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A poem
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Posted by: CanadianKevin

The Paranoia

M: I can never find the woman I seek here at home, I should search abroad
W: I cannot find the man I seek here at home so I search abroad.
M: What’s wrong with her?

M: I search for warmth, caring, beauty and intelligence.
W: I am warm, caring, beautiful and intelligent.
M: Sounds almost too good to be true.

M: Here I’m average but there I’m rich, I will impress her.
W: Tell me about your work, your things, your better life
M: Clearly she is after my money.

M: I want a woman with strong family values.
W: I love my parents very much.
M: Great I bet she will want to bring them with her!

M: I want a woman who will stay at home and raise our children.
W: Will you be able to support me and our children?
M: Gold-digger!

M: I want a woman who is feminine, sexy and who knows how to keep a man happy.
W: Let me seduce you.
M: Slut, I bet you’ll run off with someone else the first chance you get.

M: There she will be in a small flat with her parents, no phone, no hot water.
W: Here I live in a small flat with my parents, no phone, no hot water.
M: How convenient! My guard is up.

M: I can be her ticket to a better life, a green card and freedom. She will adore me!
W: I want to come to America so much, to be with you and live a better life.
M: All she wants to do is use me, so she can get into the country.

M: I’m starting to feel strong attractions and emotions so very quickly.
W: I’m feeling drawn to you despite so little time.
M: Impossible, she is setting me up.

M: She is so naive she will never understand how hard it is to get a visa.
W: I want to come see you and be with you.
M: Does she take me for a fool! She knows she can’t get a visa.

M: I want a young, beautiful woman, I 40 her 19.
W: Sorry I did not write, I got distracted, lost interest, went to the beach, found someone else.
M: What’s wrong with these girls, do they not understand commitment and responsibility! How immature!

M: She lives such a measly existence a few hundred dollars a month, how can she survive? Wait until I tell her about all the money I have, the toys I have the house I own, maybe I’ll even exaggerate a bit and make it sound even better! She will think I’m a king who sleeps on a bed of money. How will she know any different

W: This week was not easy, translations cost, internet costs, English lessons and just everyday life. Today I needed to decide to come to the agency and send you a letter or buy lunch. Could you please spare a few simple dollars to help me in these tough times.

M: Scammer!

Posted by: FlashingEyes

So this girl is 19 with 2-3 children, told you she loved you after a week, then goes out with other men or just blows everyone off and goes to the beach every few days, when she could be working, but still wants you to send her money to support her lifestyle.

Yea, what a gal. By the way truly a masterful work, with a careful ear masterfully playing a tune of meter, assonance, consonance, internal slant and off rhyme, with dramatic use of metaphor and showing a deep understanding of Yeats, Auden, Hardy and modern and post-modern poets, with an explorative willingness to go beyond these pathfinders. Oh, the hyperbole!

Posted by: CanadianKevin

LOL read whatever interpretation you wish into it. That’s the beauty of poetry.

Posted by: FlashingEyes

Isn't it interesting how if you are willing to define anything written as poetry that "poetry" loses it's original meaning and instead has the same meaning as "writing"?

Yep. I was just rereading my own post, which of course is poetry, and now I'm glancing at my lotto ticket, which of course is poetry, and now I'm looking at a mark here on my desk I accidently made with my pen, which of course is poetry. But I do wonder what's the big deal with the word when we already had the word "writing?"

Posted by: rob_we

CanadianKevin
..nice one. I like it.

..very true to me ...

...........................I

.......................dare to

....................write about

...................what touches

..................what moves me,

.................what interrests me.

................Whatever you think

.................while reading this

.................if it touches you

....................upsets you
.
....................bores you

or you simply feel sorry for me doing this

....................I don´t care

...................I do it for me

..........and in the end of the day

.................its just a poem

.....................anyway.

Posted by: FlashingEyes

The sentiment above doesn't jive with what I read in Preface to Lyrical Ballads. Something written only for yourself is a diary or journal, not a poem, if we use define "poem" as differentiated from other forms of writing, which the best poets do anyway, but as I've learned Rob_we/lolo/parasionok (whichever name he and his girlfriend are currently using to get their message spammed to everyone) has his own definitions.

The Ogre does what ogres can,
Deeds quite impossible for Man,
But one prize is beyond his reach,
The Ogre cannot master Speech.
About a subjugated plain,
Among its desperate and slain,
The Ogre stalks with hands on hips,
While drivel gushes from his lips.

