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Culture Shock (helping to ease your Russian spouse's cultural adjustment)
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Posted by: ShermanAtlanta

I expect my lady to be here in Atlanta in July or August. She is from a medium sized town in Ukraine called Kherson. I was wondering if anyone had any advise on how to help with the culture shock that I expect her and her daughter to experience. I would appreciate any advise and experiences.
Sherman

Posted by: Castlestormer

She is going to learn one American word pretty fast: traffic! ;-)

You know what they say: love conquors all! Keep us posted.

Posted by: Jim_FL

Check out this link - interesting

Culture Clash Russia

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Sherman...

Welcome to these forums and the Russian Meeting Place. (I enjoyed viewing your posted photos in the Russian Photo Galleries).

From Lena's Russian friends experiences who are now in the U.S., it seems that Russian immigrants respond differently to the change in culture from immigrating to the West, and theit individual reaction depends on many factors such as what their support system is like, how many other Russians are in their area, how supportive and patient their new spouses are, how often they are able to call home, their English-speaking ability, what activities they are involved in when they arrive, and other factors.

Some Russian immigrants experience a delayed "culture shock" and loneliness once the newness of being in being in a new country wears off. At first for many new immigrants, perhaps within the first few months or weeks, being in their new country feels like being on vacation instead of having permanently moved to a new home country. Psychologically, their minds have not adjusted in realizing deep down that they are in their new country permanently and are not going to move back to their native land.

Being able to call their family and friends in their native country is a good way to ease and help immunize them against a high degree of loneliness and culture shock. It helps them transition from being fully a part of their Russian family's life, to integrating into their new Western family.

My wife Lena calls her family in Belarus (mother, father, grandmother-- who live all in the same house) about every two weeks for about one hour. In this way, she feels that she adequately communicates with them, catches up on what is happening in their lives and with her friends, and communicates with them about what is happening in her own life.

I think that being able to call their families and friends abroad also helps ease the loneliness of her family overseas, which in turn makes your immigrant spouse feel more comfortable when she knows that her Russian family is feeling happy and comfortable with her new cultural transition. I think that if our Russian spouses were to feel that her Russian family overseas were unhappy and desperately missing them, then this would almost spread like a loneliness fire that starts to burn away at your spouse's heart and create a longing. Since your spouse's family has been your spouse's main support system until her arrival to the West, that her Russian family still has the ability to impact her, and if you can make her family feel happy and comfortable by being able to stay in touch with your spouse, then it will help everyone to better adjust to your spouse's immigration.

If Lena hasn't called her family after about two weeks, she starts to miss them and longs to speak with them.

I think that since telephone rates (especially through calling cards) are so low to Russian and the Ukraine (sometimes the same price as calling long distance in the U.S. through a major long distance carrier), then encouraging and helping your wife to call her family is a good way of helping to ease her transition.

From my experience with other immigrant friends and family members, I think that when an immigrant lives in a different country, that psychologically and culturally they they no longer purely indentify and operate from their native culture, and that they begin to become some psychologcal mixture of their native country and their resident country-- In the case of our Russian spouses, our spouses no longer are purely Russian, and certainly not purely Western. The culture and environment in which you live affects and impacts you, and shapes you into who you are and what you think.

I did some teaching in the Los Angeles area, and I worked with a 12 year old Russian girl and a 13 year old Russian boy who had both recently arrived in the United States.

The Russian girl could not speak English AT ALL, and I could tell that sometimes she felt depressed and lonely, and that she missed her Russian extended family, friends, and culture. She was placed in an ESL (English as a second language) class in the school, and she felt a bit alienated because most of the students in her ESL class where Hispanic/ Latino. The Spanish-speaking students had a built-in rapport and familiarity with one another because of their common language. They spoke Spanish amongst one another, and my observation of the Russian girl was that she felt left out.

I picked up on this, and spoke a little Russian to this girl, talked to her about my recent 8 week trip to Russia and tried to help her feel welcome and that she had some connection with her new environment. I even brought Lena to the school one day so that Lena could ask the girl how she was doing, and to help give the girl some comfort.

I noticed as the Russian girl's English improved after a few months, that she could communicate her feelings and thoughts to other teachers and students better, and she appeared to be happier and more comfortably adjusted to her new environment.

From the beginning of her arrival into the ESL class, this girl met and befriended a Turkish girl immigrant who had begun the ESL at the same time, and they were the closest of friends, which really helped the Russian girl feel connected to a another person in her new culture.

