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Marriage and Communication - Relation?
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Posted by: RusLessons

Of course, everyone knows how important it is to communicate with one another in a relationship. I presume that most Russian women who marry American men speak English language, so communication is not a problem. Nevertheless, I pose the following question - how important is it for a man to be able to relate to his woman? Is it important for him to be able to understand her language and her culture? Does it make a relationship more complete, more solid, more beautiful? Or such understanding is not important? What do you think?

Posted by: Jill

Hi RusLessons!

Welcome to the forum! We are very happy to have you here and look forward to your contributions....However, this is THIRD time that you have posted essentially the same topic in a separate thread. Don't get me wrong, you are asking great questions; however, let's keep the discussion all in one place rather than scattered about in bits and pieces throughout the forum.

Thanks!

Jill

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

I must admit to being a bit perplexed by part of your question; of course it's important to be able to relate to your woman!

And making an effort to learn the language is important - she's made the effort to learn yours; and even if she had learned at school/university, she will try to improve her language skills. For the man not to do so is lazy at best, patronising and condescending at worst.

And when you go to visit her family and friends, surely you don't want to be a spare part, unable to be involved in whatever activities are at hand?

And anyway, it's often said that learning a new language is one of the best ways to keep your brain stimulated and active....so learn, for yourself, if not for her.

Just my thoughts,

Ade

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

Hi RusLessons!

Welcome to the forum! We are very happy to have you here and look forward to your contributions....However, this is THIRD time that you have posted essentially the same topic in a separate thread. Don't get me wrong, you are asking great questions; however, let's keep the discussion all in one place rather than scattered about in bits and pieces throughout the forum.

Thanks!

Jill

Thank you, Jill! Well, I posted similar questions in different categories to find out the importance of Russian language in different stages of relationship. Does it make sense? lol I don't know, to me it did at the time!

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ade

And anyway, it's often said that learning a new language is one of the best ways to keep your brain stimulated and active....so learn, for yourself, if not for her.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Ade. What about you? Have you learned another language? Are you married/in a relationship with someone from a different country? If you don't mind sharing, I'd be interested to find out more about your experiences.

Posted by: Leprechaun

http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...read.php?t=3531
http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...read.php?t=3774
http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...read.php?t=4466

Or you could click on his username and select "find more posts by ade"

=o)

Posted by: RusLessons

Aww... thank you! I am new to this

Posted by: Leprechaun

No problem =o)

Dont forget to check your Private messages in you User CP
(top left of any page)

=o)

Posted by: RusLessons

Wow, Ade, you've had some adventures! Sorry to hear about the scam, but glad to know that your trip turned out to be alright! There are good and bad people everywhere, thank goodness, there are more good people on this planet still... I've never been to Siberia, but have relatives there - from what I hear, it's a beautiful land

Posted by: Tami

hi everyone,
it is good I speak some English so we speak about everything with my husband. He is not going to learn any Russian-he says he's too old...
In spite we speak one language sometimes we have some "problems ". I'm still in "cultural shock"....may be I have to be used to american culture,I live here for 11 months.
I don't understand my american husband when in front of his friends and family and me he speaks about something from his past using word "WE"... In my opinion WE- that's me and him now ,in present time.... I have to listen to his "past" storys about his lovers and ex wifes,what they had and where they had been... I never heard these storys before so I feel as a FOOL sitting next to him.

.with wide opened eyes.... I respect our relationship and I love him but I never say "WE" about something from my past in front of people. I never bring my ex and ex lovers into our life. This "WE" from his past hurts me a lot and I told him about this. He answered I'm irrational and I have my fantasys.... I feel he doesn't respect my feelings and my love.
I love him so much and may be I want to be "only one" in his life and I hate all his past women..

.. he still says that he considers some of past lovers as friends.... In Russia people don't f.ck friends.... and here,in America it is normal?! May be my post is stupid.... but I have this "wound" and he "steps" on my "wound "all the time...
I feel I will never understand americans and their culture ... I just have to get used to this country....to accept american behaviour and culture as it is... I didn't want to offend ppl here,at the forum, but there is a big difference in culture and family traditions between America and Russia...
I have a couple of russian girl-friends so they as me have to explain everything (the same as to explain something to young kids on fingers and examples)to their husbands how to behave not to hurt them....

Posted by: lester

Tami, that's not good reading.
I cannot believe that this is the culture of all AM.
There are some EM here who treat their Ladies like dirt too!

Perhaps there is some reason as to why your man is "bragging"
about the past, does he feel the need to "impress" when in the company of others?

Whatever the reason, you are quite right to feel hurt by this!
You are right to tell him that he upsets you with this talk.
Keep reminding him that you are a woman, his woman and that you must be treated with both affection and respect!
As he would have done during your courtship!

