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Need a little advice
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Posted by: Redriveroutlaw

Hello, I have been corresponding with several ladies from Russia for several months, most of them seem very nice and we talk about everything and wish to meet very soon. However, the one I am really interested in has a kid (No Problem Whatsoever) But I got an interesting email from her the other day. I asked what gifts I should bring to her and her parents, she explained to me that I have to understand that she cannot invite me to her home nor will I be able to meet her parents. I can understand her hesitancy and will accept her wishes because after all....we don't really know each other. I don't really have a problem with what she said, I just find it a bit odd that she wants to appear so guarded, are most Russian women this guarded on the initial visit? I'm pasting a section of her email to me for you to look at and I just want a second opinion of what it really means. I really appreciate you guys input. Thank you.

Dear ***** What about meeting with my parents I think it is too early to meet with them. I want to be sure 100 percent that it is the man I would like to conect my life. Sorry I think I am not ready to introduce you to my parents. I hope it will happen later. Please understand me I can not invite you my home. But we can walk, seeing the sights, talk, drink champagne.

Posted by: ConnerVT

It can mean one of two things:

1> She has something to hide; or

2> She is still unsure of you.

I don't know which it is, you'll have to figure that out yourself. What I can be sure of is, yes, Russian women won't introduce a man to their family until they are confident about them, and their relationship. Also, making a promise (such as "I'll introduce you to my family") is usually kept. You'll find this out later, when you'll be reminded about some off-hand comment you make about doing something, which your woman will hold you to...

Posted by: Dennis/Natasha

Hello Natasha here,

Maybe she just have parent -alchocolik many people have it and very many embarassed by it. Really, i know one girl she have father alcoholic and she even dont want her boyfriend walk with her a near home because she afreid meeting with father and her friend will think bad about her.

Or maybe they just live very poor for exemple we have good apartament but some not have entrance clean and too embarassed by it. My mum's friend when wait guess from Italy clean all and make walls another color.

One way to do in this case if you will tell..."Lets go with your parent in restarant and see if she will accept it but if they alchogolik...

Never.

Posted by: Redriveroutlaw

I don't really have a problem with not being able to meet her parents or visit her in her house, as long as she's sincere about our meeting. In time, I think trust will be formed enough for me to be accepted into her life. My plan is to visit 2 ladies in Russia and I will be happy just to visit her, once she gets to know me we can proceed, I just think it's a bit odd. Thanks for the advice.

Posted by: Khashyar

RedRiver, thanks for the question....

Fred and Natasha... very good responses...

I think that it is difficult to know exactly why she does not want you to meet her parents...... There could be a few reasons....

She wrote that she thought it was too early for you to meet them... Perhaps she wants to make sure that your relationship is real before having you meet her parents (so that she won't feel embarassed if things don't work out)....

Perhaps she wants to see if YOU are really serious before she gets too serious about you and invests her family into your relationship...

Or, perhaps she truly feels that the two of you don't know one another well enough...

I think for many Russians, meeting the parents is a more serious step in a relationship than in the West...

Perhaps she has introduced some previous boyfriends (Russian) to her parents before, and then perhaps the men decided not to be in a relationship with her.....

One more possibility... I have heard through my wife Lena that many Russian women have felt that the man they were communicating with was very serious with them, and then all of a sudden, they either stop communicating with them or they decide to end the relationship.... Maybe she understands this reality about communicating with Western men

(Actually, perhaps she picked up on the fact that you do not absolutely know if she is the one for you, since you are going to meet at least 2 women when you go to Russia

)

So... she sounds like a wise woman to be a bit cautious about the relationship until she meets you and knows that your serious....

Thanks for sharing your question, and I wish you success and happiness in making the best decision for yourself,

Khashyar

Posted by: merlin

Hi Redriver

I don't think it is that unusual in Russian culture for meeting the parents to be a big step. I feel that as a generalisation a lot of the dating is similar to how we courted in the UK 50 years ago. You wouldn't have been introduced to the parents until you were virtually engaged. My personal experience is that Katya still hasn't told her son-in-law (who is British) that she is dating a man in the UK. She says until she feels ''the relationship is sustainable'' her words, she will keep it a secret. It felt very strange to me initially too but I now understand it is because she feels her reputation will be soiled if her family thought she was dating a series of men. I know this doesnt apply to every RW certainly a lot of the younger ones are becoming westernised but it is still a factor.

Actually for me it is quite appealing playing this romance game which is something we have largely lost in the west for a variety of reasons.

Terry

Posted by: Jutman

Here is positive explanation too:

My lady's parents knew about our communication and that many men from many countries wrote to her. But they believe its was for penpal friendship.
It took her 7 or 8 months before she told her parents that our relationship MAYBE was seriously. Today we see it as we did not have a relationship before our first meeting.

So I guess from personel experience is that *THEY DON'T KNOW* and if she invite you home, they will perhaps thing its seriously. She want to meet you, and see if you get a long.

I would ask her, gentle if her friends and family know about you. My guess, only her best friend(s) maybe know about you.

Posted by: Redriveroutlaw

I suspect her reluctance comes from the fact that this is a fairly unusual circumstance under which we are meeting. In fact, even I haven't told my family of my plans (yet) but I will let them know once I have found the right lady and have decided to marry. They might find it a bit unsusual that I have decided to look outside the country for marriage, but I know they will accept it because it is what will make me happy. I can't really imagine what it would be like to move to another country to live permanently, no knowing the culture, laws, having to make all new friends again, so her reluctance to open her life to me is understandable. Thanks for the insight into my situation.