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age difference
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Posted by: organicos

I am a 39 year old male who just met a 19 year old ukrainian lady. I never thought I would have so much in common with a young lady and vice versa.. I find her very mature for her age, she can cook and has much respect for people . Is this age difference too great for me to pursue a relationship with her.I have dated many woman , but have never met such a ma ture and intelligent female as this one. I have never dated with such an age difference.
Open to comments. Please!!

Thanks,
What to do ????

Posted by: Pin Boy

welcome!

you don't give many details about how you met, how long or how well you know each other....that may help people to respond to your question, but even without knowing anything else, the answer to your question is YES, there is too great of an age difference!!!

think about - she's a teenager! how long has it been since you were a teenager? yes, women tend to be more mature than men in that age range, but you are much too old for her and she is much too young for you.

the 20 year age difference is more years than she has been alive.

keep your head on straight and out of the clouds and see this for what it is - heartache, trouble, and unrealistic expectations.

good luck. there are many women 27 + that might be better suited for you and vice versa

pin boy

Posted by: Jill

I gotta go with Pin Boy. Yes, there are happy couples with a large (10, 15 year) age difference. Sure, it happens. But when the man is 50 and the woman is 40, that is WAY different from a 39 year old and a 19 year old. She may seem mature for her age, but remember that 19 year olds are still growing up and still discovering who they really are and what they really want out of life. She may think she knows now, but there is a VERY good chance that in 5 or 10 years her priorities will have changed and her outlook on life in general will have changed. Yes, many 19 year olds do get married in Ukraine--but that's one of the reasons for the terribly high divorce rate. Just my opinion...

Posted by: Jutman

Hi

Basically I agree with the two previous, BUT of course its more issue who needs attention before you make a decision.

1st you need to know her goal in life, and that has to be compared to your own.
(like you want family or not, be 'young' for rest of youtr life or what, a timeline)

If there is match between you and her's (and remeber, let her do all the talking, not give her clues, so she can answer what you want to hear)
2ndly you need to find out her feelings for you. Maybe she only need a friend, not a boyfriend.

Good luck with the outcome.

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

What can one say ? Russian and Ukrainian women seem to be so desperate that they'll go with any old guy. It's quite sad, really.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by Pawel_PL.USA
What can one say ? Russian and Ukrainian women seem to be so desperate that they'll go with any old guy. It's quite sad, really.

Where did this come from? We are not desperate, thank you very much..

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by Jutman
Hi

Basically I agree with the two previous, BUT of course its more issue who needs attention before you make a decision.

1st you need to know her goal in life, and that has to be compared to your own.
(like you want family or not, be 'young' for rest of youtr life or what, a timeline)

If there is match between you and her's (and remeber, let her do all the talking, not give her clues, so she can answer what you want to hear)
2ndly you need to find out her feelings for you. Maybe she only need a friend, not a boyfriend.

Good luck with the outcome.

I don't think immediate life goals for a 39 year old man and a 19 year old girl are very much alike, even if she wants a family and children some day.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by inlove
Where did this come from? We are not desperate, thank you very much..

If I were you, I would disregard almost everything our Polish colleague says, because most of it is well-- gross overgeneralization at best, bigotism at worst.

There are some desperate RW, sure, but there are some desperate AW too. Desperate people exist everywhere.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
If I were you, I would disregard almost everything our Polish colleague says, because most of it is well-- gross overgeneralization at best, bigotism at worst.

There are some desperate RW, sure, but there are some desperate AW too. Desperate people exist everywhere.

I don't pay attention to much of he says, otherwise I would have spent every waking hour writing protesting posts.

But since I'm the one in this thread dating an older man..

Posted by: inlove

test

Posted by: worldtrader

This is my first post. I think you should go with your gut. If you like this person, then why not? Why ask for our approval? In this country, as well as other countries, divorce is more than 50%.

If you have chance to love, then go for it. Forget about it failure or the possibility of divorce because if you love someone, you simply do.

Given that, as a man, I think there are lots of benefits. At the same time, if you are decent, she will benefit too.

So, go and visit her and make her day.

Sebastian

Posted by: fly4fun

I think sometimes people forget that divorce happens even when all the cards are in your favor. Now some might say, given how many things are against a high age difference and foreign bride, that the odds would be much worse.
How?

A 50%+ failure rate in the US certainly doesn't speak well for long term relationships with AW or perhaps long term relationships in general.
Forget the statistics that you see quoted everywhere. Think to yourself. How many of your friends have been through at least one divorce? I'll bet, that if you can think of a single individual other than your parents who is still with their first partner, you're in the minority.
Before writing this I sat down and made a quick list of friends both in Maine and Florida and could not come up with even one couple who at least one member had not been through a divorce or breakup of a long term relationship.

