Question from English woman in relationship with Ukrainian man - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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Question from English woman in relationship with Ukrainian man
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Posted by: luckylass

I am an English woman living in Cyprus with friends of both sexes here from Russia and the Ukraine. I began to enjoy the company of a Ukrainian guy as he was hardworking, respectful, attentive and pleasant to be around. I was then informed by a mutual Russian friend that he was being in love with my passport. I did withdraw from him for a while and now we have started to see each other again but I am finding it a problem what was said in the past. Can anyone please give me some insight and advice on how to really find the truth here and also what life is like being with a person of our different background and cultures? I do not wish either of us to get hurt but wish to understand what is occurring here as I like him a lot. sorry this is probably not supposed to be on this site however being new to this I was encouraged by your stories of good marriages on here ect and am very sorry about the difficult health ones.

Posted by: Khashyar

Welcome to the Russian Meeting Place, Luckylass...

Please feel free to post any questions that you might have, and to participate in discussions here. You can help add to our knowledgebase of Western Women involved in relationships with Russian men.

We do have a few Western women involved with Russian men in these forums.

I am going to create a new thread for your particular situation.

Enjoy the good weather in Cyprus.

Khashyar

Posted by: Jill

I'm afraid my answer will be fairly banal. How do you find out if he likes you or your passport? By getting to know him well. What else can you do? At some point it simply becomes a question of trust--and that's not an issue specific to international relationships, but rather it applies to all relationships. How would an English woman know that her English boyfriend isn't cheating on her (for example)? By getting to know him well enough that she feels confident in her understanding of his character and values. It's the same thing here, really.

You don't give much information here, though--how long have you known each other, what is the nature/seriousness of your relationship at this point, etc. And you don't say much about this mutual Russian friend--is it possible that he/she would have motive for sabotaging a potential relationship between you and this man (jealousy, for example)?

Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks for your thoughts, Jill.

(Lass.... I made a working-on-the-computer-too-long mistake when I wrote you a PM, and told you that Jill is married to an Armenian man.... Jill is actually married to a UKRAINIAN man, and lives with her husband in Armenia...)

Shame on me

Khashyar

Posted by: Jill

Ah, but your hard work is all for a good cause, right?

Anyway, the slip isn't your fault--I'll be the first to admit that it's rather an unusual situation

Posted by: luckylass

Thanks for all the information it is much appreciated however we had a frank discusion last night leaving us with a parting of the ways for a while. I am very sad about this but he thinks that when the trouble was caused earlier in the year ( we had been seeing each other a few months by then) I betrayed him by withdrawing and then returning later to him and now he feels unsafe. Whilst I can appreciate this position I ttried to point out that if he had been able to discuss this situation properly at the time it may have not come to this as for me his refusal to discuss at the time was what made me withdraw in the first instance. The mutual friend is no longer his friend and is female but she is still my friend but under the agreement that we do not discuss our situation. Has anyone got any further advice as I am not too used to not being able to discuss openly isues that I need to so are Ukranian men diffrent with thier moods? or react diffrently to certain issues and for making the mistake wit Jill we forgive you LOL...............
Thanks all

Posted by: Jill

Sorry to hear about your situation. Any chance that it is salvageable?

As for Ukrainian men--personally, I am of the opinion that they are not particularly different from any other men. Although, if one were to make generalizations, many do tend to have a stubborn streak (as I think many Ukrainian women do, as well

). And many do not always discuss things as openly as some women would like--but I think I would say that about men in general, not just Ukrainian men.

Well, maybe he's just angry now. Give him some time to cool down and see how he reacts. Maybe he will come around.

Good luck!

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Jill
Although, if one were to make generalizations, many do tend to have a stubborn streak (as I think many Ukrainian women do, as well ). And many do not always discuss things as openly as some women would like--but I think I would say that about men in general, not just Ukrainian men.

I know this is an area for women but if I may offer my thoughts.....