If he doesn't improve, then ration him to certain , er, "pleasures"

Posted by: J60

Hi Tami,

I agree with Lester,
I would never talk about my past love life in front of my wife or to other guys in general,
both out of respect for my wife and the other women, it aint the done thing,

John

Posted by: lindochka

Lester said:

Quote:

I cannot believe that this is the culture of all AM.

Lester, you are quite right, it is not.

Tami said:

Quote:

I feel I will never understand americans and their culture ... I just have to get used to this country....to accept american behaviour and culture as it is... I didn't want to offend ppl here,at the forum, but there is a big difference in culture and family traditions between America and Russia...

Tami, there are many differences between American and Russian culture, but the behavior you describe is not an example of those cultural differences. Pardon me if I seem severe, but IMO civilized men (and women) from either culture simply do not behave in this way.

Posted by: Pin Boy

hello tami and welcome.

your story is sad. but the forum is here to assist if you want advice. i wonder if your husband read this what would he think? i hope he would understand how hurt you are and realize his behavior is inappropriate and he would stop acting this way. i hope he changes his actions.

pin boy

Posted by: sidney

This should in no way be accepted behavior. Some people talk about the past and only remember the good times. Maybe around friends and drinking. I had a friend whose wife died and all he did on dates was speak about the good times they had together. Dates don't want to hear this and can not compete with a ghost. Maybe if you recorded his boasting and played it back. He would better understand how he was talking.
Sid

Posted by: BradIL

Tami--- you might consider that you are being hyper-sensitive in this situation... a little bit.

If I referred to a decision I made with a former lover/wife in a past relationship I might use the word WE to draw a distinction to my current lover/wife. I realize this can be a sensitive point so I try to use my ex's first name in that situation. I don't think its intended to be an insult.

Remember Tami... you and your husband had lives before you met each other. Your ego (and mine) may fancy that our significant other did not have a great life before they met us... but they did live.

What has happened in the past can frequently explain where you are in the present. No one can expect you to know all the details of your husband's past lovelife... he can't be expected to know all the details of yours.

A suggestion: Instead of trying to be 'only woman' in his life consider aiming to be the *most IMPORTANT woman* in his life. Yes... in America lovers can be friends... because its convenient. It is a CULTURAL DIFFERENCE between you and your husband that you don't understand... the same kind of cultural difference that forces you to explain -very simply- the kind of behavior you find so insulting. He cuts you slack... you can cut him slack.

However, FEEL FREE to despise his former lovers who broke his heart... THAT'S WONDERFUL

! When he tells stories about his ex's do what so many American women do... ROLL YOUR EYES!

Posted by: skinsfan

HI Tami !! i am an american man, i can assure you that it is not the normal situation for American men to speak of past relationships...especially in front of you to his friends...... that being said, i hesitate to elaborate, and or give advice beyond this....... Larry

Posted by: Tami

thank you very much guys for thoughts and opinions. I asked my husband if he would like to read all your posts.... Now I feel that it is his personality and it has nothing to do with american culture.
My husband is very importaint for me and I am a "very importaint woman" in his life. Everything is great. Sometimes this misunderstanding causes some "problems" especially in my head...

anyway I'm very grateful for your advises...
Tami.

Posted by: lrhmail45

HELP ME PLEASE

I KNOW THAT RUSSIAN AND AMERICAN ARE VERY DIFFERENT AND WE DO DIFFERENT THINGS BUT THIS IS THE ONE THING I HAVE TO HAVE JUST FOR MY PEACE OF MIND

MY WIFE THINKS I AM TAKING TO KNOW HER EVERY MOVE, AND I AM NOT
I AM SO SCARED FOR HER; BECAUSE I THINK HER EYES ARE CLOSE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

WE LIVE IN MEMPHIS,TN AND WE LIVE IN GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD BUT I STILL WORRY WHEN SHE GOES OUT; SHE IS NEW TO DRIVING; AND SHE STILL DOES NOT KNOW HER WAY AROUND HOME OR THE CITY; SHE HAS TO MAKE NOTE CARDS TO GO PLACES AND TO GET BACK HOME

ALL THAT I ASK IS THAT SHE LET ME KNOW SOMETHING,
CALL ME AT WORK, LEAVE A MESSAGE OR SOMETHING; AND JUST TELL ME
SO I CAN HAVE AN IDEA WHERE TO LOOK IF SOMETHING HAPPEN

I PRAY NOTHING EVER HAPPEN TO MY WIFE BECAUSE I WILL LOSE IT BIG
BUT HOW CAN I GET HER TO SEE ITS JUST BEING RESPONCIBLE

SHE THINKS IF SHE TELLS ME ANYTHING IT MEANS SHE IS ASKING FOR PREMISSION TO DO SOMETHING; SHE IS 38 AND DO NOT NEED MY PREMISSION TO DO ANYTHING BUT I WOULD LIKE FOR HER TO CALL AND
LET ME KNOW WHAT GOING ON

SHE HAS HER OWN CAR A BRAND NEW 2006 MITSUBISHI ECLIPSE

ALL I ASK IS THAT SHE LET ME KNOW WHATS GOING ON SO I DO NOT WORRY ABOUT HER SAFETY

SHE IS USE TO LIVING ALONE AND DOING THING ALONE BUT NOW SHE IS MARRIED AND I KNOW WE ARE HAPPY BUT THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM

Posted by: Spakoyna

Hello,
Your situation requires time and patience. My wife was the same when she 1st came here. Most Russians we know think America is very safe and they will not have a problem.

