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How is your search for a Russian woman or Western man going?

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Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Ladies (and Gentlemen)....

I was wondering how your search for a partner is going??

I would also love to hear and read what lead you to search for a partner either from Russia or the West...

Is it a difficult process??

Why are you not as interested in finding a partner from your same city or country?

I would love to read your thoughts...

Khashyar


Posted by: Castlestormer

I have actually corresponded and even exchanged pictures with some of the ladies on this board. They are very direct in letting me know that they are not interested in pen pals: they want a husband. And I respect that because I know they must be overwhelmed with responses from American men. The good news is that I want a wife. But the problem is this: they very quickly let me know that unless I am ready to marry them right now, they can’t afford to correspond anymore. I can appreciate that because most of them have very limited access to computers, and for them it is expensive. But the catch 22 lies in the fact that they won’t correspond unless there is a commitment. And how can any non-dysfunctional man commit without first corresponding? Maybe it will have to be one of those “bumped into her on the street in Moscow” scenarios.


Posted by: rtking

Hey Castlestormer!

You have to admire these people for being upfront and honest about their intentions. I have heard from several women that I have corresponded with that men don't seem to have any problems writing to women without the intention to meet or marry.

From the foreign (to us) perspective, I can understand how difficult it is to write a letter and how expensive it can be. I've often heard that it takes the Russian women I'm writing 1-2 hours to form a letter. I can fully believe that because it would take me 1-2 days to write a "normal" length letter in Russian!

The fear (from both sides) is to correspond with someone for 6 months or longer, invest your time, energy and emotions into the "relationsihp" only to end-up with a person who either is not committed to following-through with the relationship, or wanted someone to write to because they were bored. I know I wouldn't want to go through that... even though I have the "easy" part of the relationship. (I don't pay hourly for my internet connection and I don't have to translate into Russian to read or write a letter!)

One thing I have to admit: After taking a Russian class for the last 3 months, I have a new-found respect for everyone in the former Soviet Union who goes down this path. It's very, very difficult to learn a new language, memorize vocabulary, verb conjugations, and learn to speak in this language also. I consider myself lucky if I can remember the words to greet someone and introduce myself in Russian!

Bob K.


Posted by: Jutman

I perfectly understand your view Castle (in Danish slot, pronouced slut - which actually mean The End)

But why don't tell/offer them to use a email forwarding system on your expense. Then you don't have to send her money.

But you must also have set your mind to go to FSU within months, top a ½ year. I was lucky that my Nata are busy with her last year at the Uni, but looking back. I should have visited her after 5 months in my fall holiday and not after 9 months.


Posted by: Lena

Hi everybody!

Guys, thank you for your messages. I think that Jutman and Bob went through this process of first communication, first letters.

I wish to respond to the message of CastleStormer.

First of all, thank you that you found interest in communicating with some of our girls on our website. I really worked hard to find honest, good girls for foreign men and want to give more opportunities to help happy people and find each other.

I know your reaction when you received direct messages from girls with their wishes and interest. I know that the majority of them do not want to waste time. CastleStormer, I know in person some girls from the Personals because some of them (from Mogilev) are my friends. I know their situation very well. Some girls have had a lot of disappointments already because they spent 2-3 years on such communication without a positive result. Ok, the time spent is not a problem, but the money, emotions, efforts.

Maybe some of my information will be of help in understanding this situation. I’m a Russian girl and I went though the process of communication with foreign men myself, and met with a lot of examples how foreign men just have fun with play a game with the Internet. For foreign people it’s not a problem and they spend a lot of time with this toy from buying something online, doing work, communication with friends and even with such a thing as marriage.

But for Russian people, it’s a completely different situation.

I think for you it’s not a surprise that a lot of girls pay for translation and for the Internet. Do you know that some of these girls deny themselves a lot of things in order to go to the Internet café and to write messages to foreign men? I worked with a lot of Russian women, so I know this situation very well. They need to pay about $1 for the Internet plus $3-$5 for the service of a translator because some of them do not know English well. But do not forget that the average salary is $45-$80 in a month. To have normal communication, a woman cannot just use basic vocabulary like “mother, father, sister, brother.” It’s necessary to write normal letters to get to know a person, because the best opportunity for a Russian woman to get to know a man from a long distance is by email.

I remember when I began communication by the Internet. I didn’t have problem with English, but anyway, I didn’t want to waist time and energy because the Internet was not a game and play for me.

It’s great that I lived with my parents, so I didn’t have any problems with food, paying for an apartment and so on, and could spend all of my teaching salary on this communication. Now I can spend all day on the Internet, and when I open my eyes in the morning I go directly to the computer to check up my email box . In Belarus, I would have to sell my house to have the opportunity to spend the same amount of time on the Internet as I do now. Of course, when I met Khashyar, all of my problems with this went away, because he helped me very much.

Why do all these girls write you so directly? The first reason is that a lot of them had problems and disappointment in communication by the Internet already. I know some girls from our website who spent 2-3 years in search of a good, right person. And these girls are very attractive. They didn’t meet a serious person yet, so maybe with such bad experience they now have such behavior with other men.

It’s doesn’t mean that if she writes you that she doesn’t want to have pen pals and doesn’t want to waist her time. It doesn’t mean that she will have wishes to marry you after 2-3-4 months of communication with you. It’s not true because, I repeat you again, that I know a lot of girls from my program and know all their wishes and interests in life.

I agree that any man can’t be committed to anything without first corresponding…. But, Russian women do not ask you to be committed to marrying right now. It’s too silly. They ask and want to know that you are really serious and want to meet a woman and build a serious relationship. I can tell you that in Russia, there are such beliefs that foreign people have too much fun and entertain themselves by the Internet after a hard, long, working day. So, where is guarantee that you are not such man who just wants to have fun in this way and to just have communication with Russian women? (Of course I am not saying that you are this type of man

Do you know that a lot of women who begin to communicate with foreign men go almost every day or every 2-3 days to the Internet café or to the post-office? After long day, she spends a lot of energy, emotions, money, effort on this long distance communication (“relationship”), but then this man disappears without any explanations because this man also had communication with 15-20 girls at the same time and already found his second half. It can feel very difficult and result in unpleasant feelings.

I know a lot of women who, even in the beginning of their communication, begin to speak about meeting. But again, it doesn’t’ mean that you should go and buy tickets tomorrow to meet her NO. It means that she wants to hear from you that if everything will be serious in your communication, then you are ready to visit her or meet with her in neutral territory.

CastleStormer, this is just some things that I wanted to say to you, but if you have any specific questions, ask me and I’ll be happy to answer you and help you to find your second half. I receive a lot of profiles girls every day, so you’ll have opportunity to find your best Princess

I wish you good luck and wish all guys only success and best wishes to you in your relationship.

Lena


Posted by: Castlestormer

I think I am getting a taste of just how difficult it is to have a multicultural, multicontinental relationship.

Some of the ladies I corresponded with are from Mogilev. One in particular I am really interested in. We have swapped pictures, and our emails were getting more honest, personal, and intriguing. It seems that I am going to have to make a trip there. Who knows? I am a firm believer in the power of love, and it's ability to overcome all obstacles. If it's meant to be, who can stop it?

You and Khashyar are great!!!!!!!!!


Posted by: Khashyar

Thanks, Steve...

I agree with what Lena wrote... I think that for MOST Russian women, the internet is not entertainment (because it's too expensive), and most of the women who are involved with Russian-Western dating online are looking to find the right person to marry...

It sounds like you're really getting involved with someone, Castlestormer When you're ready, feel free to write us something about it....

Khashyar


Posted by: Keith

Lena:

I just found and read your interesting response on why Russian women appear so serious early in communications and have perceptions that Western men can afford to spend more free time at little to no costs accessing the Internet. I've had communication with several ladies in a short time and this quickly became evident and I didn't understand. Thanks to your posting I think I better understand. It is important to me to allow/take time to get to know someone but I hear you saying that time to the ladies is at a premium. I am serious about my search but I'm also concerned that I don't become a victim to a scam or something else unpleasant so both parties have concerns about each other...this is at the very least a challenge! I'm wondering where any "middle ground" is? How can we, as Western men, put a lady at ease in communicating with us? I'm anything but a player. Is there anyway that you know of to ease the financial burden of Internet access of someone you're interested in getting to know? I trying to think of some way to relieve the stress and pressure a lady must feel so she can worry more about getting to know me and allowing me to get to know her. Any advice or opinions on this topic would be welcomed. Again, thank you Lena for enlightening some of us to things we may not always understand or the ladies might find difficult to sharing with us.

Keith


Posted by: rtking

Lena's reply was wonderful. I think what Lena has written helps to clearly illustrate why it's important for Russian men and women to establish if a person is serious when seeking partners abroad.

What I've found out is that a little effort actually does go a long way. Internet email and chats are easy for us, but it's costly for people in Russia and the FSU. But a phone call does wonders for demonstrating your seriousness. It also helps to put your partner at ease because he or she can hear your voice. It makes you more of a "real person" IMHO.

There are plenty of calling cards availble to make the cost of a telephone call downright cheap. It gets a bit more expensive if you hire a translator. (A translator who does a 3-way call for you can range from $60 to $100 per hour.) But I think it's money well spent to ensure that you're communicating well with the person you've been writing to. Some of the services I've used have charged $60 per hour, but usually we don't speak for more than 15 minutes at a time. That $60 can last 4 weeks that way (calling once a week.)

Of course, at some point you'll want to meet in person. But it still amazes me how much you can learn from a person in a 15 minute call. And usually these are qualities about a person that you'd never learn by emailing each.

Bob K.


Posted by: Keith

Bob:

Thank you for a helpful posting! Sounds like a good near future step. What international phone card services have you found that are reasonable? Did you find any translator service better than the other? Can you recommend one?

