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Long distance relationship (ways to maintain L.D. relationshp with Russian fiance/gf)
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Posted by: Jutman

The best investment I made to keep in touch with her is 100 USD to buy a mobile phone. So now we send SMS several times a day.

Very good, because its instant IF we have time. Very good to say Good night and so on...

The price: 3-4 cent for her ( 1 rubel) and me per SMS.

Posted by: Dennis/Natasha

Having a computer in her home has been the best and most significant aid in our communication. Over time, we streamlined and enhanced our email by video.

Hearing and seeing each other in real time, everyday, for as long as our schedules allowed has been priceless even a $$$ saver compared to what the phone bill would have been without the it.

Having a fair amount of know-how about the Internet, technology and programing helps. I can imagine waiting on an email everyday or every week...whatever it is most of you guys do.

Another thing about video chat; is time accountability. Basically if we set a time to chat and she is there everyday without fail this says something about commitment I think.

Posted by: Jutman

Maybe a little different for me. I don't have the knowledge of computer and she don't either. She don't even want to use email.

However in few weeks she will start on computer lessons at the university.

Secondly we will see each other frequently. Wedding in October (1½ week), Christmas and New year (2 weeks) and then again in February for a week. Then hopefully she come in April.

A round trip to her city, costs 500 USD.

Posted by: dhutche1

All of the above

Tetyana and I use the mobile phone message system a lot... about 10 times a day or more I would say

We also send many e-mails back and forth no matter where we are at..... please dont tell my work this

. When im at home we use Yahoo and MS messanger a lot and now since my last vist I put a webcam on her computer. This I think was one of the best things I could have done. It just adds so much for me to be able to see her every day I just love it. Her parents really like it too im sure they know this is going to be the best method for them to talk with there daughter on a regular basis once she is in the US. And of course there is travel but of course for an American to get to the Ukraine and back is not cheap but worth it. I just came from Odessa and I spent two week with her and family... It was wonderfull :-) If anyone comes up with another way of keeping in touch that does not cost a fortune let me know

Dave

Posted by: ShermanAtlanta

I thought that it would be cool to send her a card a day. It only cost about a buck to mail and I put some pictures in. I kept waiting for her to mention them and then about a month later she received about 10 of them all at once. I gave up on that idea and just sent stuff all at once. Some of the things she liked the best are the cards that sing and play music. With digital cams you can attach a lot of pics to emails. One thing I did was to know all of her families birthdates. But I think that the main thing was to email and call her every day. She would take the email to her English teacher and then we would discuss it that night. She liked little nicknames I had for her.
Sherman

Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks for begining this thread... This is an important topic for people in a long distant Russian-Western relationship...

Here are ways that Lena and I made our long distance relationship easier:

1) We emailed one another almost every day (so, if your Russian fiance cannot easily afford internet access, I would suggest helping her with these costs)

2) We also chatted with one another once in a while (This is like emailing but in real time)...

3) Although Lena and I did not do this, I think that webcam chatting is a great idea, and we have known people to have done this...

4) Lena and I spoke on the phone as often as we could (It is very cheap to call some parts of Russia, while calling Belarus not as cheap).

5) Send hand-written letters and packages. I sent Lena a package with something from where I live (Los Angeles), and this somehow made her future move to Los Angeles more real to her. I sent her sand and sea shells from a Los Angeles beach, a couple of picture-travel guides to L.A., and several photos of me)...

6) Exchange as many photos of one another as you can... I found that this helped us feel closer together...

7) When you write emails or letters, try to communicate as openly and as real as you can-- I found that this helped Lena and I feel closer to one another... Feel good that you have the opportunity, now, to learn a lot about one another through emails, phone conversations, etc., before you are united. I think that having a long distance relationships offers a unique opportunity to learn about one another in a different way (without the distractions of a physical relationship, which you can and will enjoy later

)

8) Visit her country when you can (although I know that this can be prohibitively expensive for most people)...

9) Help your fiance realize (as well as help yourself realize) that you really will be with one another in a relatively short amount of time (within a few months or so)...

10) Your fiance will handle things better if she is putting her energy into getting ready for her immigration... Encourage her to study your native language (English, in most of our cases), and encourage.... My wife Lena also put a lot of her energy in preparing the documents she needed for her visa interview....

11) Find something that each of you can constructively put your energy into before you can be together (Before Lena came to the U.S., I put my energy into some of my personal projects, and Lena still had her job as a teacher.)

Try to remind yourselves that you will be together fairly soon...