One of her most stubborn friends who lives in Baltimore finally woke up recently. Her husband was having a time with her because she would go for a walk..of course the wrong direction which lead her through a bad neighborhood. Recently a good friend of hers had her purse violently stolen by a large man.

The best approach you can have is to teach by example. Russian women expect their independence(This sounds funny but they have it in Russia)....it is a difficult needle to thread! Watch the news and explain things. Have lots of patience and hopefully she will learn the easy way...not the hard way as my wife's friend's friend in Baltimore.

Posted by: Jill

Why not just get her a cell phone for emergencies?

To be honest it's hard to tell from your post what is really going on. Is she being secretive? Is that what really concerns you? Or do you pester her constantly and that's why she's annoyed? If she feels like you are nagging her, it's likely to have the opposite effect of what you're going for--she's going to be all the more stubborn about not telling you. Maybe backing off a bit would be the best strategy. Just make sure she has all the knowledge she needs to do things on her own and knows what to do in an emergency. Get her a cell phone, teach her about 911 (and get her to practise a few basic phrases to use in an emergency). Make sure she carries all necessary contact information in her purse (so if God forbid something should happen, you would be contacted). Teach her what to do in a variety of situations (e.g. if someone wants to rob you, etc.) Show her where the local police station is. And give her some space. You can't possibly know everything she does and everywhere she goes, so just prepare her for any emergencies that may arise.

Posted by: lrhmail45

WE BOTH HAVE CELL PHONES
SOMETIME SHE HAS IT SOME TIMES SHE DOES NOT

AS I SAID; SHE DOES NOT NEED MY PERMISSION TO DO ANYTHING
BUT SHE IS IN A NEW COUNTRY; AND PLACE OF LIVING
SHE HAS BEEN HER 10 MONTHS AND SHE CAN NOT GO DOWN THE STREET TO THE LOCAL STORE AND GET BACK WITHOUT COMPLETE DIRECTIONS

THE STORE IS ON THE SAME STREET AS OUR HOUSE IS
WHEN SHE FIRST GOT HERE I MADE SURE SHE DID ALL THE DRIVING
SO TO GET HER USE TO EVER THING SHE WOULD NEED RIGHT AWAY

BUT SHE CAN NOT REMEMBER HOW TO GET ANYWHERE DRIVING
AND NEED HER NOTES TO GUIDE HER

AT THE VERY LEAST I JUST NEED TO BE AWARE OF HOW TO LET SOMEONE KNOW THE LAST PLACE SHE WAS IN ORDER TO TRY TO HELP HER IF SOMETHING HAS HAPPEN TO HER

THIS IS ALL ABOUT BEING RESPONSIBLE NOT KEEPING TRACK OF HER BECAUSE SHE IS GROWN

WHEN EVERY SOMEONE GOES MISSING THE FIRST QUESTION THE POLICE ASK IS DO YOU KNOW THE LAST PLACE THEY WHERE SUPPOSE TO GO OR WAS

SOMETIMES SHE CAN HAVE HER PHONE WITH HER AND NOT CALL BECAUSE SHE SAYS I CAN CALL HER

I THINK IF SHE GOES DRIVING OR ANYTHING SHE CAN CALL ME AND JUST LET ME KNOT SOMETHING

THAT WAY I AM NOT CALLING HER AND SHE WANT HAVE TO THINK SHE I AM CHECKING UP ON HER

YOU WOMEN HAVE A VERY FUNNY WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS BUT EVERY SELF-DEFENSE CLASS TEACHES THAT IF YOU HELP YOURSELF THEN OTHERS CAN HELP YOU IF THEIR IS A PROBLEM (GOD FORBID)

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

I don't know, but it reads that you're being, maybe, a little over-protective. And that maybe your wife has been a little too dependent upon you, and now needs to find her own feet.

She is a grown woman, let her make some mistakes. Getting lost once in a while won't hurt, it will help her learn her surroundings.....just make sure she knows which areas it isn't good to get lost in. Hey, there are bits of my town I still don't know well, and would only navigate by a sense of going in the right general direction.

Being considerate can cross the boundary of being stifling...so maybe you do need to let her feel more independent.

Good luck, I hope you find the right compromise.

