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More on age difference
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Posted by: BrianinAZ

Hello all, Im new here and have found the reading very interesting. The age issue is a somewhat a key issue for me. Im divorced 49 and have kids. I like the family thing and want to have more children. That pertty much puts me in the position of looking for a woman quite a bit younger than I as I am very cognisent of the chromosomal abnormalities associated with advancing female age (incidence starts increasing after about age 35). Finding a woman here in the states who is comfortable with a 15+ year age difference has proved challanging so here I am trying to differentiate fact from fiction. So much of the data and written material seems to come from folks who are also selling something....tours, catalogues etc. So any comments, experences, perspectives would be greatly appreciated.

Posted by: chatter

yeah, I read the other "age difference" thread and got spooked because I was thinking "younger" because I wanted to have more children. But most of the replies were against it and said 39 year old guys should be looking in the late 20's or anywhere in the 30's range.

Is it like the kiss of death to go for someone 25? I've met someone 25 who seems very mature also and very aware of what she wants.

Now I'm spooked and thinking I'm climbing up the wrong tree.

I'm not going young for obvious "hot body and looks" reasons, although that is kinda nice. It's really the children thing that I'm looking for.

I guess I need to look at the older women. They just seem so distrustful of men in my experience so far. I guess alot of bad experiences they've had with Russian men.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Not that I have a lot of experience, but I have written a few ladies in their low to mid thirties and they want children. One was trying to convince me that it would be a good thing for me to have a little baby that looks like me looking up at me... well, that was a turn off

...

But seriously, from the profiles I have read and the couple of women that have written about it you will be able to find someone... and I am 47 so it is not a big difference in age.

As an aside, I did not even try to write to women under 30 as I thought we would not have much in common with that big of age difference... but I know there are people on this site that meet this difference....

Posted by: BrianinAZ

Chatter, I dont think a 39 yo and 25 yo is off the chart. I was married to my wife (AW) for 11 years and she is 16 years younger than I. The age was never an issue. In retrospect I do think she was too young when we got married (just turned 21). But if not for some unsual financial and professional stress we would probably still be married. I think there is a lot of individual variation. What I'm looking for may be pushing the envelope a bit given my age (49) but I'm pretty sure of what I want in terms of kids etc so I guess I'll see what happens and who I can find. The only thing I would suggest is to try hard to really understand both your and her expectations and motivations.

Posted by: jpierce55

My two cents:

This is coming from a never married 27 year old mind you. It is just my opinion. I have seen people get married, making a search like you did with breeding as a concern (excuse the term).

You have to make it about the woman first and make sure she is right, you can't make it about the age being over 35. The fact that you even asked if the age is o.k. tells me that you must not feel completely comfortable with it. Lots of women have children over the age of 35 and 40. My suggestion is you stick with a woman in that age range, and definitely stick with someone over 30.

Don't rule out women that are in the right age group for you if you really want the marriage to last. Hey, this is a new millenium some people have other women carry the baby for them (not something I would do).

Keep in mind young women can have birth problems as well!

Basically what I am telling you is this:

If it is meant to be it will happen and if it is not it won't. Don't try to make it happen or it will simply fail!

Posted by: BrianinAZ

J

Thanks for your perspective. I'm not uncomfortable personally with what I'm looking for. Rather I'm looking for people's RT experence with RW and this topic as opposed to non-specific stuff published on web pages of international dating services. On the 35 age thing, its not a hard and fast thing for me and yes women over that age do have normal healthy babies. Just as not all smokers get lung cancer and some non smokers do. But since I want to minimize the chances of getting lung cancer I dont smoke and minimize my exposure to second hand smoke. I'm taking the same approach with having kids. Clearly there's no guarantees but I want to stack the deck in favor of a good outcome as best I can. I'm an ER doc and have delivered some babies with significant defects and its generally not a good thing for anybody. And clearly you're correct in saying its about the person before anything else. I'm not planning to marry a uterus. Again thanks for your input

Posted by: chatter

I have left the door open for a RW between 24 and 38. I'm 39. If it's meant to be......it's meant to be. Who's to say what age is right. Is love restricted to a certain age group or age difference? I would like to think not.

Whatever will be will be. If she turns out to be 38......so be it. If she turns out to be 25.......so be it.

As long as we're both comfortable and care for eachother.

Posted by: RobOhioGuy

Quote:

Originally posted by chatter
I have left the door open for a RW between 24 and 38. I'm 39. If it's meant to be......it's meant to be. Who's to say what age is right. Is love restricted to a certain age group or age difference? I would like to think not.

Whatever will be will be. If she turns out to be 38......so be it. If she turns out to be 25.......so be it.

As long as we're both comfortable and care for eachother.

Chatter,

There is an old proverb that says(dont know where it came from somewhere out of the middle east I think) that a man should take his age halve it and add 7. That is how old his wife should be.

If you focus your search on women 25-28 you should have no problem finding someone that has the same interests, hobbies and personality traits to be a wonderful wife. and future mother of your union.