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Curious
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Posted by: Lana

I am an American woman who studied Russian in college. I have always been fascinated by Russia, the beautiful language, the culture, and the people. Unfortunately, however, I have never had the opportunity to travel to Russia and really have never met any Russians.

As I am single, I have recently become curious about the idea of meeting a Russian man--of course, I don't know if we would end up marrying, but I would like some kind of relationship--maybe friendship, maybe more, and who knows in the future. I have this very romantic idea about Russia and figure, what better way to really learn about the culture and practice the language

Does anyone have any advice for me? What do I do? How do I start? Do I just randomly pick a city in Russia and go there with my fingers crossed?

Any and all advice would be very welcome!

Posted by: searcher

Perhaps someone like Jill could be more helpful to you.

I think that almost any city would be fine, of course you probably have better chances of meeting a man in a big city such as Moscow or St. Petersburg.

You would have a larger pool of men in big cities.

Look at the trip as a learning experience and do pressure yourself to meet someone. Just enjoy the trip.

Good luck!

Posted by: andrei

A year ago I could easily say "I could be that man"!!!

Now I can only say "You can practice Russian with me".

Posted by: Jill

Ah, the guys have it so easy! All they need to do is sign up at a marriage agency or an internet dating site and they have their pick of hundreds--if not thousands--of single Russian women

I've actually never come across a site that is specifically geared toward western women looking for FSU men. In general, I think AW are much less likely to specifically seek a foreign man--although I know quite a few AW who have in fact married foreign men (personally, I know more AW married to foreign men than AM married to foreign women--but that may just be me

).

Anyway, back to your question. Are there any Russians living in your town, or a nearby town? That might be the best way to start. Try a local university--most large US schools have an international students' association where there's a good chance you might find a Russian student or two.

If that's not an option....Well, it's good that you know some Russian. You could try, for example, a Russian dating site that has profiles of both men and women looking for relationships. You could always post your profile (usually this is free) and explain your situation--see what kind of responses you get. But do be careful of guys that might be more interested in your passport than you.

And, of course, the other option is to go to Russia. Again, you have a disadvantage as local marriage agencies tend not to cater to AW, so you would be on your own to meet people. But as you know Russian, this shouldn't be so hard. And I agree with Mark--just treat it as a vacation, no pressure. If you happen to meet someone, great. If not, you still had the chance to learn a little more about Russia.

Good luck to you!

Posted by: Vyesna

If you live in a major U.S. city there is probably a website with a Russian forum for the Russian locals. A lot of them have regular get togethers which is a way to get to know people and there are a lot of young men who are unattached. I'm near D.C. and there's a site for D.C. with a lot of people who participate regularly, fairly regular get togethers. There's quite a lot of single Russian men in their 20s and 30s around here. I think there's also a fair amount in LA, New York, and Seattle also. Anywhere where there's a tech industry you're bound to find them. You could also try one of the more regular Russian forums that have Russian men in America participating also. If you want to know what those are, you can send me a private message. It's against the rules to post them.

But where's Princeton Lion when we need him?

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
A year ago I could easily say "I could be that man"!!!

Now I can only say "You can practice Russian with me".

Gee Andrei. I thought you didn't like AW-- that you agree we're all inferior to RW.

Posted by: myshka

But go on Russian IRC channels, you will guarantee meeting some Russian guys. I also dont know your age, so this might not appeal to you if you are over a certain age

Russian men are great! (contrary to what all those marriage agencies for RW say!) My husband and I will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary in a day!

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

I have nothing against Russian men, but then why are so many Russian women wanting to marry anyone but a Russian man ?

Posted by: Vyesna

Why don't you answer that one for yourself Pawel.

No one else can do it for you.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by myshka
But go on Russian IRC channels, you will guarantee meeting some Russian guys. I also dont know your age, so this might not appeal to you if you are over a certain age

Russian men are great! (contrary to what all those marriage agencies for RW say!) My husband and I will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary in a day!

Congratulations! We also hit 6 last July.

Posted by: andrei

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
Gee Andrei. I thought you didn't like AW-- that you agree we're all inferior to RW.