Ade

Posted by: lrhmail45

AGAIN
I DO NOT THINK ANYONE GETS WHAT I AM SAYING

SHE DOES NOT NEED TO ASK ME IF SHE CAN DO OR GO ANYWHERE

ANYONE CAN END UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF TOWN, BUT IF SOMETHING HAPPEN WHAT CAN ANYONE DO IF THEY HAVE NOT A CLUE THAT YOU DID GET LOST AND HOW WOULD ANYONE KNOW TO TRY TO FIND YOU AT ALL

MY WIFE HAVE ALL THE FREEDOM IN THE WORLD BUT WITH THAT COMES MUCH RESPONSIBILITY I WOULD THINK

IF TO BE DEPENDED OF ME THAT WOULD MEAN THAT SHE GOES KNOW WHERE WITHOUT ME

I AM THE ONE THAT BOUGHT HER A CAR AND WROTE THE DIRECTIONS TO HER FRIENDS AND STORES SO SHE COULD DO EVERY THING ON HER OWN

BEFORE I GO ANY PLACE WITHOUT HER

I SAY HONEY I'M GOING TO THE STORE DO YOU NEED ANYTHING
NEED TO GO BY THIS PLACE BACK IN A FEW HOURS
IF SHE IS SLEEP I LEAVE A NOTE GONE HERE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME

DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT SHE IS NEW TO ALL THIS

WHEN I WENT TO RUSSIA AND I HAVE BEEN 4 TIMES I WAS NEVER ALLOW TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HER BECAUSE SHE WOULD SAY I AM FOREIGNER
KNOW ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND ME ITS SAFE TO DO THINGS TOGETHER

ALL THAT I ASK IS THAT SHE LET ME KNOW WHATS GOING ON

I COULD TREAT HER THE SAME BUT I DO NOT
HER ENGLISH IS VERY LITTLE AND HARD FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES

DO ANYONE SEE THE BIG PICTURE OR IS EVERYONE JUST THINKING I AM TRYING TO CONTROL MY WIFE????????????????????????????

Posted by: lrhmail45

I THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT GETS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT

SO SORRY FOR YOUR WIFES FRIEND; HOPE IT WAS NOT TO SERIOUS AND SHE STILL THINKS OF AMERICA A PLACE TO BE AND TO BE SAFE

THIS IS FOR

Spakoyna

Posted by: loprovideo

Tami, WOW
i am so sorry for your situation but everybody here is right!!
My american friends would not act this way, so please dont think of it as a cultural thing, Honestly, russian women and women of other cultures have grabbed my attention because of their values and their sense of tradition and exoticness, if that is really a word,

but i guess my point is that i know there are plenty of scammers out there looking to take a few dollars from an american man's pocket or any other interested man from anywhere, whether she's russian or scandonavian, or nigerian, doesnt matter, i agree sincerely in the post of "its not a cultural difference"
maybe your husband is in a place right now, and hasnt been able to properly express it to you, the tape recording may work, actually, it worked for me with an ex girlfriend smoking marijuana, she put it down after i should here the tape mistakingly(wasnt my intention, but it worked, and i was happy). So, maybe it might be best to understand where your husband is at in life, so you can help him as well as show him how you feel(most important), because there must be a reason why he would act this way, i feel, just my opinion, but certainly you are not wrong for feeling this way!!!!!
hope to help, thanks
Brian

Posted by: Ade

Hi Irhmail,

If we aren't 'getting it', please try to explain a little more. Because if we don't understand the situation, we can't comment properly.

From what you've said, if the replies haven't got to the point you're looking for, then - in my opinion only - it looks like either you are trying to be a little overprotective, or you actually don't trust your wife's ability to be out and about on her own......and I don't get that. My wife, Seida, pretty much goes and does where and what she wants when I'm at work and she isn't, and it isn't cause for concern for either of us.

Ade

Posted by: markgm

[QUOTE=Tami]hi everyone,
it is good I speak some English so we speak about everything with my husband. He is not going to learn any Russian-he says he's too old...
In spite we speak one language sometimes we have some "problems ". I'm still in "cultural shock"....may be I have to be used to american culture,I live here for 11 months.
QUOTE]

Hi Tami,

You are never to old to learn a new language, it is not the norm to speak of past girlfriends and lovers your husband should talk about your future together and your relationship as you have both started a new life together. I myself when i met my partner immersed myself into her culture and language as i thought it only fair that if she had to learn mine i was going to learn hers as i want our children to know both languages and cultures as it is something that has been lost out of my family over the years.

Take care Mark

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Hi Irhmail.

First I get what you mean but please, please, please turn off your caps lock. With them on you are shouting at us and it could be considered that you are being rude and defensive.