Keith


Posted by: rtking

Hi Keith,

There's a lady I've used before for translation services. Her name is Lana and she owns Zvonok.com. Her rates are good and she lives & works in New Jersey. I think this is in the same time zone as Tennessee, so that will help to coordinate a schedule.

I'm sure there are other services that are very good as well. I did develop a good rapport with Lana. She's friendly and, if you're willing to listen, she's willing to give very sage advice also. She grew-up in New Jersey, so (aside from the New Jersey accent ) you'll have no problem understanding her.

Good luck!

Bob K


Posted by: Emetsky

I'd say if you feel that she's the one for you, you had better go visit her right away. It doesn't matter if you've just been corresponding for a short time.

Don't forget that she may be corresponding with other men on the internet. The first guy who visits first usually gets the lady.

If you don't believe me, ask Elena Petrova of Elena's Models.


Posted by: klawsite

I read with interest Lena's post on this. I know I am replying quite late to this thread, but it was started way before I became a member.
My Nadya uses the internet club. I know it is not convenient for her. She has to pay for it. I have offered to, but she refuses my offer. I guess it is her way of showing me how serious she is about our relationship. It is not a simple thing from what I understand. Often times the IC is busy and she has to wait for quite sometime to get to a computer just to send her messages. I know she spends a lot of time in translating her messages so that I can understand her. She does this mostly on her own because she is learning English. She pays for classes which she goes to twice a week!
Think about it. She has to take the bus to get to the internet cafe. I am sure it is not just one bus but at least two or three exchanges to get there. Then she has to wait for a computer to open up. I would say it is inconvenient for her. We have the luxury of checking our emails at work, at home and I even have a Blackberry so I can check emails from everywhere where I have GPRS service!! (The advantages of being a Computer Systems Engineer (or curse!!))
Then ontop of all of this. She buys a cellphone that costs her a month's worth of salary, so we can talk anytime we want instead of setting up a time to use her brothers cellphone.
That is a lot of sacrifices. She hasn't accepted one red cent from me!! I have offered to pay for her Internet use?
To think what they have to do to correspond with us. It is quite humbling to me. Granted Nadya makes double what alot of girls do a month. But she has her own apartment as well.
Anyone who does not appreciate what his significant other has to do to communicate to him needs his head examined.
That is why I make sure she knows her trip to the internet cafe will be worth while. I always make sure there is mail there waiting for her. I also make sure she knows her purchase of the cellphone was a good choice. We talk about three times a week usually at one to two hours each call. I pay for the calls. We have a system. If she wants to talk to me, she calls and lets it ring once or twice. Then I call her back!! The way I view the phone calls is that these are our dates. If I were to take her out on a date I would easily spend as much!

Thanks Lena for the very informative insite!!
OK.. Its an eBook!!

-Kevin


Posted by: klawsite

One more thing!!

I agree with Bob about phone calls. They make a huge difference!!There are many things you can find out about a person on the phone. You get a better sense of their humor. You can tell the sincereity in their voice. You can tell what topics they are excited about because you can here it in their voice. These are traits you can't distinquish well in emails!! Plus it just helps to hear each others voice. It just makes the relationship more personal!!! Luckily for me Nadya has a friend who helps translate when Nadya needs it. We have made plans to take her friend to dinner and theater while I am there to thank her for her help!!

-Kevin


Posted by: Yozhik

Hi everyone,

A first-class thread! As with Kevin, I am late replying to this thread.

In answer to Khashyar's questions: my relationship with Anna is going very well, and I am starting to make plans for my third trip to Lugansk

In answer to why I have not looked for a partner in my home town and country? I was engaged to be married to an English girl, and things were perfect until she decided to end our relationship. Needless to say I was devastated, and certainly not interested in finding another girlfriend "on the rebound" so soon after the split, and NEVER anyone abroad, as I detest long-distance relationships!! I imagine anyone reading to this point will laugh; I hate distance relationships, and I live 2066 miles away from the love of my life! Am I making a mockery of myself here?!?! About 6 months after the split, on July 2nd 2002, I was bored and looking at the faceparty meet-up site, when a pop-up window for an agency in Ukraine decided to show its face, and I thought to myself "what on earth is that?!?!" I decided to peruse the site, finding much of the information very interesting indeed!! At this point I was a typical western guy who had the wrong assumptions of WM/RW relationships. Then I spotted the picture of Anna. I just stared at the screen for a few seconds, and swore something in a positive manner and, just out of curiosity, I decided to send an e-mail. I NEVER expected anything in response, so the shock was obvious when I could see the reply in my inbox. At this point my mind was brimming with positive and negative thoughts. I sent a picture of myself with a reply, and decided she must be nuts when I got a response, lol!! I know for a fact, any English girls who are so beautiful, normally have their head's so far stuck up the proverbial, they wouldn't give me a second look. At this point I was hooked. A stunning Ukrainian girl corresponding with a very average looking English guy? My friends were certainly dubious about the whole situation, and simply put this down to the fact that I was still not over my ex-fiancé.

I often wonder why Anna chose me, because I know that other western men wrote to her. I know that Anna really likes creativity in men, actors, writers etc. and the fact that I am an aspiring novelist is without doubt an advantage. I know that when I really get going, I can write for Britain when it comes to personal letters, or even e-mail's to friends, with many of my letters to Anna breaking the 1000 word barrier on a daily basis. We have now been together (if you count our first correspondences) for 15 months, and what a time it has been. I have not proposed yet, and I am not sure if and when this will happen, as Anna still has 3 years left at University. If Anna were English, and studying at a University abroad, I know for a fact the relationship would not survive. The character of Russian/FSU women is quite astounding. Only last week I went out with some friends to a local bar, and 2 girls joined us (1 of my friends who really tried it on with these girls!!) and I watched quite intuitively at their mannerisms, the way they acted, the way they responded to my friends flirtatious behaviour, the way they responded to only friendly and non-fliratious behaviour from myself. These girls are the same age as Anna, and the differences were blatantly evident. Needless to say, I have few female friends around this age group, and the female friends I do know, have above-average intelligence, a trait Anna has in abundance, and something I greatly respect. So it has been a while since I have interacted with the average English girl in pubs and bars, and the fact that I was simply having a beer and a laugh, and NOT flirting with them, clearly made irated them, and my friends advances fell on flat ears. I look at the way Anna and her friends are when I am in Ukraine, and I admit that maturity and intelligence levels are far, far superior than the majority of 18 - 20 yea-old girls in England. And to think England supposedly has one of the best education systems in the world?

A friend of mine asked me that if things did not work out with Anna and I, would I search for another girlfriend in Ukraine?? As much as I have fallen in love with the country, the answer would be no. I do not foresee problems with Anna and myself, and I hope, in due course, Anna can relocate to England with me, and become an active member on this forum The reason why I have fallen for Anna?? Many of my friends assume it is quite simply her looks, but this is not the case. It’s Anna’s inner beauty that stole my heart. Sometimes I get depressed when I am sat at home, wondering and thinking what Anna is doing at that precise moment. Are we listening to the same CD that we listen to every day, listening to the same song and gazing out of the window at the stars, thinking about each other. 2066 miles is a very long way for two people in love to be apart from each other. I think, though, true love conquers all, and I truly hope so in the case of Anna and I, and everyone else on this site in a similar situation

I’d best stop here before you all fall asleep, lol!

Si


Posted by: klawsite

Great point Si!!

Quote:
It’s Anna’s inner beauty that stole my heart.


That is it exactly with Nadya, I know it was her beauty and what she said in her profile on this site that caught my eye, but what really drew me close to her as we talked and corresponded by email was her inner beauty. She has this inate ability to read my mind!!! She answered alot of my questions before I asked them!!
She like Anna is very smart and I appreciate that facet of her. Hears how it all started... I was talking with girls online and meeting them at bars around my area. I got an email one day from a well known Russian Brides site.. hint hint..
I decided, why not search the whole world. I like to travel and I like challenges. I knew that a long distance realtionship would be a challenge. I just didn't realize how much of one it could be!! I searched a while before I found this site. After one night a perusing through this site of Lena and Khashyars, I decided I would join. I am very glad I did. Everyone I have met here I consider friends. It is great!! Now I have found this wonderful woman I am going to meet in December and have this great place to come to that help keep my head on straight!!
I think we should have a once a year blow out reunion of the people on this site and for those who can not make it, we can take pictures and post them!! I can always go for a trip to California!!

-Kevin


Posted by: ConnerVT

California? You can also head east, you know. I already have enough frequent flyer miles than on Christmas, I'm upgrading from Economy to Business Elite! Ten hours in Coach is hard on my 6'4" frame!

Also, my future Mama-in-law told me that a woman isn't smart or clever. A woman is wise. And I know never to ignore my Mama-in-law...


Posted by: klawsite

Lol Conner!!

I must have been mistaken when I said smart!! I meant to say 'WISE'!! Everyone knows that mama knows best!!

-Kevin


Posted by: Yozhik

Hi everyone,

I think an annual meet would be a fantastic idea. Obviously it would be difficult for non-Americans to make it, and I would love to bring Anna along to this, which would raise visa questions etc. The idea is brilliant, and I would move heaven and earth to be there. I've always wanted to visit L.A!!

Kevin, it's great that you and Nadya are getting on so well. I remember in Lugansk, just after arrival on my second trip, Anna and our two friends went to my hotel room, and after my 15 hours of travelling to be there on the first day, I needed a shower and freshen up before hitting the town. Anya and Roma (Anna's friends, and now VERY good friends of mine) went down to the lobby while Anna used the bathroom. When she finished, she came into the bedroom with a big smile and just started talking in Russian!!! I had no clue what she was talking about and we just laughed, it really was a great moment. Anna was obviously very much at east with me, and my letters in Russian must be pretty good! One day I will be able to speak fluent Russian, I wish I could bring the day forward!


