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Posted by: Smoovement

i've been talking with natalia/natasha since sept....we talk everyday by phone and recently with voip....we are getting very serious about love and marriage even tho we haven't met yet....because of my work schedule i can not visit her until oct/nov this year....she is frustrated as i am that it can't be sooner....of course she can't visit me in usa....so my inquiry to the forum is this....when you were in your waiting period did you and your woman expect exclusivity in relations....sexual or otherwise....i ask this because it seems there may be some cultural differences i'm not aware of....natasha has wondered how i will be able to wait for her being that i'm a man and you know how us men are!!

.... she's expressed to me that her desire for intimacy is great but sometimes i wonder if it's just desire period....we spend everyday talking on the phone for at least an hour a day sometimes twice a day (has $1k phone bill in hand from last month! geez)....i feel like i know her very well....she says she will wait but i wonder is it fair of me to expect her too?....even after i visit and if everything goes well it would be another 7 months to year before we are together....that's a long time to wait....how did you guys do it??....

thanks
smoove

the man who says he can and the man who says he can't are both right
which man are you?

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

I speak with my angel everyday and do not pay a dime!
The internet is the way to go and get cams too. Skype works real good in Russia. Your lady can surly find someone who can help her set it up as many there are very internet savy.

If you both can type good, ICQ is an excellent instant message service that is also free to download online.

If she does not have a computer, send her one! You can get a decent used one for 300USD and never pay another phone bill again.

Love is a funny thing. For me, being in love with a Russian is priceless, and I do not mind the wait for each summer to come. I was given permission to get what a man needs and found I really did not need it. The first night I heard Russian spoken to me quietly in the middle of the night (of which I did not understand a word) our souls joined and so began this fantastic experience.
Sex is the last thing on my mind. Feeling every word from her is not of this world.
Listen to her in Russian, and feel the stirring in your heart, and let real love overcome all lesser desires during the waiting. Works for me.

Posted by: Chuckles

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smoovement

i've been talking with natalia/natasha since sept....we talk everyday by phone and recently with voip....we are getting very serious about love and marriage even tho we haven't met yet....because of my work schedule i can not visit her until oct/nov this year....she is frustrated as i am that it can't be sooner....of course she can't visit me in usa....so my inquiry to the forum is this....when you were in your waiting period did you and your woman expect exclusivity in relations....sexual or otherwise....i ask this because it seems there may be some cultural differences i'm not aware of....natasha has wondered how i will be able to wait for her being that i'm a man and you know how us men are!!

Well, I don't know what to say about the 'waiting' on sex. That is such an individual thing. I would say that you should find a way to visit sooner. You never know if these things are real until you do. See if the chemistry is still there when you are face to face. You say your job will not let you go till next october... That seems like a long time. There is no way to get a week off?

Posted by: Hostile_hostage

Sex isn't everything in a relationship, especially with two people who haven't even met.
If you want to give yourselves to each other sex shouldn't be an issue.
Personally i don't think two people can ever commit to each other without actually spending time in person. I would have done everything possible to visit my 'girlfriend' as soon as possible just to see if the connection continued in person.
You hear so many stories of people getting on brilliantly via phone and email, but when they actually meet, everything goes wrong.
Can you really fall in love with a voice on the phone?
Lastly, trust is so important in a relationship. If you were to go away on a long business trip, you would expect your partner to stay faithful.
Good luck.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hostile_hostage

Sex isn't everything in a relationship, especially with two people who haven't even met.
If you want to give yourselves to each other sex shouldn't be an issue.
Personally i don't think two people can ever commit to each other without actually spending time in person. I would have done everything possible to visit my 'girlfriend' as soon as possible just to see if the connection continued in person.
You hear so many stories of people getting on brilliantly via phone and email, but when they actually meet, everything goes wrong.
Can you really fall in love with a voice on the phone?
Lastly, trust is so important in a relationship. If you were to go away on a long business trip, you would expect your partner to stay faithful.
Good luck.