So... I think that learning English is a very important step in a Russian person's adjustment to the U.S. or England.

I think that it will be easier for your fiance's daughter to learn English (because she will be surrounded by English and and English education in school), and for your fiance, it will be a bit more challenging if she hasn't already studied English (although I believe that she can also learn English with no problem also).

I would definitely recommend enrolling your wife in an ESL adult class in your area soo after she arrives in the West. I would truly investigate that NOW, so that you will have a list of ESL schools at hand and so she can begin studying in an English (ESL) class soon after she arrives. This will not only help immerse her into English as soon as she arrives, but she will also be able to make some new friends who share the common experience of immigrating to the U.S. and learning English.

I think that it also requires a lot of patience from you, and you will be your wife's (and new daughter's) emotional, financial and psychological support in their new country until they can psychologically and emotionally establish themselves here. It really does require a lot of patience and understanding.

I think that it is fortunate that your wife and daughter are moving here together, and they can be a Russian-speaking support system for one another.

I also think that in this new internet age of instant email communicate, that being able to email her friends and family can also be helpful and useful...

My wife Lena has been in the U.S. for about 5 months now, and she really isn't feeling lonely. I think that this is partly because she has three good Russian friends who live in the Los Angeles area and that she can and does call them and receives calls from them whenever she would like. And if she did miss her culture, she can just drive 15 minutes and stop in the Russian section of L.A. and speak Russian with other Russian speakers, as well as buy a Russian product that she might want.

As I mentioned, she speaks almost every day with one of her Russian friends from Los Angeles, so she really can reach out by the telephone and talk in her own language about any of her thoughts or concerns with someone who is able understand her from her Russian cultural female perspective.

(When your fiance arrives, she is completely welcome to call Lena and talk with her about anything-- adjustment issues, life in America, or just to be able to speak with another Russian woman. Feel free to email me after your wife arrives, and I can send you our phone number and your wife is absolutely welcome to call Lena if she would like).

Another thing that Lena would say that has helped her not feel lonely and that has helped her feel adjusted here is that Lena has found something to do here that she really likes-- Iin Lena's case, this has been working on the Russian Meeting Place website. Through her work on the website, Lena receives and communicates by email with Russian women (and Westerners with questions) every day, and so she has a lot of opportunities to communicate with people.

Lena did study English for two years before she arrived in the U.S., and even though she still needed to become familiar with English since she is not a native English speaker, Lena's understanding of English was really helped her be able to communicate with me as well as be able to go out and enjoy socializing with our English-speaking friends.

I would definitely recommend paying for your fiance to study English in her country before she immigrates so that she can receive a head start in becoming used to communicating in English. It is a good idea to help her become familiar with English as soon as possible, rather than to "throw her in the cold water and asking her to swim" and wait for her to begin learning English after she arrives.

If this means asking her to quit her job in her country(and you paying for a month or two of her $40-$100/ month salary) than I think it is a worthwhile investment of a few hundred dollars in exchange for greater future comfort, ease and happiness for you, your wife and your new daughter.

I hope these thoughts and reflections were helpful, and please keep us updated about the arrival of your fiance and new daughter

Please feel free to ask Lena a question on this website's "Ask Lena" page (which is in the "About Russian Women" section). Lena would be happy to answer your question. You can also email Lena directly: Lena @ russianmeetingplace.com.

Khashyar

Posted by: ShermanAtlanta

Thanks for the advice and help. I am a little lucky in the fact that Olena has a cousin here in Atlanta. That was the first thing about me that caught her eye. I did ask her to quit her job about 6 months ago when I proposed. She takes 2 hours of English 6 days per week. We speak on the phone now once or twice each day. I send her about $400 each month and she complains that it is more than she needs. She gives some to her family and I notice in the photos she sends that they are all dressing very well lately. This winter it seemed like she had a new fur coat every week or two...haha.. I never expected that it would take so long to get a visa but I see the time as a small blessing since she has a good English teacher. Her daughter is not speaking nearly as well but I suppose it will improve with conversation. I pay about a dime a minute so she can call her parents any time she wants. Here in Atlanta there is a large Russian and Ukrainian community. There is a Ukrainian grocery about a mile away. There is also a Ukrainian Orthodox church here in town. My biggest concern is the huge change in lifestyle. I hope that they can adjust slowly. I guess that I will play it by ear. Thanks for the advise. I will keep in touch.
Sherman

Posted by: Keith

Khashyar & Sherman:

Why don't we establish a forum section for Atlanta for those of us in the Southeast area of the country? I'd be willing to help out. I live about four hours north of Atlanta. I'm having some wonderful conversations with several Russian ladies that I've met through this web site. If down the road, I find someone special, it would be nice to have some places and resources identified that someone new to this country could take advantage of to ease their transition. I'm sure a weekend trip to a Russian restaurant, etc. would be nice for them. I live in a rural area with few to no Russians in the population. I've lived abroad and I understand culture shock well.

