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Is Russian language important in a relationship?
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Posted by: RusLessons

Hello! One of my biggest interests is learning/teaching languages, that's why I am here to ask you these questions. Do you think that an American man/woman marrying a Russian man/woman should know their language? How important is it to know the language of a person you are in love with? Do you put an extra effort to learn the language or do you expect your new bride/groom to learn your language? Any insight is appreciated!

Posted by: inlove

I, personally, don't care if he knows Russian or not.

Posted by: RusLessons

Ok... so I presume you are Russian. Let's say you become married, have children. Would you want for your children to speak your language? Do you not think that your husband might miss out and won't be able to relate to you and to the culture that raised you?

Posted by: Farrel

I think knowing her language is the most important in relations with a foreign woman. If you can speak her language - half of problems away with. No need of a translator's input - that's the key. You wanna talk to her over the phone - just you and her - no problem.

Even if you do not yet know her language and just start learning it - she will know how importand she is to you.

And just enough of this English native speakers' idleness for foreign languages. That's the best chance to rack your old mossy brains since you graduated!

Posted by: RusLessons

LOL!! I couldn't agree more with you! What about you? Have you had to learn another language?

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

Ok... so I presume you are Russian. Let's say you become married, have children. Would you want for your children to speak your language? Do you not think that your husband might miss out and won't be able to relate to you and to the culture that raised you?

I don't see a problem with "not being able to relate". If he was raised outside of Russia (USSR), he cannot fully relate to my culture and my childhood experiences anyway. The same way as anybody who was raised and lived all their life in Russia cannot relate to the american culture untill they have lived here for a while, no matter how many Holywood movies they have watched when being in Russia.

Obviously, if he is not interested in my culture at all, it might present a problem, because I would be unhappy with him not wanting to learn about something that has always been a large part of me. He does not have to relate, he just needs to be interested. But him not being able to speak Russian? No, this is not going to be a deal breaker..

Posted by: That1Guy

Hi inlove,

I find discussions involving Russian culture (and language), and how the degree of interest in them (by prospective western grooms) is perceived by Russian women well...interesting.

(Sorry this statement is difficult to read - it is for me).

I have read several times that if a man even attempts to learn the Russian language, his suitor will be "impressed". I find this notion somewhat perplexing mainly because I do not fully understand the desire or need to "impress" the woman in whom one is interested in by learning about her. I feel that this desire to learn about her would be a quite natural expression of interest in her. I have tried (with a VERY moderate degree of success) to learn Spanish. Not because I was interested in dating spanish-speaking women, but because I have simply wanted to learn a foreign language. I feel it is more a matter of respect. If I were to travel to a foreign country, I feel I should try to learn some of the language, and as much about the culture as I could before I go there. This could help me avoid embarrassing moments or even accidentally being rude or offensive. I think this type of effort, even if it is minimal, is respectful to the inhabitants of the country I am visiting. Before I went to Russia, I began trying to learn as much as possible by visiting websites, purchasing software, and yes, visiting this forum. I continue this process today, and the more I learn (admittedly not a great deal)

the more interesting it becomes.

Now back to learning a language for a more specific purpose. Because I have fallen completely in love with a woman to whom English is a second language, I have felt even more compelled to learn as much of her language as I can. I do this despite her warnings that it is very difficult, and ultimately of little use. I rationalize my own desire to learn partly because of my natural curiousity, but moreso because there are times (albiet somewhat rare) that it makes communication between her and I a lot easier. As it turns out, the phrases that I have learned thus far are not typically useful in normal conversation with a friend or lover (unless she happens to work at a bank or restaurant)

. However, there are times when we are talking, and will get hung up on a single term. If by a stroke of luck, I happen to know the Russian term, I can say it, and we quickly move on with the rest of the conversation. Otherwise, we struggle for a few minutes, and at times end up with, "I will write to you about it."

So, I think maybe people are misusing the term "impress". I think maybe they are expressing something closer to respect.

Oh, I am very grateful for your comment regarding the difficulty of fully understanding or "relating" to a foreign culture. I say this because there are times when I feel completely inadequate in my understanding!

Guy

Posted by: inlove

Hi Guy,
I think, as long as there is no language barrier problem, it does not matter which language is spoken in the relationship. My Honey impresses me in many other ways, Russian is not required. He wants to learn it before we go to Russia together.. He even got a text book, and managed to learn how to order a bowl of soup.. He also knows how to say "I love you" in Russian, and says it to me often in his cute accent. This one is very useful indeed.

Right now we are studying Spanish together because it has always been a dream of mine to learn Spanish.. The fact that Honey wants to study it with me is impressive on its own.

By any means, learn Russian if you want to get more familiar with the country and the culture.. But I don't think your lady would have liked you any less if you did not know a single word in Russian, as long as her English is good enough to comunicate with you..So, for a relationship to work knowing Russian is not that important.

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

I think, as long as there is no language barrier problem, it does not matter which language is spoken in the relationship.

This is my opinion as well. As I've already mentioned (on the other thread on this subject), I am in the opposite situation as my husband does not speak English. I have never really cared one way or another until recently--and that is only because we are planning to move to the US, so I think it will be easier for him to know some English. But this has nothing to do with our relationship or ability to communicate and understand one another.

Quote:

Would you want for your children to speak your language?

We plan for our daughter to speak three languages (maybe it's a little ambitious

). But she will speak Russian at home (as that is the language we speak at home), English at school (as we will be in the US), and Ukrainian at Saturday school (assuming we can find a Ukrainian school where we'll be living--I think we can). Don't know how realistic this plan is, but it is what we are hoping for. We are still idealistic (soon to be) first time parents

However, if we planned to live in the US forever, likely she would really only need English. The thing is, there is a good chance that we may relocate to Ukraine after a few years, in which case she will need Russian/Ukrainian. If she begins to forget English at that point, to be honest, I won't be offended as long as English no longer serves a practical purpose in her life.

Quote:

Do you not think that your husband might miss out and won't be able to relate to you and to the culture that raised you?