I think you see the situation with your wife as a big double standard, you went to Russia and was not alone at all because of a safety issue. She goes to America and you hope she would simply let you know where she is and maybe what she is doing. Many people wouldn't see a big issue in that. I know that I have always let either family or friends now where I would be. But consider this for a minute. She is a grown woman, you have stated this yourself. She sees America as a safe place, it is a common mis-conception that the western world is safe and happy everywhere.

What I would do if I were you is go out on the weekend and show her what parts of America are like, show her the local denizens either on the news or for real, within the safety of the car of course, and while you are doing this just let her know that you worry for her safety as she worried for you in Russia. Most imprtantly don't be paternalistic when you do this because I am getting this feeling just from the tone in your posts and it would annoy the living daylights out of me if I was your wife.

One last thing, what is your heritage? your level of English is not really all that great. Your wife might be seeing that you survive in America with your English ability so she is confident that with her English she could do as well as you.

Hope this helps.

Posted by: lrhmail45

FOR
OzGuyLooking

FRIST I USE CAPS ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I HATE TO SWITCH BETWEEN LETTERS ALL THE TIME

IF SOMEONE USES SMALL LETTERS ARE THEY TRYING TO WHISPER

I DO NOT GET INTO THE COMPUTOR CRAP LIKE MOST OF YOU DO
I DO NOT GET THIS YELLING ON A COMPUTOR BECAUSE OF THE SIZE OF A LETTER

JUST YOU LET YOU KNOW
I HAVE DEGREE IN ACCOUNTING
I AM THE ASST. CONTROLLER FOR CBU ----CHRISTIAN BROTHERS UNIVERSITY

BECAUSE I HIDE NOTHING FROM MY WIFE I USE WORDS THAT SHE CAN EASILY UNDERSTAND; BECAUSE SHE READS WHAT I WRITE TO YOU GUYS SO SHE CAN AGREE THAT WHAT I SAY IS THE PROBLEM; AND ALSO I AM TRYING TO BE SIMPLE HERE

BUT I WAS NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR; MAYBE I HAVE TROUBLE WRITTING MY THOUGHTS; AND I HAVE MISSPELLING ALOT TRYING TO TYPE SO FAST (AND YES I AM A BAD SPELLER) ONCE WHEN I HAD TO WRITE A PAPER IT WAS A PAPER ABOUT IF YOU COULD CHANGE SOMETHING ABOUT YOUSELF WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE;I WROTE THAT I WISH I COULD CHANGE THE FACT THAT I AM A BAD SPELLER AND PUTTING MY THOUGHTS ON PAPER IS ALWAYS ALL OVER THE PLACE; MY PROFESSOR TOLD ME THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS A BRILLIANT MAN BUT COULD NOT WRITE A DECENT PAPER AND COULD NOT SPELL

I NEVER PROOF ANY THING HEAR BECAUSE I AM NOT TRYING TO GET A GRADE ON IT OR TURN IT INTO MY BOSS

THIS HAS GOTTON OFF THE REASON THAT IT WAS MENT FOR AND NOW I KNOW I HAVE TO TRY SEE IF MY WIFE AND I CAN FIGURE THIS OUT ON OUR OWN

SHE HAS SAID TO ME FOR THE SECOND TIME DO ANYONE GET WHAT YOU ARE ASKING WE WERE GOING TO SETTLE THE MATTER BY SEEING WHAT KIND OF ANSWERS WE GOT HERE

IF THREE PEOPLE SIDED WITH ME THAT ITS OK TO LET SOMEONE KNOW WHATS GOING ON

OR THREE PEOPLE SIDED WITH HER THAT IF SHE TOLD ME WHAT WAS GOING ON THAT IT WAS ASKING FOR PREMISSION TO DO SOMETHING

THANKS FOR YOU ANSWER

PS TO ALL

I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT MY WIFE IS DOING I TRUST HER COMPLETELY; SHE WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING

THIS WHOLE THING IS

IS SHE ASKING ME FOR PERMISSION IF SHE LETS ME KNOW WHATS GOING ON
SHE DOES NOT NEED MY PERMISSION TO DO ANYTHING BUT HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT TO DO IF MY WIFE NEVER MAKES IT BACK HOME; LIKE 10 OR 15 PERCENT OF PEOPLE EACH YEAR AND THERE IS NO WAY TO FIND THEM OR TO TRY TO EVEN LOOK FOR THEM BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THEY WAS GOING OR SHOULD HAVE BEEN (WHERE IS THE LAST PLACE A POLICE OFFICER SHOULD LOOK IF THEY HAVE NO STARTING PLACE TO SEARCH)

(MY BROTHER HAS TWO TWIN BOYS 13 YEARS OLD AND I KNOW MY WIFE IS NOT 13 TRYING TO SEE A POINT HERE; THEY LIVE IN A GREAT PART OF TOWN AND THEY BOTH HAVE CELL PHONES; CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY????????????????????????)

