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typical RW answer
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Posted by: cedarwind

Is this a typical RW answer or train of thought?

I bought a book for my GF and one of the chapters told in Russia about how money in the West works. IE banking, credit cards, debit cards, and checks…then I added a section on taxes and insurance.

A few days latter I sent her a 1 1/2 page paper I wrote that told how I got paid, how often, how much, showed what bills got paid before I even got the money deposited in my account (Taxes, insurance, retirement) . Then went on to show her what I spent it on such a rent , bills, ect. Showed her then how much was left and emphasized that I always save ½ of what is left for a rainy day.

Then so she would not think me rich I made up a ½ page list of how much different things cost so she could compare it to what she spends on items and what I would need to spend on the same item.

I ended the letter reassuring her that I would be happy for her to ask me questions so we could talk about it that I thought it was a important topic and would like to discuses it with her.

Her answer to me…Nothing just silence….When I brought this up she told me that she had no questions that it was obvious to her and her mother that I can provided for her and thus no questions. ( I am by no means rich just average income)

I am just having a hard time with this answer. I have been poisoned by AW and they would ask me questions unending on the subject.

Posted by: swindoom

I did exactly the same for my wife and she showed very little interest, her main interest was whether I was good husband/father material, with a job and house. She stated the fact I had come to visit her showed I was not poor as poor men would not be able to spend that sort of money.

Posted by: zaniac

It would have been nice if she had answered, but hopefully she has at least also seen that you are an open, honest person and not simply someone who can provide.

Posted by: bingism

I found that with M, the subject went down like a lead balloon the first time I raised it (I too was worried, albeit unneccessarily, about the "rich" thing). When we were together and sat down to talk about the future, I went through my finances with her and explained how wages and costs add up in England and especially for me. This was well received and M liked being able to see the picture build up in front of her and being able to ask questions.

One thing to bear in mind is that, in my limited experience, wages and costs work a little differently in Russia. For example, the concept of actually paying such high taxes and for water were totally alien. A very well paid director who's on the fiddle, will get maybe $5000-$8000 a month with bonuses and "special payments". 50% of this is declared and charged 13% tax and 50% in under the table. My personal tax bill is around 35% of my gross salary and then my bills (car, rent, household tax, credit, savings plan, etc) eat up a further 40%, leaving 25% for me... this sounds worse than it is! Comparitively, even with a nice house (or two) and a couple of cars, a well-paid director in Russia would expect to have upwards of 50% left after taxes and costs. Believe me, that's a lot of disposable income in Russia....

I might suggest letting the subject go and when (if) you get to the stage of talking about fiancee visas and relocation, you can sit down together and you can take your GF through the different cost structures in US and FSU. The fact that she is continuing her ralationship with you is enough of a signal that she is thus far happy with what she's seen - don't worry about it! If you bring the subject up too many times, you risk inferring that you are worried she only wants your cash... that's quite an insult to a good honest person.

Bing

Posted by: Eryk

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedarwind

Is this a typical RW answer or train of thought?

I bought a book for my GF and one of the chapters told in Russia about how money in the West works.

I am just having a hard time with this answer. I have been poisoned by AW and they would ask me questions unending on the subject.

I find nothing particularly strange about it. Natasha and I were living together for over a year before she had the foggiest notion what I earn - the subject simply never came up. Given that the information you gave her was 'comprehensive' (to put it mildly!) I would put the subject of 'money' to bed for a while and talk about other things. You don't want to give the impression that you are 'greedy'[1] and obsessed by matters of income and expenditure.

Eryk

[1] 'Greedy' is an almost universal Russian mistranslation - they mean stingy or miserly when they say that.

Posted by: neil277

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedarwind

Is this a typical RW answer or train of thought?

I bought a book for my GF and one of the chapters told in Russia about how money in the West works. IE banking, credit cards, debit cards, and checks…then I added a section on taxes and insurance.

A few days latter I sent her a 1 1/2 page paper I wrote that told how I got paid, how often, how much, showed what bills got paid before I even got the money deposited in my account (Taxes, insurance, retirement) . Then went on to show her what I spent it on such a rent , bills, ect. Showed her then how much was left and emphasized that I always save ½ of what is left for a rainy day.

Then so she would not think me rich I made up a ½ page list of how much different things cost so she could compare it to what she spends on items and what I would need to spend on the same item.

I ended the letter reassuring her that I would be happy for her to ask me questions so we could talk about it that I thought it was a important topic and would like to discuses it with her.

Her answer to me…Nothing just silence….When I brought this up she told me that she had no questions that it was obvious to her and her mother that I can provided for her and thus no questions. ( I am by no means rich just average income)

I am just having a hard time with this answer. I have been poisoned by AW and they would ask me questions unending on the subject.

Hello.

I don't know situation but i have spoken to Nataly and have been told you should be careful, if you have explained this to her then she should listern and and be happy.

But i feel you should not have done this because meeting your soul mate is not about money.

Have you met this lady and does she find you the best price's and not spend your money like water?

Nataly's mum NEVER asked once about how much i earn and Nataly the same.

Regards.

Neil

Posted by: Jason

I have found that the RW that I've met tend to ask a few simple questions related to finances:

Do I have a job?
Do I live in a house or an apartment?
Do I have enough money so that we would never be hungry or cold?
Do I have enough to raise a child?

The ladies that I've known were not interested in learning about taxes, insurance, retirement deductions, etc...

