatever you do.

pin boy

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

wow, what to say! i think you're putting the cart waaaay before the horse. you haven't even met this girl yet (correct?) - and you're talking marriage and bringing mom to the US - which may be VERY difficult.

you don't mention ages, but sounds like this girl may be young since she has never had a BF - and she is thinking of marrying a foreign man she has not met?

take a deep breath and rethink this trip or the purpose of this trip. if you do have chemistry with this woman, are you ready to handle the meddling mother-in-law who seems hell bent against this? think you'll have more influence over a sheltered girl than her 24/7, string pulling, speaks the same language mom?

this is a tough situation. wish you luck whatever you do.

pin boy

The GF is 24 and the mother is 45.......Yes I must keep reminding the GF that we have not meet yet and that we may hate each other in 3 hours....I think she is infatuated at the moment and does not want to believe that this is a possibility.....The GF mother was surprised and happy when I told her I was not going to get engaged on the first trip.

I feel that the mother is trying to make the GF realize now that this is a bad idea for her before she may fall in love and then the mother will have a harder time. As of right now the mother can run the show from the side lines and not look like the bad guy.

I think the mother fears losing her daughter as that is all she has and she also fears moving to the US to be with her daughter…….I am hoping that when I meet the GF and mother that the mother will find out more about me and the type of person I am and that may soften the situation. As the mother has repeated many times all she has is her daughter and that she wants nothing but her daughters to be happy….Mom worries much that her daughters life will turn out like hers.

If I so desired I could play the same games back with the mother but what would the point be I would loose as you have stated I do not speak Russian and the mother and GF are together 24/7.

The purpose of my trip is to simply meet the GF and have a nice time and I plan to do that .

One more thing the mother has hired a translator she knows from church to be with me and her daughter at all times we are together….I am 32 and going on a date with a chaperone….LOL

I have a feeling that this is not your typical Russian women and daughter ……should be a interesting trip report!

What kind of gift should I bring the mother? She is a lawyer, Middle class can buy what every she wants, and her only hobbies are church and reading church books. I am having a hard time with this.

Posted by: mistermopar

...Sorry,had to put in the smilie with the whip.....LOL

WOW,what a situation you are in,wish I had some answers for you other than RUN.
First step is to meet her and see how it gos.If she still likes you after 3 hours,take another step.Talk with the GF mother,maybe she thinks your some sex crazed lunitic trying to steal her daughter away,maybe she will think of you differant after meeting you.

Keep us posted,

Randy

Posted by: inlove

Cedarwind,
I would advise to walk away right now, but of course you are not going to listen to me. Unfortunately, you got yourself in a "relationship" with a daughter of a religious fanatic, and I don't think there are calm waters in your future if you get married to her.. There always be a problem with the mother, but more importantly, the daughter will not be happy in the States, whatever you do, and both of them going to blame you for that..

Legally, your GF can bring the mother into the US only after she herself receives an American citizenship. There is no other way, and it takes at least 5 years from the moment she gets married to you. But her mother can perfectly ruin your marriage while being in Russia.. She, apparently, has a lot of power over her daughter's mind and soul, and she is not going to hesitate to use.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Cedarwind,
I would advise to walk away right now, but of course you are not going to listen to me. Unfortunately, you got yourself in a "relationship" with a daughter of a religious fanatic, and I don't think there are calm waters in your future if you get married to her.. There always be a problem with the mother, but more importantly, the daughter will not be happy in the States, whatever you do, and both of them going to blame you for that..
.

No, I am actualy highly thinking about taking your advise. I just can not decide if I should just not go at all or to tell the girl that I am coming only as her friend and that it will never be anything more.

Yes I feel bad but I feel mostly bad as, me and the girl have became very good friends...she has no friends and she will never have any unless her mother changes or dies...and by then it will be to late for the girl.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Cedar.... sorry to hear this news... I am thinking like the others.... it is better to say thanks, but no thanks... unless of course you think that this could be the 'one'... and I mean the REAL ONE... then, you would put up with some of the meddling.. the mother could always change if you are good...

As a note... I was surprised on the lady that I went to visit in Kiev... she talked to her mother every day!!! Even when we went on a trip she called..

And the one I am writing to now said her mother was upset when she heard about me... she thought that her and her kids would be great living close to them and now that she was a widow she was needed more... I think that she has changed some over time, but I can not be sure as I do not talk to her or get much updates... hmmmm maybe I will ask next letter!!!

Posted by: Texas Proud

Cedar...

two things.... first, who said you could hijack back a hijacked thread????

On a serious note... I forgot to say something else that was bothering me on your original post with the extra information in the last day...