Question...what is it that's so intriguing about Russian women? I have never found anything like the personality Anna has in England. Anna's intelligence is amazing, as is her ability to melt my heart with her letters. I am constantly checking my mail 24*7 for letters, it's like a drug! I'm addicted, and needless to say, very much in love

Si


Posted by: Thunderdome

Lady Lena, CastleStormer and Rtking,

Yeah, old thread, but still.
If a guy wants to play by all means, nobody’s going to stop him. But probably he won’t read here hence any advice would be wasted in this regard – and I doubt he’d need it.

If a guy is serious however he first of all wants to communicate with a serious gal. This should be easy to figure out, the net is full of advice if you need it, but I’d say common sense prevails here.

However, she also needs to be convinced rather sooner than later that he’s not playing unless for keeps, and also this is easy.
Tell her straight from the start that you’re serious, if you turn out to like each other you two will plan a visit (he to her), and be honest and keep your promises. This latter bit also should include a polite resignation if for whatever reason you don’t see it fit to continue with her, and most certainly admit you’re corresponding to other women if you do (the honest part, nothing wrong with), and don’t forget she most likely will do this too.
If someone is honest it shines through, even in writing from someone having a limited grasp of the English language, and it’s a damn good start for correspondence. Being evasive also is very clear to spot, and blatant lies are terminal but for the blind.
A good start is crucial in this regard, and both quite likely will continue after that.

The second aspect is of a financial nature, and here also some things can be done.
He phoning her is a damn good way of convincing her he’s serious regarding her – why waste money otherwise? Irrespective of this aspect it’s also extremely informative as to what kind of person is on the other end, although plenty goes lost if there’s a translator involved.
Frequenting an Internet-café is a schlep and indeed expensive for her normally. If you like her offer to pay an amount into the café’s account (direct transfer!) so she’ll be able to use it. Of course this amount should be kept reasonable, especially in the beginning, for various reasons. First of all I don’t believe she should be kept entirely ‘free’ from costs (for pride, effort and motivation aspects), and also a ‘larger’ amount she will feel very likely uncomfortable with – if she accepts any amount at all, some will not! But having offered to pay these (part-)costs also turns him into more real and serious than others maybe ‘playing’, and the advantage could be swung towards him who does.

Also, even when communicating by means of the Net, sending things by snailmail should not be forgotten. A nice present (use some courier) does plenty for anyone, and don’t you forget flowers for her birthday or women’s day or something. Ignorant bastards apparently are galore, and if you like her these things add to your credit.
But they should be done when the relation is somewhat advanced, not right in the beginning, for it may be seen as you trying to buy her, a thing a decent girl will try to avoid at all costs.

And when you go over you go alone, stay away from these organized tours. ‘Players’ do join these, and men who are insecure or cannot handle themselves in a strange environment, hardly an impression I’d like to make to what may be my future partner.
But the main thing is it shows you are coming for her only, no agenda other than her in your focus. And that is precisely what you should tell her as soon as you realize that.

Just some common cents.


Posted by: klawsite

Wollcome to the Forums Thunderdome!!

First off, I agree with what you posted here. Hopefully you have read all my posts on this thread. I did send Nadya 9 roses (red) for her birthday. I also wrote a song for her a couple of weeks before that I sang for heron her Birthday phone date. I am not shy!! I think she appreciates that part of me!! As you know, I have offered to pay for the Internet Cafe. I guess this is her way of showing she is serious. She also had her profile on the dating agency site suspended, as did I on this site!! The only site I used. She said she didn't want to meet someone who still had an active profile and I agreed. Now I am going December 5th to be with her. I have sent her the travel itinerary. We are both excited. We I believe are as serious as you can be about another person without seeing each other in real life. We have of course shared many pictures of ourselves and our families and things in our lives. Pictures tell stories as well!!
I do appreciate everything she has done for our relationship and I know she appreciates what I do. Now all we can do is continue to communicate and get to know each other even more and wait until we meet for real in December. then we should know if the chemistry is really there as we think it is now!!!
We really enjoy our phone dates as we call them!!

Anyway, I could write on and on..
Thanks for the post and your insight. I assume you are a woman from FSU?

-Kevin


Posted by: Thunderdome

Klawsite,

Either the glasses or your pending visit blurrs your view

" ....hardly an impression I’d like to make to what may be my future partner...."


Just some common cents?
Put it this way - if I were to kiss you it would make for two very disgusted persons likely to get involved in a decent fight
Sorry to disappoint you, not interested.


Posted by: klawsite

Sorry bout that Thunderdome!!

I understand!! That would bad!!!

-Kevin


Posted by: anna

It is sad to put in time and money and to fall in love with someone who does not love you back. This is life. It is good to see it from the other persons point of view and to recognise that even with the best intentions you should not marry if you are in doubt. Equally, if someone is worth having they may have more than one offer to consider.
How often is it that it is not love for the actual person that we are feeling but love of being in love or love of the person that we imagine someone to be?


Posted by: Jutman

For extactly one year ago, at my Nats' birthday I send her 2 parcels, with several small presents. Like a juwelery box, (filled).

I send her a poem. Inside the parcels they were filled with small flags, if my country, so when she open it. The flags was all over.
Also inside I put danish birthday decoration, like congratulation in danish in silver writing.

But what she liked most was that I found a radio stadion in her city, where you could request songs. I used promt, to translate something simpel and they DID play and she DID listen :-)

---
This year she got majority of her present, when I visit her in october. But of course I have sent ome parfume, something I know I want. Along with a letter, of course. Shaped like a heart.

***
Soon its December and in my country its a tradition to have a calendar of small presents. So everyday when she wakes up, there will some thing for her. Like a small blackboard, where I wrote I LOVE YOU. Or a peice of candy, or a small box of eyeliners and so on. But everyday, something.
I made one for her 8 year old niece. Sometimes I am not sure what she most hapy for. What I do for her, or what I do for her niece.


Posted by: CJG2003

Hello Everyone,

I’m new to this site and the forums although I have stopped in to read some things from time to time, and I have really enjoy learning a lot of things while reading your posts. Thanks to everyone for sharing experiences, it has been invaluable to me in my adventure of finding a partner in the FSU.

I’ve been searching now for several months and really happened to begin my search in the FSU by chance. I posted my profile on Matchmaker and spent a lot of time making sure I conveyed the message of “the real me.” Since I work in web design/authoring, I’ve learned that it’s much more difficult to do online since you don’t have facial expression, vocal intonation, and body language added into the mix…even more difficult when trying to convey the right message through email and chat with the ladies in the FSU. I really lost interest in finding someone local because I seemed to have much more in common with friends from overseas, including what I perceive as a stronger sense of family and marriage. Perhaps it's from having a parent that was from Europe, I’m not sure, but I do know that almost all of my close friends in high school and college with whom I’m still friends are from Germany, the UK, and Middle East.

Anyway, what I hoped to be at least minutely promising or exciting, turned out to be a disappointment…I really had very few if any contacts and was ready to give up on the idea, but then all of the sudden within the span of a few days I had three emails left by ladies from Moscow and cities close by. So I began to correspond with all three of them, all of which turned out to be scammers. Thanks to the information that I learned from this site and several other sites I was able to see the scams coming cut communications short of being duped out of any cash.

I hadn’t thought about searching for my potential life partner in the FSU, but having researched information on ladies in the FSU I was interested in communicating with more. I’ve learned a lot since starting out and I’m still learning about the differences and commonalities between our cultures. One big thing I’ve noticed is that in communicating certain words have totally different meanings contextually to ladies in the FSU than they may to us, but this is something I experienced at home since my father was from Spain and we had to be careful about how we said things at times.

At any rate, it’s been an interesting experience so far and I’ve met some really kind and wonderful women in my communications, and I’ve narrowed down my choices to three very interesting women and one particular lady that has really become apparent as the most interesting person and the one most interested in me. We have communicated for a couple of months now and send emails and chat quite a bit and have even exchanged numbers, and have talked on the phone. I really like her and she likes me and we have a lot of great conversations about all sorts of things and we’ve had a great time getting to know each other.

Recently she has shared some news with me that has me uncomfortable, but at the same time I realize after reading some posts and other places that what she has shared isn’t uncommon. I have seen some things posted regarding the “ex” living in the same place as the potential partner and this is now the case with the lady I’m writing to. It turns out that word has gotten back to her ex (boyfriend not hubby) that she has a new Internet interest and he’s seen to it to move back in to the flat that they each own half of. Any advice or comments here are welcome…

I have let her know that I am uncomfortable with the situation, because we agreed up front to have no secrets and share feelings openly and she has expressed her desire to make a change but can’t afford to, and without my input or offering has made sure to express that she wouldn’t accept any help financially or otherwise. I can understand her frustration and the fact that she can’t move easily and she is aware of how I feel and agrees that if “the shoe were on the other foot” it would be uncomfortable for her too. As Khashyar would probably advise, I asked myself the question “would I put up with that from a girl who lived in the same town I did that I was dating” and I answered probably not, but the economic circumstances are probably much different there than here. Any advice or comments here are welcome…

I really have enjoyed the process of writing and making friends in some cases with ladies from the FSU. I can certainly understand the frustration associated with putting a lot of work into the familiarization process only to have things dead-end, particularly when you’ve narrowed the search down to one that is a potential partner only to hit a snag, but life is life, so I chalk it up to experience. I would love to know what you all think about the ex having newly moved back into their jointly owned flat. I really enjoy chats with her and visa versa, but I’m not opposed to moving onward if this could potentially turn into a sore issue or a problem for her on her end. From what I’ve gathered from her, he can be a little squirrelly and aggressive when he hits the bottle and that’s not a situation I’d care to involve myself in.



Well sorry about the novella, but thanks for the forum and in advance for any input you all have.

