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Paranoid?? - too many scams spoil all the good ones
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Posted by: Ade

Hi,

My first post here, so please be gentle! After nearly being scammed out of a large amount (for flights), and having been contacted by other women who are known scammers - I only found out about this whole thing by luck! - I'm feeling too wary about a relationship with a woman in Bratsk.

Tangent; I wasn't looking to meet Russian women, that's just how it's gone!

The woman from Bratsk is 11 years younger than me, and has been writing to me since the start of August 2004. I've had 60 emails from her, lots with pictures (but not high-class, model pictures), but never any suggestion of financial help, or even any intimation of possible need for help. We're trying to arrange a meeting, which I've had to put off twice!, and at the moment I'm sorting things out to visit her. She has said all along that she is happy to meet anywhere, and I can't see how I can be scammed if I go and stay in a hotel there (she lives with father and step-mum).

But reading all the scam alerts is making me paranoid, and any little thing makes me overly wary. I did an address check through a flower delivery company, and they say she's not at the address given me; but I've seen on this board that these deliveries aren't always easy to make. She hasn't got a phone, so we've not spoken.

But in her letters she always answers my questions, so she clearly reads what I write. And if she can't email for a few days, she lets me know why, and when she will be emailing again

She also seems very enthusiastic about meeting, yet everywhere we're told Russian women are very reserved; but a female colleague raised the point that if she didn't seem keen, why would I bother to go and visit. And when I visit she intends to introduce me to her family and friends, which all sounds genuine.

So though I want to visit, and am hopeful this could be the proper start of a good relationship, I find myself looking for problems that might not be there - but then again may be.

Any thoughts or comments please?

Posted by: searcher

Briefly,

what you've said about her seems good...

I don't see anything that raises a red flag.

Many delivery companies don't do as promised so I wouldn't worry about it.

If she is willing to meet you in her city, why not..... I say go for it and take a chance.

If nothing else you'll have an interesting trip and see some place new.

Posted by: rtking

I agree with Searcher. I don't see any red flags either. I'd say that making a trip to Bratsk would be interesting and adventurous! Go see her in her hometown and see how things progress!

Bob

Posted by: Pin Boy

seems straight up enough...ask if you can arrange to call her at a friend's home perhaps...that would add another level of intimacy, for lack of a better word, to the relationship...good luck

pin boy

Posted by: Leprechaun

Hey! Welcome round.

The 2 points that I wish to question is you have got 60 mails but never yet spoken. Does she not have a phone in work/college?
is there no possible way to speak? with a cheap phone card she can afford to make a brief call to say hello. Russians can afford that. what about her friends, anybody?

You also had no luck with the address check, was it with a reputable company or cowboys?
Have you tried to just send a postal letter to see if it arrives?
One thing you can also try is to run a backtrace on her email headers to see if Bratsk is the origin of the mail.

you give us the age difference but not your ages, so how old is she? 18? 11 years difference is nothing really in most cases.

The letters dont conform to the usual scam format, remember they dont always but you have done some scam research & she wants you to come to her, theres the friends & family bit which have to be seen as the good signs

So im scoring you 50/100, It could be and it may not be.
Sort out those loose ends and ill give you a great big thumbs up and it should help cure some of the paranoia. Youre right to be paranoid but dont allow it to make you irrational.

Have fun!
Lep.

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

And thanks for the responses all; I am hopeful that this woman is a genuine person, however things fall out relationship-wise, and I am very tempted to get the trip organised - despite the current temperatures there! (-22C yesterday).

To be honest, I hadn't really thought of phone conversations until recently, so I've not tried too hard to address this yet. I'll have to look at that though - it would be nice to speak to her before getting off the plane!

Ages; I'm 40 in a few weeks, she's 29 at the start of May (but hey, I'm a very youthful 40, if I do say so myself!).

