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How did you meet your Russian, Ukrainian or Belarusian boyfriend or husband?
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Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to create a thread so that Western and American women can share with one another how they first met their Russian, Ukrainian or Belarusian men?

Where did you meet?

What was your first impressions of one another?

What were your first thoughts of Russian culture?

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences here.

Khashyar

Posted by: myshka

1. We met on IRC online in 1996
2. First impression: when we met in real life: wow he is tall and handsome!
3. I was involved in Russian culture for 15 years before I met my husband so my first thoughts were long forgotten by now.

Posted by: Khashyar

Thank you, myshka.

It is interesting to hear the less talked about experiences of American women and Russian men.

Khashyar

Posted by: lindochka

We met during my first trip to Belarus several years ago, the result of a successful search for my grandfather's relatives. I've visited annually since then.

We liked each other well enough when we originally met and enjoyed each other's company when we ran into each other in my cousins' small town, though we didn't really get to know each other beyond a pleasant acquaintance until three years after my first visit.

I was introduced to Russian culture long before I met my European relatives, so there were no major surprises there.

Posted by: B82

Where I met my husband

-We met while working at counselors at the same camp. He came because he wanted to improve his English, I came because I need to some summer money. We didn't expect to meet anyone, but it happened.
-He thought I was cute, but I wasn't really impressed with him until we began talking (getting to know each other as co-workers) and I saw him breakdancing (he's darn good)
-I didn't really have any thoughts about Russian culture.

Posted by: Kim Kennedy

The FSUM I'm dating contacted me through a popular local internet dating site (US based). I'd had no luck at finding what I was looking for until he contacted me. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone like him and certainly not someone from the FSU.
He's very charming, always quick to please me or hear my opinion. He's also very educated and resourcful. I was extremely impressed with him from the start. No offense to American men, but I have never met anyone quite like him. The ability to leave behind your country, simply in search of a better way of life is admirable. He seems to have come here to make a better living and to live in an environment that isn't as "corrupt" with all the bartering and illegal activity that goes on, such as "illegal taxi drivers" just trying to make a living.
He is trying to get his green card to live in the States and has never once asked me to help by marrying him. I think he would be insulted if I offered.
He cooks for us whenever we're together and seems to enjoy it very much.
He's pretty self sufficient. I actually wish he'd let me do more for him. Maybe that will change as we get further into the relationship but for now, it's a "I'm no beast of burden" attitude.
I have always been fascinated with the Soviets and their level of competition and perseverence in the Space race. The higher level of educational importance has always impressed me as well.
My introduction to Soviet culture other than in conversation with him has been through media/movies. It may be just me, but I think people from there, tend to live more in the moment and be more passionate about things.
I look forward to learning much more about the culture and of course about him!

Kim Kennedy

Posted by: bleushkva

I think I met my husband at church while I was still really young. He was the one that taught me Russian, but my grandma taught me as well.

We are both Russian Americans, so I speak better chechnyan than him, though.

My first impression was that he had nice blue eyes. I really liked him being a physican too. I really like him being a little chunky, too. I said we'll be an old chunky couple, but I like making fun of old Russians anyways.

I can out do him in foreign languages though.

Posted by: prince_alfie

Let's not say...

Posted by: prince_alfie

Revision: Looks like I managed to find her on freepersonals.ru!

Quite a miracle too.

Posted by: MikeCa

Congrats. Mind telling us about her?

Quote:

Originally Posted by prince_alfie

Revision: Looks like I managed to find her on freepersonals.ru!

Quite a miracle too.

Posted by: ira156

Good thread Khashyar, Seems that generally the ladies have either a FSU background or were a lot more educated in the ways and customs of their partners cultures than most of us guys. I agree with Kim in that i found the Russians to be more in the moment and direct in their attitude to life. Good on ya girls

Posted by: X'Nedra

Here's My story

I am an RN and this past summer I was working as Director of Nursing at a summer camp in New Hampshire. There was a Russian Man who was the night watchman at the camp. We never really spoke much. When I did the bedtime med pass in the dining hall, he was almost always there playing the guitar. Sometimes he was by himself and sometimes he was playing with other members of the international staff. He is an amazing musician, and is not limited to just the guitar. I had never entertained the idea of pursuing this man, but I would often comment to my co-worker that I thought he was cute.