Whether or not my husband can relate to the culture that I was raised in (and often he cannot) is not due to his inability to speak English. It is the result of being raised in a very different environment and having never been to the US and experiencing my culture first hand. Yes, knowing English would allow him to better experience that culture once he does arrive in the US, but we have been together about 3 years at this point and this has in no way affected our relationship or ability to communicate. So he will need English to live more easily in the US, not specifically to live more easily with me

If we weren't planning on moving, I doubt he would ever learn English. And I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Posted by: ham

I can get my point across in French, German and English + Italian and i'm studying Russian (on hold now for other reasons ).
The reason why i started learning russian is that 1. i like russian culture 2. you cannot expect it to work properly in foreign settings, be it a relationship.
Those who have made job deals or transactions through interpreters AND in person know it makes a lot of difference.
I'd go in person any day...interpreters are a nuisance and -as many MOB reports show- often get in the way, or "give you what you want to hear" or "yank your chain", not to mention outright fraud.
When you go in person, there's no fraud.
I realize A. most men just seek fine tail and couldn't care less; probably if Poland & Hungary were still an "open market", they'd seek there as well, no doubt. B. Many FSUWs landed over here seem just too happy to "show" they can speak English (the caveman syndrome ), so why would a sizeable portion of men want to learn russian?

Those who choose to ignore the cultural dimension ( for they are not just "women" but from the FSU, not Poland, not Thailand ) might be in for a biiiiiiiiiiiiig surprise; after all, as lord Marx said, culture is what molds us, right?

I realize some men just want someone (cute) to marry and women some (nice) men from the USA, Canada etc to marry, yet we all know the dangers a simplistic approach can & does entail.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

So, for a relationship to work knowing Russian is not that important.

I would disagree. My boyfriend speaks Russian, knows some aspects of Russian history better than I do, understands Russian mindset, is passionate about Russia and her people - and let me tell you, everything romantic and wonderful that he does for me, pales in comparison with his respect and knowledge of my culture and my language. I've been in relationships with Americans who could care less about learning my language or weren't as interested in my culture, and it is the biggest turn off (after bad hygiene

) that I can think of.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

So he will need English to live more easily in the US, not specifically to live more easily with me

If we weren't planning on moving, I doubt he would ever learn English. And I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Once again, it is a personal preference. However, I think it is a very nearsighted view, as romantic as it may seem to be at first. Communication is the key of any healthy relationship, and if knowledge of the language is absent, bits and pieces of the communication are missing as well. At first, it may not be as noticiable because both parties are flying high on adrenaline and hormones of newly weds. Later on, however, those bits and pieces will catch up creating bulks of misunderstandings, which will grow into problems. Again, it's my point of view based on observation, personal experience, and quite a few real life examples.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

I can get my point across in French, German and English + Italian and i'm studying Russian (on hold now for other reasons ).
The reason why i started learning russian is that 1. i like russian culture 2. you cannot expect it to work properly in foreign settings, be it a relationship.
Those who have made job deals or transactions through interpreters AND in person know it makes a lot of difference.

It truly does make a lot of difference. We took several groups of Americans to Belarus, Poland, and other former Soviet republics, and guess what? People's reception of them was much warmer when they heard Americans say a few words of gratitude in Russian to them. Benefits of knowing foreign languages are endless, especially, if you do business in a foreign country or have a relationship with a person from a different country.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Many FSUWs landed over here seem just too happy to "show" they can speak English (the caveman syndrome ), so why would a sizeable portion of men want to learn russian?

Loved the remark regarding "the caveman syndrome"! lol!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Those who choose to ignore the cultural dimension ( for they are not just "women" but from the FSU, not Poland, not Thailand ) might be in for a biiiiiiiiiiiiig surprise; after all, as lord Marx said, culture is what molds us, right?

Agreed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

I realize some men just want someone (cute) to marry and women some (nice) men from the USA, Canada etc to marry, yet we all know the dangers a simplistic approach can & does entail.

Again, couldn't agree more.

Posted by: ham

humans are by definition multi-dimensional.
there is psychology, sexuality, tastes, beliefs...
ignoring one or more under the hippie pretext oh it's not that important after all if you keep the faith, give it wings etc can have serious consequences...
Sure, you'll find the clowns saying they wouldn't mind a sex- or attraction-less relationship; or how "stimulating" it'd be for a religious bigot to marry a militant atheist...or other "opposites".
Some older men don't care provided she's hot & young.
You find FSU fairies who in their profiles say any age, any race, any place, any idea is ok.
That looks like they have something else in mind, and if it's not your age, race, ideas, looks etc, it has to be your passport, your money or else.
Again, hippie liberals can say that proves those are open minded and prejudice-free...to me it's a scam waiting to happen soon after the my-best-self moments wear off and reality kicks in.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

) that I can think of.

If knowledge of our native language would make or break a relationship, all of us would be in happy relationships with men from our own country.. Who knows our language and culture better than them? Right?

I've dated a number of american men who could care less about Russian culture before they met me. None of them were looking specifically for a russian woman.. And because they were interested in me, they became interested in russian culture later on to some extend. For me the guy's personal qualities, his intellect, charm, open mind, desire to try and learn new things, not necessarily Russian, and our mutual interests are more important than the depth of his knowledge about Russia. His ability to speak Russian is not important at all.. Frankly, I would rather talk about something else, besides the significance of Dostoevsky in Russian literature. It is, obviously, different for you, since you make living teaching Russian. I don't..

Posted by: Eryk

>> Do you think that an American man/woman marrying a Russian >>man/woman should know their language?

I am not American.

>>How important is it to know the language of a person you are in love with?

That depends on the people involved. From my own point of view I classify it as essential.

>>Do you put an extra effort to learn the language or do you expect your >>new bride/groom to learn your language?

Natalia already spoke near perfect English so our ability to communicate with each other never entered the equation. Learning Russian is/was essential because:

1) All the Aunts and Uncles etc. on her side of the family speak Russian or other CIS languages and not being able to converse with half of ones family is unacceptable.

2) Speaking English 'at home' would lead to any children growing up as essentially mono-lingual in English until about age 4 (also unacceptable).

