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Past relationships: Why are they often taboo to discuss with many RW?
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Posted by: searcher

Why does it seem that it is forbiden (taboo) to discuss past relationships or previous [foreign] men with many RW?

It is either said to be inappropriate and/or it causes anger.

Posted by: Skinman569

I can talk from my experience with my wife. Usually in Russia when a relationship ends, that is it, no contact ever. It was difficult for my wife to learn to deal with the fact that my childrens mom and I still get along and chat sometimes. I had spoken on the phone with the ex for 10 minutes when I was visiting my wife in Yoshkar-Ola, she was very upset about the whole thing. Of course I didnt understand why she was angry about this, it is common in the US to have friendly relations with the ex. After several long talks she came to understand that there is no threat from the ex, but she still does not like it, so I keep it to a minimum for her. I hope this helps!

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Mark and Skinman...

My understanding is also that people are more traditional in Russia concerning "rules" regarding speaking with exes...

I think that most Russian women feels that there is no reason to speak with an ex-spouse when you are with another partner.

While Westerners are generally more open about speaking with exes.

If I ever have the need to speak with an ex, I try to speak about it with Lena first, and explain why I need to speak with them.

(But I really only contact an ex if it has a very important reason). I want to respect Lena's feelings in wanting to hurt or upset her unnecessarily.

For example, when I had Bell's Palsy on the left side of my face, and didn't quite know what to do, I wanted to call one of my ex-girlfriends who is an excellent physician. I spoke with Lena first about it, communicated why it was important, and then called her.

I think that generally Lena is understanding if she knows why I am calling an ex.

But, I think if I called an ex just to chit-chat with her, then Lena would not feel that it was right and probably would not like it.

I think that a good approach is to talk about it openly with her, and only call an ex when absolutely necessary.

Khashyar

Posted by: Skinman569

When I chat with my ex it is strictly about the children, picking up, dropping off, how are they?, etc. Like I said, my wife does not like this, but understands that it is neccesary.

Posted by: tanya3475

I totally know what you mean...I think Russian women are more traditional this way...when it's over it means it's over...it's a much harder situation when there are children involved (i have the same situation with my husband)...it is hard to get used to the idea of your husband communicating with a woman that he used to be close with and his children are the living proof of this connection...but it takes lots of love and understanding...and of course sacrifice

A Russian woman has to get used to it because over there things are different and spouses rarely communicate with each other after divorce even when there are children involved...