Khashyar

Posted by: Dennis/Natasha

Quote:

Originally posted by Khashyar

5) Send hand-written letters and packages. I sent Lena a package with something from where I live (Los Angeles), and this somehow made her future move to Los Angeles more real to her. I sent her sand and sea shells from a Los Angeles beach, a couple of picture-travel guides to L.A., and several photos of me)...

I like the your idea of shipping some of your life enviroment to her.

Posted by: Harry

Thanks for all your ideas everyone.
For various reasons it's going to be difficult for both of us to be together soon so I need as many ways to keep in touch as I can find.

My grandmother mentioned that while my grandfather was held in a POW camp during WWII, she wrote to him every day. I was already sending my GF a postcard every day, but what my grandmother said put my situation into perspective. I now send her a postcard - and often 3 or 4 every day. It feels truly romantic to take this much trouble and I even intend to do it when we're together. Thanks to the Russian postal service, I have the same trouble as Sherman - letters always arrive in bulk (even when I use Cyrillic labels). But it hasn't stopped me. Letters and cards make the whole relationship seem more real than a simple email or text message. I'm sick of sending London postcards now so recently I asked all my UK relations to send me some cards of their own area so she can see the rest of the UK.

My grandmother also sent "Red-cross parcels" to her husband. Now I've started to make up little parcels of British goods she likes too - Marmite, Cadbury's etc. It's a similar idea to yours, Khashyar and I admit I never thought of sending natural things like sand and shells; a subtle and poetic idea which I'll try next time.

Once I'd discovered mobile phone messaging costs no more than it does to someone in my own country, I began sending them to her. Similarly, I intend to buy a picture messaging phone soon so I can send her pictures every day. If she had a faster net connection, I'd suggest the video-chat option. Although we met on ICQ and spent most of our time on it for about 4 months after that, we don't enjoy it now. It feels unreal and connections are still too slow. We talk on the phone almost every day. Luckily, London is very multi-cultural. The market for cheap international calls is hot so prices are reasonable.
(all Brits, check out TeleDiscount) Review here: Reviews

How do you respond to the question I get asked a lot when people hear my GF still lives in Russia: "Long-distance relationships don't work - how can you stay together?"

It's a very difficult situation but I think that if you work hard to make an effort, it's possible to keep the love, romance, passion and friendship very alive. As Khashyar rightly says, "having a long distance relationships offers a unique opportunity to learn about one another in a different way (without the distractions of a physical relationship" and I don't think this can be underestimated. If all you can do is talk, it does force you to learn more of one another. Also the bitter-sweet feeling of longing reminds me of old movies and strengthens certain parts of the relationship I have found.

Thanks again for the ideas!

Posted by: Jutman

Here is some more suggestion:
Take pictures of your life...
One thing there impressed my lady was seeing me doing kitchen work. I am an academic, so for her to see other me do other work, also very important.

Let her take pictures too. If she don't have a camera a standard camera cost 8-900 Rubel.

Remember sometimes to send flowers.

Maybe you can find a radiostadion i her city, over the net. I did, for her birthday. They did play my request.

Send a small gimmericks, figures. But 2 of them. So you have one, and she has one.

Do they same at the same time. Like she look at stars 12 PM, and you do it 9 or 10 PM. (if the timezones allow it)
Or eat the same stuff. Like spagetti or something. Just the same, and IF possible at the same time.

Hope you can use it.

BR

Posted by: Harry

These ideas are wonderful - I'd forgotten about looking at the stars at the same time. I wonder if she can see the same stars as I can on her latitude? If there isn't a web site about this then there certainly should be!

I have one question for you though. Could you possibly explain what you mean by a "gimmerick"? I think you must be referring to some kind of doll, but I'm not sure.

Taking photos is a great idea, and I think I'll get that picture messaging phone so I can take pictures any time I want and send them straight to her. I'd never thought there would be any reason to buy one but now I think it would be great.

Posted by: Jutman

Gimmerick

Sorry. I thought it was a english word.

For the board:
Like at christmas, you buy 2 items for decoration. Or souvenirs. 1 for you and 1 for her.

Harry.
Go se PM

Posted by: merlin

.

All these ideas are great, I use a digital camera for taking photos of walks I go on and any interesting things I come across in daily life. I have three grandchildren and Katya loves to see pictures of them growing up which I can easily do. I think the latest technology comes into it's own with these long distance relationships. I still find it amazing that I can take a photo and within minutes it is in St.Petersburg and a couple of streets away from Katya's house a photo shop can print the photo's from disc so she also has a photo album she has made to look at as well.
The webcam that was mentioned would be the next step but unfortunately Katya's computer is too old for this.
I tried posting a romantic card every day for a month but for some reason the Russian postal system (or the British as Katya would say)

saved them up and delivered them in two batches spaced by a couple of days which wasn't the intended effect but it was funny.
I also use the phone a lot more now I have a cheap supplier and mobile texts etc. this all help keep us in contact.
We also spend a lot of time planning our next meeting and I send photos and details of places we can visit in the UK or Europe and suddenly she is here again.

