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Abuse
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Posted by: kevin m

can a person escape this? I mean domestic abuse? My father abused my mother when I was little. My brother is the same. However I was raised by my mother and was raised NOT to be abusive. I have no feelings to abuse or any urges. Does that mean I am still expected to be this way regardless of my upbringing? I would rather die than hurt my wife (when I have one) or children. I have always thought that the chain of abuse can be broken. Humans can change their thought patterns as well as their emotional state. I can only hope that my mother did a good job. On a side note my father has never abused my step-mother as far as I know. She would kick his a@#! LOL. Any thoughts?

Kevin M

Posted by: inlove

Of course the chain can be broken. More people do it than not. Growing up in an abusive family situation does not necessarily mean that the individual HAS to be an abuser him/herself as an adult. I would suggest to get counseling just to get over the "family scenario", to talk it out, if you have any doubts about yourself..

Posted by: Jutman

Hi

I have thanksfully, not experienced this in my life, by family or friends.

However I would say, that you are awared of it, is the main steep to a elimination of abuse.

Posted by: Jill

Reminds me of a story I once heard on NPR. Two brothers grew up in a house with an abusive, alcoholic father. One grew up and went to college, got a great job, and became a leader in his community. Tho other grew up to be become a drunken bum. When each was asked how it was that they became who they were, they both gave the same answer, "Growing up in such a family--how could I have become anything else?"

The point it: who your parents were and how you were raised is only PART of the equation. A lot depends on YOU.

Posted by: render

I grew up in a very abusive household, where I was beaten bloody and in the hospital several times a year. And then later in foster homes, and group homes, having to fight for everything that I had, even food. I really do understand why you are asking this question, I've asked it myself many times. But the answer is simple. Like Jill said, it depends on YOU. Now I know I'm only 23 but the point is that I realized at a young age that I would NEVER beat my family and put them through the terror and pain I went thorough. Nor would I give my step-father and foster parents the satisfaction of being like them, which they all said I would.

But I know the hardest problem that I had for a long time was dealing with the anger and rage that the treatment I endured created in me. I went to therapy for about a year before I was able to control it and now I have never been happier. Cheers!!!!