She hasn't come up on any google scam searches, which also seems to be a good thing

I have just sent a letter on friday - according to Royal Mail, it should take 3 working days, 5 at outside, to get there, and in it I ask her to let me know when it arrives, so I know how long it takes, in case I ever need to send anything (for a birthday, for instance); will this work? I keep seeing reference to broken mail boxes, but surely everyone in Russia isn't nicking one-another's post!?

Delivery check was with Flamingo, but I really have no idea how good they are - does anyone?

As for backtracing emails, I've no idea how - if someone could tell me either here or by personal email, I'd be grateful; she uses a computer club (Internet cafe?) and has used more than one, if her primary one has been closed - she actually has told me stuff like that, when she's had to go to a different club/cafe due to one not being open. As she uses a web email, does that make any difference? Is that a red flag?

I'm trying not to be too overcautious here - as far as I can see if I go, I get a holiday in a place I've not been before, a break from work, and maybe have to spend a little on entertainment; I can't see how I get scammed here, but the sheer volume of stuff on the web is a worry.

I really am hopeful, I don't want to let the few spoil it for the many. I'm also aware that, when it comes to pretty women, I'm more gullible than any of my friends

Cheers,

Ade

Posted by: lester

Welcome aboard Ade,

reading your posts, I also agree that you seem to have found
" a gud un "

Learn about her hometown via lonely planet etc. this will help
throw light on the facilities available to her in contacting you.

She is in Siberia, may be less facilities than other areas.

After 60 mails, looks promising!

Good Luck! and again, help is here if you need it.

lester.

Posted by: Ade

Thanks,

I'm hopeful I have found a good one; with all the stuff on the web about scams, it's too easy to get scared and not take a chance.

I've had no luck here - but female friends and colleagues tell me I'm not doing anything wrong other than picking the wrong women!! Bad timing I think, too often.

So, I think I'll try to keep some logic, and query any obvious marks, but other than that, just go out to visit. If it goes well, great; if it's a nice holiday but we don't click, not too bad; I can't see an obvious downside other than getting a little hurt if things don't work.

If she actually isn't there, I get a holiday to do what I want, and she can't gain anything. I'll arrange before I go to have regular contact with my nephew via email so my family know I'm okay, I'm only planning on going for a week and a half (all the leave I've got left to the end of March) - if things go well I can go again soon after in a new 'work leave year'.

I think, after seeing all the stuff about scams, my friends (nearly all saying I shouldn't go) are worried I'll be dragged away from the airport, beaten and shot!

But I'd rather go and not have the regret of a missed opportunity - and I've not had a holiday for years.

The girl does seem maybe a little too enthusiastic, but then I'm very keen to meet her too.

Thanks,

Ade

Posted by: Junior

Quote:

Originally posted by Ade

I'm hopeful I have found a good one; with all the stuff on the web about scams, it's too easy to get scared and not take a chance.

I agree with an earlier reply to your post that it is odd that you have not spoken with this lady over the telephone. Talking with her over the telephone should help reduce some of your doubts. I would also suggest using www.allrussian.com to double check to make sure she is genuine. This will not cure all of your doubts, but it should help. I have never used this lawyer, so I don't know how reliable this service is, but I have seen his service recommended at many international dating sites. Maybe some of the other men that post on this forum have used/hired this lawyer and could share their experiences with all of us.

Posted by: povlhp

I would say, give it a shot. As for the speed of delivery of postal mail, expect more than the 5 days. My experience is 5-10 days each direction. This is for A Prioritaire - And the address written in cyrillic letters.

I would say, just do it. If you feel unsafe, there are other solutions apart from flowers. There are companies that does background checks.

Has a GF I met there as a tourist, and are currently writing another, where I had all the warning signals go off after the first few letters. Now I am confident that she is true. And I also feel confident using her agency.

