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Locals and Yokels
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Posted by: Keith In Kodiak

Ivan, a sophisticated resident of Moscow, and Vlad, a Siberian guy from a village deep in the taiga, meet up at a beautiful Black Sea resort. They become good friends over a few dozen beers and a bottle or two of vodka in the hotel bar.
The next day, Vlad is guy is sitting on the beach and spots Ivan walking along with three beautiful, tanned beauties! He watches wistfully as Ivan escorts his girls into his hotel room...
That night in the bar, Vlad queries Ivan about his success with women. Ivan is reluctant at first to reveal his secret, but after a few dozen drinks he tells all to his newest best friend, Vlad.
First, Ivan advises, you must get rid of those cut-off snow pants and buy a very revealing Italian Speedo swimsuit. Next (and most importantly!) you must go to the market and buy the largest turnip you can find. Drop that turnip into your new swimsuit and then strut up and down in front of the women. Soon, you'll have all the women you want!

At dawn, Vlad dashes off to the market and comes back with an enormous turnip and a tiny pair of red Speedo's. He suits up, drops the turnip into his Speedo and begins walking the beach in front of the tanning beauties. To his surprise, instead of looks of admiration, he draws looks of disgust! Some women even throw things at him and call him a Bulgarian... He's shocked!

He spots Ivan walking toward him with 4 beautiful women around him. He dashes to him and tells him what's happening. Desperate, he again asks for advice.

Ivan looks his friend over, then sadly tells him: "Try again tomorrow, but this time put the turnip down the FRONT of your Speedo!"

Keith