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Intentions of the American groom after bringing Russian fiance to the U.S.?
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Posted by: Khashyar

Hello Everyone,

Someone contacted me and asked if I would post this story anonymously, so that that person could receive some feedback.

Please feel free to post your thoughts about the situation in this thread.

Khashyar

*****

My fiance has a friend from also from her home country (different city).

Recently (I think she has been here a few weeks) she came to the U.S. on a K-1 visa and is living with her fiance, not far from me.

He is willing to buy her clothes and he will take her shopping for groceries, etc.

There seem to be a few red flags on his part, the first of which is causing a major problem in their relationship and I think she may soon return to home.

She has asked him to pay for driving instructions and language lessons. She understands that they do have some expenses but its the other associated things which are very big red flags.

First, he refuses to discuss his income or bills with her, so they could make a budget and perhaps afford the lessons.

Second, he initially told her (while he was in her city) that he made $10,000-12,000 per month... suddenly this has changed and he now says he makes approximately $7,000-8,000 per month. While he may have many expenses, it would seem that 1) his income should not vary that much and 2) he would have more disposable income than most people in the area.

Now, the biggest red flag is that he (and a friend of his) discussed how much it would cost for this lady to have a breast enlargement!!!! She heard the conversation and they said it would be $4,000 and his friend said that was a good price.

He has complained about her teeth and breast and he wants her to have a breast enlargment BUT if he can't afford driving instructions (which average about $35 per lesson if I remember correctly, as I checked previously because my fiance would need them) and language lessons then how could he afford the surgery??? Obviously he has his priorities wrong!

She has not consented to the breast enlargment and is sticking to her demands for things that she sees as necessities. He was well aware of her breast size and her teeth before she came here. If it bothered him so much, he didn't have to become engaged to her. That was solely his choice!

I am of the opinion he was just looking for a trophy wife.

I have now began to wonder about the intentions of her groom. They were supposed to have been married recently but my fiance has not heard from her friend recently.

The last report I heard was that they are not speaking. I managed to speak to her groom/future husband prior to the wedding date and he seemed positive about their relationship but was quite interested in me for some reason. He had many questions, some personal.

I am trying to be tactful and careful regarding this matter and want to give him the benefit of the doubt........

My fiance seems to think he is now monitoring and/or trying to control her friend's conversations and activities on the internet.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Kashyar! All I can say is WOW! I agree with you or maybe worse if all is as written. My wife met a lady that was telling lies about her husband. She was not happy and was trying to justify her treatment of her husband. Her husband was completely honest and up front with her. We do not know but we feel she was doing this so when the time came she would have help from others. My wife chastized her and stopped all conversations with her. I speak with him from time to time. The 1st time I spoke with him after my wife let her have it he said I don't know what your wife said but it sure helped. Things have greatly improved between them but only time will tell. I hope for his sake that our suspisions are not true. (Hoping to meet someone younger and better off finacially)

Posted by: jeffs

I'll second the wow! While every person is different, if what she is saying is true maybe she'd be better off to go home.

Posted by: Keith In Kodiak

I'm not sure a difference between 12K and 7-8K is significant in California. He could be talking about before and after taxes.

As for the rest I'd say a guy who starts pushing his wife into cosmetic surgery should put up more than a red flag - I'd say it was on the more on the order of flares, sirens and calls to abandon ship!

Posted by: jpierce55

No I don't think he wanted a trophy wife. It sounds like he wants a very hot sex toy, no nice way to put it.

I wish I made 7-8000 a month.

Posted by: clever1

He should have just married Pamela Anderson, or Anna Nicole Smith

Seriously, to expect a wife of a few months to undergo Plastic Surgery to satisfy his whim, is beyond belief, I would really be questioning whether love was the deciding factor in his marrying her, or was it because he believed it would be easier to turn a foreigner into his mental picture of the perfect mate, than an American woman ?

John

Posted by: clever1

Sorry I read Khashyar's post earlier.
They aren't even married, makes it even worse.

John

Posted by: yodaamnot

I hope she is not in harms way. Is there any way of checking that she is OK?

