How Russian Men differ from common myths (and stereotypes). - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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How Russian Men differ from common myths (and stereotypes).
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Posted by: heatherlatyshev

I have been asked by another member to start a discussion based on how my husband, being a Russian man is, compared to the myths that every one chooses to discuss.

Oleg is a very wonderful man, a great father, and a wonderful husband. Which, in itself is almost hard to believe, seeing that he is only 23 years old and I am 27 and I have also been previously married to an American. When I met Oleg, I was already 4 months pregnant with Alexia, our oldest daughter. (Notice I said 'our' oldest daughter.) He and I started dating and had moved in with each other with in a matter of a few weeks. He instantly began going with me to my Midwife appointments and took an active role in the pregnancy. He has NEVER treated Alexia any different than our 2nd daughter, Anya. He even cut her umbilical cord when she was born. He worked 2 full time jobs for the first 8 months of our relationship because I was pregnant and couldn't work that many hours. Oleg has never hit me, never even threatened to. He's very understanding with me and my children. I'm not going to say that he doesn't drink, because, if you know any Russian men at all, you would know that he does. It's in his DNA or something. But, even when he has drank enough to get completely drunk, he is still a gentleman and is still a gentle loving husband and father.

I know this all seems far fetched, seeing as how every one says that all Russian men are abusive and drunks, but it's just not true. We have plenty of male Russian friends and none of them act this way. They are very gentle, and if I had my way, I would've married Oleg first, instead of my abusive, alcoholic, drug addict of an American ex-husband. Oh, and I have never, nor do I believe I will ever seen a Russian man leave his wife for another woman, they may stray ever once in a while, but when they fall in love it is for life. I'm not sure if this is because of the Russian culture, or because of how they were raised by thier mothers, but it is true....we have no Russian friends who have divorced simply because of infidelities. Not on the Male part any way.

I hope this is a little bit of what you were looking for, and if you have any questions or comments, just let me know. I love explaining away all of the common misconceptions people have about Russian men and women. I've made it my hobby to learn as much about thier culture, traditions and family values that I possibly can.

Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience, Heather.

I think it is good to hear experiences of Western women and Russian men, so that we can learn more about the less talked about Russian-Western relationships.

Khashyar

(P.S.: if you don't mind, I am going to move this thread to AW-RM forum so that those who might want to learn more about this topic can find your thread more easily.)

Posted by: Vyesna

Well, as many of us have tried to explain..over and over and over-- there are good and bad people everywhere of both sexes and what country a person is born in has relatively little to do with it.

Curious-- I was happy to see you used a midwife. May I ask what your birth setting was? I am pro midwife care myself.

Posted by: dakotaridge

I think input like this is long overdue. Realistically, I doubt that many Americans ever put much thought on RW before the wall came down. There just wasn't any reason to think about them. It was a male dominated society, so far as we knew, so we thought of everything in terms of whatever impressions we had of the men there. Our impressions of the Soviet Union went no farther than our impressions of its men. On the whole I think Americans just accepted the stereotypes, never having much cause or reason to look any farther. Maybe it all started during WWII, where the Soviet / German conflict brought out the worst conceivable brutality (against women, children and civilians in general) from both sides equally. The brutality and outright war crimes on a mass scale were incomprehensible on both sides. The Germans invaded, the Soviets responded, and the brutality just perpetuated itself. Not a good scenario, but I figure that until I'm in that situation, I can't judge anybody. After that, year after year, the stereotype impressions just passed right on from one generation to the next, at least in America. I think the marriage agencies capitalize on this stereotype; they like to paint a picture where RW are dying without Western men on their white horses to save them. I suppose that stereotypes are all we have until more information comes along to counter them.

Posted by: Khashyar

I personally look forward to hearing more anecdotes about marriages between AW-RM.

I think by seeing that different side of the coin, that we can learn more about Russian culture in general.

Khashyar

Posted by: Vyesna

Here's one-- I know a couple in NJ. He actually had a rather nasty divorce from his previous AW wife. But he developed a relationship with a slightly older AW (is this a trend?

)-- they never married I don't think but have been together and living together a long time. She had breast cancer a few years ago and he stuck with her through all that.

Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks for posting that, Vyesna....

That kind of loyalty to your family is admirable.

Khashyar

Posted by: dakotaridge

Quote:

Originally posted by Khashyar
Thanks for posting that, Vyesna....

That kind of loyalty to your family is admirable.

Khashyar

Any guy who would bail on his wife while she was going through breast cancer would probably need to move to another city or else wear a paper bag over his head every time he went out in public. Even if he just HAPPENED to be leaving her at the same time, it would be best to wait. The outside pressure would be unbearable. Of course, the guy only leaves 20% of the time to begin with, but still....

Posted by: Khashyar

Quote:

Originally posted by dakotaridge
Any guy who would bail on his wife while she was going through breast cancer would probably need to move to another city or else wear a paper bag over his head every time he went out in public. Even if he just HAPPENED to be leaving her at the same time, it would be best to wait. The outside pressure would be unbearable. Of course, the guy only leaves 20% of the time to begin with, but still....

Unfortunately, Lena has a friend in Minsk who's sister developed serious cancer, and her husband left both her and her kids.

I'm sure that this happens all over the world. Times like these demonstrate how much you love and are committed to someone.