Terry

Posted by: Jutman

A samle of gimmicks:

Posted by: dhutche1

Hello and Welcome
Your right this is a great place to learn and meet people with the same intrest. I cant tell you how much this site has helped me over the last 5 months or so. Well I suppose im very lucky my Fiancee was also going to the University while we had our long distance relationship going also... But I did not have near the timeline you are going to have. We had about a year left for her to finish up her diploma ,,

and I thought that was forever.. All I can tell you is to keep in contact as much as you can via e-mail and chatting online... I dont think there has been many days that we dont do this

Also of course go to see here when you can. Maybe plan a trip outside the Ukraine for the two of you. You never know depending on what she is at the University for maybe she could get on some type of exchange program and then come to the US for a little while

My Tetyana was here for three months on a program like this... Well good luck and keep your head up im sure that if you both work at this that everything will work out. By the way one thing that helped me out a lot was that the last time I was in the Ukraine I put a webcam on her computer.. Its nice to be able to see her smile on a regular basis.. you may want to look in to doing that also.

Dave

Posted by: Harry

Jutman, can you explain a little bit more about these little dolls from Denmark? I certainly haven't seen one before. Do they join up together? They remind me a little of the dolls you see on top of wedding cakes. I reckon it would be cool to keep one each and then when you got married you could actually use them to top the cake - romantic no?

Welcome to the forum F1unland... my brother lives in Leamington Spa. It's a really nice town. The Jug of Ale pub used to be nice when I was last there. I don't envy your situation with the university course lasting as long as it will, but I completely agree with dhutche1 - what course is she doing at the moment and how far through it is she? Credit transfers shouldn't be impossible even from Russia since their education system is quite well respected as far as I know. It would help if you had friends who worked in a uni in the UK. You've got Warwick Uni near you, which my brother studied at. Contact them now and find out what would be required.

In the meantime, I don't know what you do for a living, but if you could why not consider travelling out to live out there for a while. I thought about it recently, but I'm not sure they need designers out there. This is something I was considering starting a new thread about soon. Working is one option as is studying Russian for a while...

Still, three years is a long time. Until you can make a decision, I'd write constantly (3 postcards in an airmail envelope = 38p sterling to send to Russia - takes about 10 days from UK), send gifts and flowers and whatever you think she'd like and also send SMS messages - it's exactly the same price as UK sms messages on most tarifs AFAIK.

If you are going to try to bring her over, make sure you do EVERYTHING you can to learn about the visa process before you start out. We made the mistake of assuming it would be easy and we're still dealing with the consequences. Young Russian women (I assume she's of student age) are public enemy No.1 to the UK Visa authorities. Woody's started a thread on UK Visa stuff somewhere here. Check it out for updates.

My girlfriend is also prepared to wait for me and I think it's testament to her commitment and devotion to our relationship. It breaks my heart to be away from her, but through a combination of the phone, sms, email, postcards, icq, parcels, letters etc, we're getting by until we can be together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Good luck.

PS. If you want to post a photo of both of you, then it's best to go toThe Photo Galleries and post there.

Posted by: Harry

Quote:

if only my car loan did not exist, credit card's and the like, I would buy an apartment in Lugansk and live there for the duration of Anna's education before making a concrete decision on returning home etc

Money is the key to all my woes, but I'm steadily working my way out of such problems. I think I might start a new thread regarding working abroad, specifically in Russia and its various ex-republics.

In the meantime, the other thing I've started to do is make a list of all the things I want to do once she's here. All the places we can go, the things we can do, the people I'd like to visit with her, the museums, galleries, restaurants and bars that I love to visit, the films and TV shows we might watch together. I've tried to learn a little about culture shock too. It can be an unpleasant experience for new immigrants.

Maybe this too would make a good thread. Maybe Khashyar's written something about what it's like for a Russian partner to adjust to new circumstances.

It's important to keep yourself busy too and keep your mind off the fact you're both apart. It can get quite lonely even when you're surrounded by friends as I am. I have a tendency to get too introspective and melancholic if I think about it too much.

Just quickly: another thought I had (if your financial commitments could stand it and if you're young enough) would be just to head out there and do some russian lessons for a while. It's something I'm considering but it would be a big move.