3) I was completely fluent in English already so further practice in that language was not going to teach me anything new and endlessly repeating something you can do "with your eyes closed" is boring.

4) It is useful to be able to sit in a bar in the UK and make remarks about the amazing corpulent rear ends of the people around you with next to no risk of them understanding what you are saying ("Blin! - Bolshoi, zhirny popka!!")

Eryk

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

You are right, he should learn some English before the BIG MOVE. It will make the first few months in the country much less painful.

Quote:

We plan for our daughter to speak three languages (maybe it's a little ambitious

A friend of mine was looking for a Ukranian school in Chicago for her son. The only two she've found were catholic affiliated. They did not spend much time on language and literature, but were more or less like sunday schools for Ukranian catholics. Since my friends are not catholic, she decided not to proceed..
There is a good russian school here, though. My son goes there once a week.

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

However, I think it is a very nearsighted view, as romantic as it may seem to be at first. Communication is the key of any healthy relationship, and if knowledge of the language is absent, bits and pieces of the communication are missing as well. At first, it may not be as noticiable because both parties are flying high on adrenaline and hormones of newly weds. Later on, however, those bits and pieces will catch up creating bulks of misunderstandings, which will grow into problems. Again, it's my point of view based on observation, personal experience, and quite a few real life examples.

Ah, I think you misunderstood (or I was not clear). Our ability to communicate is in no way hindered by the fact that he can not speak English, because we both speak Russian. We have ONE language that we can both speak, and really have no immediate need of another (in this case English). As a result, I can imagine the parallel scenario where the RW already speaks English well and the AM really has no need of Russian (UNLESS they are planning to live in Russia or spend a good deal of time there).

So I believe one common language is adequate for two people to communicate. It's not adreneline and hormones, it's just practical. We have never had a misunderstanding as the direct result of language barrier. It will only become an issue once he moves to the US, but that is why he is studying English now.

Quote:

From what I have heard so far, most Ukrainian schools in teh US are somehow affiliated with a church--which isn't entirely what we want (we're not particularly religious), but it may be the only local option. I know there are a few such schools, though, where they do focus on language and history (at least that's what they advertise

). The trick is to find those. Otherwise, we'll have to ship in grandma and grandpa every summer for "language camp."

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Logical enough. However, how do you explain Russian women married to American men and seeking Russian lovers on a side, and Russian men married to American women (which is more rare) seeking Russian lovers on a side as well?

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Frankly, I would rather talk about something else, besides the significance of Dostoevsky in Russian literature. It is, obviously, different for you, since you make living teaching Russian. I don't..

Teaching/learning is my hobby and passion, not my day-to-day job.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eryk

4) It is useful to be able to sit in a bar in the UK and make remarks about the amazing corpulent rear ends of the people around you with next to no risk of them understanding what you are saying ("Blin! - Bolshoi, zhirny popka!!")

It is FUN to do that, maybe not appropriate... but fun!

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

So I believe one common language is adequate for two people to communicate. It's not adreneline and hormones, it's just practical. We have never had a misunderstanding as the direct result of language barrier. It will only become an issue once he moves to the US, but that is why he is studying English now.

Jill, I am happy to hear that you and your husband have harmony when it comes to communication. Nevertheless, I still think it is not only practical but smart to know the language of your lover, partner, husband, wife. That's my personal opinion

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

humans are by definition multi-dimensional.

Ham, you are more positive than I am! I'd say that most humans are one-dimensional!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

You find FSU fairies who in their profiles say any age, any race, any place, any idea is ok. That looks like they have something else in mind, and if it's not your age, race, ideas, looks etc, it has to be your passport, your money or else.

That's one scenario. Another scenario depicts absolutely delirious-to-reality women and men who look for a fairy tale from Russia, Korea, China, America... nothing else matters, just the fairy tale come true. And after a while, just like you said - "moments wear off and reality kicks in." Then people begin to search for someone who can relate to them, understand them, speak their language, make their heart flutter with the sound of dear and native sounds.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

moments wear off and reality kicks in.

Posted by: ham

when i was in Canada, i had a laugh at alienated italian groups who would join at 5am to watch the late evening italian tv news; would water maccheroni sauce down with tears thinking about Italy etc. Frankly i couldn't care less.
however
that is not a relationship.
I found weird there are people making such a point about having left their culture behind, and that has nothing to do with "pride" either.
That's why i call that caveman's syndrome.
Hell, i see nothing special about learning english and why it'd be 100x better than russian or swahili.
It's not one got four Ph.D because they speak english.
Culture matters even in a hippie-NY-liberal + rural-redneck-Alabama marriage.
Ever wondered why an increasing % of divorced people relate to the event even as realizing they had been married to a stranger they didn't know?
At times these are excuses for getting $ in court or else, but i think most times all those meaningless details not going to matter if you keep the faith & give it wings take a toll over time, when they realize they do not know the other person; have little if anything in common with.
I read a few reports from men who -wanting to chase women- became volunteers, joined a church or other idea/job oriented group, because they said those were protected environments where fishing would be easier.
They oftentimes found out that was true indeed.
In spite of this, most of them (because either unmotivated or superficially motivated ) gave it up as soon as they realized how the job/idea played a role in those women's lives, and men would grow tired very quickly, after a transient period of my-best-self attitude.
Every man into traditional women knows say a strict mormon, jewish or else woman is better than the average hippie agnostic broad...but who wants to live their life as a mormon? or volunteering for the red cross? or a KKK chapter?

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

This one is quite simple. They use their spouses for money, green cards, citizenships, sometimes social status, while fulfilling their sexual desires on the side. Somehow, they don't rush to divorce their American spouses who, apparently, cannot give them intellectual and sexual satisfaction, and marry their amazing Russian lovers, their "ability to relate" nonwithstanding. Do you think, an ability of American spouse to speak Russian will influence a cheater's mentality?

Quote:

Teaching/learning is my hobby and passion, not my day-to-day job.

So.. What do you do for living, then?

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

However, how do you explain Russian women married to American men and seeking Russian lovers on a side, and Russian men married to American women (which is more rare) seeking Russian lovers on a side as well?

