Are there successful AW-RM relationships? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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Are there successful AW-RM relationships?
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Posted by: Kim Kennedy

I am new to this site, just registered yesterday. I have found everyone's posts very interesting and informative. I have recently become involved with a Belarusian man who has been here for about 4 years now.
Oddly enough, we met through an American online dating site. In my profile on that site, I indicated that I was looking for a long term relationship.
We have been seeing each other for 3 months now.
I recently decided to stick my neck out and let him know that I love him. I started out by stating that I care for him very much. He told me that he is terrible and that I should not care for him. He gave me some reasons that he is not worthy of being cared for but of course this doesn't make the feeling go away.
When I am with him he is always charming, affectionate & attentive. I think that maybe he looks at this as a physical relationship only though. He has also recently told me that American women can't relate succesfully to Russian men. Is there anyone who has had a similar experience with a RM that can give me an example of a positive outcome?
In his profile, he was looking for someone who doesn't have pre-conceived ideas about issues and can be open minded. I am hoping to show him that I fit that catogory and we can bridge the distance between his pre-conceived notions about AW. Can someone please tell me if this is an "impossible task"?
Any feedback is appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

Posted by: searcher

I think in your title you meant "AW-RM"

Now, having said that.... we have several women on this forum that are married to R/UM.

After I recover from that experience called "working graveyard shift" and my brain actually starts to function again, i'll tell you the names of some of these women

To start, Jill, one of our moderators is married to a Ukrainian man.

Posted by: Kim Kennedy

Yes, I did mean AW-RM. I have a cold, so a portion of my brain is not functioning well today either, otherwise I would have gotten the "M" right.

Thanks for your reply. I look forward to the much needed input and comments.

Posted by: Jill

Sure, it's possible and more common than you might expect. I know quite a few AW happily married or in serious relationships with RM. So don't despair

Posted by: Margo930

well, i was in a relationship, lasted about a year, with a belarusian man. was great, but I was still american, and I guess, because of where we lived it was easy for him not to assimilate himself better (we live in a Russian Neighborhood). I wish I could give you a positive outcome, but you never know. Just take it easy with the love stuff and let things take their course. I still see my friend, though.

and ALL men can be charming when they want to be. Where do you live in a Russian area? And by BTW, what dating site were you on? lavalife?

Posted by: searcher

Ok, before I forget Jill (of course), Mysha, Vyesna, Kalexandria........

Posted by: myshka

Well, Searcher is right, I am married to a RM and I am the AW. We have been together 8 years or so. I dont think its an impossible match. That being said, neither my husband nor I are of the "standard" stereotypical views of RM and AW. I personally know of many more RM/AW marriages than of RW/AM marriages, altho if you read these boards you will think other, but most of these guys are pursuing, rather than in marriages (most not all, before everyone chimes in and tells me i am wrong).

Posted by: Kim Kennedy

Thanks for the responses. I've spent a lot of energy lately trying to figure this man out. I know that some of the charactaristics I've read come into play and so far I've only experienced the positive ones. A lot of what I've read on the site has given me good insight.
The positives in this relatiionship so far are encouraging.

He is in need of a green card, but he doesn't bring up the subject. I have brought it up a few times, wanting to know if that was a consideration for him in a relationship. I love him enough I would consider starting that process if he wanted. But I want to get to the point that I know he's seriously interested in a relationship before I make that sort of an offer.

"Where do you live in a Russian area? And by BTW, what dating site were you on? lavalife?"
I'm in the US in Texas. Met him on a site called Houston Connect.

I was just looking for someone real & sincere to go out with for a possible long term relationship. I wasn't expecting to fall for this RM but too late now. So here I am looking for answers.

Thanks,
Kim

Posted by: lindochka

Hi, Kim! I'm an AW who is engaged to a Belarusian man. He's still in Belarus and the waiting is difficult, but we hope to be together in the US in the spring.

Nothing you've said so far makes me uneasy on your behalf, based on what I know of Belarusian men. (I'm not only planning on marrying one, I'm related to quite a few. I first met my fiance while visiting family over there.)