Cheers, CJ


Posted by: RomanticTX

I believe that if you are communicating with more than one person, you should be open about it. The fact that we are behind the computer doesn't mean that we can "hide" things.

Tell them that you are in the decision process, that you are interested on her, but you need time to make a decision. Some girls won't reply to you others will tell you that it is ok with them. But at one point, choose one and stick to her!
Don't waste their time!

Be honest with with them and with yourself!


Posted by: CJG2003

Thanks for the feedback RomanticTX

I have been up front with all of the ladies I correspond with and have also let them know that I have communicated with more than one person, so my honesty with them and self really isn’t the issue here. I have also let them know that I am in a decision process, so I really haven’t hid anything from them.

I agree that being behind a computer doesn’t mean that we can “hide” things, and if you’ll reread my post, you’ll find that I was interested in advice/input regarding one of the ladies that I was leaning toward, and her ex-boyfriend suddenly moving back in to what is their jointly owned flat and her financial inability to move. I’m trying to do exactly what you pointed out, pick one of the 4 and stick with her, but it would be great to know if I should be concerned with her situation or not. If it came across as anything different, it may have been my having written the post at 4 something in the morning.

I don’t want to waste their time anymore than I want to waste mine…I think being cautious with selecting a future partner isn’t wasting time, just being sensible.

Cheers, CJ


Posted by: jshy

Would you believe this is my third and final attempt to find someone from Russia or the Ukraine. I have finally found the one. I have corresponded to women I met through agency websites plenty of e-mails to women who were virtual strangers. I have gone on 2 romantic tours with a certain dating agency again to meet total strangers. These women are more of a total stranger by virtue of not knowing their family or friends and being from a culture I do not know as well.
I have found that one Russian-american woman who is married to my friend has introduced me to her friend she has known from childhood. My friend has known me for three years and introduced me to the one friend of hers that I have found myself compatible with. My girl works three jobs has never belonged to a dating agency. She never has asked me for money and shows me such attention. This is why I would try to ask a friend you may know who has married somone from abroad. If you have such a friend this may be the best way!


Posted by: basilik@free.fr

Why a Russian woman?
1) difference... generally I appreciate original characters and Russian women differ... Enrichment of meeting a person of different culture and to confront our reciprocal approaches in any participation (particularly during trips in third countries.)
2) likeness?) the feeling of a passionate and emotional character (but realist!) close to Frenchmen or to me in any cases?
3) discovery of a country, a very big country and its language (something to make me busy when retiring
4) the exotic charm of the accent
5) a culture closer to that of France, my country, where values is more passion emotion and feelings that money and belonging...
6) challenge to overcome difficulties (you have to fight hard to find hapyness
7) the existence of numerous Websites of " Russian women " which contribute to create a "market" and excite lonely western men
8) why not?)))
p.s by talking and meeting Russian women and their foreign husbands I found that RW seem to have a more cyclothimic character than others, difficult to cope with but so passional and lovely!!
ou have to know that roller coaster are called "russian mountains" in french...what's a coincidence...))


Posted by: Eril

I got this reply just today as a matter of fact, from my penpal in Ukraine. While she is married, this is a portion of her reply to my telling her I was interested in pursuing relations with someone from Ukraine. She's 28 and this insight is invaluable to me. (There is some cyrillic so set your browser appropriately.)

"As for Ukrainian women (and all women, and people in general) I meant that all people are different. Not all women in slavonic countries consider her roles in family as a «keeper of fireplace» (хранительница очага), especially young women. The generation of our mothers were brought up in the spirit of patriarchy or «домостроя». My mother-in-law (she’s just a wonderful woman) all her life has been doing all housework by herself, without even tiny little help from her husband. He doesn’t even take bread and salt himself when he eats, for example, and doesn’t wash his plate after dinner. She isn’t a housewife, she’s a doctor, a therapeutist of the highest category (categories are our classification of medical skills). It has been a normal situation in family for centuries. I myself consider if a woman has a job, housework must be divided between a husband and a wife (maybe I made a mistake in this phrase). But each can do that work which he or she believes fitter for him or her (and in this phrase too). My husband can cook a sort of a soup in case of need, but cooking is my work in our family and I cook more complicated dishes. Maybe they aren’t so delicious as in restaurants. Thus you might not meet the woman in Ukraine who will be divide your idea of a perfect family. And I think that it’s almost impossible to find one’s «second half» planning it in advance. It’s so unexpecting chance. If you think of it escpecially, you are unlikely to have your chance."

Eril


Posted by: jlyandco

I hope that I'm not too late to post here...

To answer the question at hand, "How is your search for a Russian woman going?": I'm presently feeling a bit "unequally yoked" in my present "relationship" and communication with a Ukrainian woman, and would GREATLY appreciate ANY feedback from the people here that can provide me with some insight

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I've never been comfortable attempting to pursue a relationship with more than one woman at a time. Although I have had multiple FSR women with whom I have had correspondence at the same time, the came a point where one woman in particular seems to embody more of the traits that I considered the most desirable and compatible. So, I essentially have been focusing my attention to this one particular woman.

We've been corresponding for almost 6 months and, although we seem to be growing closer, we do not seem to hold the same level of passion for our "relationship". She has shared with me that, after her parents, she feels that I am the closest person to her. (FYI: I'm 46 and she's a VERY mature 25 and I mean this genuinely! She's not a "party girl", preferring to be a "home body" and many of the things we discuss show wisdom FAR beyond her years!).

In her letters, she continues to express herself with words of fondness and tenderness for me... and acknowledges that she feels that we are continuing to grow closer. However, a small uneasiness has cropped up, and is beginning to make me feel even more uncomfortable. (And, no, she has not ever asked me for a dime!!!!)

THIS is where I would greatly appreciate the insight of the many wonderful people here who are "in the know" about the dynamics of a marriage-minded relationship with a woman from the FSR, as well as the prevailing attitudes and practices of FSR women regarding such relationships.


Okay, in a nutshell, here's a few of the things that are making me uneasy:

I've tried to engage in "relationship conversations" that are quite appropriate for two people pursing (or even considering) a long-term relationship. However, the vast majority of my questions go unanswered and without acknowledgment -- even if they have been asked more than once and I've mentioned that I would like to know her answer. (FYI: none of my questions have been regarding sex or physical intimacy... mostly perceptual, preferential, or relational in nature.)

She does not return my letters or write to me as often as she first did... initially I heard from her almost every day, and now, it is averaging a few times a week. I don't demand that she writes... just noting a trend. I try not to read too much into this, because this can simply be the natural progression of our "relationship" transitioning from "initial communications" to the more usual and steady stream of a committed relationship pattern.

Within the last 45 days, I've sent two parcels to her... each containing gifts, such as warm clothing (nothing "intimate", e.g. Victoria's Secret, etc.), a quaint decoration (e.g., glass and pressed flowers window decoration), and a greeting card. She did acknowledge my first parcel, but with nowhere near the level of emotion that I was expecting (or, perhaps I should say, "hoping for"?). The second parcel was hardly acknowledged.


Perhaps I'm trying too hard to pursue this as a serious relationship, or perhaps I am being unrealistic to think that a FSR woman would be willing to commit to anything more than a friendship before we meet face to face (even if I find it difficult to consider spending more than $ 2000. to "meet for coffee"). I guess that my "frame of reference" may not be the norm, because that I DO feel that I can commit to such a relationship before we actually physically meet. However, there has to be an AMAZING level of communication (yes, both ways!) well underway before such a commitment can be considered. I guess that I thought that we'd be making a bit more progress by now!


Okay, I think that this will at least give a little insight into the background and issues surrounding this situation.

PLEASE feel free to share your insight with me... it would be GREATLY appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Jeff


Posted by: sidney

Jeff, she may be looking for some seriousness on your part as in plans to visit in person. She probably knows many that have gone the web romeo route whether personally or thru friends. Maybe she thinks this should be at another level or she may be writting to others. If it were me I'd do the $2000 coffee if I were seroius about her. I'm not sure if you've traveled there before but it should well be worth it in cultural experience. Good luck
Sid


Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlyandco
I hope that I'm not too late to post here...

To answer the question at hand, "How is your search for a Russian woman going?": I'm presently feeling a bit "unequally yoked" in my present "relationship" and communication with a Ukrainian woman, and would GREATLY appreciate ANY feedback from the people here that can provide me with some insight

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I've never been comfortable attempting to pursue a relationship with more than one woman at a time. Although I have had multiple FSR women with whom I have had correspondence at the same time, the came a point where one woman in particular seems to embody more of the traits that I considered the most desirable and compatible. So, I essentially have been focusing my attention to this one particular woman.

We've been corresponding for almost 6 months and, although we seem to be growing closer, we do not seem to hold the same level of passion for our "relationship". She has shared with me that, after her parents, she feels that I am the closest person to her. (FYI: I'm 46 and she's a VERY mature 25 and I mean this genuinely! She's not a "party girl", preferring to be a "home body" and many of the things we discuss show wisdom FAR beyond her years!).

In her letters, she continues to express herself with words of fondness and tenderness for me... and acknowledges that she feels that we are continuing to grow closer. However, a small uneasiness has cropped up, and is beginning to make me feel even more uncomfortable. (And, no, she has not ever asked me for a dime!!!!)

THIS is where I would greatly appreciate the insight of the many wonderful people here who are "in the know" about the dynamics of a marriage-minded relationship with a woman from the FSR, as well as the prevailing attitudes and practices of FSR women regarding such relationships.


Okay, in a nutshell, here's a few of the things that are making me uneasy:

I've tried to engage in "relationship conversations" that are quite appropriate for two people pursing (or even considering) a long-term relationship. However, the vast majority of my questions go unanswered and without acknowledgment -- even if they have been asked more than once and I've mentioned that I would like to know her answer. (FYI: none of my questions have been regarding sex or physical intimacy... mostly perceptual, preferential, or relational in nature.)