What do you guys think?

Keith

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Sherman...

Sherman.. that's wonderful that things are going so well for Olena and you...

I am sure that she will appreciate the fact that there are many Ukrainians and Russians in your area... That will definitely ease her transition.

I think that asking her to focus on learning English rather than working (and paying for her expenses) definitely has its advantages. (By the way, the average Russian person's salary is between $40 to $100 per month, so by receiving $400 per month she will definitely have everything she needs financially).

I hope that Olena receives her visa very soon... Please keep us updated.

(I enjoyed the photo of Olena in front of McDonalds in the Russian Photo Galleries

Khashyar

Posted by: Khashyar

Hello Keith...

As you suggested, I just added an "Atlanta" section to the Geographical Resources section of the forum.

Thanks for the suggestion.

Feel free to add some listing for Russian businesses there.

Also feel free to add listings to the "Russian User Reviews" section on this website.

And I'm happy that you met some good people through this website. I (and Lena) have also met some good friends here.

By the way, I have been to Tennessee a few times. I went to the World's Fair in Knoxville in 1982, and I also have been to Memphis (and Graceland, of course

Please feel free to share any thoughts and experiences that you are having regarding communicating with Russian people...

Lena has told me that she has exchanged some very positive emails with you as well.

Khashyar

Posted by: Keith

Khashyar, Lena & Others:

Thanks for adding the "Atlanta" section for the few of us in the Southeast! Hopefully the section will grow and I will certainly watch it and join in. I thought since Atlanta is regarded as "the capital of the South," that would be an appropriate "headquarters" for us. :-) I hope Sherman and others will start posting related information of interest, restaurants, churches, etc. I am in Atlanta several times a year but since this is new to me, I don't know about many Russian places. I'm hoping that everyone will not necessarily view that section as Atlanta only but the Southeast in general as well as Atlanta. Perhaps you can start off the section by moving a few of these Atlanta related messages over to that location?

As you know, my search among the Russian personals is relatively new. I'm pleased to report that through this web site alone and through the very kind assistance of your wife, Lena, that I have met and I'm corresponding with several very lovely ladies. I am looking forward to getting to know the ladies and who knows what might result. At some point I would like to focus on one but that comes with time. The Russian Meeting Place has given me a comfortable forum to explore this new interest because I simply don't trust the "Russian Bride Company" web sites and I probably would have never attempted to contact someone if that was the only choice. I'm sure there are some wonderful women trying to reach Western men but "the agencies" are too complicated...too impersonal.

I feel for the challenges many of the ladies I've come to know face in order to write to me. I feel guilty at times. I sit down at my desk each day and come home to near constant Internet access. In contrast, they must seek out Internet access and pay for something that is virtually a public service here in this country, they struggle with the language and some admittedly get help with translation. The messages to them in English do stimulate their learning the language. I know from living abroad that there's no substitute for immersing yourself in it! They seem to truly enjoy sincere and genuine communication that they go to great effort to return. Many speak of common negative things but hopefully they know not everyone is alike...there's good and bad regardless of where you live. The Russian culture and values seemingly in it are hidden treasures in my opinion.

I've found myself reading, looking at maps and learning more about Russia especially Belarus and the Ukraine. I've been trying to learn how to pronounce some of the place names like "Mogilev" and "Dnieper" which do not sound as they appear or least that's my conclusion! By the way, is the 13th century castle still standing in Mogilev? Can it be visited? The photo of you and Lena on a boat...was that on the Dnieper? I've visited many pages posted by others to this site and it has certainly cut the learning curve.