Being the night watchman was difficult for him as he was the only person who was awake during the night (and the only one sleeping during the day) and as a result, he had a difficult time mingling with the other members of the staff. This was the first year the camp had offered this position, and the seclusion was one of many unforseen difficulties that he was facing. He slept in the boys area, there was alot of noise around. He shared a bunk with 16 other staff members and they were in and out throughout the day. He was not getting any sleep. He is a vegetarian and was usually sleeping during mealtimes, when he was awake to get food, there was very little left for him to choose from.

As a solution the director of the camp relocated his housing to the Infirmary in which I worked. He was placed in one of the spare "Isolation Rooms". This was good for him, it was quiet and the nurses always remembered to get meals for him in his abscence. He always seemed sad or depressed, so one evening I asked him what was bothering him. It was mid-July and he had been in camp since the beginning of June and never been off of the (large but remote) camp grounds.

He was disappointed that America was not what he had "Dreamed it would be". He did not have many friends due to his odd hours, but also the majority of the staff have been there for years (as campers too) and already had thier circle of friends (cliques). They were very hesitant to let anyone in, American or otherwise. He thought it was because of his nationality. He also said that Americans kids were spoiled and he had a different idea's about that too. "But still" he says " I have this amazing sensation of freedom, so I am OK"

I explained to him that this was Camp. A miniscule representation of America and the children were the "elite" financially and most of them are spoiled. I told him that was not a good representative sample of American culture. I wished him the opportunity to get out of camp and see America before feeling disappointed.

I also told him that I myself had difficulty fitting in because of the cliques, even among the administrative staff. It is not a matter of what nationality you are, if you are not a camp "lifer" than you do not fit in and that is how it is. In addition he was in a position of authority and the counselors don't befriend the ones who follow the rules.

He was disappointed that he had a difficult time engaging in stimulating conversations as there is too much "small talk" in the US. He had tried to initiate conversations, but never felt stimulated. He is a music and philosophy major and we proceeded to have a 5 hour conversation in both topics. We both LOVE music and we listen to alot of the same musicians. It would not be so strange if these were "mainstream musicians" but they were not very well known musicians, but we both loved them. I sing as a hobby. We talked about philosophical theories and other topics until almost dawn.

There was a Visiting day mid-summer where families come and visit their children. For 6 hours there is not much for people to do. I was taking my daughter out to lunch and asked if he would like to join us since he had not been off camp. He was delighted. We had lunch and went back to camp. He wandered off and came back with a guitar and was joined by another guitarist from Isreal. They held a mini concert on the steps of the infirmary. They sang the Beatles, Stained and other music. They were amazingly talented and that had been the most enjoyable day at camp in all of my 3 years.

The israeli left and this beautiful Russian Man just played on, happily until the person who owned the borrowed guitar came to re-claim it. I noticed Evgeny's face change in expression almost immediately. While it was subtle you could tell that he went from being utterly content playing his music (which he holds such a deep passion for) to just being. I wondered how I would feel if I did not have the ability to sing and the idea was utterly depressing.

I asked him if he had a guitar in Russia and he said a very old electric guitar but he did not bring it because he did not think he would be able to play it at camp. I decided that he was friend and that no matter the outcome of the situation, this man is so wonderful, smart and talented, I wanted him to experience the true American spirit outside of camp. I took him out the next day and purchased a guitar for him.

After that, we were virtually inseparable, as friends we relied on each other heavily for company at the camp. We attended a multi-act concert tour that has been an annual event for years. It was his dream to attend this concert. At the concert, we met the guitar player who is Evgeny's idol and had autographs and pictures taken with the band.

It was around this time that we realized that we shared so much more than friendship, he had mentioned previously that he wanted to find someone with whom he could bare his soul to and not feel judged, to feel as though his life partner always occupying the same space as him, even if they were miles apart. We both felt a deep true earning for one another and things escalated after that but we never had to mention it to one another because we both just knew.