I find this statement a little odd. Of all the reasons to cheat on a spouse, I don't the language they speak is very high on the list (of course, I could be wrong...). But then why do people who have the same native language cheat on one another? Americans cheat on their American spouses probably as often as Russians cheat on their American spouses

Quote:

Do you think, an ability of American spouse to speak Russian will influence a cheater's mentality?

Perhaps it would make it harder for the Russian spouse to cheat, just because it would make it easier for the American to eavesdrop on conversations, read private correspondance, etc....But other than that, I doubt language itself is much of a reason for cheating.

Posted by: GreenBarb

Maybe the language itself is not important, but to learn and make the effort is just as important.
For me the reason to learn Russian is so that I could comminucate with Vera in her language. It is away for me to show that I care enough about her to want to learn her language and express myself to her and understand her. Being able to talk with other Russians is just a bonus. I have the advantage of a Russian Teacher and she is great.

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Frankly, I would rather talk about something else, besides the significance of Dostoevsky in Russian literature.

Me too, by the way... Dostoevsky! What a boredom!

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

We took several groups of Americans to Belarus, Poland, and other former Soviet republics, and guess what? People's reception of them was much warmer when they heard Americans say a few words of gratitude in Russian to them.

It reminds me the wonderful scene from Great Race movie...
Remember, when Great Leslie and Professor Fate enter some frozen and dark Russian town, surrounded by gloomy, mute and hostile crowd... And then the heroine of Nataly Wood exclaims: "�� , ��!"

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

What does the term "cheater's mentality" mean? Every human is prone to cheating to some degree. Some need an excuse, others need a reason to cheat. Inability to connect, to relate to someone because of his/her culture may be an excuse to some, while it can become a reason for others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

So.. What do you do for living, then?

I don't think this question has any relevance to what we are discussing here

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

As I said above, people need either an excuse or a reason for cheating. I heard my friend tell me stories about his Russian female acquaintances who are married to Americans, and after a while 90% (according to him) of them start looking for Russian men, not for other American men to cheat with, but for Russians... Why? Because they want to hear their native language, they want to be with someone who understands their mentality, their culture, etc. Those aren't fiction stories. It is reality, and to blindly deny the reality is not very smart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jill

Good point, Jill. I know of another story... a Russian girl married an American, moved to America. She didn't speak English perfectly, but she could communicate. After a while, her English skills had improved. To me, everything about her says RUSSIA, which isn't a bad thing at all! Her hubby after a year or two... found someone more American. Oh yes, and just because she spoke English quite well by that time, she was able to learn about his affair by reading his private correspondance... She ended her marriage with him. End of story.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenBarb

Maybe the language itself is not important, but to learn and make the effort is just as important.
For me the reason to learn Russian is so that I could comminucate with Vera in her language. It is away for me to show that I care enough about her to want to learn her language and express myself to her and understand her. Being able to talk with other Russians is just a bonus. I have the advantage of a Russian Teacher and she is great.

Of course, GreenBarb! I am sure that your Vera is very pleased when she hears you speak Russian

Good luck in your studying!!

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrincetonLion

It reminds me the wonderful scene from Great Race movie... Remember, when Great Leslie and Professor Fate enter some frozen and dark Russian town, surrounded by gloomy, mute and hostile crowd... And then the heroine of Nataly Wood exclaims: "�� , ��!"

LOL! Those Hollywood movies and their depiction of former Soviet Union! Dark, gloomy, cold... covered with snow... that's Russia for an average American. How sad

Posted by: RusLessons

sorry, the site posted the same message three times, didn't know how to delete it

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Culture matters even in a hippie-NY-liberal + rural-redneck-Alabama marriage.

lol That would be some culture, indeed!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Ever wondered why an increasing % of divorced people relate to the event even as realizing they had been married to a stranger they didn't know?

Why? There are many, many reasons why:

1. People don't take time to floss their teeth, to eat their food, to say "hello" to their friends, let along to get to know ANOTHER human being!
2. We are raising a generation of selfish brats whose main concern is with what pleases ME!
3. Today we have the largest number of people ever who can read, and the smallest number of people ever who can think!

The list goes on...

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

LOL! Those Hollywood movies and their depiction of former Soviet Union!

It is nothing about Soviet Union - the events of that movie take place, if I remember, in 1908...

Did you see it, after all? That's classic! And, by the way, it is very well known in Russia (as "�� "), - but, what is interesting, that particular scene was cut off in the Russian version!

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

Cheater's mentality is just exactly what it is - a cheater's mentality. You describe it very well as looking for an excuse, or a reason to cheat and lie to his/her partner. I disagree that everyone is prone to cheating, and there are, fotunately, plenty of examples around of people who don't cheat on each other, even when running into marital problems. I would agree, though, that in Russian society cheating is more accepted in general, which does not mean that all Russians are prone to cheating.

You are trying to perpetuate the notion that knowledge of russian language is the key to successful Russian/Western relationship. It is simply not true. It might add some extra topics to dinner discussions, some extra mutual interests to the list, but it is not a marriage savior. The one who wants to cheat will ALWAYS find a reason/excuse, as they often do in Russian-only marriages.

Quote:

I don't think this question has any relevance to what we are discussing here

You mean, the whole story of your life is that you teach Russian? I thought so...

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

I heard my friend tell me stories about his Russian female acquaintances who are married to Americans, and after a while 90% (according to him) of them start looking for Russian men, not for other American men to cheat with, but for Russians... Why? Because they want to hear their native language, they want to be with someone who understands their mentality, their culture, etc. Those aren't fiction stories. It is reality, and to blindly deny the reality is not very smart.

90%!

You, guys, are DOOMED! You better start running to the RusLessons website and sing up for services ASAP..

In understanding mentality and/or culture, knowing language is important, but not crucial.. And sometimes, on the other hand, even knowing language culture and mentality perfectly, does not help in understanding another person..

