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Challenges in relationships/ marriages between Russian men & American/ European women
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Posted by: Khashyar

I thought it would be helpful to discuss the challenges that might be specific to a marriage or relationship between a Western / American woman and a Russian, Ukrainian or Belarusian man.

Here are a few of the challenges that come to mind:

1) Deciding whether to live in Russia or the Western woman's home country. IS there a chance that the Russian man would want to return and live in his home country?

2) In some cases, a Russian man might have difficulty finding work of equal stature in the West than he had in his native country. How will this effect his self-esteem and the relationship? Is the Western woman ready and able to help her Russian partner deal with this emotional adjustment?

3) How are Russian men different, culturally, from a Western man? How will a Western woman need to adjust her expectations of a man's role in a relationship or marriage?

4) What are the different communication styles between a Western / American woman and a Russian man? Will the Western woman be able to learn how to culturally navigate communicating with a Russian man as opposed to communicating with relating to a man from her own culture? How easily will the Russian man be able to do the same?

5) How will the Russian man adjust to the difference in culture and behaviour between a Russian woman and a Western woman. What are the differences in regards to how each woman will express herself in a relationship with a Russian man?

Feel free to bring up other thoughts, aspects, comments and questions regarding the challenges in a relationship and marriage between a Russian man and a Western woman.

Khashyar

Posted by: myshka

1) Deciding whether to live in Russia or the Western woman's home country. IS there a chance that the Russian man would want to return and live in his home country?

We decided for my husband to come to USA because I had a minor son at the time, who is now an adult.

2) In some cases, a Russian man might have difficulty finding work of equal stature in the West than he had in his native country. How will this effect his self-esteem and the relationship? Is the Western woman ready and able to help her Russian partner deal with this emotional adjustment?
My husband had an easily transferrable profession and his first job in USA he found before we got married and had a salary of 6 figures so it was not an issue for us.

3) How are Russian men different, culturally, from a Western man? How will a Western woman need to adjust her expectations of a man's role in a relationship or marriage?
Russian men are much more demonstrative with romantic gestures that women love! I think the rest of the answer depends on the age of the man. My husband is in his early 30s so he does not have that male superiority complex and does not expect me to be a slave. He helps with house things, I guess in some ways I take on gender tradition roles because I am older than you guys, so I am comfortable doing that, but my husband does not expect it of me.

Contrary to what Russian bride sites will tell the American Men, Russian men are not all drunks who abuse their wives and expect them to cook clean and have sex on demand. That is a myth started by Bride sites to say what AM will swallow to justify their search.

Posted by: Khashyar

It is interesting to read your answers to the questions.

Thank you.

The example of your husband and marriage illustrates a positive example of a Russian man adapting well to his new country, and demonstrating positive characteristics of Russian men and culture.

Khashyar

Posted by: Jutman

I cant contribute, but just wanna say its a interesting tread

Posted by: lindochka

1) Deciding whether to live in Russia or the Western woman's home country. IS there a chance that the Russian man would want to return and live in his home country?

I was willing to move to Eastern Europe to be with him, but I couldn't imagine living in his small town, and he didn't want to live there either. (Actually, the political situation in Belarus is such that we didn't want to live there at all, unless there would be some major changes.) We talked about Russia and Ukraine as possibilities before deciding on the US because I have an established career here and there would be more opportunities for him.

2) In some cases, a Russian man might have difficulty finding work of equal stature in the West than he had in his native country. How will this effect his self-esteem and the relationship? Is the Western woman ready and able to help her Russian partner deal with this emotional adjustment?

My fiance has an easily transferrable and highly marketable profession and he could be working in it right now if he were here. The pay will be much better in the US if only because the Belarusian economy is so bad, but even in the US economy he will likely out-earn me within a couple of years.

I'm most concerned about how we will handle things after he arrives but before he has authorization to work. I can keep us going without a problem while we wait for that to come through (and I think doing that is part of being a partner), but he has some pretty strong feelings about how real men behave, and I know he will be uncomfortable if he is not a major contributor to our finances as soon as possible. I will have to be patient because I know he won't be.

3) How are Russian men different, culturally, from a Western man? How will a Western woman need to adjust her expectations of a man's role in a relationship or marriage?

Everything that Myshka said applies to my situation. I would add that the biggest adjustment for me has been learning to deal with a man who is both an old-fashioned gentleman and at the same time a modern man. I haven't met an AM who could come close to my father (every girl's first idea of what a man is), but despite being from a different culture and generation, my fiance has many of my father's finest qualities.

4) What are the different communication styles between a Western / American woman and a Russian man? Will the Western woman be able to learn how to culturally navigate communicating with a Russian man as opposed to communicating with relating to a man from her own culture? How easily will the Russian man be able to do the same?

In the past, I've found communicating with American men to be difficult unless it's been in the context of a platonic relationship. Contrary to the stereotypes of Eastern European men, my fiance is overall a pretty intuitive and communicative person, so the adjustment for me has been that most of the time we actually "get" each other without a lengthy discussion. (And once in a while I need him to verbalize something, so I've had to learn to ask for that when I need it.)

5) How will the Russian man adjust to the difference in culture and behaviour between a Russian woman and a Western woman. What are the differences in regards to how each woman will express herself in a relationship with a Russian man?

I'm uncomfortable with the stereotypes that inevitably come into play when we generalize about groups of people, so it's pretty hard for me to talk about AW and FSUW as though they are different species. And having grown up "ethnic" in the US (in the days before cultural diversity was considered interesting or fashionable) I'm not exactly a mainstream AW to begin with, though I certainly have a component of "American-ness."

My fiance is not the stereotypical drunken, wifebeating Neanderthal. He did have certain expectations of how women behave which I declined to fulfill. I don't do guilt and blame, I believe that one is not necessarily one's behavior (i.e., one is not stupid because one has done something stupid). I don't boss, I encourage. I don't worry about money as long as there's enough and I was taught to have my own anyway, so I'm not interested in the contents of his wallet, I'm more interested in his character.

I don't think those differences are entirely culturally based, though. The most happily married women in his family are the ones who treat their husbands in the same way, and those women are certainly not AW.

Frankly, I think the bigger adjustment for him will be to life in a large city in the US rather than to life with an AW. (I've warned him that America's a different planet!)

Posted by: bleushkva

My husband didn't want me moving to Russia, because it was still communist.

I really want to go though although I would like to go to his homestate too.