He decided to extend his stay after camp and stay with me to do a little traveling ,so in a little over a month's time period we had been to Boston six or seven times, where would would walk for miles on end and just enjoy being in the moment. We also went to New York City, Washington DC, various concerts and Florida. In Florida we went to Gainseville, St Augustine, Miami, Key West and many other stops in between. He wanted to see America and I showed him as much as time and money could allow.

Though it was a short 2 month time frame that we spent together it was such a close, constantly intense experience, that it felt as if we had loved one another for a lifetime. When I put him on the Plane to return to Russia, it was the most heart wrenching, painful, horrible feeling I have ever experienced. My insides felt as though my soul was ripped out by the seams.

There is an age difference between us I am 30 and he is 22 we did not discover this until later because we are on the same intellectual level and his mentality is not that of your typical American 22 y/o and I am younger at heart (I still do cartwheels with my daughter). It does not make a difference to us we are happy.

He wants to finish his education in Russia and I think that is a wonderful thing. He is also in a band that is gaining popularity in Russia and they may be doing a tour this winter if the CD is released in time. He has business to attend and we have decided to marry next year. We will be patient, although we are very far from one another, we still feel very close.

What an amazing mind this man has. He is not the typical Russian male "sterotype". He does not drink, he likes independant women, he is a vegetarian, sweet, appreciative, and when he looks into my eyes I feel as though he is staring right into my soul. (Im not sure about the housework thing as we never had the time to worry about it, but I will let you know)

(I am sorry this was so long.)

BTW: I am aware of the possibilities of outcomes (good and bad) in this situation and either way I am OK. If it was meant to be as it feels, than I am very happy. If it all ended up to be sham, that is ok too. I can say that for once in my life, I experienced the feeling of true happiness, even if only for a brief time. Though it would be very painful, it would still be all worth it.

Posted by: Cheburashka

Thanks for the interesting story X'Nedra and welcome to the forum. Feel free to post on the music threads.

Posted by: Jill

Welcome! It's always great to see another AW here

Posted by: ira156

What a great story, X'nedra. Good to see its not just us "dirty old men" he he. Its amazing how age doesnt enter into it when you are meant for each other.Take care

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Cool Story.
and just think, it is only the first couple of chapters. May there be many many more for both of you.
I sense it will only get better for both of you

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Lovely post X'Nedra.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!

He just went back on Sept 27, and Im still reeling with grief. I still struggle with communication and the time difference. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder (but it still hurts a whole lot). All we have is time. I am very much looking forward to the future. I just wish it would hurry up and get here.

Posted by: Andriy Shevchen

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

He was disappointed that America was not what he had "Dreamed it would be".

Boy do I know about that disappointment. Your parents send you over there and come back home a bigger failure than when you left. It's best to stay in your natural environment as long as it's not oppresive. I am much happier and successful now that I am home.

Very touching story by the way.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy

Very touching story by the way.

Thank you, I appreciate it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy

Boy do I know about that disappointment.

Did you at least enjoy the time you spent here?

I think you may have misunderstood. When he stated he was disappointed, he had only seen the bus ride to the camp and camp itself. He was dissapointed in the culture of the camp, not America. When he saw beyond the borders of camp he changed his mind quickly. Hopefully he still feels the same next year.

Posted by: Andriy Shevchen

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

Thank you, I appreciate it!

Did you at least enjoy the time you spent here?

I think you may have misunderstood. When he stated he was disappointed, he had only seen the bus ride to the camp and camp itself. He was dissapointed in the culture of the camp, not America. When he saw beyond the borders of camp he changed his mind quickly. Hopefully he still feels the same next year.