She does not return my letters or write to me as often as she first did... initially I heard from her almost every day, and now, it is averaging a few times a week. I don't demand that she writes... just noting a trend. I try not to read too much into this, because this can simply be the natural progression of our "relationship" transitioning from "initial communications" to the more usual and steady stream of a committed relationship pattern.

Within the last 45 days, I've sent two parcels to her... each containing gifts, such as warm clothing (nothing "intimate", e.g. Victoria's Secret, etc.), a quaint decoration (e.g., glass and pressed flowers window decoration), and a greeting card. She did acknowledge my first parcel, but with nowhere near the level of emotion that I was expecting (or, perhaps I should say, "hoping for"?). The second parcel was hardly acknowledged.


Perhaps I'm trying too hard to pursue this as a serious relationship, or perhaps I am being unrealistic to think that a FSR woman would be willing to commit to anything more than a friendship before we meet face to face (even if I find it difficult to consider spending more than $ 2000. to "meet for coffee"). I guess that my "frame of reference" may not be the norm, because that I DO feel that I can commit to such a relationship before we actually physically meet. However, there has to be an AMAZING level of communication (yes, both ways!) well underway before such a commitment can be considered. I guess that I thought that we'd be making a bit more progress by now!


Okay, I think that this will at least give a little insight into the background and issues surrounding this situation.

PLEASE feel free to share your insight with me... it would be GREATLY appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Jeff




WOW WOW WOW!!!!

This sounds just like my Friend in the Ukraine.........100%

JEFF If you know she is real and you might want her.......you need to go and see her NOW......( yes $2000 for Coffey but think of how much you would have spent on women in the US by now)....she is loosing interest as you are showing to her that YOU are not going to commit and come and see her....for her it is not "REAL" until she sees you in person.

After you meet in person if you are both still interested she will answer all your questions......She is holding back some so she does not get a broken heart from high unrealized expectations.

About the gifts....I just had this explained to me by my friend in the Ukraine’s mother.....she still likes and appreciates the gifts BUT when she gets gifts….. she wonders to herself…….. " why does this guy send me gift if he is not going to come and see me" ........My friend in the Ukraine told to me DO NOT SEND ME GIFTS....she told me that the only gift I am aloud to give her is me in person.

About your last comment NO you most likely will not find a RW who will go farther than a friendship over the computer.....I also have a problem with this as I can commit more over the internet.....Love is not just a feeling it is more than 50% a decision, one makes. There are a few women who will commit but I feel most of them are a bit immature or not looking for the right reason either desperate or just wanting a quick hook up. I found one once but we both ended up broken hearted as the girls mother was strongly against it and did everything to put a end to it….

Best of luck to you and I hope you make the trip to see the girl…..if nothing ells you will get a very interesting vacation.


Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by cedarwind
WOW WOW WOW!!!!

This sounds just like my Friend in the Ukraine.........100%

JEFF If you know she is real and you might want her.......you need to go and see her NOW......( yes $2000 for Coffey but think of how much you would have spent on women in the US by now)....she is loosing interest as you are showing to her that YOU are not going to commit and come and see her....for her it is not "REAL" until she sees you in person.

After you meet in person if you are both still interested she will answer all your questions......She is holding back some so she does not get a broken heart from high unrealized expectations.

About the gifts....I just had this explained to me by my friend in the Ukraine’s mother.....she still likes and appreciates the gifts BUT when she gets gifts….. she wonders to herself…….. " why does this guy send me gift if he is not going to come and see me" ........My friend in the Ukraine told to me DO NOT SEND ME GIFTS....she told me that the only gift I am aloud to give her is me in person.

About your last comment NO you most likely will not find a RW who will go farther than a friendship over the computer.....I also have a problem with this as I can commit more over the internet.....Love is not just a feeling it is more than 50% a decision, one makes. There are a few women who will commit but I feel most of them are a bit immature or not looking for the right reason either desperate or just wanting a quick hook up. I found one once but we both ended up broken hearted as the girls mother was strongly against it and did everything to put a end to it….

Best of luck to you and I hope you make the trip to see the girl…..if nothing ells you will get a very interesting vacation.

Ok Jeff. Im going to be a bit of a downer here. Do you date 25yr olds in your home town? do you have a lot in common with them? My RF is 33 I am 46 but ALL of the women i have been out with in the last 11yrs have been 10-14 yrs younger than me. SO number 1 !!!!!! Very few women will commit themselves until you meet....unless they are after a green card or your money. Number 2 the bigger the age gap the higher the likelyhood that it will fail..And NO NO NO if a Russian woman loves you its 100%. From what i have read i would say that she is wriitng to a few guys at the moment. You might happen to be one of the few that will visit..... OK for ,what its worth ...plan a trip...look at it as a great adventure...and see what happens????????????? Read up on the cultures and customs of where you are going to visit and go for it....good luck


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Cedarwind and Sidney are correct jlyandco. You've been writing to each other for 6 months and there is no commitment on your part. Most RW give up after 3-4 months and figure he is a "keyboard Romeo". I was making plans to see my wife after 2 months of writing e-mails. I'm sure your girl is writing other men by now, but it might not be to late. If you think this girl is "the one", write her an e-mail today saying you are making plans to see her after asking her if she wants to see you.

Good luck!!!


Posted by: ira156

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingToRussia
Cedarwind and Sidney are correct jlyandco. You've been writing to each other for 6 months and there is no commitment on your part. Most RW give up after 3-4 months and figure he is a "keyboard Romeo". I was making plans to see my wife after 2 months of writing e-mails. I'm sure your girl is writing other men by now, but it might not be to late. If you think this girl is "the one", write her an e-mail today saying you are making plans to see her after asking her if she wants to see you.

Good luck!!!

So true GTR


Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlyandco
I hope that I'm not too late to post here...

To answer the question at hand, "How is your search for a Russian woman going?": I'm presently feeling a bit "unequally yoked" in my present "relationship" and communication with a Ukrainian woman, and would GREATLY appreciate ANY feedback from the people here that can provide me with some insight

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I've never been comfortable attempting to pursue a relationship with more than one woman at a time. Although I have had multiple FSR women with whom I have had correspondence at the same time, the came a point where one woman in particular seems to embody more of the traits that I considered the most desirable and compatible. So, I essentially have been focusing my attention to this one particular woman.

We've been corresponding for almost 6 months and, although we seem to be growing closer, we do not seem to hold the same level of passion for our "relationship". She has shared with me that, after her parents, she feels that I am the closest person to her. (FYI: I'm 46 and she's a VERY mature 25 and I mean this genuinely! She's not a "party girl", preferring to be a "home body" and many of the things we discuss show wisdom FAR beyond her years!).

In her letters, she continues to express herself with words of fondness and tenderness for me... and acknowledges that she feels that we are continuing to grow closer. However, a small uneasiness has cropped up, and is beginning to make me feel even more uncomfortable. (And, no, she has not ever asked me for a dime!!!!)

THIS is where I would greatly appreciate the insight of the many wonderful people here who are "in the know" about the dynamics of a marriage-minded relationship with a woman from the FSR, as well as the prevailing attitudes and practices of FSR women regarding such relationships.


Okay, in a nutshell, here's a few of the things that are making me uneasy:

I've tried to engage in "relationship conversations" that are quite appropriate for two people pursing (or even considering) a long-term relationship. However, the vast majority of my questions go unanswered and without acknowledgment -- even if they have been asked more than once and I've mentioned that I would like to know her answer. (FYI: none of my questions have been regarding sex or physical intimacy... mostly perceptual, preferential, or relational in nature.)

She does not return my letters or write to me as often as she first did... initially I heard from her almost every day, and now, it is averaging a few times a week. I don't demand that she writes... just noting a trend. I try not to read too much into this, because this can simply be the natural progression of our "relationship" transitioning from "initial communications" to the more usual and steady stream of a committed relationship pattern.

Within the last 45 days, I've sent two parcels to her... each containing gifts, such as warm clothing (nothing "intimate", e.g. Victoria's Secret, etc.), a quaint decoration (e.g., glass and pressed flowers window decoration), and a greeting card. She did acknowledge my first parcel, but with nowhere near the level of emotion that I was expecting (or, perhaps I should say, "hoping for"?). The second parcel was hardly acknowledged.


Perhaps I'm trying too hard to pursue this as a serious relationship, or perhaps I am being unrealistic to think that a FSR woman would be willing to commit to anything more than a friendship before we meet face to face (even if I find it difficult to consider spending more than $ 2000. to "meet for coffee"). I guess that my "frame of reference" may not be the norm, because that I DO feel that I can commit to such a relationship before we actually physically meet. However, there has to be an AMAZING level of communication (yes, both ways!) well underway before such a commitment can be considered. I guess that I thought that we'd be making a bit more progress by now!


Okay, I think that this will at least give a little insight into the background and issues surrounding this situation.