Khashyar

Posted by: dakotaridge

Quote:

Originally posted by Khashyar
Unfortunately, Lena has a friend in Minsk who's sister developed serious cancer, and her husband left both her and her kids.

There are times when cultural pressures (as exist in America) can have a very positive effect.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Or maybe he didn't care what other people thought but thought HE couldn't leave her because it would be a horrible and cruel thing to do and he couldn't live with himself (no matter what anyone else thought) and he cared for her as a human being.

Just a thought.

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally posted by heatherlatyshev
I'm not going to say that he doesn't drink, because, if you know any Russian men at all, you would know that he does. It's in his DNA or something.

Here you see the RM specimen that disproves the rule... Of course, sometimes I drink... a little glass of fragrant muscat!

(Thoughtfully)

Maybe I am a wrong Russian?

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by PrincetonLion

Maybe I am a wrong Russian?

Yeah, I'm a wrong Russian too..

Apparently, there is plenty of us.

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally posted by inlove
Yeah, I'm a wrong Russian too.. Apparently, there is plenty of us.

C�� !
Pardon my Russian...

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by PrincetonLion
C�� !
Pardon my Russian...

Hot' gorshkom..

Posted by: heatherlatyshev

Unfortunately, the problems people can have with dealing with intense situations, such as serious illness, can definitely hinder a relationship. I know many AM that have bowed out of a relationship because of issues of this degree.

Many people, both men and women, who can not bring themselves to deal with the fact that their loved one may no longer be the person they fell in love with, can not imagine trying to fall in love all over again with the same person once they make it through the hard times. It's a terrible downside to what we refer to as human nature. But those who stay with their partner through everything, the highs and the lows, will always come out better and more caring individuals than they started out as.

The last couple of years I have watched my grandmother care for my grandfather through his growing number of medical problems and can truly see that she loves him more every day, even after over 60 years of marriage. I spent today at the hospital with them, g-pa fell and broke his hip and had it replaced yesterday, and just couldn't get over how fascinating it is to watch my g-ma care for him as she does. She doesn't think about her own health, just his. It's amazing how people can be so diverse in what they will do when faced with this kind of tragedy......

I know that I am a better person for learning from this example. It has helped me get through many of the tough times that Oleg and I have gone through due to our cultural and traditional differences. I can watch my grandparents go through this and know, 100% for sure, that in 50 years, if we have to, Oleg and I will care for each other as my grandparents are caring for each other now. And it has nothing to do with being Russian or American, it's simply because we love each other that much.....

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

Here you see the RM specimen that disproves the rule.

Yes, my husband doesn't drink either...Maybe this is a trend?

Quote:

C�� !

I try to avoid stereotyping people, but Lion has illustrated an interesting point....Russians (both men and women) tend to have a great sense of humor

I believe this helps a good deal in relationships.

Posted by: heatherlatyshev

yes, they do have a great sense of humor. But one thing I love to joke with my husband about is his voice, or tone of voice any way. I don't know about all russian men, but most of the Russians who live here in MO around us have 2 primary tones. 1.) quite calm and almost monotone.....2.)Loud and sounding extremely upset.

But, once they get around other Russians, you get to hear the other tones, or even when my husband and I are alone, I get to hear all the emotions in his voice, the "I love you" voice that's meant for only me and my children.

:russian:

Posted by: R_W

Heather, I'm really happy for you and your husband!
I was married to RM for almost 17 years.. he is very typical RM. I see lot's of man in Russia like him.
He is a kind person and nothing but it. I mean nothing good (though... not bad lover I have to admit).
But when I came here I've met absolutely different kind of RM! It was a discovery for me.. They are really like wrong Russian

And yes, my ex's father was looking for other women (and even found one) at the time when his wife was in a hospital having surgery at the lungs. And he told her - I found the women who agreed to mary me with 3 ours children if you die! She didn't die and she hates him for what he did 30 years ago!

Posted by: luckylass

I am an English woman living in Cyprus with friends of both sexes here from Russia and the Ukraine. I began to enjoy the company of a Ukrainian guy as he was hardworking, respectful, attentive and pleasant to be around. I was then informed by a mutual Russian friend that he was being in love with my passport. I did withdraw from him for a while and now we have started to see each other again but I am finding it a problem what was said in the past. Can anyone please give me some insight and advice on how to really find the truth here and also what life is like being with a person of our different background and cultures? I do not wish either of us to get hurt but wish to understand what is occurring here as I like him a lot. sorry this is probably not supposed to be on this site however being new to this I was encouraged by your stories of good marriages on here ect and am very sorry about the difficult health ones.

Posted by: Khashyar

Welcome to the Russian Meeting Place, Luckylass...

Please feel free to post any questions that you might have, and to participate in discussions here. You can help add to our knowledgebase of Western Women involved in relationships with Russian men.

We do have a few Western women involved with Russian men in these forums.

I just created a new thread for your particular situation here:

http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...?&threadid=4911

Enjoy the good weather in Cyprus.

And good luck with your situation.

Khashyar

Posted by: B82

My husband is a great man as well. He is two years younger than I am and I am always so surprised at how mature he is for his age. He is an extremely hard worker, sacrificial, and dedicated to his family. No matter how tired he is when he gets back from work, he is always willing to help out with anything I need. All he asks for is support and tenderness. He puts up with alot of crap at work and yet, he always musters up the energy to go. That's an amazing quality.