You still have not got an answer as to why she changed pictures and put the bathing suit one up!!!

Let's take a look at this... her mother does not want her to meet anyone... so she CHANGES her profile in order to advertise for someone else???

And if she is as religous (sp?) as you say... then why is she putting a bathing suit picture out anyhow??? The ladies I know that are religious (looks a little better...) would not be wearing a bikini... and I tend to remember you saying this without me going to look...

So, ask her why she is still looking???

Posted by: Mr.Humble

Actually sounds kinda "Norman Bates" creepy....

I had gone to Rostov last summer to meet someone. Personality a hands-down awesome lady. Interests were very similar, humor, that sort of thing. A couple of things did keep my guard up.

1: Her health and health history were shakey (near impossible to immigrate to Canada if the gov't thinks you will be a draw on the system)

2: Never invited me to her home or even near it.

3: rascist tendacies (there is a war going on just across the river)

4: Always asking about my ukrainian heritage (which, unfortunately, I know little or nothing about)

Turns out her mother is quite old, poor health, and a die-hard racist that would make the KKK blush. (Apparently 'blood spoilage' is a serious thing...and I am sure I do not have any Cossack blood in me). Also my friend got rained on and ended up in a coma for 2 weeks (called this 'normal'...um...not where I come from it ain't...).

I did enjoy the trip....I did meet (by chance) other women (conversation and idle chit-chat) but outside of that the purpose of my trip turned out to be a bust.

I go to Moscow in 6 weeks to meet someone I've actually been writing to for a long time (longer than the one I actually visited)....nothing commital other than "yes we both have serious intentions"...other than that mostly idle chatter and waiting for the "big day" when we are together for the chemistry test....and yes I am nervous as hell about that...happy though

Posted by: Mr.Humble

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

So, ask her why she is still looking???

Just a guess but I think North America is only a small part of the world....perhaps she (or her mother) is fishing in western europe as well...

Dunno about you but me and mother-in-laws....hmmm....

I don't intend on marrying the lady's mother no way no how...

Posted by: ham

Quote:

The GF and the mother are joined at the hip and they come as a package deal both or none…..

red alert!
burglar alarm on!

Quote:

and her church (they are very very religious)…..

very interesting.

Quote:

I have promised them that I would support there church and become more religious

whistling in the wind?
it seems to me their "shopping list" is waaay too long.

Quote:

My phone translator was also a bit shocked with the mother stubbornness and that the mother is already seriously talking about that she can not leave her daughter and that she will move with her.

hmmm
the old one is pimping the daughter to the highest bidder i suppose...wow!
i can foresee Leroy, Pedro, Kojiro & Wong in line to discuss the leasing terms.

Quote:

The Daughter tells me that her mother will be moving with her from day one and that she will not let her mom work

middle finger, anyone?

Quote:

I can not marry her as she is so innocent to it all

is that a real person or your own idea about the set up some crook prepared for you?

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedarwind

Ok…..
The mother is doing every thing she can to ruin the relationship

The GF and the mother are joined at the hip and they come as a package deal both or none…..

Quote:

I have learned that the mother has read all my letters and helps the daughter answer them ….Daughter has never had a boy friend my guess is do to her mother and that they are very religious.

See above

You also mention about a church translator accompanying you everywhere, how can you trust what is being translated to the GF/daughter when the translator is hired by and will no doubt be a good frined of the mother?

A very difficult situation you are in, in addition you do not even know if you arte going to be right for each other, as you have already stated, probably best (if you are still going) to visit as a friend and see what transpires. Assuming you both get on OK then you only have one option in my view and that is to prove to the mother that you are a great a guy and right for her daughter and hope that she gives your relationship her blessing, but how you do that is not easy. But she sounds like a real man hater to me!!

You will need all your charm to win this one I'm afraid.

Chris

PS I would seriously consider a Plan B.....take some other agency/womens details with you in case it all goes belly up right away.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

Cedar...

two things.... first, who said you could hijack back a hijacked thread????

On a serious note... I forgot to say something else that was bothering me on your original post with the extra information in the last day...

You still have not got an answer as to why she changed pictures and put the bathing suit one up!!!

Let's take a look at this... her mother does not want her to meet anyone... so she CHANGES her profile in order to advertise for someone else???

And if she is as religous (sp?) as you say... then why is she putting a bathing suit picture out anyhow??? The ladies I know that are religious (looks a little better...) would not be wearing a bikini... and I tend to remember you saying this without me going to look...

So, ask her why she is still looking???

I am pretty sure that I know the answer.....Her mother is hoping she will find someone closer to home.....in the last month the tone of her letters have changed greatly and it has been mentioned many times about how far I live away from Moscow....how very expensive a plane ticket is....how long the flight is......she even asked if I liked my job and other questions that gave me the feeling she was hoping that I would conceder moving to the east coast of the US.

