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Self realization (things that we are learning about ourselves and relationships...)
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Posted by: searcher

I guess today I talk about myself

.....

I think when we have had previous bad experiences, we tend to carry some baggage with us from those experiences.

I guess I am no different than anyone else.

I have come to realize that perhaps I am a bit jealous sometimes. I never realized it before but I see it now.

Also, when a person has been hurt before they can sometimes be very sensitive to things and sometimes I am....

What baggage do you carry with you?

I know some women can't fully trust men, etc.. and men what about you? What is in your bags?

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Mark,

I think that it is good to understand oneself, and to gain more self-realization.

Yes... I think that everyone has some baggage or issues in their lives... That is a part of being human.

Since most of us have experienced hurtful moments in relationships, we sometimes unconsciously or consciously fear being hurt again in future relationships.

Perhaps one piece if baggage that I have is that I always have had very high expectations for the women I have been with... I have created an somewhat unrealistic high standard for the women I have been with (especially in regards to their appearance, and the kind of level beauty that I wanted). I have been learning, more and more, to accept and love a person for who they are, and appreciate the wonderful qualities that they have, even if there are some things about them that are not "perfect" in my mental expectation of the most perfect woman.

I put the focus back on myself and realize that I am not perfect, and so it is not realistic to expect my partner to be perfect.

That is one of the lessons in relationships that I have been learning and relearning

I know that it is common sense that no one is perfect and that we shouldn't expect that, but some unconscious part of myself wants a woman to match the ideal expectation in my mind

Khashyar

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally posted by Khashyar

Perhaps one piece if baggage that I have is that I always have had very high expectations for the women I have been with... I have created an somewhat unrealistic high standard for the women I have been with (especially in regards to their appearance, and the kind of level beauty that I wanted). I have been learning, more and more, to accept and love a person for who they are, and appreciate the wonderful qualities that they have, even if there are some things about them that are not "perfect" in my mental expectation of the most perfect woman.

Khashyar

And he says this with a straight face

All we have to do is look at the top of this page (and most any other page) and see you have not changed Khashyar.... still a high level of beauty...

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Texas...

Yes, Lena is an attractive woman (Most importantly, she has personal qualities and attributes that I really appreciate in a partner).

Since no man or woman is or can be "perfect," there are aspects of Lena that do not fit the "ideal" of my "perfect" woman that I created in my mind since childhood.

I think that the media stamps an image in our consciousness about what ultimate beauty is, and even actresses often do not fit that ideal...

So, there are some aspects of Lena that did not fit my 100% ideal.

But, love is about letting go of mental expectations and guidelines, and loving and appreciating a person for all of their humanness, whether they fit your ideal in every aspect or not.

Khashyar

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by searcher
I guess today I talk about myself .....

I think when we have had previous bad experiences, we tend to carry some baggage with us from those experiences.

I guess I am no different than anyone else.

I have come to realize that perhaps I am a bit jealous sometimes. I never realized it before but I see it now.

Also, when a person has been hurt before they can sometimes be very sensitive to things and sometimes I am....

What baggage do you carry with you?

I know some women can't fully trust men, etc.. and men what about you? What is in your bags?

Well.. I'm no man, but here it goes.. In my previous relationships I always was the one who had to put wood in the fire for them to keep going. Men more or less have enjoyed a free ride. At least, it felt like I was making the major part of the psychological and sometimes physical contributions to the relationship, sometimes sacrificing other things in order to make my partner happy, while getting very little in return.. After a while I just stoped investing much in the relationships.
In this relationship it is not a problem. He is, actually a driven force. I feel very loved and cared for, so I'm not afraid to give a lot back..

Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks for opening up and sharing your past experience.

I'm happy that you found someone who fulfills more of your needs....

Is there something in your current relationship that you are noticing that you may need to work on or learn more about? In which ways in your relationship are you feeling challenged, and where you know you have something more to learn?

I believe that as long as we are on earth, and we have not become enlightened beings, then we have things that we can learn in our lives and our relationships...

Thanks for opening up...

(This is an interesting thread.... no small talk here

)

Khashyar

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by Khashyar

Is there something in your current relationship that you are noticing that you may need to work on or learn more about? In which ways in your relationship are you feeling challenged, and where you know you have something more to learn?
Khashyar

It is actually very surprising and absolutely unexpected, but there is absolutely no issues to work on.. We just discussed it recently, that both of us for the first time in our lives are in a relationship that requires absolutely no work, or what is concidered work in a relationship. It is an absolutely perfect match, with everything just falling in places on its own..We both enjoy the same things, we laugh at each other jokes, we have the same values, etc.. and nobody has to sacrifice anything.. there is no compromises to make. Some people, probably, will find it very boring.
There is always something to learn about the person and yourself, but it is not work.. It's a pleasure. I, actually, found out that I'm a much more domesticated creature that I've ever suspected. He brings my feminine, caring side out. I'm not afraid of being weak. I don't have to resolve everything by myself and find a perfect solution for everything anymore..A the same time, I'm truely myself now, I don't need to downplay my intelligence, or be afraid of expressing my opinions, because it is wrong to CRITICISE a man.

He, on the other hand, enjoys that I challenge him often, and do have better solutions for many things.

He is, undoubtly, a director, but I'm a producer.. And we are making a great movie together. He is my knight in a shining armor, and I'm his lady.. For the first time in my life.. Amazing..

Posted by: guinda

I guess these are the realities of our lives.some facts that we take for granted and we don't think as necessary to talk about cuz they are very obveious
what brings us togethr on this forum?
what relates us together and makes a community out of us? isn't it the unsuccesful past relationships?
frustrations? high expectations? sacrifices we made without getting something in return?
more psychological and physical contributions we had to make?
we all have full bags. all of us. otherwise we wouldn't be here. and we are here to put an end to it. aren't we?
who are we?
a buch of losers? some people who, as someone on one of the threads once said, "cannot compete in the local dating market"? and if this is the case the question is raised: why?
are we all old? ugly? some nasty people who can never win with a girl in our own country and try to take advantage of the social, economical problems of the FSU countries as a last resort to get what we have always wanted to have in life but never had?
who are we? and what makes a family out of us?