I agree, but to be honest you have to get yourself over there, there has got to be a way, another 10/11 months is far too long and you never know, is she writing to others, what if one of those guys goes over to meet her first and they get on OK......what then???

Chris

Posted by: swindoom

I can understand why she is fustrated, it is a very long time before your proposed first visit. I would consider it unusual for a Russian women to be talking about love and marriage with a man she has not met. You can only really know if there is any future if you actually meet, email and talking on the telephone is a good way of making friends and that is all you are until that first visit. You cannot expect exclusivity until after you have spent some time together, to discover if you are right for each other. You should get over there now, I can think of very few jobs that do not let people take holidays, unless you are in the armed forces.

Posted by: Smoovement

thank you everyone for your outlook....i first met natasha on a non russian dating site....i was actually searching for someone in my area when i decided to check who was online and there she was....i clicked for a chat and she told me that she wasnt' interested in americans and closed the chat window!!....wow what a start....that was in august 05....needless to say i tried again a week later and she talked with me but rather curtly....at least i was in the door!!...i didn't really think about starting a relationship i was curious to talk with someone from another country....natasha and i have come from emails every couple of days to daily conversations lasting over an hour at a time....so yes, i've thought it strange to speak about being in love over the phone at first but now we talk everyday!! and most days it's once in the morning and once at night....there's no subject that is taboo...no area we haven't explored regarding beliefs, habits expectations etc....it's been amazing to me how frank she is....none of the western song and dance routine of courtship....i believe that my feelings are as strong as they can be for not having met her....i don't see a problem with chemistry when i meet her....so i am working to visit her in mar/apr with fervor!!....she lives in helsinki for 8 years now so i won't need a visa!....now that we have skype (set it up two days ago) and being able to talk without worrying about money is nice....plus the cam is a bonus and i've found that she's more beautiful than any pictures she sent....even when the cam isn't too clear....i'm enamored with her and she has pledged herself to me in no uncertain terms....she doesn't mince words!....my friends say i'm crazy...that's there's plenty of women in southern california....why go 6000 miles!!....that's ok let'em eat cake....he who laughs last laughs best....i suppose i'm a bit taken aback by all of this and i needed to hear someone elses opinion....as for sex...yes, you are right, it's not the essence of a relationship but it is important....she has been more forward in discussions about sex than i....well, after she broached the subject it was on and crackin' if you know what i mean!!

....i didn't want to be too forward about it but she is more than comfortable talking to me about ANYTHING....it wasn't that way at first but there's a trust we have now that supercedes our suspicions and doubts....

at this point we both have said we are exclusive....i was hoping however that some of you would share how you made it through the waiting....and what were your expectations....did you actually wait for her? or she you?....what kind of difference would it have made if you found out she had relations with another man while you were corresponding?....natasha has told me that she will not be with another man (or woman)

....i have pledged the same....so i'm wondering is that a practical expectation....

hmm after reading this back i think i know my own answer...it's that i trust her and she trust me....with trust intact i suppose i'm not going to worry about something i can't control anyways....but i'm still interested in knowing about all the different experiences that people here have gone through while waiting for your loved one to arrive....

i appreciate this forum and i read most of the new post everyday....thank you everyone for your opinions....

smoove

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Your updated post was very good to read.
Please tell me how you got the cam to work. I am still having problems with it.
Which program do you use?

Posted by: Smoovement

hey samurai....i have a creative labs cam that is usb and i also purchased the logitech usb headset and microphone....i've had no problems, natasha and i use skype now to talk and cam we tried yahoo (computer resource hog!!) at first but it was problematic at best and the quality was poor....i'm not sure what hardware she has....she needed a russian friend to come over and set everything up for her....he was actually a pretty nice guy....i spoke some russian words on skype for a test and he said "wow" you have no accent!!....if it helps at all it's best to use cam and phone that are usb....the connections are better....if you use mic and headset plugged into sound card i think the quality is not as good....the connectivity speed is slower also....oh before i forget....if your cam automatically loads it's software on windows startup you need to close the program from the icon tray at the bottom right of windows or if that's not possible then at least use the options menu within the program to get it to release it's use of the cam....the cam can only be accessed by one program at a time....the drivers that loaded into your systems folder are all you need to work the cam not the viewing software...if you close that program then activate your cam on skype it should work....