Posted by: ham

Quote:

You are trying to perpetuate the notion that knowledge of russian language is the key to successful Russian/Western relationship. It is simply not true. It might add some extra topics to dinner discussions, some extra mutual interests to the list, but it is not a marriage savior. The one who wants to cheat will ALWAYS find a reason/excuse, as they often do in Russian-only marriages.

that is not THE reason but a very important one indeed.

Quote:

and there are, fotunately, plenty of examples around of people who don't cheat on each other, even when running into marital problems.

average divorce rate is 50%...60% in some instances.
So 1/2 don't want anything more to do with that.
Out of the remaining 50%, if we exclude doomed marriages kept together on a best effort basis, trying to save the day, not to mention for financial or status reasons, what's left of reasonably happy marriages tout-court?
10%?
20%?

Quote:

that's a generic statement.
True, we can have problems with our neighbor we've grown up with...
That said, those seeking MOBs ought to better be prepared to do something about the extra set of problems typical of a MOB marriage, which only add-up to generic male-female problems.

Learning russian is the first & best idea i can think of because a degree in clinical psychology might require a lot more efforts.

Quote:

You mean, the whole story of your life is that you teach Russian? I thought so...

why would you care?
we're all lines on a pc screen & i doubt she can make $ pimping business here, if at all.
but if you ask me...well...i'm George Clooney, ok...but no autographs please.

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

90%!

You, guys, are DOOMED! You better start running to the RusLessons website and sing up for services ASAP..

I give up. I have canceled our petition. (joke)

I think the propensity to "cheat" likely has little to do with the desire to hear a language. I think there are probably other issues (or problems) within a relationship that would cause this to happen. Of all the articles and books I have read about relationships and psychology in general, this has never been mentioned as an issue that leads couples to extra-marital activity. (I am assuming that the couples are capable of effective communication without the man learning Russian, because communication in general is a very important skill that certainly does affect the quality of the relationship).

If the 90% figure were accurate, (which is rather dubious), I think assigning the cause of a desire to hear their native language is a simplistic view that does not come close to addressing the deeper issues that would cause such a majority of women to seek sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage.

I consider the huge risk these women take so that they can enter into a fulfilling, and healthy relationship. They quit their jobs, sell their homes, leave their entire support network of friends and family, and everything they are familiar with. So, they finally find what they have been searching for, and choose to throw it away because of an overpowering desire to hear Russian??? Please someone tell me that Russian women have more integrity than this! Truly, it is not necessary, because I do not think this is true. I think that most Russian women who have taken the risk to find happiness and fulfillment in a foreign country are willing to work very hard at maintaining their relationships with the men they have become connected with.

90%...out of 100 women, 90 will have extra-marital affairs?

There is a significant caveat about my perspective. In this discussion, I have assumed that effetive communication is possible without the non-Russian partner learning Russian. This will certainly not be the case in all instances. If the couples are not able to communicate effectively (in any language), there are going to be problems. Read just about any article on relationships, and odds are very high that effective communication will be on the list of "necessary attributes" of successful relationships. I have not heard about or read any evidence to the contrary. So, if a couple is having difficulty communicating, I feel very strongly that learning Russian would help maintain this relationship. To go further I would suggest it may even be necessary.

I am also assuming that most women in this situation are sincere, and have a degree of integrity that would prevent them from seeking sex with someone other than their partner. (Given that there are no other significant issues besides their man does not speak Russian). Not because they are Russian, or any other nationality. Simply because I am optimistic about people in general. Naive, perhaps, but true nonetheless.

For me and many others, learning a foreign language is not something that is easily accomplished. (Despite the advertising "Learn any language in 10 days!). I have been working at building a vocabulary for about 6 months now, and have managed to be able to recognize, understand, and speak around 350 words and/or phrases. If I learn another 350 in the next six months, I will know 700. I think it would be misleading for me to believe that the future of my relationship hinged on simply knowing these 700 words. There is without doubt, more to it than this.

Has learning Russian helped me communicate effectively? Not so much effectively as more efficiently (which can also be important). There have been a handful of times when Tatiana and I could not communicate our thoughts because we would get stuck on one term. There have been a few times when I could express the term in Russian, and the conversation would quickly continue. Otherwise, we could spend several minutes trying to get our point across, and at times, give up trying and say, "I will write to you about it." So, does learning Russian help in my case? Unequivocally, YES! I believe the more I learn, the benefit will only increase. However, I refuse to believe that Tatiana will initiate an extra-marital affair simply because I cannot communicate with her in her native language. I think she has much more integrity and respect (for herself, me, and our relationship) to do this. Furthermore, if I were her, I think I would find this suggestion offensive.

I appreciate that people like Natasha (and many others) have taken an interest in teaching foreign languages - I truly do. There is no "down side" that I can imagine to learning to communicate using the symbols of another language. I also support the notion that they should be well compensated for their effort (I know this is not an easy thing to do). I think the peronalized lessons that Natasha offers are likely much more effective than any software program could be. There is much more to teaching a language than just the ability to speak it. She must learn about many subjects to offer effective courses. Considerations regarding effective curriculum and course design are complicated in themselves. There is necessarily a lot of hard work that she must do to provide these services, and I fully realize and appreciate this. (I used to be a trainer).

What irks me, is deceptive advertising. Exaggerating (or "inventing") statistics to play on the fears or other basic human emotions to promote a product is (IMHO) unethical. For example, "Learn any language in 10 days", or "90% of women will cheat on you if you do not learn their language".

Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions, and they are certainly not placed here for malice. I hope that no one is offended, because this is not my intent. I appreciate this forum because it provides an excellent environment to discuss issues that are of concern to those who participate. I realize that there will be those who do not agree, and this is not a bad thing. I also realize (and ask for understanding) that I may not fully understand the points that others have made here. I know it is possible to have differences of opinion, and most times, there are valid points on both sides of a discussion. Although I strive to understand, and post honestly and sincerely, I am human, and susceptible to error.

guy

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

LOL! Those Hollywood movies and their depiction of former Soviet Union! Dark, gloomy, cold... covered with snow... that's Russia for an average American. How sad

I am so embarrassed to admit that you are correct! How ignorant I was about Siberia! As a feeble defense, I understand that it is also fairly common in Russia to speak of Siberia as a frozen outpost. Is this true to any extent?

