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Shyness
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Posted by: tjt517

have been talking to men who are going to Russia looking for a wife. After discussing this I have come up with an observation that is not stated on the sites very often. I think that the reason that some men look for a wife in Russia is shyness. I think that quite a few of the men actually want a women to persue them. There is nothing wrong with this. It is just my observation

Posted by: Alan Chapman

I'm not shy whatsoever. I'm actually very confident, outgoing, and sociable. I could write pages worth of reasons why I'm interested in Russian women and why I've lost nearly all interest in American women but those reasons have probably already been listed somewhere in this forum by others who feel the same way I do.

Posted by: tjt517

Quote:

Originally posted by Alan Chapman
I'm not shy whatsoever. I'm actually very confident, outgoing, and sociable. I could write pages worth of reasons why I'm interested in Russian women and why I've lost nearly all interest in American women but those reasons have probably already been listed somewhere in this forum by others who feel the same way I do.

I did not say everyone.

Posted by: Alan Chapman

If the men with whom you spoke are indeed shy, and want to be pursued, then I don't believe they will have more success with RW. As I was browsing through profiles on various Russian singles websites I noticed that many RW list confidence as a quality they desire in a man. AW also desire confident men.

Posted by: fly4fun

I wouldn't automatically say a shy person is not confident. Some of the most aggressive and successful men I've met in business simply loose it when talking with a female.
Add the fact that many are now older and don't feel they are as desireable and you get someone who is shy but certainly not less confident in themselves or their abilities. Only in this particular situation. And yes, I would consider myself in that catagory. :-)
Just my humble opinion.

Bob

Posted by: ConnerVT

My belief is a shy man will have success finding a woman in Russia -- and she will take him for most of what he's worth. For typically, the shy are usually also those whom lack self confidence, the prime food for grifters and scammers.

A former business owner in Russia gives these simple words of advice: "Be a man." Show confidence and personal strength. These are very attractive qualities to women. Especially for those whom may put their faith and trust in you when they move to a new life in a country unknown to them. It also is the thing that will drive the scammers away. There are other easier pickings out there, why waste time with a confident man?

Posted by: FlashingEyes

It is interesting reading the different thoughts here. I think part of the disagreement is what exactly is meant by shy? The word can imply a range of different meanings. Webster's lists the following synonyms for shy: bashful, diffident, modest, coy, demure

Now a bashfully shy person is self-conscious and socially awkward. Probably this person has a slight disadvantage when dealing with a RW, but there may be a couple of advantages, too. For one, many famous and successful people have described themselves in terms of being bashfully shy, so certainly this person could also be confident about many things outside social situations and successful, intelligent. Another advantage might be that since this person tends to feel a bit awkward in most social situations, he might actually have an advantage in dealing with a RW because the awkwardness of language and culture differences doesn't throw him off - he's in his element since the situation is already awkward and he's used to that.

A diffidently shy person will definitely have a disadvantage with a RW, because he lacks self-confidence.

A modestly shy person could easily have an advantage in dealing with RW, since he will stand far above the "ugly American" types in the eyes of most RW (insert "ugly Englishman", "ugly Italian", whatever).

A coyly shy or demurely shy person actually implies a certain amount of stylized shyness, usually with a certain implied sexiness, and certainly with no negative connotations of which I am aware, so this sort of shy person would probably have an advantage with RW.

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

From what I know about women from the FSU it is exactly the opposite - it is these women who want the man to take the initiative and pursue them. I've noticed that FSU women are a lot more shy and timid when compared with American, European and even Polish women.

Posted by: tjt517

Quote:

Originally posted by Pawel_PL.USA
From what I know about women from the FSU it is exactly the opposite - it is these women who want the man to take the initiative and pursue them. I've noticed that FSU women are a lot more shy and timid when compared with American, European and even Polish women.

Well, I have created a frenzy here

. I am just making an observation based on men that I talked with. I am no expert on this but I do think that if there are 15 men and 200 women at a party that it is possible that the women are more likely to persue than under ordinary circumstances.

Posted by: tjt517

Quote:

Originally posted by FlashingEyes
It is interesting reading the different thoughts here. I think part of the disagreement is what exactly is meant by shy? The word can imply a range of different meanings. Webster's lists the following synonyms for shy: bashful, diffident, modest, coy, demure

Now a bashfully shy person is self-conscious and socially awkward. Probably this person has a slight disadvantage when dealing with a RW, but there may be a couple of advantages, too. For one, many famous and successful people have described themselves in terms of being bashfully shy, so certainly this person could also be confident about many things outside social situations and successful, intelligent. Another advantage might be that since this person tends to feel a bit awkward in most social situations, he might actually have an advantage in dealing with a RW because the awkwardness of language and culture differences doesn't throw him off - he's in his element since the situation is already awkward and he's used to that.

A diffidently shy person will definitely have a disadvantage with a RW, because he lacks self-confidence.

A modestly shy person could easily have an advantage in dealing with RW, since he will stand far above the "ugly American" types in the eyes of most RW (insert "ugly Englishman", "ugly Italian", whatever).

A coyly shy or demurely shy person actually implies a certain amount of stylized shyness, usually with a certain implied sexiness, and certainly with no negative connotations of which I am aware, so this sort of shy person would probably have an advantage with RW.

Interesting comment.