But I still need to know other types of women as well

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally posted by Jill
[B]personally, I know more AW married to foreign men than AM married to foreign women

By the way, me too!

In particular, I know several couples "American woman / Russian man", but I do not know ANY couple "Russian woman / American man"!

Posted by: PrincetonLion

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
But where's Princeton Lion when we need him?

[/B]

I am here - alive and alert!

Posted by: Lana

Thank you all for your replies. I should mention that I live in a very small town (in NC) where there aren't a lot of opportunities for international connections--which is why it doesn't seem like I could meet anyone locally. But then again, I suppose I haven't really made a concentrated effort yet

I like the idea of going to Russia--if only for a vacation. Really, I have always wanted to go and this gives me the added incentive I suppose. I have some vacation time this summer--so definitely something to think about. Any advice about that?

Posted by: Vyesna

If you want to meet people and get to know them, then I suggest not moving around too much-- pick a main city to be in (like St Petersburg or Moscow), take a language course while you're there and see what you can find out over the net for activities to get to know Russians while you're there. I met my husband randomly near a train station-- so it is possible! Of course, we had almost a year after that to get to know each other because I was living there. If you can take a year out of your career, consider going over to teach English. It's really the best way, I think.

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
But I still need to know other types of women as well

"Know" in what sense?

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

He he, back in the Middle Ages and before, to "have known a woman" meant to have participated in sport activities with her

... but that's beside the point.

I think Vyesna is right. The best way to get to know a member of the opposite sex is to meet them in person and date them in person. No sort of over-the-internet, marriage agency profile thing can ever substitute dating somebody and seeing them in person.

Posted by: Vyesna

I think he means carnal knowledge. Fine with me, but it seems odd that if he's always going off about how fat, ugly and inferior that he would want to "know" us in any sense of the word. Why bother when RW are so much better?

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by PrincetonLion
I am here - alive and alert!

So what's your advice?

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
I think he means carnal knowledge. Fine with me, but it seems odd that if he's always going off about how fat, ugly and inferior that he would want to "know" us in any sense of the word. Why bother when RW are so much better?

If I may play devil's advocate....

I have met and know Andrei. He is a nice guy really but sometime can speak perhaps a bit soon....

When he says fat, ugly and/or inferior he means in general and not every one....

and believe me, if he had the chance, he would like to "know" many women

regardless of their nationality, etc....

I've had this discussion with him before

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by searcher
If I may play devil's advocate....

I have met and know Andrei. He is a nice guy really but sometime can speak perhaps a bit soon....

When he says fat, ugly and/or inferior he means in general and not every one....

and believe me, if he had the chance, he would like to "know" many women regardless of their nationality, etc....

I've had this discussion with him before

I'm just giving him a hard time. But quite frankly, he's never spoken of AW as anything other than fat and ugly-- so why bother if he's already convinced that "in general" we're fat and ugly? Too much effort, if you ask me, to "know" the rare needle in the haystack who isn't, when he's already got a whole country of perfect women at his doorstep.

Posted by: andrei

Dear Vyesna!!!

My job on this forum is entertaining people and firing up hot discussions. I rarely appear but when I do I unintentionally do my job well.

I'm not that foolish to tell an AW in her face that she's fat or ugly, even if she is. (I just think I won't have a chance to because I'm afraid I'll never get to USA) I dont know a single man in the world that would. Generalization is the disease of the young, we talk first then think.

"To know" in sense of 'to know". Just to get to know a person. Nothing more. If you care.

Posted by: Jill

Quote:

When he says fat, ugly and/or inferior he means in general and not every one....