Guy

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Why would you care?
we're all lines on a pc screen & i doubt she can make $ pimping business here, if at all.
but if you ask me...well...i'm George Clooney, ok...but no autographs please.

Ah, classic cynical Ham! lol How are you doing George?

Posted by: That1Guy

In Natasha's comment about 90% of women will cheat...

She did properly qualify her statement - citing her source for the data. (My bad)

However, I am curious: 90% of his friends. This could be as few as um...one (woman who cheated because she wanted to hear Russian) up to...who knows how many, which makes this claim virtually meaningless.

Guy

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

I completely agree!

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

that is not THE reason but a very important one indeed.

I would say that general ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility on both sides present more of an issue than inability to speak Russian.

Quote:

Since when infidelity became the main reason for divorce? I believe the percentage of potentially cheating partners is somewhere of the neiborhood of 30. And not all of them get divorced over it, anyway..

Quote:

It is a generic statement, because it apples to all cases. I don't know about typical MOB marriages, because I don't know any MOBs personally, but in typical Russian - Western relationship (I know quite a few) set of the problems is practically identical to the Western-Western marriages. I would assume, because we all went through the period of adjustment and cultural shock, for a MOB marriage the most important issue would be HER ability ot adapt to her new life. And because of that, her ability to speak the language of the country she is moving into, and thus ability to build social ties in her new environment, is far more important than his ability to speak Russian.

Quote:

why would you care?
we're all lines on a pc screen & i doubt she can make $ pimping business here, if at all.
but if you ask me...well...i'm George Clooney, ok...but no autographs please.

I don't care. It was just an illustration for "I came here to tell my story" statement.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Cheater's mentality is just exactly what it is - a cheater's mentality. You describe it very well as looking for an excuse, or a reason to cheat and lie to his/her partner.

First, cheater's mentality doesn't exist, since everyone is prone to cheating (whether you want to believe it or not). Second, I am not describing "cheater's mentality", I am saying that anyone simply needs an excuse or a reason for cheating. Some need many more reasons/excuses than others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

I disagree that everyone is prone to cheating, and there are, fotunately, plenty of examples around of people who don't cheat on each other, even when running into marital problems.

There are plenty of people who didn't have enough excuses or reasons for cheating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

I would agree, though, that in Russian society cheating is more accepted in general, which does not mean that all Russians are prone to cheating.

I never said anything about "cheating" in Russia, and whether or not it is more acceptable there. I was talking about cheating in America among Russian/American marriages in the US.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

You are trying to perpetuate the notion that knowledge of russian language is the key to successful Russian/Western relationship.

lol When did it turn into being a notion?! Knowledge of Russian lanugage isn't the KEY, it is one of the keys. My argument is that knowing Russian language/culture by an American man/woman will help eliminate one probable reason for cheating for his/her Russian wife/husband.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

The one who wants to cheat will ALWAYS find a reason/excuse, as they often do in Russian-only marriages.

The one who doesn't want to cheat, may be given many good reasons to do exactly that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

You mean, the whole story of your life is that you teach Russian? I thought so...

Again, you shifted my answers around. You asked me about my profession, and I didn't think my profession had any relevance to this discussion, and it doesn't.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

90%!

You, guys, are DOOMED! You better start running to the RusLessons website and sing up for services ASAP..

Cheap humor.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

In understanding mentality and/or culture, knowing language is important, but not crucial..

That's exactly what this conversation has been about - the importance of knowing Russian language, not that it's knowledge is crucial in relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

And sometimes, on the other hand, even knowing language culture and mentality perfectly, does not help in understanding another person..

Of course.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by That1Guy

I think the propensity to "cheat" likely has little to do with the desire to hear a language. I think there are probably other issues (or problems) within a relationship that would cause this to happen. Of all the articles and books I have read about relationships and psychology in general, this has never been mentioned as an issue that leads couples to extra-marital activity.

I would think that sexual problems and inability to discuss them with the partner and/or partner's refusal to do anything about it, is the #1 reason to cheat.

Quote:

90%...out of 100 women, 90 will have extra-marital affairs?

As you've read, this is statistics from "a friend". We don't know who this friend is friends with, so don't get scared.. Some friends will tell you that all men are pigs.. This is not true either.

Quote:

There is a significant caveat about my perspective. In this discussion, I have assumed that effetive communication is possible without the non-Russian partner learning Russian. This will certainly not be the case in all instances. If the couples are not able to communicate effectively (in any language), there are going to be problems. Read just about any article on relationships, and odds are very high that effective communication will be on the list of "necessary attributes" of successful relationships. I have not heard about or read any evidence to the contrary. So, if a couple is having difficulty communicating, I feel very strongly that learning Russian would help maintain this relationship. To go further I would suggest it may even be necessary.

Learning Russian is always good, ans there are plenty of reasons for doing that.. But.. personal ability to communicate has almost nothing to do with the language skills, once the basic skills are aquired. She might don't WANT to communicate with you for a variety of reasons, mostly personal fears and issues. Or be scared of your reaction about something.. who knows..

Quote:

I am also assuming that most women in this situation are sincere, and have a degree of integrity that would prevent them from seeking sex with someone other than their partner. (Given that there are no other significant issues besides their man does not speak Russian). Not because they are Russian, or any other nationality.

Majority of people will do that, IMHO.. So don't lose your hope for a happy, healthy relationship, even if you encounter language problems.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

that is not THE reason but a very important one indeed..

Exactly my point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

Learning russian is the first & best idea i can think of because a degree in clinical psychology might require a lot more efforts.

lol!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

why would you care?
we're all lines on a pc screen.

Thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

& i doubt she can make $ pimping business here, if at all.

I can't because the vast majority of people who come here are looking for FREE information and FREE help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

but if you ask me...well...i'm George Clooney, ok...but no autographs please.

Maybe a photograph then??

