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An American man in China could use some advice from a Russian woman's perspective
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Posted by: bloomsburypoet

I was wondering if I could get some advice from a Russian woman's perspective. I'm an American who teaches English at a Chinese university. A few months ago I met a great Russian woman, who is studying Chinese at my university. Finally, I got the courage to ask her for her phone number. Then because I was extremely busy for several weeks I didn't speak to her. Then she messaged me for Christmas. I invited her to coffee. We had a fantastic 2 hour conversation about travel, education, philosophy, intercultural relations, China, etc. She told me that she wanted to stay in China and also that she hoped to find a western boyfriend (preferably French). I'm American, but of southern European ancestry. At one point in the date we were discussing something. I totally agreed with her point. I gave her a high five (not romantic I know) but she made an excellent point. She touched my hand then pulled her hand away quickly. Also, she told me that she told her mother about me. I'm not sure about Russian culture or how to read the signals. At the end of the date I said I'd like to see her again. She said "sure" and also said that she wanted me to help her with a book she needs help with. I'm 31 and she's 22. I don't know if she's a very good girl who's interested in me or just polite and uninterested. Any ideas on how to find out?

Posted by: Pin Boy

good luck...and RELAX!!! you've been out one time...she's not running away any time soon is she?? continue to spend time with her and see how it goes...remember, she's just 22 and still feeling her way around life and this world...don't rush and do project confidence and self assurance without being cocky or impolite...just be a good guy and a good listener as well as talker and enjoy the experience...as far as the "high five" goes, any initial phyiscal contact with a person can be awkward...just have some dates together and maybe take her handas your walking and go from there...good luck and i'm jealous that you're getting to experience china

pin boy

Posted by: ASoulmate4U

i agree with pin boy

exude confidence without being cocky.

If you act as if you are a prize you will become the prize.

Girls like a challenge, and when all is said in done they choose us we do not choose them.

I wish i could give you the cultural insight you desire but this is the best i can do ;-)

Posted by: Pin Boy

PS

sorry, i know you were hoping for advice from a russian woman, but...last i checked, i'm an american man

pin boy

Posted by: Jill

I'm not a Russian woman either--but like to give opinions

It sounds to me like you hit it off pretty well. Is she romantically interested in you at this point? Possibly, but too early to say definitely. She could see you more as just an interesting conversationalist--doesn't always mean boyfirend material. Let it unfold a bit. Show her your interest, but try not to be overly forward. After a few more meetings (dates?) it should be clear.

Good luck!

Posted by: Jerico

My Fiancee from Russia thinks that.......
since she is in China and studying there- she is a serious girl and is not going to play with you by spending time at cafe at some kind of conversations. She thinks that girl is interested in you at the beggining level of any relationship and she want to see what it is going to be like. So go ahead!!! Good luck!
Milena

Posted by: bloomsburypoet

Thanks guys. All your advice is interesting and beneficial. I agree that it's probably too early to tell what's going on. I do know that during the conversation there was good eye contact, she was smiling and laughing and at times she even tossed back her hair. When I talk to her I get the sense she's interested in me but I'm not sure on what level (intellectual, romantic, platonic, professional). It could even be a combination of several of these. I guess the best advice is to take it slow, but still show interest. We will have coffee again next week. Then I will go away for two weeks to take care of some business. She seemed to indicate that when I returned there would be more time to spend together as she's now in the middle of final exams and so am I.

Posted by: Vyesna

I think we Americans tend to overanalyze this stuff. That I would agree is something Russians do less as a whole and quite frankly I prefer it that way. Usually you can tell when someone is really not into you. This doesn't appear to be the case here so-- go with the flow. There's no hurry is there?

Posted by: bloomsburypoet

There's really no hurry. She will be here another year and I just signed another one year contract. I guess it's true that good things take time and that I should therefore give it time. Perhaps I'm overanalyzing it a tad bit too much.