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You know you are..... when
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Posted by: inlove

You know you are Russian when...

Your car costs more than your college education

Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not

Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)

Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends

Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD.

Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone

Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font

You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents

People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can

Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy"

You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market

You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki

You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner

You know all the cops by their first names

You know someone who works at a dental lab

You are somehow related to most of the people you know

You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit

Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper

Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs

Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB

You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).

You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.

Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.

You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself).

You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka

You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas

Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4...

You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer).

You have a personalized license plate.

Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones."

Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough.

You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets.

Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.

Once in a while you attempt to go to church but you never make it past the door because you meet so many people you haven't seen for so long.

Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational vocab.

You're proud to be Russian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Russian friends!

Posted by: inlove

You know you are from Chicago when..

You say "Wanna go with?" when you mean "Do you want to come with me?"

You know what Kennedy, Dan Ryan, Eisenhower, Edens, and Bishop Ford, have in common and curse one of them daily.

You can name three or four extra taxes nobody else pays.

You know the difference between Richard J Daley and Richard M Daley.

You say Chicawgo and not Chicaago.

You think going to a Bears game in single digit temperatures with a wind off the lake (and freezing rain) is fun.

Da is a proper definite article.

You expect corruption in local politics.

You go to the Dells in the summer to get away from the other 20 thousand that followed you.

You've been caught speeding in Wisconsin because you had Illinois plates.

You guard your shoveled parking space with an old chair and unusable broom.

You know why they call it "the Windy City."

You know dead people who voted.

You understand the Democratic machine and don't fight against it.

You've never ever considered the idea of hiring non-union laborers.

You've never been to Springfield.

You know a good gyros joint.

You know when the last time the Cubs won a pennant.

You know exactly how many cars are "legally" allowed to turn left after the light turns red.

You don't know which ethnic "fest" to choose on any given Summer weekend.

Your idea of relaxing and getting away from it all is Ravinia (with 10,000 others who have the same idea).

You can recite many of "The Blues Brothers" lines and know where they filmed certain scenes.

You consider paying someone to watch your car at a sporting event as just another "city tax."

You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away

You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois"

You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake"

You refer to Chicago as "The City"

You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!

You buy "The Trib"

You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!

You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog

You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is

You understand what "lake-effect" means

You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L"

You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTHSIDE."

You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!

You wear gym shoes, not sneakers.

You are STILL a Bulls fan........

You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Milwaukee's Best" -- no names, just beer signs out front.

It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you're a responsible citizen and bring it back to the sidewalk you will be shot on sight

You live two miles from work and it takes you two hours to drive there

You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45-minute car ride on the highway

When you read a big story in the paper about mob ties in the city government, your first reaction is "So, tell me something I don't know."

You know Lincoln Towing is Satan incarnate.

You've paid $105 for towing, $30 for more than one "street cleaning" ticket, $58 for a city vehicle sticker, and $70 for a license plate sticker -- and chalk it all up to "neighborhood taxes."

You pluralize grocery stores and retail chains: "I'm going to Jewels"; "I bought it at Targets"; "I couldn't find parking at Wal-Marts"

You've taken the Red Line past the point where all white people get off and all black people get on -- or vice versa.

You've cursed at a cyclist, pedestrian, or in-line skater on the lakefront path.

You know the significance of State and Madison.

You're not ashamed of wearing a big fur Russian hat, or a headsock with one hole in it, in public from November through March.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Chicago.

Posted by: AlexRous

LOL

I am russian indeed!!!!

Posted by: chaika

inlove, hey! whatswrong wit "Chou wanna go wit?" ??

I hafta tell ya, dat was one of the funniest tings I ever read! Bein born in Chicawga and growin up in Chicagoland (where I hadda learn a difrnt accent an to pronounce the town's name wrong) I unnerstood jus about everting you wrote. Herender not quite, but whaja expec, I moved to da suburbs (Des Plaines to be exac) when I was a kid, so whom I ta know, eh? Excep I went ta UC for grad school, lived on 53rd St., so I know about da Southside alright at leas.

Even livin down here in NorCarolina for 17 years I always end those questions wit "wit" dat's how itspoztobe. Nutin unusual. So wheredjadig dat stuff up, eh?

Anyhoow -- mos people who read dis wonunnerstan. It's just a injoke between us, ChicagoLanders, right? (xcuz da internet spellng).

Maybe nextime I comea Chicawga (I don rily say it like dat) I visicha, huh?