PLEASE feel free to share your insight with me... it would be GREATLY appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Jeff



hmmm. Although your situation is a bit different to mine i still see a few difficulties in being sure how serious each of you is sure of the other.
I started out writing out to my friend from Ukraine with an open mind but was certainly not pursuing a woman from FSU or marriage either. I liked Natasha straight away but was not sure whether it would be friendship or develop into something far more serious. Over months i just found too many things about her i found attractive and started to care for her but in my mind i was still trying to keep a balance of rational thought knowing we had never even meet yet but at some point maybe after 3 or 4 months i felt atleast sure i wanted to be dear friends as i felt she was a very special person to connect with. I think i repeated a number of times to her over time that we may just be very good friends across the globe but i could see the potential for something more. In my case it was probably not a good idea as i think i was sending mixed messages to myself and her. Maybe your lady friend is unsure of the fine line to tread between friendship and something more at this stage and confusing you like i probably did to Natasha.
About the time i decided i was going there I knew it was winter the following months so i had no intention of travelling over there until atleast April to meet her and her country. I think that's the point the others are making. Make the *decision* in mind at this stage to just go there and find out. If you never go you might always been wondering many years down the track whether you should have. Nothing worse than hearing people in their 70's and 80's say what they should have done decades back in their youth. In fact i've already decided i'm going back to Ukraine one day simply because there was so much confusion in my own mind and little understanding of the difficulties to be encountered even when there is something there to work with. My approach and attitude on my trip did myself or Natasha no favours in seeing what our relationship could really be. I can only put my mind and heart at rest with no nagging questions by going again with a much better understanding of where i was coming from and Natasha. You'll never be able to fully answer the questions palying on your mind by letters or e-mail, that is something i'm sure of. The only thing to do is decide if it is a priority in your life to go. Relationships are more important in life than money. Money you can always be replaced and you'll never hear anyone care about it on their deathbed. Just go and have a life adventure.


Posted by: Cheburashka

You asked for opinions, right? Opinions! Here's mine: She's waaay too young and you are deceiving yourself.


Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheburashka
You asked for opinions, right? Opinions! Here's mine: She's waaay too young and you are deceiving yourself.


Actually i have to admit loooking back a second time. 46 year old and a 25 year old is really starting to get a bit too much of an age gap unless you've got a very special bond where age difference has crossed neither of your minds. If i was her i certainly would not be getting too excited or get my hopes up until she'd seen you in person and felt happy about you both. As you have not shown you actually intend to meet her she'd be wise to not get her hopes up and just keep whatever passion she has in check.


Posted by: martinnor

mange Det er alt for mange Russen Scammer


Posted by: clark

jlyandco

I don't know if I feel comfortable offering up advice as I haven't visited as yet but I will anyway. I concur with Martinnor. This sounds way to fishy and like one of the more patient scammers. I noticed you didn't mention speaking with her on the telephone. Do you speak with her regularly?

Where I feel confident in offering advice is I was first approached by such a scammer. Worked much the same way as you mentioned except for the big age difference.

I am corresponding and plan to meet with a woman with another significant age difference that I do have a problem with (14 yrs) although I have regularly dated much younger women for the last 15 years. She insist it is no difference of consequence at all and has all but convinced me it isn't. With her there has been no withdrawl of emotion....quite the opposite. She seems more excited of the prospects each day. If you know for sure and I emphasize "for sure" she isn't a scammer and you want to explore the possibilities. Go see her as fast as you can. But if you start doing the math and it really doesn't add up, you could be getting scammed.

IMHO from the information you have provided, to me this doesn't add up.


Posted by: chippie

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlyandco
I hope that I'm not too late to post here...


We've been corresponding for almost 6 months and, although we seem to be growing closer, we do not seem to hold the same level of passion for our "relationship". She has shared with me that, after her parents, she feels that I am the closest person to her. (FYI: I'm 46 and she's a VERY mature 25 and I mean this genuinely! She's not a "party girl", preferring to be a "home body" and many of the things we discuss show wisdom FAR beyond her years!).

In her letters, she continues to express herself with words of fondness and tenderness for me... and acknowledges that she feels that we are continuing to grow closer. However, a small uneasiness has cropped up, and is beginning to make me feel even more uncomfortable. (And, no, she has not ever asked me for a dime!!!!)

THIS is where I would greatly appreciate the insight of the many wonderful people here who are "in the know" about the dynamics of a marriage-minded relationship with a woman from the FSR, as well as the prevailing attitudes and practices of FSR women regarding such relationships.


Okay, in a nutshell, here's a few of the things that are making me uneasy:

I've tried to engage in "relationship conversations" that are quite appropriate for two people pursing (or even considering) a long-term relationship. However, the vast majority of my questions go unanswered and without acknowledgment -- even if they have been asked more than once and I've mentioned that I would like to know her answer. (FYI: none of my questions have been regarding sex or physical intimacy... mostly perceptual, preferential, or relational in nature.)

She does not return my letters or write to me as often as she first did... initially I heard from her almost every day, and now, it is averaging a few times a week. I don't demand that she writes... just noting a trend. I try not to read too much into this, because this can simply be the natural progression of our "relationship" transitioning from "initial communications" to the more usual and steady stream of a committed relationship pattern.

Within the last 45 days, I've sent two parcels to her... each containing gifts, such as warm clothing (nothing "intimate", e.g. Victoria's Secret, etc.), a quaint decoration (e.g., glass and pressed flowers window decoration), and a greeting card. She did acknowledge my first parcel, but with nowhere near the level of emotion that I was expecting (or, perhaps I should say, "hoping for"?). The second parcel was hardly acknowledged.


Perhaps I'm trying too hard to pursue this as a serious relationship, or perhaps I am being unrealistic to think that a FSR woman would be willing to commit to anything more than a friendship before we meet face to face (even if I find it difficult to consider spending more than $ 2000. to "meet for coffee"). I guess that my "frame of reference" may not be the norm, because that I DO feel that I can commit to such a relationship before we actually physically meet. However, there has to be an AMAZING level of communication (yes, both ways!) well underway before such a commitment can be considered. I guess that I thought that we'd be making a bit more progress by now!


Okay, I think that this will at least give a little insight into the background and issues surrounding this situation.

PLEASE feel free to share your insight with me... it would be GREATLY appreciated.

Kindest regards,
Jeff


Hey Jeff,

Just read your thread. Any updates??? I think that as most of the threads point out if you're serious, make the trip after 6 months. I think that only
5 % on men corresponding with FSU women actually make the trip. That's the only way they know you're serious about them. If things didn't work out, the end of the rainbow is worth the search. Continue the search!

My 2cents.

chippie


Posted by: chippie

oopps!


Posted by: jlyandco

And so, we begin again...

Hi Gang,

Now that things have settled down a bit and I'm back in town, I wanted to post an update regarding my situation... but first, thank you all for sharing your "two cents" with me! Now, not only do I have enough change for a candy bar, but some wonderful insight into what y'all think and feel about this whole experience. Real feedback from real people... way cool!!!

As I discerned: things eventually went south with the relationship with this particular woman in Lugansk, and it is over (at my insistence). As the months went by, she had never truly shared anything of relational significance... so, before I purchased my airline ticket, I "turned up the heat" a little bit. Perhaps I'm a bit too old-fashioned, but I believe that before I travel halfway around the world to meet someone -- especially a woman who wants to have a long-term relationship -- there has to be at least a minimal level of commonality... which can only be revealed through genuine communication!

As far as some evidence of my commitment was concerned: I had originally been making plans to visit her in November, and had even blocked the time and set definite dates. Despite my repeated attempts to communicate with her and involve her in making plans (preferred accommodations, activities, etc.) ... she continued to be indifferent. In addition to contacting her almost daily, I also had sent some gifts... including my half of a silver and gold Mizpah coin, keeping hers so that we could exchange them when I visited shortly.

In fact, she did not want to have any form of deep discussion... despite my repeated attempts to be tactful and respectful. I never did initiate any direct conversations regarding sexual intimacy, but I did attempt (on MANY occasions) to have even basic conversations regarding "normal" relational assessment-types of questions, such as religious beliefs, personal views on social and family issues, etc. Again, our conversations continued to lack any real substance, where she would redirect to generic things.

As far as any age difference is concerned: some people insist on a particular limit to the number of years that separate a man and woman. I've known people who were close to each other's age (whose relationship failed), and known others who -- even more than 20 years apart -- married for life.. and had a truly wonderful relationship! Personally, I believe that it has more to do with the maturity, commitment, and degree of commonality that exists -- both individually and relationally.

I have many genuine friendships with women ranging from 19 to 55, so I'm sure that -- with regards to our age differences -- I can establish and maintain a healthy relationship with a woman. I'm also active and healthy enough to keep up with anyone. The key, I believe, is the level of her emotional and spiritual maturity (and of course, enough shared common interests!)! I've also spent many years learning many wonderful skills in building and maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship with a spouse... and they are meant to be applied by both the man and the woman!

Now to bring us more up to date...

I've been corresponding with another woman from Simferopol (who approached me first through this same Agency, which I'm certain is as integrous as any out there) for about six weeks now. Interesting sidebar... she contacted me at about the same time that I was "breaking up" with the woman from Lugansk. And although she is also 25, she is even more mature than the woman from Lugansk... and we have even more things in common!

Indeed, my belief that there has to be some level of personal intimacy in our interpersonal communication was validated! In these quick six weeks, we've already shared FAR more than had been shared in the six months I tried to pursue a relationship with this other woman... and, yes, I have established a timetable for my visit to Simferopol, and communicated with her about these plans! ;-)

Okay, enough of my soap opera for now... I just wanted to get back to you all and let you know how things have "played out"!

Again, thank you all for your sincerity and genuine feedback... it is wonderful, and greatly appreciated!

Kind regards, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!!!
- Jeff


Posted by: chippie

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlyandco
And so, we begin again...

Hi Gang,

Now that things have settled down a bit and I'm back in town, I wanted to post an update regarding my situation... but first, thank you all for sharing your "two cents" with me! Now, not only do I have enough change for a candy bar, but some wonderful insight into what y'all think and feel about this whole experience. Real feedback from real people... way cool!!!

As I discerned: things eventually went south with the relationship with this particular woman in Lugansk, and it is over (at my insistence). As the months went by, she had never truly shared anything of relational significance... so, before I purchased my airline ticket, I "turned up the heat" a little bit. Perhaps I'm a bit too old-fashioned, but I believe that before I travel halfway around the world to meet someone -- especially a woman who wants to have a long-term relationship -- there has to be at least a minimal level of commonality... which can only be revealed through genuine communication!