IMO, Margo930 gave you some good advice:

Quote:

Just take it easy with the love stuff and let things take their course.

Enjoy yourself and your time together and see where it goes!

Posted by: searcher

And of course, not to exclude Lindochka!

I know there are quite a few AW here married to R/UM, I often forget some of the names. It is one of the nice things about this forum is its diversity and the knowledge that comes from such.

Posted by: Khashyar

Welcome to the Russian Meeting Place, Kim

We welcome your participation in the forum discussions.

From what you wrote, I would be careful that from his response that he is "terrible" and doesn't deserve love, that he might have some strong insecurities, which might impact the relationship.

Also, I think that it is a valid question to understand for yourself how much of his interest in a relationship is to obtain a greencard (if that is a factor at all in his actions).

I agree that you should take your time, and just be observant and pay attention to his actions and behaviours.

I wish you the very best success and happiness

Khashyar

Posted by: Kim Kennedy

I have found all your responses to be helpful. I am taking my time and being cautious. The feedback here will help me to keep things in perspective.
In the meantime I am enjoying learning so much about the Soviet culture.

We are take many things for granted here in the States and it is very interesting to me to hear another side of how life can be across the globe.

Thanks again for your responses and welcome.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Kim,

Glad to have another from Houston and of course TEXAS... but then again you might not be a Texan yet...

I hope things do go well for you, but it would put up MY antenna if someone told me " He told me that he is terrible and that I should not care for him." There are many things this could be... and as I do not know him I will not say any are actully him...

BUT, he could be a player and using you... he treat you bad, but also very good.. you have mixed emotions and try hard to make him like you better.. which means he can be more bad to you as he has you hooked... I would be very suspicious of someone who told me those words..

He could be shy... but then you say he is nice etc... so this does not see right...

He could have an inferiority complex... but again, from the little I see that is not likely...

He might not want to get married... did his profile say he wanted to get married?

I could think of a few others, but you get my drift...

My best advice is to BE YOURSELF... do not do things to try and 'please him'.. he will either like you the way you are or he will not.. and if you are not the real you, when he finds out who the real you is, he might not like it... Also, take it easy.. take it slow...

Why do I say these things? I have some friends who have been burned by some men saying the same type of things... they stole, cheated and lied to the ladies... and the ladies were so 'in love' they did not care... so sad...

Texas Proud

Posted by: Hostile_hostage

Why shouldn't a relationship work out just because you were born in the USA. Eastern European women are marrying Western men and more often than not, these relationships prove successful. Bare in mind that the women leave their country to be with their man.
Just be prepared for your guy wanting to go 'home' at some point.
Would you be happy learning another language and being surrounded by a totally different culture?

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hostile_hostage

Would you be happy learning another language and being surrounded by a totally different culture?

I am.

Posted by: B82

There will be challenges, but you can get through them. When my guy and I were dating, we had a LOT of difficulty because of our cultural differences. We worked it out. So just be prepared. Don't let your feelings blind you.

Posted by: Kim Kennedy

You've all given me lots of food for thought. You're not just getting involved with a person when dating someone from the FSU so there are many cultural issues to consider.

Texas Proud:

I do have my antenna up already. Been married twice not really in a hurry to go back there. Or back up north, been in Texas 24 years now, it's home for now.
My RM has also been married twice and since I've been comparing notes, we're pretty close to being on the same page in caution and taking things slowly. I have already learned that if there are things you see in someone you'd like to change, it's time to look elsewhere. On the other hand we all have faults and how you react to the faults of others is what makes or breaks a relationship. You either bend together or break and no amount of pushing, nagging, or demands will make a relationship last.

Learning a new language, adjusting to another culture, challenge? Bring it on.

Compatibility is key for me. I don't want to be with someone who wants to change me. If I have found someone compatible in my FSUM, then learning a different language or being surrounded by a different culture would appeal to me very much. I've already started to learn some words, etc. Watch a lot of Soviet films with him interpreting and I'm actually picking some up.
I of course would want the ability to come back to the States when I wanted but I've always enjoyed adventure and learning new things.

So I'm enjoying this part of the process for now getting to know him and more about the culture.

Kim Kennedy