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by That1Guy

In Natasha's comment about 90% of women will cheat...
She did properly qualify her statement - citing her source for the data. (My bad)

Your bad it is. It wasn't a statement or a fact, simply shared experience. Some of us have experiences that others haven't had a chance to go through, so by sharing these experiences, we are helping each other to avoid the same problems and mistakes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by That1Guy

However, I am curious: 90% of his friends. This could be as few as um...one (woman who cheated because she wanted to hear Russian) up to...who knows how many, which makes this claim virtually meaningless.

Again, it's not a claim, it's HIS experience. He is Russian, lives in a Russian community, has MANY Russian friends, so the 90% of his female friends will amount to a pretty good number. Once again, you are welcome to disregard this information and make no use out of it.

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

I would say that general ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility on both sides present more of an issue than inability to speak Russian.

Inability to speak her/his language (be it English or Russian) is a part of "ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility."

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Did anyone say that "infidelity" was the main reason for divorce?

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

I would assume, because we all went through the period of adjustment and cultural shock, for a MOB marriage the most important issue would be HER ability ot adapt to her new life. And because of that, her ability to speak the language of the country she is moving into, and thus ability to build social ties in her new environment, is far more important than his ability to speak Russian.

To close your eyes on the importance of HIS ability to speak HER language and understand HER culture is quite ignorant.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

I don't care. It was just an illustration for "I came here to tell my story" statement.

I said that I came here to "share" my story and, consequently, my experiences and my interests; not to discuss my personal information, which you were asking for (in a public room, not via e-mail, I must add.)

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

Inability to speak her/his language (be it English or Russian) is a part of "ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility."

Not "inability" to speak Russian or understand culture, but active unwilliness, or even opposition to it, create a problem, and are part of ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility. Her inability to speak English, on the other hand, is a handicap, that will backfire big time.

[QUOTE[Dd anyone say that "infidelity" was the main reason for divorce?[/QUOTE]

Ham's statement implied it.

Quote:

To close your eyes on the importance of HIS ability to speak HER language and understand HER culture is quite ignorant.

I'll stay with my opinion. Based on my own example, and example of few of my Russian female friends ( I don't have that many, this is true), his ability to speak Russian has nothing to do with a healt of relationship.. I must add, that all of us speak good English..

Quote:

Your profession is a big-top secret, not to be shared with others? Well.. maybe then you should not ask others to share their personal info too..

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

I don't think we can agree on anything here, including the omnipresence of cheating tendencies, but I'll tell you what, guys.. If she wants to cheat, cheated before, your perfect Russian is not going to make any difference.. And if she is such a person, is it worth it to be married to her in the first place?

Quote:

There are plenty of people who didn't have enough excuses or reasons for cheating.

Yeah, everybody is a thief in heart as well, they just did not have an opportunity/guts to steal yet..

Quote:

lol When did it turn into being a notion?! Knowledge of Russian lanugage isn't the KEY, it is one of the keys.

If it is one of the keys, it is quite a small one..Not the one to her heart, that's for sure..

Quote:

My argument is that knowing Russian language/culture by an American man/woman will help eliminate one probable reason for cheating for his/her Russian wife/husband.

Quote:

The one who doesn't want to cheat, may be given many good reasons to do exactly that.

You mean, the language would be one of them? Yeah, right..

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Not "inability" to speak Russian or understand culture, but active unwilliness, or even opposition to it, create a problem, and are part of ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility.

lol! And his passive unwilliness, on the other hand, is OK? All that you've listed eventually leads to his/her INABILITY to speak and understand Russian culture. You basicaly said what I did, only circled around it quite a bit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Her inability to speak English, on the other hand, is a handicap, that will backfire big time.

His inability to speak Russian is a handicap, that will backfire big time or small... only it'll take a while longer for it to backfire.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Ham's statement implied it.

Not at the least.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

And I hope that your relationship will continue to be an exception to the "common" rule.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Your profession is a big-top secret, not to be shared with others? Well.. maybe then you should not ask others to share their personal info too..

Never asked you, did I?

Posted by: RusLessons

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

You are mixing apples with oranges. Apples: learning Russian out of genuine desire to get to know your mate. Oranges: marrying a woman/a man who has a long history of cheating. And how do you know whether someone wants to cheat or doesn't before you get involved with them? Anywho...

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

Yeah, everybody is a thief in heart as well, they just did not have an opportunity/guts to steal yet..

And when the opportunity presents itself, they will steal. Human nature isn't as sophisticated as you are making it out to be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

If it is one of the keys, it is quite a small one..Not the one to her heart, that's for sure..

For you it is quite small, practically absent, however, for many people out there it seems to be one of the bigger keys. That's why people form communities in the U.S. - Italian, Russian, Jewish, Chinese, Mexican, etc. because they want to be around people with whom they have commonalities, such as culture and language. Many Russians who've lived in the U.S. for many years refuse to marry an American man or woman. Just because you don't think communication in native language is important, it doesn't lessen the importance of such communication for the majority of people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by inlove

You mean, the language would be one of them? Yeah, right..

It already is in many cases!

Posted by: ham

Quote:

????????????
so what is the main reason for divorce?
None.
There are reasons in every case, infidelity being prominent ( otherwise why get into a marriage? stay single & enjoy relationships)

Quote:

I believe the percentage of potentially cheating partners is somewhere of the neiborhood of 30. And not all of them get divorced over it, anyway..

beyond published divorce statistics ( ans somewhere they even give brackets for the main or supposed reason ), it's hearsay and my guess is as valid as yours.
Not all divorce over physical abuse, either; or alcohol or drugs abuse, so again...

Quote:

and thus ability to build social ties in her new environment, is far more important than his ability to speak Russian.

If he just wanted to get married and/or fine tail and she just wanted to get married in the west, you're right...all it mainly takes are sex on her part + a condescending attitude, his $ ( to pay for catching up, college etc ) and once the green card arrives, divorce lawyers are on yellow pages...all this over 2,3 or n years period.
No doubt the majority of couples fall into the above category...i'd try to stay out of it, though.