In general we are fat, ugly and/or inferior? With a generalization like that, who needs to add the caveat of "not every one"

Ah, Andrei , I'm afraid you may scare poor Lana off of Russian men

Posted by: andrei

Oh Jill I won't take the mission of representing Russian male society here

I'm officially announcing that I'm just ME, not everyone

Let Lana keep on searching.

btw i've never used the word "inferior"...
But still, how come that when you're watching a TV report from a US city, half of the pedestrians look overweight? Are the slim people straight riders or what? Or are they hiding somewhere? You can't deny that America has a weight problem, and it touches millions of people there. So when I say 'fat' I mean 'fat'. And if you're offended by the word 'ugly'... all I can say is don't take it personally, I can only tell you one thing, when I was a schoolboy we've seen like 30 American kids in our school in different periods of time , and only 2 of them, the preacher's kids, we wouldn't refer to as 'ugly'. I guess it is either in my blood (and I guess I'll have to erase it) or it's like that, any unfamiliar or alien face looks ugly to us. But on the other hand, how come that African Americans look much better in a Russian's eyes? I'm confused myself.

sorry for too much offtopic litter folks

Posted by: Vyesna

You may not have used the word inferior but it was frequently implied. My point is, why bother if that's what you think? Why bother with Americans at all? It doesn't make sense.

Yes there are a lot of fat Americans. It's a problem. But being fat isn't the worst characteristic a person can have. Quite frankly I'd much rather hang out with a fat person than a thin person who makes it his business to point out how fat and ugly other people all the time. Who cares? It's their problem, not yours. Don't look if you don't like it.

BTW, among the 40 plus crowd I actually see more fat people in Petersburg than I do here. But since I've lived mainly in New York area and middle class suburbs of Washington where there are fewer fat people I guess it's not a fair comparison.

Oh and by the way, I don't have to take it personally since I'm neither fat nor ugly but I also don't make it my business to criticize other people's looks all the time because I'm more interested in whether a person is nice than what they look like.

Posted by: Pin Boy

let andrei go, he's good for livening up the party on the RMP...just a guy thing maybe but i enjoy most of his posts

he's supercharged and a straight shooter...as he says, just don't take it all too seriously or try to parse every sentence and word...i think his perspective is kinda fun and i hope he doesn't retreat from the RMP because how many contributors do we have on the RMP from Siberia who are bilingual, into rap music, know lingo and idioms, and is a dentist too!!!????

plus he hosted searcher on his trip to Omsk when he could have said, "hey man, not interested in being seen with a black guy around here."

also did you also know that last year he rescued a beer truck that had fallen through the ice when trying to make "frozen" river crossing shortcut???? he's my hero

okay the part about the beer truck was stretched a bit, but i think he prayed real hard that the precious cargo would not be lost.

pin boy

Posted by: Vyesna

Oh, I don't care what he says (except I find his apparent homophobia somewhat scary) he is entertaining, as is James and all the other muckrakers. I'm just challenging him to explain himself.

Anyway Andrei, how many AW (that is, over the age of 18 and not some exchange student) do you know anyway? Just curious.

Posted by: Pin Boy

have to agree with you there vyesna, the homo bashing is a little scary...i forgot about that part...quite a bit of vitriol on that topic for sure

pin boy

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

The so-called "homo-bashing" is just a healthy natural reaction to a disturbing trend. One should not do bad things to homos because of who they are, but they, in turn, should not flaunt their homosexuality in everyone's face and demand that everybody just bow to them and admire them. What people do behind closed doors is their business, but we have to act like civilized people in public.

But as far as "fat" people go, there are quite some in Europe too. The difference is that, for example, most Polish men are thin when they're young, but after 35 (if you haven't noticed) most start developing a beer gut ... around 50 those things get huge !

Just wander into any bar or tavern on Milwaukee Ave in Chicago.

Posted by: andrei

2Vyesna:

NONE.

Does it make any difference?

2Pawel:

You got it right. All them gays have to do is act like normal people in public places.

2pin boy:

BTW that place on the river is officially used for crossing it, the truck was just too heavy. Too much beer is hazardous in any way!

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by andrei
2Vyesna:

NONE.

Does it make any difference?

No, but I don't know how you can possibly assert that we AW are one way or another if you don't know any of us.

Posted by: lechef

In North Hollywood there is a group of Russian immigrants there. I go to this old school Russian bath house there about every two weeks for a steam. More then 3/4 of the people there are Russian men in their late 30's to min 60's. If you are interested email me at jbrookes@adelphia.net and I can give you the info. They do have a coed night as it is mainly a gentleman's bathhouse, and remember to bring your own eucalyptus for a good Ole fashion back thrashing.