Did I have a good time... sure I did. Did I make any money... no. My parents wanted best for me after collapse of CCCP so they send me to America for college. They send me to best business school they could afford, I did fine and walked out with MBA. I had always been told that the American dream is to own your own business so I tried to start up a company. I got my investors on board and was doing great setting up a discotech. We were banking huge bucks every night. Then the town I'm in passes an ordinance shutting us down two hours earlier and bans smoking from the establishment. Needless to say that and corrupt liscence board officials and theiving employees cost me my overhead and I fell into red. When my investors turn to me for their profits I had to fold. I just finished paying them off a couple years ago. Bad experience for me but you live and learn.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Well you've certainly experienced your share as well. I am sorry that your experience did not have the outcome you quite expected. But you say that you are now suceessful and happy. It is my belief that everything happens for a reason. Any experience is worthwhile as long as you take a lesson home with you

--Cheers

Posted by: Andriy Shevchen

Quote:

Originally Posted by X'Nedra

Well you've certainly experienced your share as well. I am sorry that your experience did not have the outcome you quite expected. But you say that you are now suceessful and happy. It is my belief that everything happens for a reason. Any experience is worthwhile as long as you take a lesson home with you

--Cheers

I couldn't be happier. International arms sales is quite a profitable bussiness. I make a killing and get to travel the world. I am actually glad I grew up in CCCP, it lets me appreciate life more. I was suprised at the lack of bilingualism in America though. I speak four languages and mostly they only speak one.

Posted by: X'Nedra

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy Shevchen

I am actually glad I grew up in CCCP, it lets me appreciate life more.

That was youryour "Reason"

Strangly enough, meeting this man made be appreciate true hardship. I realize now that I waste too much and that a single tragedy in our lives a few times a month, cannot equate to the hardships that others endure everyday. For me it is time to simplfy. I am grateful for this realization.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy Shevchen

I couldn't be happier. International arms sales is quite a profitable bussiness. I make a killing and get to travel the world.

You do what for a living?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy Shevchen

I am actually glad I grew up in CCCP, it lets me appreciate life more.

I am glad you are glad but the 1st quote indicates to me that you are in the business of creating misery on a macro scale while you are just happy you are not suffering it on a micro scale.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andriy Shevchen

I was suprised at the lack of bilingualism in America though. I speak four languages and mostly they only speak one.

What languages do you speak? English has many varieties and if you think you can go from one English speaking country to another and understand what is going on then you are way mistaken. We may type the same words but we dont say them the same. Also go to PNG and see if you understand a word they are sayng, their language is called Tok Pisin and is a variety of English, yet it is a language in its own right. Wasn't the language policy of the CCCP Russification? The now National languages of other CCCP countries such as the Ukraine, Moldavia, Belarus etc. were looked down upon as inferior. From what I understand most Ukrainians only speak Russian and Russians are not impressed with their usage of it either.

Peace Brother Peace

Posted by: Alleycat

Oz, I think you'll find that Mr. Shevchen works in the legalised, government-controlled part of the arms trade

And not sure about the US, but judging from my experience in the UK, it is very much a unilingual society, although it is improving with the current generation. It is simple these days once you grow up speaking the world's (second) largest language to say that "everyone speaks English so I'm OK". I speak Norwegian, English and French at the moment, and with God's will Russian some time in the not too distant future, and I am going to make sure my kids grow up bilingual Russian/English should I get so lucky as to marry my current girlfriend

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

didnt see this till today alleycat.

I think Mr Shevken was a stirrer, he popped in for a few days and made some weird comments. But I read in the news today that Russia has overtaken the US in selling weapons to the developing world, but it didn;t say what proportions are legal-illegal trade.

We australians are a bright bunch, bet the English are now spewing over booting us out, anyway I digress, we speak English, Standard Australian English, Strine, and whatever local lingo there is. And I wasn;t joking about Tok Pisin either it is Papua NewGuinean English.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alleycat

Oz, I think you'll find that Mr. Shevchen works in the legalised, government-controlled part of the arms trade

He works for KMDB - Kharkiv Morozov Machine Building Design Bureau - set up in 1927 and which nowadays has become one of the world's leading firms engaged in designing and upgrading the main battle tanks and tracked engineer vehicles. The product range of the Design Bureau includes such well-known vehicles as the BT series tanks, the T-34 tank, which was the most numerous in WWII and also the Voroshilovets and AT-T prime movers.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Thanks for the update Chris.