Posted by: rnmedix

clearly, this one is doomed. when i think about the lady i want for a wife, i'm thinking about what her personality and mind. if her body is cute enough to please my eye, that's all i need. surgery isn't even in the equation, unless it's related to her health. what a creep.

Posted by: bobjf

hell i hope she is smart enough to piss this jerk off.
what a creep,don,think much of his freind either.
yoda,s request has merit khashyar, is it possible
someone teach this mongrel some manners quick

Posted by: searcher

Update soon?

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

This guy is dangerous. No doubt. She needs to get out of that if all the facts are true and not imbellished any.

She is probably torn between putting up with the jerk and staying here or facing going home hurt and a failure in this.

It is not her fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caca occurs to anyone. His mental abuse now is the start of something much worse coming. She needs to get out of there.

I read today the Phillippines stopped the fiance visas to stem the sex trade abuse of the system. Our country has similiar problems too, and Congress is considering stricter laws now. One clown can stop the whole circus and he is a clown.

Ditch that loser honey and get you a real loving man.
I hate stories like this and I really hope to hear she is ok.

bob

Posted by: bobjf

unfortunatly all to often metal abuse while soul destroying turns into physical abuse.
we can only hope she outsmarts this mongrel or 1 of his associates teachs him some manners.
hope someone over there is keeping an eye on this

Posted by: clever1

Looks Like we got more bait for the

trip bob.

Think I'll call him "chum"

John

Posted by: bobjf

right on john
would have no probs trolling this creep out the back.

Posted by: Kto_Tam

Plastic Surgery? No full disclosure on finances? And no independence (driving in the US = independence of motion .. walking is rarely an option given the nature of our cities and suburbs).

This guy is a floater in the bowl of life.

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khashyar

Hello Everyone,

Someone contacted me and asked if I would post this story anonymously, so that that person could receive some feedback.

Well Khash, I hope he's got his feedback, and told his wife's friend to get rid of him.

John

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

It is quite clear to me he is isolating her for future aggressive abuse.
No driving or language skills, monitoring her online activities, wanting a boob job, duh?

Posted by: bobjf

khashyar can you get your mate to give us an update on this.
sincerly hope she is not in danger

Posted by: searcher

Here it is:

Quote:

Against the better advice of me and my fiance, she married the guy!

My fiance had told her that she was partially at fault because during their conversations she learned that this woman had mostly remained silent about her wishes, desires, etc....

She simply played the part of a simple woman and did not express that she would have needs, wants or expectations upon coming here.

My fiance refers to her as "a not exacting woman" meaning that she did not discuss, in any detail, anything important with her groom.

Duriing my previous conversation with my fiance, I told her that she helped to create this problem by being silent. She now wishes to get out of the "marriage" BUT wishes to remain here.....

This has rubbed my fiance the wrong way.... She felt this lady thought her life would be so easy and life would be "good" so to speak.

Now she is sad and upset because she says her husband loudly yells at her and her told her that if she doesn't start doing the housekeeping, he will send her back home.

She may have had good intentions but it seems she had unrealistic expectations and now is seeking a green card or some form of asylum.

She has asked for advice from us.... and really I don't entirely know what to say!

She may be seeking out legal advice soon, especially if her husband's verbal outrage continues or escalates.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

She has in good faith married.

He is an abusive man, and after the yelling does not satisfy his anger, next will be his fists.

The first time he touches her, she MUST CALL THE POLICE!

DO NOT GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE !

When he is in jail, overnight, GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE!
Go to a women's shelter if that is all she has.
If he gets a second chance, she could end up in the hospital or worse.

I am not up on immigration law but I think in these circumstances she may still have a very good chance to stay here. I don't think for one minute she is here for a green card.

I do know a thing or two about men, and this one is bad, and dangerous.

She is a victim and that is all we should see until she is safe.

People please, if you are near this situation, her life may be up to you to save.

Posted by: bobjf

sercher this girl has made a serious mistake but dosn,t deserve to be misstreated because of it.
as samurai bob states if he hits then you need to get her to call police,if american laws are anything like ours she has nothing to fear & there would be a good chance for her to stay oweing to voilence not being her fault.
she definately needs to get away from this creep.
she also needs your support

Posted by: clever1

I have to agree 100%, she needs to get away from him, ASAP.

john

Posted by: jpierce55

If he is this bad already then he is extremely dangerous, those types only get worse as the relations continue. She needs to run, or she may be dead in the near future.