Quote:

i assume you a a FSUW and you've learnt english or whatever not after or because of marriage but on some scholarship or study trip to the west.
If the assumption is good, i can see a few making so much noise about it, while not realizing they're in a zerodot minority.
Ok, if so that's great, cool etc, but that doesn't apply to 99% of FSUWs men are likely to meet over the internet.
Most men in the game decide to marry after going through an interpreter's perspective, not their wife's...
A good step to solve that is learning russian, in my opinion.

Quote:

I would say that general ignorance, arrogance and inflexibility

again generic terms.
The same course of action or phrase may be considered arrogance on one side, and strenght on the other; ignorance on one side, and strong belief on the other; inflexibiliy on one side & strenght on the other.
There has to be something you have to love about the FSU, not just her legs or shaved taco...otherwise you'd equally be better off seeking in Brazil or Colombia or China.
If all you want is a pretty exoskeleton you want to brainwash into a clone of your neighbor, then go get this neighbor & save airfare, translation, college-catch-up etc etc fees for you're as likely to end in divorce.
I'm aware many men are seeking in the FSU because that's the last reservoir of white meat. Because of all talk about culture crash or clash there hasn't to be this much of a cultural bridge or oneness.
You're 500x more likely to find the typical blonde slender white thing in the FSU than in Brazil or Colombia, i agree.
however
if your reason is mainly that, you're in for a biiig surprise.
And yes, ok i hear you, Jim or Pedro or Leroy or Wong...you have models ready for a date back home; you're a neurosurgeon making sixfigures tax free; you're in the MOB game just by sheer luck or chance as you have no problem whatsoever ever with women and you're terribly attractive.
You're a winner, i'm a loser after all.

Posted by: jpierce55

I have been watching this. So far, like usual I pretty much agree with Inlove. I will say though, I expect cheating usually comes from a lack of emotional support rather than pure sexual desire. I would expect sexual desire to be number two.

Language could be a problem, but only if you could not communicate at all. If you can still talk, even with occasional bumps in the road, things will still work out if it is meant to.

The main reason that divorce happens is suppose to be over finances, not infidelity.

As for me I will attempt to learn a little Russian, but I don't think I will learn it as well as Elena knows English. That would take years. I can say that Elena was truly impressed with the fact I took effort to learn a little about Uzbekistan. She could have cared less that I could not speak Russian.

Posted by: That1Guy

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

It is not the fact that it is a claim that makes it meaningless so much as the data presented - it is woefully inadequate to make any assumptions with.

guy

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

Inability to speak the language does not necessarily means inability to understand a culture. For example, I'm interested in Japanese culture. I have a lot of books about this country, its traditions and history, its literature, and my favorite, its cinema..All these references are in English, because I don't know any Japanese, and presently I'm not planning on studying this language. I'm sure that haiku sounds better in Japanese, but English translation is sufficient enough for me to be facinated by the beauty of the texts. I don't claim to be an expert in "all things Japanese", but I have enough basic understanding to get by.. As long as I'm not planning on moving to Japan and communicating with local people, I don't really need to know the language to learn about the culture..

Quote:

His inability to speak Russian is a handicap, that will backfire big time or small... only it'll take a while longer for it to backfire.

His inability to speak Russian will become a handicap if he plans on moving to Russia. Otherwise, it is not any more of a handicap than his inability to speak Turkish, for example.

Quote:

And I hope that your relationship will continue to be an exception to the "common" rule.

As much as special my relationship is, it is not an exception to the common language rule. A vast majority of Russian speaking women in international relationships outside of Russia have partners who don't speak Russian. And percentage of failed relationships does not correlate to the knowledge of Russian, either. It is in line with the statistics of general population.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by RusLessons

Those "apples and oranges" came from your idea of eliminating reasons for cheating by learning Russian. I'm just saying that a partner's ability to speak Russian is not going to affect his chances of being cheated on.

Quote:

And when the opportunity presents itself, they will steal. Human nature isn't as sophisticated as you are making it out to be.

I though I was cynical, but you take the cake. Apparently, there are no place for morals and values in this world at all..

Quote:

Many Russians, or to be exact Russian Jews, who live in the US, imigrate here as families, live in Russian-speaking communities and never learn to speak English beyond a limited vocabulary of everyday transactions. They keep the mentality of "we" and "they", they, obviously, meaning Americans, and keep quazi-russian culture that mostly has nothing to do with the modern russian culture. Their children, on the other hand, assimilate quite well, and usually leave the community for good, once adults, coming back to buy some grechka once in 6 months.. Obviously, older generations have a harder time fitting in the new environment, and their ties to the "native culture" become the only opportunity for meaningful communication. Fortunately, it is not what majority of young, single women coming here as brides have in mind for themselves. Communication in native language is important, but if it is what makes or breaks relationships for you, you better stay in Russia, and enjoy the sound of native language all around you, instead of locking yourself in a small russian speaking "derevnya" of America.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

????????????
so what is the main reason for divorce?
None.
There are reasons in every case, infidelity being prominent ( otherwise why get into a marriage? stay single & enjoy relationships)

I agree with jpierce that the #1 reason for divorce is money. The second, I believe, is disagreement about raising children.. There is a number of surveys available on the subject of reasons for divorce.

Quote:

I'm not sure if you've read my statement right, so I'll repeit it again in different words. Unless you are planning to keep your future wife in a cage for the rest of her life, and make her to communicate with you only, her ability to build social ties with people around her, make friendships with Americans, find work, and otherwise to assimilate in her new environment, is FAR MORE important for the success of your relationship than your ability to order beer in Russian.

Quote:

Actually, majority of young single Russian women in the US come here on their own, not as somebody's spouses. Some come here as students, some come here to work. So, I'm actually in a large majority.

Quote:

Ok, if so that's great, cool etc, but that doesn't apply to 99% of FSUWs men are likely to meet over the internet.

Not, if you are looking on the "Russian Brides" sites, that's for sure..

Quote:

Most men in the game decide to marry after going through an interpreter's perspective, not their wife's...
A good step to solve that is learning russian, in my opinion.

That's true.. Learning russian is good in general, and can be very beneficial for breaking a language problem with your bride (although not necessarily a communication problem), just don't come up with false assumptions about "cheating preventions", and other bs.

Quote: