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If you will have me, I'd like to come home
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Posted by: Cheburashka

I listened to a voice message that was left on my cell phone this morning, pulled my car over to the side of the road, and began to cry. The message from Khashyar moved me so deeply it made me want to come home. Some of you knew me when I used to post here under the handle “CastleStormer”, and some of you I have yet to meet. I have been away from this board for a long time, and have been in a very bad place mentally for months. Khashyar thought I left this board because I was embarrassed by a missed trip to Belarus. Actually I intentionally missed that trip because of an unbelievable string of events in my life.

Days before I was supposed to leave my best friend committed suicide, which caught me completely off guard. Between one sister’s losing battle with cancer, another sister being arrested for possession with intent to distribute, finding a lump on my left testicle, and never really taking the time to grieve the loss of my Natasha; I fell into a long dark pattern of self sabotaging behaviors and total despair. I pulled down the sites for Vorobea Foundation and Russian Orphan Art, closed the foundation, and retreated from everyone who knows and cares about me.

What am I really embarrassed of? Not the fact that life dealt me some very hard cards over the past few months. We all know that there are no guarantees of an easy path. But I am totally ashamed that I didn’t ask for help, or accept the encouragement from those here who care about me. It is so easy to feel unloved, weak, and totally alone (except for my dog Kolya) when you isolate yourself in a depressed state. I was tested to see if I really was a “castle stormer”, and I failed the test miserably. I also regret disappearing from here without the courtesy and respect of saying "paka" or letting you all know what I was going through.

If you will have me here, I would love to come back to the board. I give you my promise that I will contribute what I know, encourage those people who need it, temper our conversations with wisdom accumulated through the trials, and try to be the type of example Khashyar has been to me. Thank you Khashyar! You are an amazing man and saved me from drowning.

I am now Cheburashka. The Americans here probably won’t get it. But the Russians here will see me sitting on a rail car, singing “Goloboi Vagon” and believing that there are better days ahead. Thank you all so much!

Steve

PS: So what did I miss?

Posted by: searcher

Hi Steve,

I've been thinking about you recently

I considered emailing you but thought you had left because of what happened to Natasha and i didn't want to bring up bad memories.

I'm sure I speak for everyone in saying that you are ALWAYS welcome at ANY time.

So here is a formal "Welcome Back!"

If you ever feel sad feel free to PM me or email me.

I have also had some stressful events (my mother is recovering from cancer) but none as sad as what has happened to you.

Your friend,
Searcher

Posted by: inlove

Please, please, please, stay on the board and share your wisdom. "Luchshee, konechno, vperedi!"

P.S. You are a very strong man, Cheburashka!

Posted by: rtking

Welcome home, Steve! We've missed you around here.

I can empathize. Having lost a father and grandfather within a year's time to cancer, going through an annulment, starting garduate school and working for an unethical company, I felt the pressures of life caving in around me. But trust me when I tell you this: "You've seen the darkest part of life and from this moment forward, nothing will seem quite so bad or so insurmountable." You WILL grow and gain strength from these experiences.

I wish you well, my friend. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat. I'm tough to get in touch with by telephone (this is done by design) but I'm quite good at answering email and PM messages.

Bob

Posted by: Khashyar

I just saw this message of yours, now, Steve.........

Yes, of course... I feel that you never left

I know that you went through a lot.... Even though it is natural and normal for anyone to have a hard time with all the events that you went through, it takes strength to go through (and survive) what you went through....

As I mentioned before, it's great to see and hear from you again.
You have some friends who care for you here, and who missed your temporary absence....

Khashyar

Posted by: AngryFisherman

Great to have you back Steve!

I must admit I have been wondering what happened to you, even thinking you had settled down in Russia or something

Know that you have some people here that REALLY cares about what happens to you!

Михаэл aka FisherMan

Posted by: AkMike

Welcome Back Steve.

When you left the board I assumed that it was because of the death of your Natasha. That was a terrible time. I still remember the post that you wrote telling about it. I can understand your withdrawl from the forum and life after that bad string of bad luck.
I hope that things are on the mend for you and yours now.

"PS: So what did I miss?" Well, I found and married the sweetest woman in Ukraine and I'll have her here just in time for the Indy 500!

Once again WELCOME BACK

Posted by: Jim_FL

Glad to see you back, man................If you ever need anything, even if it's just an ear to bend, let me know

Posted by: Jutman

Hi and welcome back!!!

You have been very missed.

I am a little proud of that you re-introduction picture show me, and now my wife and you.

In another tread you asked me to give her a hug. I did..

here is one back.

- Its great that you're back.

For new, the former Castelestormer, was and is the only person from net I have meet. So he is special. He was also the first american my wife met.

Posted by: Leprechaun

Welcome back, but you havent been away, you were here for me in your threads that I have used for reference many times..

Lep.

Posted by: Pin Boy

good to hear from you steve...i have, like others, wondered what your situation was...glad you're in one piece and will include you in my prayers

pin boy

Posted by: Vyesna

WE have all been thinking about you and hoping you were able to find your way. And Cheburashka is a great choice.

Posted by: Khashyar

Quote:

Originally posted by Leprechaun
...you havent been away, you were here for me in your threads that I have used for reference many times..

That is my feeling exactly....

And we are lucky to have his humor and experiences back...

Khashyar

(Steve mentioned that he will probably make the August 6th RMP get-together in Los Angeles.... I'm looking forward to it...)

Posted by: ConnerVT

Gee, Steve, I just thought you got lost again going to the store...

Sorry to hear about the continuing string of bad occurrences. It's certainly unfortunate, but one always needs to remember that they don't happen specifically to affect you. I understand that it's easy for a person to ask "Why me?" Overcoming these feelings and coming out on top is how a thinking and strong person as yourself finds their inner happiness.

By the way, did you remember to pick up enough beer and chips for everyone? The forum's grown a bit since you left.

Posted by: Jill

Welcome home!!!!!! I've been wondering what had happened to you, and now that I know, I'm very, very sorry. But I am so glad to see you back here.

Posted by: mria

My condolences for your loss and the other events that have taken place. You must be a really strong person now.
You sound like you are aquiring the closest thing a Westerner can get to a Russian soul.

Posted by: wchever

Cheburashka,

Just your use of your new name sent me off on a 45 minute learning trip over at wikiquote.org, so you're contributing to the ever expanding knowledge pool around here already!

Sorry you had some down times. Now you're up, they're over, and you can get on with it. We obviously need you.

Let us know if you need anything at all.

Posted by: heatherlatyshev

Unfortunatly, I know all to well what you have been through. I have seen death and illness and depression and everything else that comes along with that, all the emotions that one person should not have to deal with alone. I applaud you for what you have survived, and what you will survive.

I know that I will enjoy getting the chance to know you and hear what you have to say about so many different subjects. The people in this group have already shown me how supportive they are, simply from the welome back they have given you. I hope I can be a part of this group for a very long time to come. And I pray that you will see the happiness you so dearly deserve after having such despair. Like I said, I've been there, it's a tough battle to get through, but you've made it. Congratulations and welcome back.....

By the way, my husband will be thrilled to hear of your name, Oleg has spent several years trying to tell me about a "cartoon" character from his child hood, now I get to see it when ever I want to. It's so cute......

Posted by: Cheburashka

Will and Heather thank you both so much for your kind words. In fact, everyone here who has posted encouraging sentiments is a part of what makes this board so great. There are forums galore on the Internet, but ones where people become family are extrordinarily rare. And I believe strongly in the principle of "birds of a feather flock together". I'm proud to be here!!!

I strongly encourage you both to find a way to watch those Cheburashka shows. They are not animated, but done in a format that reminds me of shows from my childhood like "Gumby and Pokey" or "Davey and Goliath". The characters like Shapoklyak and Krokodil Gena make the show interesting. And the song "Goloboi Vagon" is still sung in many orphanages by the children today. It is very Russian.

Posted by: Vyesna

It's "claymation", I think. Cheburashka is actually huge in Japan. There was some legal scandal a while back where the guy who drew it wanted Japanese distributors to pay rights to it or something, can't remember.

Posted by: lester

link to news story.

http://www.sptimes.ru/archive/times/736/top/t_5515.htm

Posted by: lester

Pleased to meet you!

Posted by: mistermopar

Hey Steve,
Happy to hear your back.

Randy

Posted by: kevin m

no matter what. I don't even know you and your post stirred emotions. I am glad you are back! Welcome home!

Kevin M

Posted by: Lonestar

Well! Looks as if *I've* been gone too long!

Sorry to hear of what's happened to you, Steve. Life is a lesson [or, probably more accurately, a series of lessons]. Nietsche [sp?] said that, "what does not kill [one], makes [one] stronger." You'll bounce back.

I'm also sorry that we couldn't hook up for that meeting, some time ago. Need to find a way to do that.

I like the new nick. I've done a little reading on Cheburashka; likable little character. [Hmm...wonder where I could find a stuffed Cheburashka for my grandson...?]

[By the way, Khashyar...have there been any problems with the forum? I try to enter a thread from my home computer, and the browser - IE - crashes. This note was left from work using Firefox.]