People get divorced and go on with their lives. They meet new and interesting people and generally have a good time. So what if it doesn't work out. The idea is to be happy and if someone does that for you then why not go for it. The worst that could happen is the exact same thing that might happen with someone your own age in the USA.

The best? Because there are major differences both individuals might work harder at the relationship and be happier for it.
Don't worry about failure, worry about enjoying life as much as you can.

Posted by: Jutman

Quote:

I think sometimes people forget that divorce happens even when all the cards are in your favor

Is a very good point. I have been told athat a girl from the public I attended, got married to a 41 yo man when she was 19. The last I have heard, they are still married and have 3 children.

Thats why I wrote, you need to find a common ground for the relationsship, if such exist, then go 4 it.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally posted by fly4fun
I'll bet, that if you can think of a single individual other than your parents who is still with their first partner, you're in the minority.

Then I must be in the minority... my parents did not get divorced (but I wish they had!!)...

My oldest sister got divorced after 11 years and her second is not at about 30 and counting..

My second oldest sister is now at 30, no divorce.

My next sister is about 20 or so and counting..

My next sister is 25 and counting...

My of my best friends is at 10 and counting...

So, I have very few friends that have been divorced... but, I do have co workers that have been at times... my current job is not like that, but it has been in the past.

So, everything is not doom and gloom.

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

Why is it then that I don't see too many 19 year old Polish girls abroad with 40 year old men ? If we forget about the prostitutes that exist in every nationality, most of the 19 year old Polish girls in the UK or USA go there to either study, work their butts off or both rather than just to leach on a rich foreigner that could well be their father.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by fly4fun
Forget the statistics that you see quoted everywhere. Think to yourself. How many of your friends have been through at least one divorce? I'll bet, that if you can think of a single individual other than your parents who is still with their first partner, you're in the minority.

Only one of my friends has been divorced (actually, she got the marriage annulled because she was able to demonstrate the marriage was on false pretenses), and in that case, her husband was cheating on her the entire time and also was really wierd, keeping the marriage a "secret", etc and had been married before and didn't tell her-- plus gave her a STD from his philandering. I usually say both are at fault, but in case it was definitely his and her only fault was trying to save the marriage as long as she did despite the thousands of red flags. She's soon to get married to a really nice guy. Most of my other friends who are married have been married less than five years, so I can't really point to them as an example yet, but they didn't have quickie divorces either.

My mom's three siblings have all been divorced, but in two cases their second (for one) and third (for the other) marriages have been long term and likely won't end in divorce I think. My dad's brother has been married a really long time to his first, and my parents are still together and they got married at 21. Most of the people at the church I grew up in are still together with their first spouse. Most of the married people whose personal histories here at work I know have been married for quite a while and are on their first marriage as far as I know. I've only been here half a year, though, so I haven't gotten to know that much about people yet.

My sister has been married three years and I have been married 6 1/2 years.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Why is it then that I don't see too many 19 year old Polish girls abroad with 40 year old men ? If we forget about the prostitutes that exist in every nationality, most of the 19 year old Polish girls in the UK or USA go there to either study, work their butts off or both rather than just to leach on a rich foreigner that could well be their father.

Most Russian 19 year olds do the same, Pawel. I don't see many of them "leaching on a rich foreigner that could well be their father" either.

Posted by: Vyesna

True, most RW of whom I know who came here that young did so through refugee (with their family) or student status. Andof course most 19 yo RW live in Russia and have RM boyfriends their own age.

Posted by: fly4fun

I'm not sure how or even if this plays into this thread but thought I'd throw it out there.
I've read in a few places about how RW past a certain age feel they are all but certain to remain unmarried. I think the figure given was in their thirties.
Is this propaganda or true? Might somewhat explain the age difference that is allowed by RW.

Posted by: inlove

Quote:

Originally posted by fly4fun
I'm not sure how or even if this plays into this thread but thought I'd throw it out there.
I've read in a few places about how RW past a certain age feel they are all but certain to remain unmarried. I think the figure given was in their thirties.
Is this propaganda or true? Might somewhat explain the age difference that is allowed by RW.

Universally, people who are single past a certain age are likely to remain unmarried. It happens in part because their chances of meeting another single person who satisfies their requirements for a partner are going down, since there are not that many left. Another reason might be that they get used to living alone, it suits them very well, and they don't want to change their environment by getting married.

