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Wife hides wedding photos from ex!
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Posted by: Dino

Hi everyone,
I am new to the forum, although I have been here many times to read and gain information and insight.
I would like to find out what others think of something that just happened with me and my new Russian wife.
I just got married recently, and shortly after, had to leave out of the country for work purposes.
A day ago, my new wife emailed me to say that her ex had come to visit their son. Then she told me that before the ex came, she had hidden our Wedding photos so ex would not see them. BUT, her son (who is 11), pulled the photos from where she had hidden them and showed them to the ex, who gave her "poison glances" ?? She said her boy was terrible for having shown the photos.
I wrote back very upset that she had hidden them, and asked her WHY in the world would she do that?!
She wrote me back playing the victim, upset that I would ask such a question, and said that she is "superstitious" and didn't want her ex to "spiritually" affect us and make us unhappy! HUH?? Then she said she "forgives"me for making her sad with my question.
Okay, does anyone out there have an opinion on this? I told her I would never hide our wedding pictures from my ex or anyone, and I was shocked and hurt that she had dones o and that I could not for the life of me understand her reasoning for this.
Ladies? any opinions on this...would you hide your wedding photos from your ex and if so, why?
I am really perplexed by this.. thanks in advance for any replies
Dino

Posted by: rtking

I wouldn't be too hurt by it. I'm sure she's trying to not cause any problems for you, herself or her son. After all, she DID tell you about it, right? And yes, Russian women tend to be superstitious.

Bob

Posted by: Jill

Seems a little odd to me...BUT! Perhaps she thought that if her ex saw the pictures it might make him angry (jealous) and that that would create some unnecessary unpleasantness during his visit.

Posted by: FrancoPUA

Quote:

Originally posted by Dino
...She wrote me back playing the victim, upset that I would ask such a question, and said that she is "superstitious" and didn't want her ex to "spiritually" affect us and make us unhappy! HUH?? Then she said she "forgives"me for making her sad with my question.
Dino

Dino,
better to get used to this kind of "spiritual explanations" with a RW. In Russia many believe in esoterics knowledge and when she says that she was trying to keep her ex from effecting "spiritually" your relationship she really believes what she says.

Many believe that in pictures, persons and any kind of objects there can be "auras" or "ectoplasmas" and so on.

Anyway this was partly true from her partly manipulation ( she is a woman! )

So you did VERY well to call her on her manipulation. The "you made me sad" is a masterpiece of female manipulation.

Anyway you will receive these kind of "spiritual explanations" again from your RW.

For me it works so that I carefully listen to her when she gives these explanations but if she tries to have me do something which I do not approve then I tell her:"Honey, in the West we are not that spiritual persons. I understand you but on this point we are going to do like I say!"

In this particular case I would for sure tell my wife that I shall invite my ex girlfriends to my flat for a drink (would go many weeks to do this) if she still spends her time with her ex at home..

Posted by: searcher

I won't say too much but yes many RW do have some superstitions.

Speaking from experience.

Posted by: B82

No. I wouldn't hide my wedding pics from anyone. If you are happy to be married and proud of who you married, what is there to be ashamed of or embarrassed about ? But, my husband has used that same "spiritual" superstition with our son (before he was born). I thought it was crazy. He doesn't feel this way now.

Posted by: Andrew_D

Dino, whats this Dude doing in your home giving evil looks? Make strict rules about how and when he visits, call him and give it to him straight. I understand he may want to see his boy but if walking into you and your wifes home is going to cause trouble then I think you need to sort it out. Photo's stay put, ex stays OUT!!

Posted by: PearlOfBlackSea

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dino

Hi everyone,
I am new to the forum, although I have been here many times to read and gain information and insight.
I would like to find out what others think of something that just happened with me and my new Russian wife.
I just got married recently, and shortly after, had to leave out of the country for work purposes.
A day ago, my new wife emailed me to say that her ex had come to visit their son. Then she told me that before the ex came, she had hidden our Wedding photos so ex would not see them. BUT, her son (who is 11), pulled the photos from where she had hidden them and showed them to the ex, who gave her "poison glances" ?? She said her boy was terrible for having shown the photos.
I wrote back very upset that she had hidden them, and asked her WHY in the world would she do that?!
She wrote me back playing the victim, upset that I would ask such a question, and said that she is "superstitious" and didn't want her ex to "spiritually" affect us and make us unhappy! HUH?? Then she said she "forgives"me for making her sad with my question.
Okay, does anyone out there have an opinion on this? I told her I would never hide our wedding pictures from my ex or anyone, and I was shocked and hurt that she had dones o and that I could not for the life of me understand her reasoning for this.
Ladies? any opinions on this...would you hide your wedding photos from your ex and if so, why?
I am really perplexed by this.. thanks in advance for any replies
Dino

First - being hurt is understandable but focusing on your hurt will not help you understand why she did what she did. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your wife comes from a culture you don't completely understand. Russians are superstitious and it is an important part of their culture, it is their sort of "security blanket". Perhaps, your wife didn't want her ex to jinx you guys. It was her way of caring for your union, protecting it from eveil eye. It would help to recognize it. Wether you believe in evil eye or not - it's your business. But you can't deny her the understanding of her actions based on the difference of your beliefs.
I personally wouldn't do what she did but it doesn't mean I think it was wrong.

Posted by: SteveM

I think the very fact she volunteered the information, suggests that nothing underhand was going on. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It only hurts you because you are putting a certain interpretation on the meaning behind what she did, an interpretation that does not fit with her story. I would suggest that you should trust your wife and believe her up until you have a very good reason for not doing so. Trust is vital if your relationship is going to blossom.

Posted by: neil277

I'm Neil's wife Nataly.
I wouldn't hide my pics I'm happy with my husband but some are very superstitious and believe in funny things.
Lots of people around the world do that not only from Russia.
The best thing is a conversation. Talk with your wife.

Best regards,

Nataly

Posted by: jeffs

Ok I'm reading something different here... What is the exhusband doing in your house? Maybe I'm a jerk... but isn't that what Chuckee Cheese or some other place made for?

Just my thoughts...

Posted by: neil277

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dino

Hello.

First i feel they were hidden for one reason, if you are married you need the fathers consent to take the boy out of the Country, there are many ways to make this happen the legal way or the wrong way,

You are both married this is good, i feel your wife done this for a reason a reason not to scare you or dis-trust you, but because your wife loves you and wants to move to your country with her son and to stop this silly man from causing problems in the future.

Talk and keep an open mind.

Regards.

Neil Natalys Husband.