As far as some evidence of my commitment was concerned: I had originally been making plans to visit her in November, and had even blocked the time and set definite dates. Despite my repeated attempts to communicate with her and involve her in making plans (preferred accommodations, activities, etc.) ... she continued to be indifferent. In addition to contacting her almost daily, I also had sent some gifts... including my half of a silver and gold Mizpah coin, keeping hers so that we could exchange them when I visited shortly.

In fact, she did not want to have any form of deep discussion... despite my repeated attempts to be tactful and respectful. I never did initiate any direct conversations regarding sexual intimacy, but I did attempt (on MANY occasions) to have even basic conversations regarding "normal" relational assessment-types of questions, such as religious beliefs, personal views on social and family issues, etc. Again, our conversations continued to lack any real substance, where she would redirect to generic things.

As far as any age difference is concerned: some people insist on a particular limit to the number of years that separate a man and woman. I've known people who were close to each other's age (whose relationship failed), and known others who -- even more than 20 years apart -- married for life.. and had a truly wonderful relationship! Personally, I believe that it has more to do with the maturity, commitment, and degree of commonality that exists -- both individually and relationally.

I have many genuine friendships with women ranging from 19 to 55, so I'm sure that -- with regards to our age differences -- I can establish and maintain a healthy relationship with a woman. I'm also active and healthy enough to keep up with anyone. The key, I believe, is the level of her emotional and spiritual maturity (and of course, enough shared common interests!)! I've also spent many years learning many wonderful skills in building and maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship with a spouse... and they are meant to be applied by both the man and the woman!

Now to bring us more up to date...

I've been corresponding with another woman from Simferopol (who approached me first through this same Agency, which I'm certain is as integrous as any out there) for about six weeks now. Interesting sidebar... she contacted me at about the same time that I was "breaking up" with the woman from Lugansk. And although she is also 25, she is even more mature than the woman from Lugansk... and we have even more things in common!

Indeed, my belief that there has to be some level of personal intimacy in our interpersonal communication was validated! In these quick six weeks, we've already shared FAR more than had been shared in the six months I tried to pursue a relationship with this other woman... and, yes, I have established a timetable for my visit to Simferopol, and communicated with her about these plans! ;-)

Okay, enough of my soap opera for now... I just wanted to get back to you all and let you know how things have "played out"!

Again, thank you all for your sincerity and genuine feedback... it is wonderful, and greatly appreciated!

Kind regards, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all!!!
- Jeff


Hey Jeff,
It's good to read the update. Sorry for the way things turned out with the woman from Lugansk. If things are not progressing via e-mail, especially after 6 months, I think that you are right. It was time to "cut bait".
As you have found, there are other women out there that have a genuine interest in you and will honestly respond to your questions and concerns
But if nothing else, look how much you have learned, and when you find the right one (who knows she may reside in Semferopol), you with have a great appreciation for her.

Good to hear from you. Good luck on the continued quest, and keep us updated. We all learn from each other!

chippie


PS - I fly to Belarus on Jan 1st!


Posted by: Dave_N_Elvira

Jeff,
Sorry to here things did not work out with the Lugansk woman but in all seriousness that place has a very bad reputation about it. Hope things work out for you in Simferpol but if they don’t make sure you have a backup plan. Scout out local agencies before you go or even contemplate a trip down the road to Sevastopol to scout out agencies there if you cant find someone suitable in Simferpol. Matchmakers at a good locally based agency can be a blessing in disguise.


Posted by: chippie

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_N_Elvira
Jeff,
Sorry to here things did not work out with the Lugansk woman but in all seriousness that place has a very bad reputation about it. Hope things work out for you in Simferpol but if they don’t make sure you have a backup plan. Scout out local agencies before you go or even contemplate a trip down the road to Sevastopol to scout out agencies there if you cant find someone suitable in Simferpol. Matchmakers at a good locally based agency can be a blessing in disguise.



Dave_N_Elvira's right. We all know that this is not an INexpensive undertaking, and it is wise to have a back-up plan. Things may go great with e-mail and telephone calls, but what happens if there is no "chemistry" on your part or hers??
Look at this as an investment. A back up plan with local agencies is a protection or insurance of disaster.

We are all brothers in the same quest!!

Good luck!

chippie


Posted by: chuckles1970

This might be a big long but here goes.

My story so far, I guess would be so so. I have been writing to various girls since August 2005. I first used Global Ladies and I wrote to a few, and one I thought I connected with who was an engineer and I thought a good girl, but after a few phone calls I could tell she wasn't that into it and when we (my translator as she didn't speak great English) called her on her behavior she blew me off, and wouldn't respond. So that ended around February 2006. Her name was Anna (24) and she was from Sumy Ukraine, early twenties. That kinda tampered me down for awhile, and I wrote it off as I was recovering from my divorce still and thought I'd take my time. Then my translator contacted me in early March, she had a friend who moved her from Baku Azerbaijan and had a niece that she thought might be a good match. She thought from my time using her as a translator I was a good man and someone worth introducing. So I said to myself why not, its not quite just a person out of the blue on a website, more personal (maybe?) and we'll see. Her name was Yulia (25) and she lived in Baku Azerbaijan. We wrote for several months and I bought tickets to go to Baku in August in mid May. Things seemed to go okay with the emails, but the closer I got to the trip the weirder some things seemed, like not being available for my calls, and the things we talked about weren't quite the same. Nevertheless I figured well I paid close to $2K for the tickets, I am getting on a plane and seeing a part of the world I NEVER thought I'd visit being on the Caspian sea etc. I got there and well my trip report from September tells the sorry tale and how it went south. However, the main thing was though while in Baku I met another girl, her name is Nara (29), and we only had two brief meetings but I really liked her. I know overboard but the first night I met her, I said to myself I could easily see this woman as my wife. Probably lust talking but I left her my info and we started writing after I left. Biggest pluses from this is we already met in person and while we didn't get a chance to significantly talk (read trip report for circumstances) we did spend a bit of time around each other where she could see my personality, how I acted, etc. We wrote fairly well in August and September, and then she got busy with a work project helping a professor at her school. I got a bit bored I guess and signed up on Fiance.com and started writing to a few girls, and met a couple I liked on there as well, although now most have all faded away except for one girl Tatyana (27) in Dnepr. in the Ukraine as well. Then early in November Nara got back in touch with me, telling me she was sorry about being so busy, but she thought about me a lot, and I had to admit we have had some VERY serious discussions about life issues, relationships, future plans, desires, children and so on. Much more in depth than with Tatyana who has reiterated she is serious about looking for a husband and in her correspondence. So now I have a problem on whom do I continue to pursue, the one I met in Baku (and really like but culturally could be more of a challenge - she is Muslim nominally but we have discussed religion fairly in depth and can agree on a future together), or the one I am talking to in Ukraine (who is Christian and perhaps more western), or both. Problem being I have a trip plan for April to go to Europe, but only about ten days of spare time, do I do a short trip to see both of only a few days, or spend time with just one. I feel bad either way, and I know they don't really know me that well, especially Tatyana but I hate hurting feelings. I guess for now my plan is to try to talk to both on the phone a lot more the next few weeks, and that will help me before I buy plane tickets on what I want to do.

Any comments are welcomed.

Chuck


Posted by: firemansam

It won't be easy Chuck, but pick one and visit one.
How would you feel if it were reversed?
If you are serious about a life partner, give her the respect she deserves.

Sam.


Posted by: Dave_N_Elvira

Chuck,
If time permits see both but if you only have time to see one then I would probably go with the Baku one as you have met in person. You wrote “I said to myself I could easily see this woman as my wife.” Instincts like that usually are right to follow. Not sure how religious either or you are as far as practising goes but I found from personal experience with my wife is that if two people love each other religion doesn’t pose a huge problem, so long as each partner is respectful of the others religious beliefs.

Have you discussed the fact you will be travelling in April with any of them yet? If not don’t until you have reached a decision on whom you will see. You could in essence use Tatyana as a backup, visiting Nara in Baku in April without Tatyana being aware. Things go well then you let Tatyana down as best you can. Things go bad in Baku then arrange a future meeting with Tatyana. At the end of the day you will have to cut one of them loose. It’s the hardest thing I had to do in the process as you have to break the heart of someone who is nice and had expectations of you.


Posted by: I/O

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khashyar
Hi Ladies (and Gentlemen)....

I was wondering how your search for a partner is going??

I would also love to hear and read what lead you to search for a partner either from Russia or the West...

Is it a difficult process??

Why are you not as interested in finding a partner from your same city or country?

I would love to read your thoughts...

Khashyar


Answer 1) Gone, she found me.

Answer 2) Happened across someone on an online introduction site in late '03 that caught my attention before I had any idea where she lived. Visited, we enjoyed each other's company, but mutually decided we were not for each other long term. Travelled further through the FSU and Russia at that time and came to understand and like the people more and more. Never planned to find someone in the FSU, it simply happened.

Answer 3) Bet your life it is difficult. Much easier to find someone suitable in my own city but I wouldn't change the direction I have taken for anything.

Answer 4) From a young age I always had the strange idea that I would like to find someone from another country. Ultimately, I did quite the opposite and married the "Girl Next Door" so to say. 10 years later after divorce, I had time, money and inclination to follow my origional vision. So I did just that.

Answer 5) Don't think, just do it. I have long been a subscriber to the idea that if you really want something, go and get it, because no amount of thinking about it going to stop you anyway. Why waste time. We only pass this way once.


Posted by: LilyNewbie

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khashyar
Hi Ladies (and Gentlemen)....

I was wondering how your search for a partner is going??

I would also love to hear and read what lead you to search for a partner either from Russia or the West...

Is it a difficult process??

Why are you not as interested in finding a partner from your same city or country?

I would love to read your thoughts...