Posted by: Kalexandra

F1unland, I thought I would write you since I had a similar situation although I had a Russian boyfriend (now my husband) not a girlfriend

. He had two and a half years left in the University when we decided we needed to be together, and I was still studying in America. So, we made the decision that I would move to Russia so we could be together. Now, I've been here two years and I don't regret any of the time I have spent here. Of course at first I was in complete shock, I knew no Russian, and had never really ridden on public transportation before. My first time getting shoved around and elbowed on the metro I was practically in tears, but now I can shove with the best of them and can communicate freely in Russian. Another plus is that I learned some of Igor's culture firsthand which will help with problems later in our marriage that maybe I wouldn't have understood if I hadn't lived here. I also had no trouble finding a job here, as an english speaker. I haven't finished the university yet, but it doesn't matter here because I am a native english speaker (and I assume it would be the same in Ukraine). I taught english lessons for 15-20 dollars an hour my first year and now I work with an internet company based in Ireland and am paid more than I would make in America without a degree. These two years in Russia have flown by and now we're getting ready to move to America as soon as Igor's visa is approved. So, my point is....3 years is a long time to be away from someone you love....if you have the opportunity, find a way to pack up and go be with her

Kate

Posted by: Khashyar

Great thread, guys (and girl..

)

(Some teenagers who I have worked a bit with in Los Angeles are offended when I call them all "guys."

When I was a teenager, "guys" meant both boys and girls.... )

I think it is great for all of us to share our experiences and learn from what others have already learned through their own experience...

That is the beauty and benefit of a discussion forum...

Thanks to everyone who contribute their thoughts, ideas and experiences here so that others can also benefit...

Khashyar

Posted by: D in KS

Kate it is great to see a womans point of view posted. Thanks for sharing your story.

Posted by: Khashyar

Yes, D...

I agree that it is good to have women's points of view in the forum....

You emailed me personally about your own story, and I think that if you wanted to share it, that it could serve a useful purpose for others... But, of course, only if you felt comfortable in doing so...

Khashyar

Posted by: klawsite

Hi everyone,

Nadya and I email each other almost every day. We also talk on the phone. She proposed that we talk a couple of hours once or twice a week. I thought about it and I figured why not!. I am not doing this to save money. If you think about it, If I was dating someone here. I would probably spend at least $40 or $50 dollars a week on my lady. So why not spend it for Nadya!! If I burn through a couple of phone cards a week, so what. I know I want to talk to her and if she wants that, I am more than happy to do it. If I can get more time at cheaper prices, I'll spend the same amount of money and maybe we can talk three days for two hours!! Hearing each others voice makes a huge difference!!

-Kevin

Posted by: golek

I don't know about Ukraine, but in Moscow you can buy internet cards. I used them with no problem from my laptop. The one I used was from MTU-Intel (see product review). They offer other Internet access packages as well. Maybe there are similar providers in Ukraine.

Posted by: klawsite

Hi Gole and SI!

That is an interesting thought. I'll have to check and see what kind of coverage there is in Mogilev for wireless internet access. I have an old Compaq laptop laying around that I never use. The battery is shot, so it wouldn't be mobile. With a 266 Pentium 2 and I up the memory to 128 MB. It would probably handle low res video OK. Get a mobile air card for her area. Hmm, throw some Russian stickers on the keys... could work!!! I'm sure I could find the correct power adapter for it. That old laptop may be useful yet!!

Thanks guys!!
-Kevin

Posted by: golek

Good luck finding wireless access! Dial-up w/modem might be a bit more realistic for a smaller city like Mogliev. Make sure the cord on your laptop has the 110/220v converter on it. Most newer laptops these days have them. You can buy a US (RJ-11) to Russian phone adapter on the internet before you leave or you can try to find it in an electronics store in Belarus. Depending on how good her English ability is, you might want to consider buying a Russian version of windows in Belarus to make it easier for her to get help with it when you are gone.

Posted by: klawsite

Thanks Gole,

But unfortunately, Nadya's current apartment does not allow her Land Line access. She jusy got her cell phone so we could talk. If there is not Wireless access, I think the laptop option would be out. I will still see what I can find out. I would be willing to pay quite a bit to give her internet access in her apartment for us to communicate. Especially if it would also involve low res video!!
We shall see!

-Kevin

Posted by: Dennis/Natasha

klawsite,

If she does get land-line access, a computer with webcam is the way to go. Low-res is not a bad option because the quality of the sound is compairable to a phone. We use MSN and eyeballchat sometimes...both are free. We can see and hear fine and her phone line connetion is not fiber optic either.

If anyone has any questions about it send me a PM.

Posted by: klawsite

Thank you Dennis and Natasha,

I will see what I can arrange when I meet Nadya in December.

-Kevin