Posted by: rams

I don't have any experience if you are talking about the parties with the tourist agencies, perhaps there the women chase the men. But in correspondence with RW, I have found the real ones want you to take the lead, it is the scammers who "come on" to the guys.
As far as America goes, all a shy guy needs to do is get a shopping cart, go to the grocery store and shop alone after work. You'll probably have a couple of gals start a coversation and be willing to invite you to dinner if the conversation goes right (this is for the "over 35" crowd).
American women are probably the most forward women in the world, but I am not shy and I am a little "turned off" by forward women. I find a women that is a little shy to be very intriguing, and experience has taught me "still waters run deep".

Posted by: RickGI

I tend to agree with flashing on this. It depends alot on the type you suffer from. In my case it the initial aquaintence that my shyness is an obstacle but it goes away once I get a read of someone. Maybe that is why I am here because you avoid the akwardness of the initial meeting.

Posted by: Datco

I think anyone that takes the trouble to travel to a strange country where they cannot even understand the letters on signposts let alone speak english, must have some degree of self confidence to undertake such a journey.

Also the apparant demographic imbalance that allows Russian men to be brash and condescending towards many women would surely mean that a shy, gentle, caring and feeling man would be very much appreciated by the FSU woman who is maybe not used to such treatment.

could it be that in wooing an FSU woman nice guys maybe don't finish last?

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

Datco, a lot of women are so used to being treated badly by mean, cold, cynical Russian mafioso types that when they meet a nice guy, Russian or foreign, they just can't get themselves to respect such a guy.

It's kind of part of the Russian psyche. It's been noticed that Russians respect those they fear for their power and might and disrespect those who are or try to be nice to them.

Posted by: Alan Chapman

Datco, a certain member of my family is meager and polite in public but when he's around his family he acts macho and talks tough. He is often irrational and belligerent around his family because he thinks he can get away with it. He treats his family this way as an attempt to compensate himself for his feelings of inferiority. I avoid him whenever possible.

I'm not saying that all shy men behave this way but some may behave quite differently in public than they do at home, and especially around their spouses.

Posted by: RickGI

I have traveled quite a bit and have never found my level of shyness an obstacle. Language is a barrier, yes but not one that cannot be overcome. My shyness would never show up in correspondence so I think that once I get to know something about a person when I meet them in person I will have a little more to start a conversation with than I would walking up to someone cold. Socials probably wouldn't be a good option for me. Shyness doesn't mean their is something wrong with a person just that they can be a little uncomfortable initially in a social setting. I think some of you are confusing shyness with meakness. Meak I am definatelt not

Posted by: fly4fun

I think the term shyness and how it applies to individuals probably has more variations than can be possibly covered here.
My own opinion is that nobody who has posted here is suffering from, what could be termed, cronic? shyness.
Actually there are some drawbacks to the type that over compensates for what I'll call uncertainty in a given situation and comes across as an idiot or bore.
You've all seen the type either personally or in business. Rather than seek a comfort level, quietly, they become life of the party types to mask their true feelings. Either that or they drink until they no longer feel uncomfortable. (or feel anything for that matter LOL)
Does either of these appeal to RW? I certainly hope not!
From reading some of the reports and videos from the various tour companies where they claim the hardest part is keeping men from latching onto one woman and excluding others somewhat shows that perhaps, uncomfortable in a large social situation, is shared by many men. Actually I can't imagine being put into a room with 100 beautiful women to 20 guys in a USA social let alone one where you don't speak the language or very little. The word "stunned" comes to mind when I watch the videos. LOL
This would also explain the warnings you hear about the very aggresive type women finding it easy to single out a man at a social and keep him tied up. They are just simply exploiting the fact that once first contact is made and comfort level is established it's less likely the man will strike out on his own to find others. I'm not saying this is a bad tactic on the lady's part as she is there for the same reason you are. Just be aware that this trait of some men is obviously so well known that agencies work to counteract it by making many introductions.
I would still prefer a smaller social type thing simply because I think it would be more productive for both parties.

Bob

Posted by: elvis1

I am a shy person in some ways such as with women. Maybe it is simply because that where I am from getting to know a woman is very difficult as they are more interested in a man's looks, appearance and the car he drives than the person he is so if you are an ordinary caring family orientated person who has a modest job, clothes and car then generally you are going to be refused by a woman. In this situation why face rejection over and over again when you know there must be someone somewhere in the world who will love you for who you are not what you have.

This in no way does not mean that I am not self confident or that I wish to be pursued by women etc. When I get to know someone I will open up and be very open and honest and for the right person will give all the love and attention I have to that person.

Andrew

Posted by: jpierce55

Quote:

Originally posted by fly4fun
I wouldn't automatically say a shy person is not confident. Some of the most aggressive and successful men I've met in business simply loose it when talking with a female.
Add the fact that many are now older and don't feel they are as desireable and you get someone who is shy but certainly not less confident in themselves or their abilities. Only in this particular situation. And yes, I would consider myself in that catagory. :-)
Just my humble opinion.

Bob

It kind of describes me. I am not a "successful" business man, just kind of average financially for a 27 year old. Still I am a leader and a good speaker. I am good at making friends, and hard to make blush.

When it comes to meeting a woman I wish more than friendship I lock up. It is the fear of rejection or emotional hurt, not so much to say a lack of confidence. (just a lack of confidence in the current situation)

And Tanya that I am corresponding with took note of my "timidness" and asked about it after several emails. So it is possible shyness may lead to attracting scammers. On the other hand I am in no way vulnerable to a scammer because of shyness, because I know for a fact I can find a woman anywhere.(just not the right one)