Posted by: Pin Boy

10-15 percent of people each year don't make it home????
what does that mean?

using the method of what three strangers think about this situation to attempt to resolve an important issue in your marriage does not sound like a good idea.

and yes, please do turn the caps off. i am not a great typist and can type better using lower case letters. i don't think it is as irritating as all caps.

good luck and welcome,

pin boy

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

It's completely bizarre that you want, in effect, a vote from complete strangers to inform your future actions!!!!!

It's also completely unnatural for someone to be telling others where they're going 'in case something happens' all the time. It's a normal condition of living in your own environment that you feel comfortable and don't give reports of your movements to others - regardless of how concerned they may want to feel.

Now, if it was your daughter backpacking around Australia, you may want updates on her general movements....but to feel there is a need to know where another adult is all the time when they are in their home environment is a little obsessive.

Ade

Posted by: inlove

lrhmail45,
I have to agree with Ade. It is completely bizarre that you would take a vote on how you should behave in your own family. Your problematic communication with your own wife is, at the end, your own problem, and you have to look for a solution yourself, not to rely on a vote from strangers.
As far as your question goes, first of all, when you visited Russia you were a visitor, not somebody who was moving there to live, so you were treated as a visitor. If you have moved to Russia, then eventually you would have to learn the language, and get around by yourself without a constant escort. This is what your wife is doing now. She is investigating her new living space, the city that she calls home now. She needs to do it to get comfortable with her new surroundings, and you need to give her some space to do it..

You do come accross as overly protective person. Maybe you read too many newspaper criminal stories, or watch too much "Law and Order".

The truth is that your wife has a better chance to get into a car accident than not to come back home from a trip to a supermarket..

Relax.

It does make sense, in my opinion, to let other people know where you are going if you are planning to be out until late at night, or are going to visit a strange area of town, but reporting every single move is just ridiculous.

P.S. Please turn off the caps. Using all caps makes your posts very hard to read. I know that you don't care, but we do, and since you are talking to us...

use a lower case instead, if you cannot switch between the two.

Posted by: Pin Boy

hey in love,

where is the love?? (as they say in the hip hop world)

i was the one who pointed out the unusualness (is that a word?) of taking a vote to settle an important marital dispute before ade!

what up?

pin boy (P-Biddy)

Posted by: inlove

Sorry, Pin Boy, in my rush to add something to the thread, I've overlooked your post. I agree with you too.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Well aren't I sorry if I offended you, sheez mate get a grip on things would you.

1st, I never said anything about your spelling, it is your whole English language usage that is way out. You are typing like what we call in Australia "a new Australian", the whole word order, grammer etc. is just wrong. You may think you are doing your wife a fave by using simple language but it isn't really simple and she is learning bad habits from you at the same time. It would be much easier for you in the long run if you use correct English, to be an example to your wife.

2nd, are you two adults or what? why on earth would you need a vote from strangers, I know this has already been touched on y the fine people on the RMP but mate you are just asking others to fix your probs by proxy. Go to your wife, sit down together, discuss the issue at hand and get over it like a pair of adults. Really if yoy cant work something like this out then I fear for the future of your relationship because you are not always going to have the "phone a friend" option are you.

Posted by: lrhmail45

to
OzGuyLooking my wife is learning and you are right she should not learn a lazy way of talking

and to all the others i do not think you guys have read my post and get anything
at all

she goes where she please, does what she wants
and know i do not need a phone call every move

for the person that made the comment about having a car accident
lets hear how you would know what to do if your wife or girlfriend had an accident and did not make it home (how would you figure out what to do or is the knock on the door something to just wait for if she carries good id with her )

only one person maybe two people got the gist of what we was asking for

and this is not a major problem of life and death that will kill the relationship
if my wife calls me i would not worry as much
because calling me will not stop something bad from happening
we just thought we would let the jury answer the question (is it asking for permission if you make a phone call or is it just being responsible)

just knowing how to get to her if something did happen is the (key)
not to know she stop on the side of the road to by an apple

some of you guys have jump so far of the page its not funny and if you read my last post i thought i said we can do this ourselves

you guys say why ask complete strangers for help i wonder now why people go to marriage counseling or any kind of counseling

again let me make this clear to all

my wife has her own car, her note cards, her own phone, and she goes where she wants all the time and yes from time to time she goes exploring of the city; would it be piece of mind to hear her say hello honey i have gone driving around town call me if you need me

by the way did anyone read the part where i said that my wife wants me to call her but i do not want to call her all the time because that might seem over protective if i'm calling her (she thinks i should do the calling) i guess thats fine for me to do but i would have thought that would bug her but it does not its what she wants

Posted by: Pin Boy

well it sounds like you don't need any more advice on this issue from forum members. good luck and hope you and your wife can come to an understanding.

pin boy

Posted by: Chrismc

Irhmail

After reading this thread from top to bottom I have lost the will to live!!! you are one paranoid guy, you don't seem to want to explain yourself at all and yet blame everyone else for not giving you the advice and answers you seek.