I have some questions that have been in the back of my mind. I'll toss them out for you or others to comment on. I wonder if the typical person from Belarus or the Ukraine regards theirself as Belarusian or Ukrainian, respectively, Russian or proudly both. I am curious as to a good source for learning the Russian language. I have looked around in my local area and there does not seem to be anything available in the way of classes to attend. I wonder if anyone has discovered any good products for learning the language and, if so, what are they? Is the language difficult? What's the range for airfare say to Belarus? I don't have any plans to go soon but I'm curious about reasonable airfares that others have found. I also wonder about the timeline, process and procedure that if you met someone and you decided to be together then what's the process and how long does it average. I've read many threads and as a new person it seems rather complicated and a lengthy process to bring someone West. Some people on this forum have said they would do things differently and I'm wondering what someone new might do right the first time taking advantage of the experiences of those who have gone before! I'm curious as to what has been difficult for Lena to adjust to now that she's been here for several months. Goodness, I could go on and on but I'll spare you and the reader of any more questions. I'm sure I'll have plenty more later.

Khashyar, I visited your web site and read about your work and interests. How interesting. Thank you for the kind words about my home state. I've lived all over including Northern California but I'm pleased to be back home. I remember the World's Fair many years ago but like many locals it was more of an annoyance than something back then that I wanted to experience! I haven't been to Graceland...I know such a shame and my state citizenship would probably be revoked if others knew that but maybe someday I will make it there.

Thank you for your invitation to discuss my experiences thus far. I only want to add that you and your wife are facilitating people meeting people in a very comfortable way...thanks! I'll post a few updates along the way as to how things are going.

Keith

Posted by: Keith

Sherman:

Make sure you point out to your lady that the Atlanta airport is small by American standards. No, on second thought that might scare her or she might not appreciate the sense of humor.

Keith

Posted by: rtking

I have to admit that I have always had a fabulous time in Atlanta whenever I visited. I used to work for a Consulting Firm headquartered in Atlanta. On our "off hours", we'd go to Buckhead, Virginia Highlands or hang-out at the local Waffle House! I miss Brunswick Stew! Sigh... (Of course, I still don't understand why EVERY street is named "Peachtree"...

)

Sadly, I hadn't "discovered" my fascination with all things Russian at that time, so I didn't seek-out Russian restaurants and services there. But it seems that there IS a large Russian population in Atlanta. A quick search on Google for the keywords "Russian" and "Atlanta" should turn-up something.

As for learning Russian... I found that the learning curve is pretty steep in the beginning, but with encouragement from forum members and friends, I continued and the learning curve isn't quite as steep anymore. I do recommend that you find a class somewhere (such as a local college or language school) to learn from. Some of the Russian characters have a sound that isn't found in English, and it's better to hear how to pronounce this sound than to guess by reading. Also, as with anything else, it's good to have people you can practice with.

Hope that helps!

Bob K.

Posted by: ShermanAtlanta

I used the Pimaleur Russian program to learn conversationan Russian. It's a very nice program. I am up to about lesson 20 out of 60 lessons. When I was there I was able to go our shopping alone and except for a few instances I was able to survive nicely. The alphabet is very confusing however.
Sherman

Posted by: Bob

Try this thread may you save YOUR sanity AND your girlfriend

http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...d=9524#post9524

Posted by: freebird

Seems slow today, not many conversations going... So I had a question for the Russian speakers on RMP.

I noticed a thread on the "Russian" side of RMP, it basically asks about why some of the Russian girls want to "go back home" if they are unhappy with the West. I wonder if anyone has seen it and could enlighten me. It seems to me (in my very limited Russian) that about half of the posters are a little "homesick" and think that things were better back home, the other half seem to believe that their life in the west is better. I am curious if the main problem with "culture shock" is the fault of the husband, (his lack of understanding?) or if this is something that can't be helped.

I hope nobody minds if I have "dredged" up this old thread, things are a little slow today....

Posted by: Raspberry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khashyar

I am sure that she will appreciate the fact that there are many Ukrainians and Russians in your area... That will definitely ease her transition. Khashyar

What's interesting is Atlanta has also the largest concentration of
Georgians of any US city....which is certainly fitting. And I think Tblisi and Atlanta are also sister-cities, too!

Posted by: AkMike

Georgians in Georgia? Heavens forbid!

I've wondered about the names being the same.. Any ideas???

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Georgians in Georgia? Heavens forbid!

I've wondered about the names being the same.. Any ideas???

And you thought Georgia was founded by a bunch of brain dead rednecks..

Posted by: freebird

Actually its just called "Georgia" because we (US/UK) gave it that name. In Russian its "Gruziya" and a man from there is "Gruzin"