Posted by: bobjf

sercher all of group are concerned about this.
you need to reinforce that she does not have to accept that behaviour,usa is not russia & what he is doing is against the law.
tell her it would be safer if she left as soon as possible
these sort of mongrels don,t change & he will only get worse to the point where she will be in danger
wether your fiance is upset with her or not there could well be a serious problem here & she will need support.

Posted by: ham

i rolled on the floor laughing...i can't believe it...

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

i rolled on the floor laughing...i can't believe it...

Why does that not surprise me !!!!

John

Posted by: bobjf

just why is this found funny by you.

Posted by: jpierce55

Ham... how can you think that is funny.

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Everyone,

I deleted some posts in this thread that I thought were digressing away from the topic, and that were criticizing the writer of a post, rather than what the poster was saying....

Thanks for keeping with the forum guidelines: http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...read.php?t=2044

Please take personal issues to Private Messages.

Thanks,

Khashyar

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

i rolled on the floor laughing...i can't believe it...

--Heather (abuse victim)
Yahoo Images: "battered women"

Posted by: ham

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khashyar

Hi Everyone,

I deleted some posts in this thread that I thought were digressing away from the topic, and that were criticizing the writer of a post, rather than what the poster was saying....

Thanks for keeping with the forum guidelines: http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...read.php?t=2044

Please take personal issues to Private Messages.

Thanks,

Khashyar

you're right but you should not have cancelled why i think that makes me laugh:
i think:
1. the man is a blowhard ( another internet millionaire )
2. anyways the higher point he scored with the woman was to type on a PC screen he was wealthy (proven untrue? )
3. the breast job & teeth item sounds just like out of cartoon; he's a nutcase...why marry someone who looks you hate?
4. however i think it's far fetched to assume he's a serial killer or anything...he's an oddball, probably...but again, it took 2 to make that choice.

Posted by: zaniac

Having just read the thread, I can easily see the view that the guy could get violent. I kind of get the impression that he thinks he can easily control her, as she is a foreigner. He watches everything she does perhaps because he feels she has an alternative plan.

While I'm not trying to show any particular side to the case, perhaps the guy is worried that she may try to stray. Before getting married she has not asked the partner many questions with regards to expectations in the relationship after marriage. Could this not be seen that perhaps she is not that commited into the marriage aspect? I'm probably wrong about this, but maybe he feels she has alternative plans of some kind and that driving lessons is just the start of getting full independance. Maybe he feels that if she is not fully independent, he can keep the marriage going with no problems. However what I have just said might be a load of tripe!

Maybe the guy is one of those in society who may require anger management courses in the future, but will be in denial.

Posted by: Mr.Humble

From what I've read of this....yes the partnership should be ended (seems rather one-sided).

Verbal abuse is still abuse. I have little or no tolerance for it. It's one thing to speak loudly because someone is near deaf...quite another if they are not

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

I cannot risk the possibilty he is a harmless blowhard.
I could not live with myself if something did happen to her, and I did not raise a flag of concern ahead of time when I felt it.

Better to error on the side of caution and be wrong, that fail to save a life.

Posted by: searcher

Well, I initially was anonymous because i didn't know if he read any forums, etc...

We told her what we thought, etc and gave her the best advice we could. She says he has made many concessions and she has got the things she has asked for.

I won't openly disclose what was said but she is an adult and has to make her own decisions now.

Certainly I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to anyone but its in her hands now, I can't force her to make a decision one way or another and she is ultimately responsible for her own fate.

I will keep you updated.

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

We did all we can. I hope it is ok,and she remembers-she is not alone.

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by searcher

Well, I initially was anonymous because i didn't know if he read any forums, etc...

We told her what we thought, etc and gave her the best advice we could. She says he has made many concessions and she has got the things she has asked for.

I won't openly disclose what was said but she is an adult and has to make her own decisions now.

Certainly I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to anyone but its in her hands now, I can't force her to make a decision one way or another and she is ultimately responsible for her own fate.