No one who has commented has understood you except as you say maybe one or two, and I bet they were just extremely lucky and took a wild guess, so good luck and I hope you work things out, but at least if nothing else you have learnt how to turn the CAPS key off.

Chris

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Irhmail

After reading this thread from top to bottom I have lost the will to live!!! you are one paranoid guy, you don't seem to want to explain yourself at all and yet blame everyone else for not giving you the advice and answers you seek.

No one who has commented has understood you except as you say maybe one or two, and I bet they were just extremely lucky and took a wild guess, so good luck and I hope you work things out, but at least if nothing else you have learnt how to turn the CAPS key off.

Chris

Ah Chris you really kill me, ha ha ha.

Posted by: RBS

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

Jill, I really have to agree with you. Is he wanking with us or is he sincere? I say three strikes and you are out compadre.

Gib

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by lrhmail45

to
OzGuyLooking my wife is learning and you are right she should not learn a lazy way of talking

and to all the others i do not think you guys have read my post and get anything
at all

she goes where she please, does what she wants
and know i do not need a phone call every move

for the person that made the comment about having a car accident
lets hear how you would know what to do if your wife or girlfriend had an accident and did not make it home (how would you figure out what to do or is the knock on the door something to just wait for if she carries good id with her )

only one person maybe two people got the gist of what we was asking for

and this is not a major problem of life and death that will kill the relationship
if my wife calls me i would not worry as much
because calling me will not stop something bad from happening
we just thought we would let the jury answer the question (is it asking for permission if you make a phone call or is it just being responsible)

just knowing how to get to her if something did happen is the (key)
not to know she stop on the side of the road to by an apple

some of you guys have jump so far of the page its not funny and if you read my last post i thought i said we can do this ourselves

you guys say why ask complete strangers for help i wonder now why people go to marriage counseling or any kind of counseling

again let me make this clear to all

my wife has her own car, her note cards, her own phone, and she goes where she wants all the time and yes from time to time she goes exploring of the city; would it be piece of mind to hear her say hello honey i have gone driving around town call me if you need me

by the way did anyone read the part where i said that my wife wants me to call her but i do not want to call her all the time because that might seem over protective if i'm calling her (she thinks i should do the calling) i guess thats fine for me to do but i would have thought that would bug her but it does not its what she wants

Geezus i'm lost but here go's,

If she wants to call you of her own accord then this is not asking for permission.
If you tell her that you must call everytime you go out then this is asking for permission.

We all want to be protective of our loved ones whether it be children our partners or family but herein lies the dilema how protective should we be. Everyone needs there own space and freedom to a degree we need to set some sort of boundaries on this in a relationship so either party does not feel smothered. This is better done by sitting down and discussing this between both parties and finding a comfortable level that you are both happy with. Asking people in a forum is going to tend to get you the answers of several different viewpoints from all around the globe and everyone has a different sort of level in dealing with what's comfortable with them as is shown here.
So in saying all of this it is up to the both of you on what suits you best and what will make you both happy.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

I gave up with this after the wanking comment, sorry but that just isn't what a social scientist would go and say in a public place when he is so desperate to gather info for his own purposes.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking

I gave up with this after the wanking comment, sorry but that just isn't what a social scientist would go and say in a public place when he is so desperate to gather info for his own purposes.

Ditto Oz.....we have attracted some real weirdos around here recently!!

Posted by: lrhmail45

MY WIFE ASKS WHO IN THE HELL IS DESPERATE
WE JUST ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION HERE
AND GOT A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS TO ANSWER US

YOU GUYS NEED HELP

I CAN ADD (MARKGM) TO THE LIST OF KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT WE WAS LOOKING FOR IN AN ANSWER

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:

Originally Posted by lrhmail45

MY WIFE ASKS WHO IN THE HELL IS DESPERATE
WE JUST ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION HERE
AND GOT A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS TO ANSWER US

YOU GUYS NEED HELP

What a classic!!! Seriously mate, you are not a native English speaker or you woulda known what was being said. it wasn't about you at all and you have gone off half-cocked about it. Please go and sit down with your wife and have a D & M about life, when you have got it all sorted then ask some Q's? !