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

Thanks for latest reply; I'm pretty much decided that I am going to go; with all the scams we see on the net it is too easy to forget all the genuine people out there - like the people on this site. And like all the genuine Russian women. If I go, I can't see a particular way of being ripped off in any fashion, and it may be the best thing I ever do!

Only thing against that is how keen she seems for me to visit - but maybe she is genuinely keen for me to visit and see how things go...at least, I hope so.

I don't really want to do checks - it seems like you're not trusting either yourself nor the other person, and she hasn't given me any real reason to not trust her. I think, when you get used to someone responding to you in English, that it's maybe too easy to forget it isn't their first language and that they may not always get the full context/intent of what you say - and then you get wary over nothing.

Well, I'll get on with booking the trip, unless I get a real reason not to, and let people here know how it pans out. But until I go, any further comments or advice are most welcome.

Regards,

Ade

Posted by: lester

Hello ade,
Don't worry about her seeming so keen
for you to visit her.
After all, you have been in correspondence since
August, with 60 mails.

Try to learn some russian phrases, and prepare for
your "adventure", not forgetting your own basic survival kit!

Toilet roll!!
Imodium Instants Tablets.
Lanacane cream.( for the important places ) oooohhhh!!

Believe me, you cannot stop the shop girls laughing when you
try to buy such things, especially if you are using a phrase book to
speak with them!!

Keep us posted on your progress,
lester.

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

And thanks for the reply. Toilet roll, hmm, such a thing we take for granted; everything else, I hope to be okay, as I seem to be okay to food and stuff - despite the efficiency of any sort of food poisoning as a weight-loss tool, I've never managed to get it!

I've a friend who did his medical training in Moscow, who says my woolly hat isn't good enough, and tells me I'll need proper boots to deal with the cold if I intend to be outside for any time!

Been to the travel agents today, and if I get a positive response on the dates from the Russian woman I'm going to book by the weekend.

Well, as they say, 'faint heart never won fair maid', and I have no real reason other than 'scammer paranoia' to not go, I'll stop looking for ways to talk myself out of it, and go!!

She seems nice and genuine, and I feel I should take the chance.

Cheers,

Ade

Posted by: wavetossed

You are in the right town to get kitted out for a trip to Russia in the winter. Buy a Rab jacket, some long woolly underwear and woolly socks. The boots aren't so important if you have wool socks, i.e. any boot with a good tread will do. Russians do NOT clear the snow off the sidewalks. They stomp it down into a nice uneven coating of near-ice with a slick slippery surface. You won't have the reflexes to walk on that unless you have a good tread for walking on ice. Buy your boots where you get the Rab jacket.

Hats also aren't such a big deal. Lots of Russians just wear a knitted wool cap with a hooded parka. The hood only goes up if it gets windy. You might like to do what I did and buy a genuine Russian fur hat after you arrive. Get your girlfriend to help pick it out with you. I paid 3500 rubles for mine.

Posted by: Ade

Hi,

I got my trip to Bratsk organised; then 2 days before set-off, I get an email saying she has to be out of town because her father is ill, and won't be able to see me.......

At that point, I went for a background check, with the results to reach me on holiday. The check showed that she isn't registered in Bratsk. One of the friends I made in Bratsk lived on the same street, so 'phoned the flat and actually popped in, only to confirm this woman doesn't live there.

I'm puzzled, because this girl has not once tried to get anything from me. She emailed me whilst in Bratsk to say she was sorry for how things had turned out, and that she still wants to meet. She's emailed me since I arrived back home, to say she will be back in Bratsk next monday and will write at greater length then. Really can't see what she gets out of this.

However, I had a fantastic holiday, and will write up a post or two regarding that in the next day or so, and put a link to it here.

In fact, I had a bloody marvellous holiday and after I get the 'return to Sheffield'beers out of the way, will be saving for a return trip as soon as I can afford

Posted by: Ade

Well, if you'd like to see how my scam-started trip went, please go to;

http://www.russianmeetingplace.com/...=&threadid=3774