Posted by: Vyesna

I think the girl in question is in NC. However, I'm sure there's some Russians in NC, probably around Duke or one of the other universities.

Posted by: BradIL

Vyesna: excellent insight. In my parts around STL colleges & universities are about the only place where I meet anyone from the FSU. With one exception, there's an abundance of expats from old Yugoslavia here. Indeed, I believe STL has the 2nd largest concentration of Bosnians in the US (following Chicago which has the most Bosnians & Serbs in the US).

Quote:

Pawel writes: difference is that, for example, most Polish men are thin when they're young, but after 35 (if you haven't noticed) most start developing a beer gut ... around 50 those things get huge !

At 44 let me inform you relative youngsters of what lies ahead of you (for those of you brave enough to list your birth year in your profile). My experience is: at 32-33 it became easier to add weight. by 37 or so, it became difficult to remove the easily added weight. Since I turned 42, I really have to work hard to get my metabolism fired up to burn off just what I eat. And I noticed my skin hangs a little more loosely. Not to mention wrinkles, grey hair, inability to contend with a lack of sleep, that makes it tougher & tougher to "hit" on the pretty young lovelies, in any culture. All to prove that any illusion I held that my youth flickers in there somewhere has evaporated, and I am confronting the fact that I am middle-aged, and THIS IS DEPRESSING!!!

Exercise, and live every day like its your last! Trust me in this regard. ---Brad///

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by BradIL
Exercise, and live every day like its your last! Trust me in this regard. ---Brad///

I'll second you there! The only thing we women have that helps is breastfeeding to make up for the hormone problems that tend to cause us to put on more weight after 30. If a woman breastfeeds on demand for a year (or pumps and breastfeeds the equivalent of on demand), plus eats right and exercises, she can lose all the pregnancy weight plus more. I in fact lost all pregnancy weight (40 pounds) plus 5 pounds in 12 weeks-- but that may have been a little too fast to be totally healthy. Unfortunately, because too many women drop breastfeeding too soon they don't take off the pregnancy weight and then it gets harder to get rid of it later.

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

That's all true, Brad, but you also have to consider that as a man ages, he also gets more respect ... and, ironically, with age it is actually easier (up to a certain point) to "get" women. Think about it, a man at 30 or 35, who's out of college and has a stable job and income, just has it easier than somebody in their 20's. As a man ages, people also treat him more seriously.

Posted by: Jill

Yeah, and what is that saying? Grey hair makes a man look distinguished, but makes a woman look old

Posted by: lechef

Quote:

Originally posted by Jill
Yeah, and what is that saying? Grey hair makes a man look distinguished, but makes a woman look old

so true on a stereotypical scale..

Posted by: AkMike

Jill, once again your insight is right on the money!!

(Joking)

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

But what is so wrong with stereotypes ? People are so hard on them these days, but they form for a reason, don't they ? Where there is smoke, there's fire ... right ?!

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by Jill
Yeah, and what is that saying? Grey hair makes a man look distinguished, but makes a woman look old

Nope, it makes men look old too. But at least we don't lose ours (usually). That adds on the years more than color IMHO.

Posted by: lechef

Quote:

Originally posted by Vyesna
Nope, it makes men look old too. But at least we don't lose ours (usually). That adds on the years more than color IMHO.

Hey now you are going to a touchy subject. Men and their hair gone wild..or gone...lol

Posted by: Vyesna

Quote:

Originally posted by lechef
Hey now you are going to a touchy subject. Men and their hair gone wild..or gone...lol

Yeah, but don't worry, we love our baldies anyway.

Posted by: Pawel_PL.USA

Hey, some guys just choose to shave it all off. From what I heard frequent head shaving actually strengthens your hair.

Posted by: lechef

Quote:

Originally posted by Pawel_PL.USA
Hey, some guys just choose to shave it all off. From what I heard frequent head shaving actually strengthens your hair.

Well during the summer I sport the bald look as it is cool and I like the ocean against my head bald when I surf.