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Keep Her Surname?
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Posted by: Jerico

Hello everybody,
I have yet another question about Russian woman.

Since my fiancee is here with me now, we have had many talks about marriage type issues that will come up. Of course

This is why she is here with me to learn more about each other in this short 3 months before mariage

Well she told me she wants to keep her last name

She said it is common in Russia for the woman not to change her name when married.
I thought this was a little strange.
So I thought I would get some feedback from you people

Is this normal in Russia?
Perhaps she was joking with me but it seemed like she was serious.

It is not a problem if she wants to keep her name but its not normal here in the US.
You know , usually they change their last names to their future husbands last name

Anyway I want to get the facts straight before I bring this up with her again. Not that it is a problem for me.Just seemed odd is all
I think if we get married and she keeps her last name my friends and relatives will question her true intent of coming over here and possibly make her feel akward in the future.
SO if anybody knows some background on this topic please let me know.
Thanks Jerry

Posted by: AkMike

I'm not sure Jerry, but my Tanya was tickled about changing her name to my surname.
BUT it is causing problems changing her passports to reflect this.
They use a computer program for the translation of the names. After they do this it's mis spelled.. I think this will cause problems with the US Embassy when we file for the I-130 visa.

Posted by: Jerico

Heh ,
Well thats great your girl wants your last name.
Dont know about the passport deal though
Ya I never really thought about this until she said it one day.
I was surprised is all
Well good luck Mike in your future.
Jerry

Posted by: Jill

It is common enough, although I would say it is still more common for the wife to take the husband's name.

But, hey, I kept my surname

My husband and I discussed the issue very briefly and realized that it didn't really make much difference to either of us--so we each just kept what we were used to.

It's really not that unusual--and it does save the headache of getting a new passport, etc (as Mike pointed out).

On the other side of the coin, I know a few guys who have taken their wife's surname

You guys could always go with a hyphenated name

Posted by: sidney

One potential problem would be if you should have children whose name do they take?
Sidney

Posted by: Leprechaun

Although she likes the thoughts of my surname, Im really fond of her surname and would like her to keep it

whats the hyphenated one about? as when i say it aloud,
it has a nice ring to it.

Posted by: sidney

Our sons name wouldn't have the same ring to it with her suname. Phil Philip Yaskinskaya or Phillips you choose.
Sidney

Posted by: Jerico

Quote:

Our sons name wouldn't have the same ring to it with her suname. Phil Philip Yaskinskaya or Phillips you choose.

Boy Sidney , why dont you just put a sign on the kids back that says tease me

J/K
Jerry

Posted by: gino

if your g.f. owns property in Russia, it can be a real pain in the ass to get all the proper documents changed too her new name. the bureaucracy in doing anything the right way is a total nightmare. not to mention it can get expensive. Also, you did not mention if she has a child or not? this can be another problem e.i. birth certificates, divorce certificates, deeds to property, civil registrations wills etc... personally, you are better off just to let her keep her old name for document purposes in Russia. my wife uses my last name in social situations. but legally she kept her maiden name, and thats just fine with me. considering the alternative. the russian goverment is not ran by computers. like in the u.s.a. you will need to file form after form and travel from one department to another. just to do something very simple for example. it took almost a year just to get the deed to her flat modifide. gino

Posted by: Jerico

Thanks for your input Gino.
Basically my fiancee has nothing she owns but clothes and shoes

So thats not an issue owning property or something like that.
I guess just using my name for social occasions is OK with me.
Besides , I have other issues I am pondering a little more pressing anyway,
Thanks for the words people.
Jerry

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

Yes, it is common. The Zionist lady from Moscow, the common acquaintance that me and my lady have, has been married to her husband for well over 20 years and she kept her last name. It's normal over there. What you can suggest is that your wife can get a double, hyphenated last name. In Poland it also used to be common for women go by both their last name and their husbands, for example if Katarzyna Smolska married Mr. Kowalski she would often go by Katarzyna ze Smolskich Kowalska : "Katarzyna from the Smolski's Kowalski". It's kind of an old European custom, but I like it.

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by sidney
Our sons name wouldn't have the same ring to it with her suname. Phil Philip Yaskinskaya or Phillips you choose.
Sidney

Yaskinskaya is a female surname, never stick it to your son, it sounds ridiculous. You should change it to Yaskinski then.

BTW we all had a good laugh back in the day when we heard about the whole Clinton-Lewinski stuff. It was funny to imagine a girl with a male last name.

Posted by: sidney

Thanks Andrei, like many here I'm still learning.
Sid

Posted by: chaika

This is an interesting discussion. But I think I'd prefer to say that the woman's taking her husband's surname is "traditional" rather than "normal."

You have probably heard of Andrei Sakharov? His wife's name is Elena Bonner. And there is plenty of precedent for hyphenated names both in the US and in Russia. Rimsky-Korsakov springs to mind. I know it's common in the Spanish system, but don't know exactly how that works.

Anyway, what my wife and I did (we are both born Americans) was select a family name that was neither's birth name and hyphenate onto it our original names, but using only the first family name; only our close friends and bank, credit card company, etc. know our the full thing. To almost everybody we are the Chaikas.

I often think about the kids, though. If one with a hyphenated name marries another one with a hyphenated name, what is their name gonna be??!!

Posted by: ConnerVT

Quote:

Originally posted by chaika
I often think about the kids, though. If one with a hyphenated name marries another one with a hyphenated name, what is their name gonna be??!!

Resembling the shingle outside a law firm?

Posted by: Leprechaun

Im interested on why choose Chaika?

Chaika.

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Leprechaun
Im interested on why choose Chaika?

Chaika.

= Seagull

Not a bad surname at all.

Posted by: Leprechaun

I thought it was a warplane!

well you can call your children

Stephen Seagull
or
Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Posted by: BradIL

Quote:

Originally posted by Leprechaun concerning the translation of chaika: I thought it was a warplane!

Very good. I'll never be able to meet a chaika and wonder if the analogy isn't appropriate.

Posted by: chaika

you might be able to meet one. Chaika is also the make of a high-level car no longer made, though. (like Ford is a car.)

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

Well, interestingly, I was reading the works of Prof. Feliks Koneczny, an eminent pre-WW II POlish Catholic historian, who was complaining that hyphenated last names are a distasteful borrower from the Jews. Interesting.