I will keep you updated.

I don't wish to appear fatalistic, but lets just take this to a dramatic theatrical conclusion, out of curiousity.
If the worst came to the worst and something foul happened, where would you stand in LAW.

You didn't become involved, because as you say she's an Adult, but you thought she might be in danger of her life.

would this make you an accessory after the fact ? for not acting.

Just one to tick over in your minds, I don't know the answer, but an interesting thought.

John

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

John here in America we have:

The Good Samaritan Law

http://pa.essortment.com/goodsamaritanl_redg.htm

It is based on a person providing reasonable care to someone in danger based on the known facts and that person's experience level to render aid.
It is complicated, but does protect individuals from lawsuits.

'1. A legal principle exempting a person from the ordinary standard of reasonable care if that person acted instinctively to meet a sudden and urgent need for aid-also termed imminent-peril doctrine;sudden-emergency doctrine; sudden-peril doctrine.
2. A legal principle by which consent to medical treatment in a dire situation is inferred when neither the patient nor a responsible party can consent but a reasonable person would do so.'

This case at best could be reported to the police now, who would do nothing but log an incident. Until he hits her I am afraid a crime has not yet been commited.

Very good question however.

Posted by: ham

INS studies reported that abuse in MOB relationships is 1% or non ponderable.
if an hindu and an hippie scholar can agree about that...
the problem (at face value & without hearing the second party in the game ) is:
a) he bragged about his money. Money=power
b) she probably chose him mostly based on that. i bet if one had asked her at that time, she'd say he was assertive & macho like "winners " are...
c) now -divine surprise!- he wants to actually exert the power he thinks he has, and he's not even as wealthy as he claimed.
I don't see this as swimming princess versus hungry shark...i see a male internet oddball and a female who messed up using her calculator...
I'm ready to bet my money that she had other men writing or around her, but none qualified under THAT kind of financial standard...i wouldn't... so you reap what you sow.

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally Posted by clever1

I've got a dental appointment but thought i'd quickly reply...

She had been told very clearly what we thought and the feedback we received but she chose to marry him anyway, etc.

We told her to consult a lawyer, etc and told her what we thought were possible options.

I can't physically make her leave or go home, etc... and it is her idea to stay, if perhaps for nothing more than to get a "green card". I don't know but really there is nothing more I can do other than give her advice assuming what she has said is correct.

Unfortunate!

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by searcher

Mark I wasn't getting at you, it was just a thought that came into my head, and I didn't know the answer, I was just wondering whether the possibility was there.
I know in Germany, because you have to pass a first aid test to obtain a driving licence, you can be held responsible if someone dies, for passing a road traffic accident and not stopping, if no-one else is there giving first aid to any injured party.
Providing of course that administering first aid would have prevented the death.

John

Posted by: bobjf

g/day john .
interesting about first aid in germany.
i hold a senior first aid certificate here.
we were told to only ever give first aid if it is life threatening or if there is serious bleeding that needs to be controled because if anything goes wrong you leave yourself open to a law suite,mostly have it because of company policy

Posted by: clever1

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

g/day john .
interesting about first aid in germany.
i hold a senior first aid certificate here.
we were told to only ever give first aid if it is life threatening or if there is serious bleeding that needs to be controled because if anything goes wrong you leave yourself open to a law suite,mostly have it because of company policy

I was going from memory bob,
It may well be that things have changed, as you say its the sue all and sundrie mentality that have changed so many things.
Your held responsible if you do help, and charged with neglect if you don't.
Sad world at times

John

Posted by: Samurai_Bob

...

Posted by: bobjf

correct john & bob
your damned if you do & damned if you don,t.
paramedic who conducted our tests, told us to avoid touching patiant except to make sure they will survive untill parramedics get there

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally Posted by clever1

I understand but I also know everyone is a bit frustrated by this situation.

While I do think she was wrong also, I do hope for a good outcome. I would hate to hear about anything happening to her. As for liability, well I wouldn't be held liable.

As far as I know, there hasn't be any violence and I don't have her address, just information relayed to me by my fiance and I only know the city where she lives. I think it would be a bit difficult to locate her.