thanks for your comments and i hope you get it figured out....it's worth it!!!

smoove

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Excellent technical advice. yes, skype it almost too good to be free.
bob

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smoovement

my friends say i'm crazy...that's there's plenty of women in southern california....why go 6000 miles!!....that's ok let'em eat cake....he who laughs last laughs best....i suppose i'm a bit taken aback by all of this and i needed to hear someone elses opinion....

My brother says the same thing.... but I believe you never know what you will find and where you may find it.

Many guys here didn't go looking in other countries but things just happened that way and I know I am quite glad I met my fiance.

Posted by: Smoovement

hey searcher thanks for the comment....i've been keeping up with your posts regarding your visa experience and i must say you're an inspiration....i've been preparing myself for the possibility of a long wait....i am taking equity from my house to hiring a lawyer and cover expenses for natasha....i know it's no guarantee of quick success but i'm not much for organization and follow up....at least personally anyways...i do well in my business but i figure people hire me to do my job and i do it well....i may as well pay someone who knows exactly what's going....keep the faith she'll be here before you know....heck....you're way ahead of me!!....

smoove

Posted by: so cal rick

So Cal rick here

first you need to get handle on phone rates, $6 per hour is what I pay, I believe there are others that are a lettle less, i use 10 10 834 system.

As far as woman that is hot to trot?

I visited my girl and acted like perfect gentleman, nature will take its course.

If she wonders how you can wait with out her, ... ask her what else can you do, ..... and ask her how can she wait for you???

I believe that Russian men most likely sleep around if they get the chance,

Hell maybe most men do,

As for my self I am content to be loyal to my wife/ future wife

hope my feedback helps

Posted by: Smoovement

thanks rick....well we finally did get the phone bill handled....it's skype in the morning and phone in the evening....she found a plan from her phone company for $2.40hr....natasha and i have come to the conclusion that waiting for each other is the only option....she said if i was with another woman she'd get too jealous!...and i said the same....so we're waiting....i'm planning on visiting with her in apr now so that'll be a relief in more ways than one!!...

....we had been expecting that a k3 visa for russian citizen in helsinki would be over 7 months but i spoke with a lawyer who says he gets it done in three if we supply the necessary documents before my trip!...so i'm very happy about that for sure!....even if i wait until i visit her to make sure we have chemistry after i return it will only be four months so i'm hoping to have her here no later than august!!...just in time for my b-day!!....what a great gift...and i'll dress for the occasion!!....hahaha

smoove

Posted by: jpierce55

Most of the women I wrote mentioned when I could meet them quickly, some immediately. Three of them demanded we meet within 4 months of our initial writing. I am not saying they asked after 4 months but said we must meet by the end of that time period. So she may very well get frustrated and move on.

Cingular has an international plan for $4.00 a month and the calls will be 20 cents a minute.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Without reading the whole thread again... is the cost high because of translations? if not, then buy a phone card and pay only 2 cents a minute... $20 will get you about 16 hours of talking!!

Posted by: Smoovement

hey texas!....no we don't need translation....natasha lives in helsinki and only has a cell phone....i've found no phone card locally or on the net that allows any calls for less than seventeen cents a minute....then you pay for connect fees and call fees with rounding up which just adds up the cost and burns up the card....i used one card that constantly drained away minutes so that a one hour card only netted me about 45 minutes!....and the sad part is...the phone quality was terrible!!....i figured i would keep paying nextel until i found a reasonable alternative....which for me now is skype....the sound quality is at least as good as some of those phone cards and it's free!!...with cam!....we still talk on the phone from time to time using a cheaper pay scale offered by her phone company....so i think we have a handle on it now!....i'm just so anxious to meet her in person and we have a hunka hunda burning desire to be together....i love her....we will pursue the k3 visa....

smoove