I think that her mother wants her to meet someone but not on the internet....her mother had told the girl that all the guys on the internet wanted sex and were not christen but when they got my intro letter and I did not fit the stereotype the mother even had to admit that I was a nice guy. The mother may not want the daughter to look on the internet but she is not going to tell her no only convince her why none of them will work out.

Yes I was and still am surprised that the mother would let the daughter put the photo on the internet....It is not a sexy photo but as they are so very religious it did surprise me....But my thought on that is the mother knew I was going to come and see the daughter soon and as I was the only one coming to see the daughter.... if I had asked her to marry me she would most likely would have said yes and thus the mother would then have a problem.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Very hard to break these two up especially if the daughter is as innocent as you make out. It is both or nothing by the sound of it, that's even if you can get in the mothers good books, which sounds to me like no man will ever be good enough for her.

A very difficult situation you are in, in addition you do not even know if you arte going to be right for each other, as you have already stated, probably best (if you are still going) to visit as a friend and see what transpires. Assuming you both get on OK then you only have one option in my view and that is to prove to the mother that you are a great a guy and right for her daughter and hope that she gives your relationship her blessing, but how you do that is not easy. But she sounds like a real man hater to me!!

You will need all your charm to win this one I'm afraid.

PS I would seriously consider a Plan B.....take some other agency/womens details with you in case it all goes belly up right away.

I am in the mothers good books I would hate to see what she would be like if you were on her bad side...did I mention she is a laywer and I would bet she is a good one!

But yes it would take a lot of charm for the mother to let her daughter go....One day she will see her mistake of how much she has sheltered and continues to do so but it will be to late for her daughter by then. I am not willing to play the games with the mother as it would be bad for the marriage and as stated earler it would always be them aganst me and every thing would be my fault.

I am in need of a plan B....I have concidered having a long talk with the girl telling her it will not work work out and going over as a friend......I have a ticket for 19 days in Russia and I may still spend like 4-5 seeing the girl and then spend the rest doing other stuff.....still undecided thue...I may just not go at all.

I have unblocked my profile at the Marriaga agency and maybe if I am lucky I will meet a couple of intresting girls between now and then.....I am sure if I told them I was going to be in Mosow in May they would be intrested as there would be no long time before a meeting.

Posted by: jpierce55

Wow Cedar this is a toughy. I am glad I am not in your shoes. TP's thoughts crossed my mind, but I could not judge this. It is to strange.

If you already made plans go see her, if not strongly reconsider. I don't agree with "plan b" programs but maybe you should.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by jpierce55

Wow Cedar this is a toughy. I am glad I am not in your shoes. TP's thoughts crossed my mind, but I could not judge this. It is to strange.

If you already made plans go see her, if not strongly reconsider. I don't agree with "plan b" programs but maybe you should.

Yes I already made plans to see her I have a $1100 airplane ticket and a hotel reservation in her town. For the last 3 months I have thought of nothing but this trip.

Currently I think I am going to take inloves advise......then all I must decide is to go to Moscow on my own or just eat the plain ticket. I would like to see her for a few days but that is not a good idea as stated by pin boy.

My plan B of meeting some women before I go is a very long shot as I wrote 200+ women in the last year and only got a positive response of 10 and only 3 amounted to anything. I am finding that it just as difficult to meet a person with the same ideas as me in Russia as it is in the US.

Posted by: mistermopar

Why waste the plane ticket,go and have a good time,with or with out her.
Meet new people,make it a holiday,never know what will happen or who you will meet.

What city is it that you were heading to?

Randy

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr.Humble

Just a guess but I think North America is only a small part of the world....perhaps she (or her mother) is fishing in western europe as well...

Dunno about you but me and mother-in-laws....hmmm....

I don't intend on marrying the lady's mother no way no how...

Not that I have been married before... but from all that I have seen... you marry the woman, you marry the mother in law... especially if she (your wife) talkes to her mother EVERY DAY!!! So, a mother in law can ruin a good relationship... but can not make a bad one good...

Posted by: Mr.Humble

Strange how that works 'eh?

Posted by: Spakoyna

Perhaps you can help her mother to see the err in her ways. My wife had several opportunities to marry when she was young but her mother did not approve (lucky for me). She took her mother's advice and I believe has some regrets. Family ties in Russia are very tight.....but they also want better for their family. Just be careful if you persue this that the mother is not using her daughter to improve her life.

This is a very big possibility.

