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Something about the U.S.A.

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Posted by: CharlesLouis

Click for picture:
Butler Pennsylvania 3


One autumn morning
I saw
the Court House
was up before dawn
with forehead
turned toward the hill
and the sky beyond
waiting for the sun
to come
quietly
and clothe her
in the golden robe
she wore
for sunrise.

from: The Butler Pennsylvania Poems



Posted by: FlashingEyes

just an idea:

and tog her
in the gilding robe
she wears
for sunrise.


"tog" and "gilding" are variances of meaning that may or may not more accurately reflect your true intended meaning, but after seeing the picture I felt they more accurately reflected the picture.

"wears" or "will wear" seems almost mandatory. After reflection, I find no benefit to switching to the past tense "wore" but it is a huge distraction, as any careful reader will of course wonder why you switched tenses, and what additional meaning is intended. The only logical conclusion is you stood there and waited a long time and by the time you left you had seen the sunrise but I don't know if this information, presented as it is, creates an emotional connection with the reader. At best it comes off as oversentimentality. It does not have the effect of Auden's "As I Walked out One Evening" and the reason it lacks this effect is that you haven't provided the reader with a thought pattern to represent such a long period of time, as Auden did. If you stood there so long and being a poet, were not affected by much more that you could say in your poem, then the reader may wonder, as I did, if "gilding" isn't a better description than "golden".



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