Frankly, it seems a little crass to me that you went to such lengths to explain your financial situation to a lady you've never met. If she likes you in person, all of that won't matter to her, as long as you can pay the rent and grocery bills.

I would accept her silence as the only appropriate answer from a polite lady. As Bing suggests, leave the topic alone or you will seem like you are overly concerned with money.

After you meet, and if and when you decide to get married, then perhaps revisit the topic in the context of broader issues, such as whether she will work, how large a family you will have, whether you can move to a larger home, etc...

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jason

I have found that the RW that I've met tend to ask a few simple questions related to finances:

Do I have a job?
Do I live in a house or an apartment?
Do I have enough money so that we would never be hungry or cold?
Do I have enough to raise a child?

The ladies that I've known were not interested in learning about taxes, insurance, retirement deductions, etc...

Frankly, it seems a little crass to me that you went to such lengths to explain your financial situation to a lady you've never met. If she likes you in person, all of that won't matter to her, as long as you can pay the rent and grocery bills.

I would accept her silence as the only appropriate answer from a polite lady. As Bing suggests, leave the topic alone or you will seem like you are overly concerned with money.

After you meet, and if and when you decide to get married, then perhaps revisit the topic in the context of broader issues, such as whether she will work, how large a family you will have, whether you can move to a larger home, etc...

I agree I think you went way over the top, most genuine FSU women want to know what you are like as a person if you are kind and reasonably generous, not stingy, and if you can take care of them and keep them and a family OK, not earning like a millionaire but just enough to keep them happy and comfortable and for them or you not to have to worry from week to week of where the money is coming from.

After that anything else is a bonus.

Chris

Posted by: inlove

I found out exactly how much my boyfriend makes only before we decided to move in together. We still have not discussed all the expenses.

I would not give it too much thought. If she does not want to talk about it now, she might talk about it later. Keep the door for this conversation open, and be ready to discuss financial stuff when it comes up..

Posted by: Texas Proud

I will throw in my two cents....

The lady I am writing has not asked what I make... she did ask if I would control the money so much that she would have to beg to get money for food for her children and clothes for her... that is until she could get a job herself!!!

So, like others say, a GOOD woman is not out to find a rich man in money, but a rich man in kindness and love... a good family man... again, just my opinion...

Posted by: Jason

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

a GOOD woman is not out to find a rich man in money, but a rich man in kindness and love... a good family man...

Well said, Texas.

Posted by: jpierce55

Agreed, she did not dump you so she must be accepting of it. I would not mention it anymore and just go on. No if she had been negative over it or dropped you, it would be a different story.

She can't fully understand how are financial system differs until she gets here anyway.

Posted by: cedarwind

Thank you for all the advise I think that I will drop the subject with her unless she brings it up. Personnel I liked her answer as it made her sound like that money was not all that important. It just concerned me a little as all day at my job I listen to the problems of my workers and it has the ability to corrupt ones thinking at times.

The two reasons I brought it up was that I needed her to understand that I am not rich but just average…She worries me at times as I know that she is not poor as she has no problems about calling me herself on the phone and sending me gifts in the mail.

The second reason was I was going to visit her during the holiday season but my employer canceled my time off so now I am going in the spring. She was understanding of this and together we made a list of topics that we thought important for us to disuse. We decided to talk about them before or meeting as we can translate letters back and forth and both have friends for phone call translation. That why when we meet in person all we need to worry about is falling in love if we like each other. But I am saving some questions for the meeting as seeing her body language during the response will be just as important as the response.

Posted by: jpierce55

From my correspondences, including the honest ones it did not seem true wealth was important. The idea that I have enough to support her was good enough, and a couple said "I will certainly get a job and things will be good" or something along those lines.

I doubt the majority are going to expect a millionaire, but they may hope.

Posted by: JamesB

I think you went a bit over the top Friend.I think the r/w maim concern as had been already said ,are you working,can you support a child.and will you treat her well.Money is not always paramount.Good luck

Posted by: ham

well, that is not so simple.
at least honesty is honesty.
perhaps "owning an apartment or a house " for them means you're well off enough...and those owning a house are better off than those who own an apartment...it depends.
However, subtilities of the western debt/tax schemes are unknown to them...so that people in most cases "own" nothing, but will 400 instalments from now...and the fact income will keep flowing seamlessly until then is NOT guaranteed.

honesty is the best policy.
there are many complaints from disgruntled FSUWs bitter about the newly found income bracket of their western prince.
Another issue is disposable/residual income , that is what you could throw on a poker table anytime without disrupting your lifestyle.
Any person with residual disposable income of 100 is better off than someone with 50 or 80, irrespective of the fact the former's overall income may be lower than the latter's; liabilities & expenses vary.

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

well, that is not so simple.
at least honesty is honesty.
perhaps "owning an apartment or a house " for them means you're well off enough...and those owning a house are better off than those who own an apartment...it depends.
However, subtilities of the western debt/tax schemes are unknown to them...so that people in most cases "own" nothing, but will 400 instalments from now...and the fact income will keep flowing seamlessly until then is NOT guaranteed.

honesty is the best policy.
there are many complaints from disgruntled FSUWs bitter about the newly found income bracket of their western prince.
Another issue is disposable/residual income , that is what you could throw on a poker table anytime without disrupting your lifestyle.
Any person with residual disposable income of 100 is better off than someone with 50 or 80, irrespective of the fact the former overall income may be lower than the latter's; liabilities & expenses vary.

yes very well written ham.