Posted by: ham

i'm glad it's not my problem, but i'd forget about the "just friends" deal...these people sound like a can of worms waiting for you to open it.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedarwind

My plan B of meeting some women before I go is a very long shot as I wrote 200+ women in the last year and only got a positive response of 10 and only 3 amounted to anything. I am finding that it just as difficult to meet a person with the same ideas as me in Russia as it is in the US.

Plan B....easy!!!!......just take some names of good agencies in the City you are visiting, then if all goes wrong, call some or go and knock on doors, they are used to it and will usually be very helpful as they have you in their city looking for women, it couldn't be easier for them.....what more do they want.

OR before you go, look at some profiles from these agencies and go ready armed with names etc so when you have to contact the agency you have some initial ideas in your mind of who you would like to meet, saves a lot of time and effort.

Chris

Posted by: martin3030

What a story..
From my experience most Russian Mothers are happy to see their daughters move on for a better life in the West.
I have heard the Babooskas many time voicing their concerns about the internet and the Western men only wanting RW to work for one thing...but thats how they are.
Dont look like the bikini photo was explained ?
On a positive note there is still a ticket and hotel to use...take something from all of this if nothing else go and have those 17days.....after all of this,seems like you could do with the break

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr.Humble

Dunno about you but me and mother-in-laws....hmmm....

I don't intend on marrying the lady's mother no way no how...

If you were to marry the girls mother that would solve my problem!!!

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

Perhaps you can help her mother to see the err in her ways. My wife had several opportunities to marry when she was young but her mother did not approve (lucky for me). She took her mother's advice and I believe has some regrets. Family ties in Russia are very tight.....but they also want better for their family. Just be careful if you persue this that the mother is not using her daughter to improve her life.

This is a very big possibility.

Ok here is a little up date....Last night I sent the GF a letter to explain how her mother would not be able to move to the US unless the daughter became a US citizen and this takes 5 years. (the mother want the GF to keep her Russian citizenship) . I asked her how she thought she could be away from her mother for such a time. In the last letter from her she told me that she would not leave her mother and she would work to support her as she does not want her mother working.

I also had to explain for the 10th time how it is not possible for the GF to come to the US and visit for 2 weeks and then go back home and think about it.

I told her how I had seen the new photo on the marriage agency and that she was actively searching and I asked her why. I asked her if all the nice things she wrote to me were just words as her actions had not proven to me other wise. I also told her that I was surprised that if her and her mother are so religious that she would but such a photo on. I do not think I am going to get a answer but it matter little to me now.

I also told her that I did not believe in some of the things her church teaches and that I could not ever be as religious as her mother wanted and that this would indirectly cause problem if we were to marry.

I also told the GF (Knowing the mother was reading the letter) That I understand how her mother felt and that I was not trying to take her away.....the mothers marriage ended after 2 years with her husband living with a different women...I am sure this devastated the mother as her daughter had just been born and the mother was and is still under the belief that you only get married one time. As a result of this the mother turned all her anger and grief into herself and put all her energy’s into her daughter and the church. Now with the mother thinking about the daughter leaving the feelings are coming back up.

The over all letter was very nice but it got to the point for her and her mother to think about a few things.

As a few of you have asked NO the girl and the mother are not looking for a better life they are well off were they live and the mother does not want to leave .......but she does not want to loose her daughter more.

So far I have had no real answer from the girl but I have had a indirect answer. Shortly after sending my letter the GF went to the marriage agency and blocked her profile.....I also got a letter from the florist telling me that she has refused to accept the gift I sent for woman’s day.

Did I mention I was working on a plan B but I will post that in a new thread as I will need to ask a few questions and I want to wait and see what the girl does as the ball is now in her court......With the next girl I should talk to the referee before beginning so I know the rules up front. LOL

Posted by: Pin Boy

hi cedarwind,

glad to see you take the bull by the horns before you travel so far for a potential bust of a trip. when/if she replies will tell you how it's likely to go.

good luck.

pin boy

Posted by: ham

Quote:

I also told her that I did not believe in some of the things her church teaches and that I could not ever be as religious as her mother wanted and that this would indirectly cause problem if we were to marry.

you are NOT the person for her...um...them...
it's like approaching a woman while saying: ok, now you drop 20 kg, grow 20 cm more...take these dimples off your face and please join the KKK...
I mean...go find a slimmer, taller girl who joined the KKK already...

Quote:

So far I have had no real answer from the girl but I have had a indirect answer. Shortly after sending my letter the GF went to the marriage agency and blocked her profile.....I also got a letter from the florist telling me that she has refused to accept the gift I sent for woman’s day.

thank god for it...don't worry...Barney, Pedro, Leroy, Wong & Kojiro are in line already...although i have an hard time thinking they'll be for long...