Posted by: skinsfan

if you are that concerned, get her a GPS system so she will know where to go, and a tracking device placed in the car so you can find her if she is missing too long....technology is a wonderful thing.....if needed

Posted by: Pin Boy

i guess it's time to leave if you think the forum is just a bunch of weirdos.

pin boy

Posted by: sidney

Yes I'm another one adding his two cents. You seem to not want to listen to anyone but your self. STOP with the capital letters.
Sid

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

i guess it's time to leave if you think the forum is just a bunch of weirdos.

pin boy

PIN BOY
ITS OK FOR YOU TO CALL PEOPLE WEIRDOS BUT ITS NOT OK FOR THEM TO CALL YOU ONE

YOU REALLY NEED TO KEEP TO YOURSELF; YOU ARE NOT HERE TO GIVE ANY SOUND ADVICE -----YOU ARE HERE TO TRY TO POKE FUN AT PEOPLE (GO GET A LIFE)

Posted by: lrhmail45

TO
SIDNEY

YOU KNOW WHAT I SHOULD JUST BE MYSELF THIS IS THE WAY I LIKE TO TYPE
GET OVER IT OR AND DON'T READ MY POST

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinsfan

if you are that concerned, get her a GPS system so she will know where to go, and a tracking device placed in the car so you can find her if she is missing too long....technology is a wonderful thing.....if needed

THANKS FOR YOU COMMENT
BUT ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS
I JUST THOUGHT A PHONE CALL FROM HER WOULD BE ENOUGTH
NOT ME CALLING HER ALL THE TIME

BY THE WAY DO ANYONE REMEMBER THE GUY THAT SAID HIS WIFE FRIEND WAS ATTACKED BY SOME LARGE MAN AND SHE LOST HER BELONGING
I WONDER IF SHE WOULD HAD SAID ( HEY I AM GOING WALKING SEE YOU GUYS LATER WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPEN-------- MY GUESS IS THAT SOMEONE WOULD HAVE SAID DO NOT GO THIS WAY OR THAT WAY JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE OF TOWN; MAYBE SHE WOULD NOT HAVE EVER BEEN HURT OR MAYBE IT STILL WOULD HAVE HAPPEN EITHER WAY------ TO SAY SOMETHING IS JUST SAYING SOMETHING)

Posted by: Pin Boy

i think this horse has been beaten waaaay past death. i think it would be best to let this thread die.

please show me where i have just poked fun at people in my 1,000+ posts and evidence that i am not here to give sound advice. and when you add a comment about "get a life" it tells greatly about your level of maturity to engage in intelligent discourse.

pin boy

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzGuyLooking

AT ONE TIME I THOUGTH YOU MADE SENSE
BOY WAS I SO WRONG

MY WIFE HAS A FRIEND IN RUSSIA NAME ELENA THAT IS AN ENGLISH TRANSLATOR AND WHEN I MET HER SHE TOLD ME I SPEAK VERY GOOD ENGLISH

I HAVE ASK MY CO-WORKERS AND MY BOSS AND THEY ALL SAY MY ENGLISH IS VERY DAMN GOOD FOR AN EX-FOOTBALL PLAYER THATS BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD ALOT

SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SO CONCERN WITH MY ENGLISH FOR

AM I BEING GRADED FOR MY PAPERS HERE

I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO PUT COMPLETE THOUGHTS TOGETHER FOR YOU
BUT IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CALL ME AND WE CAN TALK BY PHONE I WILL USE THE BEST ENGLISH I KNOW

Telephone number deleted...unwise to disclose this on public forum.

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

i think this horse has been beaten waaaay past death. i think it would be best to let this thread die.

please show me where i have just poked fun at people in my 1,000+ posts and evidence that i am not here to give sound advice. and when you add a comment about "get a life" it tells greatly about your level of maturity to engage in intelligent discourse.

pin boy

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I MENT
GET A LIFE IS JUST AN EXPRESSION

IS IT ONLY FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO SAY
OR DO WE SAY THAT WHEN WE WANT TO BE NICE ABOUT
TELLING SOMEONE TO GET LOST

YOU GUYS (WOW)

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinsfan

I sell GPS along with other things for surveying, I can do a deal if you want and put some velcro around a unit so it can be strapped to someones head or a good elastic band will do the same job he he

Nice one Skins lol

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

is this your level of maturity to engage in intelligent discourse.
i got this from pin boy

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by lrhmail45

is this your level of maturity to engage in intelligent discourse.
i got this from pin boy

Yes I am taking a leaf out of your book old boy!!!!

Posted by: lrhmail45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

Yes I am taking a leaf out of your book old boy!!!!

my wife said something that was strange to me last night

she said to me, "honey i use my Russian forum all the time and we have gotton good info from my Russian girls there ----about getting visa; and to all the other things that was needed to get me here to the USA (this is the part i hate about changing letter sizes, but any way)

but you did go to the American/Russian forum and look at the kind of info you are getting from a simple question of; is it ok to give someone a message

she wonders now do we ever try to just help each other or is everything just a joke to us

Posted by: Jill

I agree with Pin Boy. If anyone has any final last words of advice for lrhmail45, please make them now. I think we'll be putting this thread to sleep soon.....

Posted by: Pin Boy

time to put this to rest. it's no longer productive and has degenerated into name calling and insults.

irhmail45, the posting of your phone number makes no sense. you can use the private message feature if you wish to communicate one-on-one with a forum member.

pin boy