There is nothing specifically russian about it.. can you extrapolate on how this is related to the age difference?

Posted by: organicos

Well , I want to thank all of you for giving me all your opinions, and I am certain that you have had a good idea now of what some think about this subject.. Let me tell you then, I had the most wonderful time with my friend of 19 years old just this saturday, I think the most important thing is that you have fun with the person you're with.
Come on, let's face it, no matter how old we are (30-40-50-60..etc) don't we really feel like twenty somethin in these older bodies but with more knowledge. Wow, what is 60 or 70 years in this life, a flash in the pan?? How many times have we heard a song and realised it came out twenty years ago but it seemed like yesterday..Think about it.
Anyhow, I am in top shape for my age, and look like 30 or 31, I am an artist by profession, and very young at heart. I proposed a scooter ride with my new friend through the beautiful mountains where I live , and she was just thrilled. Isn't this what life is about, to have fun and be happy. I don't know in about 2 years or whatever, all I know is that we must live in the here and now.

This is the answer to my own question thanks to all of you and a little more experience with it. AMAZING.

Organicos.

Posted by: worldtrader

Hey,

I am glad for you. Wish you the best...

sebastian

Posted by: FrancoPUA

Quote:

Originally posted by organicos
I am a 39 year old male who just met a 19 year old ukrainian lady. I never thought I would have so much in common with a young lady and vice versa.. I find her very mature for her age, she can cook and has much respect for people . Is this age difference too great for me to pursue a relationship with her.I have dated many woman , but have never met such a ma ture and intelligent female as this one. I have never dated with such an age difference.
Open to comments. Please!!

Thanks,
What to do ????

You take a big risk. Evolution builds into both men and women a strong instinct to procreate. Men are build so to look (potentially, I do not mean they all will do that) for as much partners as possible to spread their genes.

Women are built so to BIND a man to themselves for as long as possible with the purpose to have him as father of the children and provider.

If you marry her everything MAY go very well for the time she gets pregnant and the children are small enough for her to need your help.

Especially if you bring her to the West your relationship with her will be in danger after that time because she will be a good looking young woman and her desire to have more children will not disappear..

Think about it.

So if you want to be with her and marry her you have to ask from yourself:"Will I be enough of an exciting challenge for her for all her fertile life span?"

If you can be a challenge = seductive and always a step ahead in love matter you can take the risk.. but if you feel that you would better spend your old days in an arm chair watching football instead of dancing with her in clubs.. then.. forget about it.

Women keep loving only men who keep being a challenge to them. In evolutionary terms this mean that she must feel that you are "potentially" able to spread your genes everywhere for all her fertile lifespan..

Franco

Posted by: RobOhioGuy

Quote:

Originally posted by Jill
I gotta go with Pin Boy. Yes, there are happy couples with a large (10, 15 year) age difference. Sure, it happens. But when the man is 50 and the woman is 40, that is WAY different from a 39 year old and a 19 year old. She may seem mature for her age, but remember that 19 year olds are still growing up and still discovering who they really are and what they really want out of life. She may think she knows now, but there is a VERY good chance that in 5 or 10 years her priorities will have changed and her outlook on life in general will have changed. Yes, many 19 year olds do get married in Ukraine--but that's one of the reasons for the terribly high divorce rate. Just my opinion...

As you know, Im not as caught up in the age difference thing. That having been said, there is a big difference between a 19 year old girl who is single (presumably without child) and even a 22 or 23 year old woman who has a child.

Its not suprising that she is more mature that say a 19 year old in the US. They are faced with a much more diffiuclt life and that alone will mature a person.

Posted by: worldtrader

I guess I am romantic... I understand that age difference can make a difference in a relationship. Whether you call it nature or common sense, I think it make sense to follow your own "bliss".

If you want to take the risk, the reward for taking the risk maybe great. We have all heard the expression, the greater the risk, the greater the return. (investment idea).

Further, as I read the post, I don't think you are thinking about marriage at this point in time? Unless, I mis-read the postings here.

These are my thoughts. Again, I wish the best for you and your girl.

By the way, are there any good looking 19 year old for me? Just kidding.

sebastian

Posted by: organicos

worldtrader,

This is true. No mention of marriage here, just enjoying the moment. I tell you it's great, and the energy you can get from the younger generation really feels amazing.
I stand by my judgement, which is " age does not matter" cause if you feel good, and everyone is of age, then enjoy the moment.

Just ask and you shall receive.

Organicos.