I have had similar experiences with my fiance, she is Russian. As Jill says, not to generalize, but yes it seems that many Russians are also stubborn and do not discuss things as openly.

I have sometimes had to "take the blame" for many things, let her "tell me off" and then later in a subtle and tactful way tell her what error I thought she made.

Despite how mad she got and sometimes she seemed as if she were going to dump me and never speak to me again. She eventually calmed down.

She had periods where she wouldn't communicate with me for a week..... but I was persistent and I guess that helped.

It seems that the friend *may* have been jealous...

or perhaps just wrong in her judgement.

Posted by: luckylass

Thanks for your replies I value your advice and comments as people who have gone through maybe some similar situations. As already stated in your posts I am beginning to find out from my other Russian friends about stuborness. I am obtaining 1 on 1 advice from the women about how they think and feel thier men operate but one theme comes out above all and that is the stuborness and being able to keep everything inside. I have always been taught to be open and honest to the point of bluntness, maybe this is my time for learning a diffrent way I really dont know LOL............ I know that when I thought everything was all over this morning he began to text me about when and where i want to see him again to pick some of my things up and after a few texts back and forth where I held my temper a little better I began to laugh at the silliness of it all. So who knows. I am very happy to see on this site that you have managed to overcome the problems and continue with the relationship.
Warm Regards to you all

Posted by: luckylass

well I have been reading a lot of posts here and some of them are definatley scary and some are great. I am still suffering from the short treatment here from my guy but still managing to hang on in there lol.. I saw a post on here concerning the way in which Russians behave concerning thier needs and wants ect. I have noticed with my friends that when they are wanting something or somebody that the style and manner they go to achieve whatever it is feels sometimes cold and calculating to me and we discuss it. Has anyone else experienced this? It feels very strange to me but normal to my friends. I am really trying to understand the behaviour patterns here and work with this. I really want my guy to get on board here and am impatient please has anybody got any extra ideas for me please or am I over fantasising here???????? HELP

Thank you in advance

Posted by: luckylass

well hello everyone been a little while from my last posting as have been sooooo busy. I just wanted to thank everyone for being around for me during my troubled friendship with my Ukranian man. The problems never went away and we parted for good. Now I have met a Russian guy and wow what a difference, he is open and willing to talk and very very nice to be around. I am very happy right now............

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi luckylass...

It's good to read your updates..

That's great that you have met an open, more communicative Russian man...

Please keep us posted about what you are learning, and how that relationship is going

Regarding stubborness... My wife is not a calculating person at all, but there have been some minor moments when she has been a little stubborn- but only minor moments. However, she realizes when she might be a little stubborn on a particular issue, and then adjusts herself... It doesn't present a problem in our relationship.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Khashyar

Posted by: Jill

Glad to hear that things are looking up for you, luckylass

Posted by: etcetera

I really don't think you can attribute that much to a nationality. Sure there are stereotypes but over there, you can look at any segment of the population and find whatever you are looking for.

Posted by: luckylass

Thanks etcetera for your comments, I have to say that there are certain pointers positive and negative regards nationality traits that I have noticed as I am used to dating English guys and I have definitely noticed some differences between the two cultures now I am dating a Russian guy. It is not just the communication barrier as he speaks very good english.Thats why sometimes it is good to use this forum to read about other people�s experiences and ask questions. It is sometimes difficult to define but even with my Russian girlfriends we sometimes are at cross purposes as they do sometimes think very differently about things and when we speak about this it usually goes back to a time in their lives when they were living in Russia and dealing with their lives there. I assume that I am similar and sometimes revert to my British way of thinking about things because that is what i had been used to for so long. Now I am in Cyprus I have to re adjust to many nationalities and some times forget just how vast the cultural differences are between us all living here and it is not always easy.

Posted by: Khashyar

A discussion later in this thread about the differences between Russian and English culture was made into a new thread here:

http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...read.php?t=5508

Khashyar