Khashyar


To date I am on the market for 2.5 years.

In short:

The process of finding a WM per se is not that difficult. Internet dating is more convenient than finding a mate in reality, because you don't have to guess about the man's intentions, and rejection falls easier than in real life.

I would be interested in finding a mate in my own locality, but there are no chances for me locally. Reasons are unsufficient quantity of eligible men, and unsufficient quality of men.

One of the problems I faced with WM is that after several weeks of intensive conversation and daily communication, webcams including, they just disappear and suddenly stop answering the phone and emails. I just have no idea what to think, and where did I make a mistake, if at all. This pattern is quite common in my experience.


Posted by: GoingToRussia

Hi Lily,

I wouldn't interpret it as doing something wrong. Yes there are thousands of men that contact foreign woman each year but I heard that less then 5% actually are serious and want to travel to a foreign country to find a bride.

Too many men play these sick games and break the hearts of women. We call them keyboard Romeos. I know a few Former Soviet Union (FSU) women that have written and talked to men for many months. They say they will arrive but never do. One woman I know said a man is flying to her city on a certain date. She was excited and went to the airport to meet him for the first time. He never arrived and she never heard from him again.

So it's men that have the problem not you.

Good luck with your search and talk to as many men as you can until 1 shows up, then you will know you found a serious man.


Posted by: Chrismc

I can't understand why some men do that Lily, it happens, but it doesn't help the rest of us who are genuine, but perservere, I am sure someone will come along and it will be worth the wait

Good luck

Chris


Posted by: Chillidog

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyNewbie
To date I am on the market for 2.5 years.

In short:

The process of finding a WM per se is not that difficult. Internet dating is more convenient than finding a mate in reality, because you don't have to guess about the man's intentions, and rejection falls easier than in real life.

I would be interested in finding a mate in my own locality, but there are no chances for me locally. Reasons are unsufficient quantity of eligible men, and unsufficient quality of men.

One of the problems I faced with WM is that after several weeks of intensive conversation and daily communication, webcams including, they just disappear and suddenly stop answering the phone and emails. I just have no idea what to think, and where did I make a mistake, if at all. This pattern is quite common in my experience.

Lilynewbie,
I have been divorced now 5 years, the first couple of years after the divorce did not even want to date, when I did start to look for a future mate, I did not start out looking for women from foriegn countries. It sounds from your post that these men did not at least write a final letter to you, explaining why they are stopping communication, if that is true I cannot and will not make any excuses for why the men stop writting, personally it probably is a lack of character, and that their intentions were not serious.
I have had the same experiences that you have had except in reverse, many women I was interested in just stopped writing.
Do not give up, you will find a sincere and serious gentleman, unfortunately like the saying you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince


Posted by: joelunchbox

My search is either winding down or has ended...I vote for ended. Lola picked up her visa today and has tickets for April 19th. This started october 2006. I found her at a free dating site--those are apparently not allowed anymore!!. We had a very low key on line communications. Short but very personable and real. I had one incident that proves the pitfalls of internet dating--photos. I sent flowers to her and had a picture taken and the picture was awful. I realized at that time that I was a lot more shallow than I ever wanted to believe and I had a good sit down with myself and decided that I really did like that girl and I needed to get over that one picture of her. We met easter and she was just beautiful. And sweet. And caring. And just amazing. Ten days later I came back and in July we filed for K1. Had to beat the fee hike!! Another visit over thanksgiving and things just got better--except for the misplaced luggage for three days!! Augh!! She is fired up about coming over here. I worry about her mom but hope Lola and SAbina will be able to visit her pretty often. I worry some that she won't like georgia or warner robins but I don't think that will be a problem. Wow...I wasn't sure I could do this. Kiev, then moscow and finally....Uzbekistan???? Yes, Tashkent is where my girl next door decided to live. So many things have happened to keep this relationship going and the visa done that it boggles my mind. It has been the best adventure I could ever imagine--and it has a happy ending to boot!


Posted by: AkMike

Cool! I'm happy for you and your new family JLB!


Posted by: joelunchbox

Wow, jsut went and looked at my first post here. AFter my trip to Kiev. If anyone cares it will have taken right at three years from my first visit to having my fiance come here. It takes time. And some money. don't ask. What else was I going buy anyway! haha


Posted by: dagpop

Hi Joe,

I'm glad Lola was able to get her visa with no trouble. Lola can talk to Rima, if she wants a friend to talk to. I would not worry about Warner Robins. You can make some trips up to Atlanta.


Posted by: Chillidog

[QUOTE=joelunchbox I found her at a free dating site--those are apparently not allowed anymore!!.[/QUOTE]

do you mean because of the the law (IMBA) instituted 2 years ago?
reason I ask is because "freepersonals.com" is a free site that many at RMP recommend, would hate to have someone find their mate thru this to find out the US government will not approve a Visa for this reason.

Also I live in a very small town about 1 1/2 hrs outside of Chicago, I take it warner robbins is similar would be very interested in how she enjoys your town once she is over here


Posted by: GoingToRussia

I meet my fiancee on freepersonals.com and her visa was approved. The IMBRA clause is now part of the I-129F so no need to worry about this anymore with dating agencies.


Posted by: joelunchbox

Thinking back on it, I believe the site she was on basically said they didn't want to get involved in any repercussions. So, probably not illegal but the free sites really dwindled in number, didn't they?
If I had waited another 6 weeks, her profile would have been hidden. A lot of this is simply timing.


Posted by: joelunchbox

Quote:
Originally Posted by dagpop
Hi Joe,

I'm glad Lola was able to get her visa with no trouble. Lola can talk to Rima, if she wants a friend to talk to. I would not worry about Warner Robins. You can make some trips up to Atlanta.

Thank Rima again for me! Even so, Lola took a week off from work to "study" for her interview!! I was getting asked some pretty interesting questions that week!!! haha
Lola is passing it forward to another girl in Tashkent working on a K1 also. It is a small world isn't it?


Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyNewbie
To date I am on the market for 2.5 years.

In short:

The process of finding a WM per se is not that difficult. Internet dating is more convenient than finding a mate in reality, because you don't have to guess about the man's intentions, and rejection falls easier than in real life.

I would be interested in finding a mate in my own locality, but there are no chances for me locally. Reasons are unsufficient quantity of eligible men, and unsufficient quality of men.

One of the problems I faced with WM is that after several weeks of intensive conversation and daily communication, webcams including, they just disappear and suddenly stop answering the phone and emails. I just have no idea what to think, and where did I make a mistake, if at all. This pattern is quite common in my experience.



You say several weeks of *intensive* conversation... maybe you scare some guys off. A few weeks is not a long time to be getting intense in conversation I would have thought. Maybe they take it is meaning you are coming across as desperate to find a husband rather than taking the time to build a friendship in the first place.

Who knows really? People can have short attention spans or just exploring a little online. Communication on internet is not as reliable or always clearest indication of where people really are in their lifes so disappearance and just stop communicating happens even without proper explanation. You will probably never know so best keep searching and be patient and persistent like GTR , ChrisM and Joelunchbox has here. They have known what they want and that clarity of knowing exactly what they want has allowed them to not let mountains stop them on their path of choice.

I think you people that decide for certain you are looking for a marriage with someone overseas have to approach it with lots of the whatever it take attitude.

Good luck on your searches and still keep your mind open to guys in your own region.... you just never know


Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Quote:
Originally Posted by nocomfortzone
Good luck on your searches and still keep your mind open to guys in your own region.... you just never know
You know you made some excellent points but this one stick out. Never discount finding someone nearby, but having said that people need to be honest with everyone they are actively communicating with about their intentions and as soon as something does develop they really need to let the others know so no one gets hurt.


Posted by: joelunchbox

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyNewbie
To date I am on the market for 2.5 years.

In short:

The process of finding a WM per se is not that difficult. Internet dating is more convenient than finding a mate in reality, because you don't have to guess about the man's intentions, and rejection falls easier than in real life.

I would be interested in finding a mate in my own locality, but there are no chances for me locally. Reasons are unsufficient quantity of eligible men, and unsufficient quality of men.

One of the problems I faced with WM is that after several weeks of intensive conversation and daily communication, webcams including, they just disappear and suddenly stop answering the phone and emails. I just have no idea what to think, and where did I make a mistake, if at all. This pattern is quite common in my experience.


Something that I have discovered is that if a relationship starts off too fast, it may burn out before it can really take hold. It really can be just like starting a fire...all kindling and nothing to keep it going and it will burn out quickly. On the otherhand, it is next to impossible to start a fire on a big piece of wood. There has to be a mix.
Maybe next time, limit yourself to 2 emails a week and no phone calls for the first month. And then, one call per week.

This will let both of your imaginations run free--haha and not put too much pressure on the relationship.
When I was dating my ex--who lived 150 miles away at the time!!-- I wrote her letters (on paper!!) trwice a week. Called maybe once a week--I was a poor GI. And visited every other week. I have to say that for us, that was ideal.
Good luck! You sound like someone I would like to talk to if I were waiting in line. I love meeting people in lines! Takes a waste and makes something of it!


Posted by: LilyNewbie

Quote:
Originally Posted by nocomfortzone
You say several weeks of *intensive* conversation... maybe you scare some guys off. A few weeks is not a long time to be getting intense in conversation I would have thought. Maybe they take it is meaning you are coming across as desperate to find a husband rather than taking the time to build a friendship in the first place.

Who knows really? People can have short attention spans or just exploring a little online. Communication on internet is not as reliable or always clearest indication of where people really are in their lifes so disappearance and just stop communicating happens even without proper explanation.


I definitely did not came across as desperate and don't scare people off, and try to establish friendship in the first place. My guess would be that those guys maintained communication with me unless someone better comes along...Well, in fact I have all the time of my life for search..


Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyNewbie
I definitely did not came across as desperate and don'