- Auden

Posted by: rob_we

Wecome to Duloc
such a perfect town
here we have some rules
let us lay them down
Don´t make waves, stay in line
and we´ll get along fine
Duloc is a perfect place
please keep off of the grass
shine your shoes, wipe your [face]
Duloc is a perfect place

Lord Farquaad

Posted by: CanadianKevin

Good one Rob

Posted by: FlashingEyes

Orale
Orale pues it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B
The wicked little vato with those wicked rhymes for SD
San Diego, Southern Califas man controlling ****
And all these people call me a stupid ass spic
You call me a spic and I'll take you out silly sucker
Cuz you ain't nothing but a stupid ass mother****er
Go ahead and start your ****, start your pleito
But you'll find that you'll lose when you **** with San Diego
Now listen up to what I've got to say
I'm down for San Diego and I'm down with LA
And ¿saves que? they're both down with me
And it's a trip cuz I got primos in every ****ing city man
I got more homeboys than you could ever imagine
To all you little **** talkin putos I'm not havin
About not being down for the town
A crazy little vato ****in it up for the Brown
You see I'm down for the 619
Fools saying I'm doing bad, but I'm just doing fine
Not giving a **** about what you punks got to say
Cuz I'm that crazy Mexicano down to ****in spray
You know what I'm saying leva, and you know it's true
Someone's got to win and someone's got to lose, and I never lose
So you know I can't be that ranker
You want to know who the **** I am? I'm the Mexican Gangster

Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B
Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B

Mexican Gangster numero dos
Simon, I'm back once again a little different since back then
Four years later, four years brighter
Back with some **** like llesca taking you higher
High, high, high like to the ceiling, I can't fight the feeling
If I had a million, bucks what would I do
I'd smoke up my llesca tree
I swear to God ese, about three times as tall as me
Oh man what would I do without my mija
What would I do all dressed up without mi grifa
I ain't joking, the homies don't call me Prankster
It's Lil' Rob aka Capone, Mexican Gangster

Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B
Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B

Orale
Got those beats that thump that you bump
Cuz I know you like the bass, it humps
Making you wonder where the hell I've been for four years
It's not because of fears, so let's just make that clear
Now just hear what I say when I say what I gotta say man
Coming at you quick, you don't even got time to pray
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost
Man it's time to get ghost, no time to watch these putos roast
Coasting, down the block ****ing up these levas
I don't give a **** and I don't think I ever will
I kill for thrills, fat bills is what I'm folding
Mexican Gangster 2 the title, is the title I'm holding
Scolding all these fools, simon I'm controlling my city
All these vatos wanting pero they know they can't hang with me
Shoot me, that's what you want to do man
But if you shoot at me, you best believe I'm gonna shoot you too man
Going insane when I click, click, click
Cuz I'm that crazy Hispanic, I'm the Mexican Gangster

Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B
Orale pues, it's me
The L-I-L R-O-B
The wicked little vato with those wicked rhymes for SD
San Diego, Southern Califas man controlling ****

- Lil Rob

The use of "sh*t" and other languague above is not my words, not my expression, and not in fact anything I even agree with using; it is a direct quotation of a published piece of literature by Lil Rob. I do not approve of the language or Rob's posts here, but I do recognize the similarity in style. It is only posted in this format because I respect the original author's intent and because the language is not directed at anyone here.

Posted by: rob_we

Yo Flash,

Wow seems you like to hang out with the brothers at night

. Seems you turn into a "dirty R&B" fan when you chill out. Hey I promise, Im not gonna tell this to the other republicans...

Posted by: Jim_FL

Quote:

Originally posted by FlashingEyes
.....****....****....****....****....****

Hmmmm, seems this word is not nearly as offensive when you post it.

Posted by: FlashingEyes

The use of "sh*t" and other languague above is not my words, not my expression, and not in fact anything I even agree with using; it is a direct quotation of a published piece of literature by Lil Rob. I do not approve of the language or Rob's posts here, but I do recognize the similarity in style. It is only posted in this format because I respect the original author's intent and because the language is not directed at anyone here.

Posted by: sidney

I don't think the 'R" is silent in shirt.

Posted by: Khashyar

Hi Everyone...

By the way, Walt Whitman was not considered in real poet in his time because he chose to write poetry that did not rhyme.

I don't think that any of us are professional poets, so... I appreciate when someone takes the time and takes the "risk" to post their poetic thoughts here...

I would prefer if we don't use "cuss words" in the forum... Their might be some cases were it might be o.k,. to cuss (like, that CEO acted like an ass at the board meeting.... or... damn, I wish that this guiy would have been honest on his affidavit of support about his income

)

But, we are all smart and expressive enough to communicate our thoughts without cussing....

(I think that I might need to add "sh*t" on the forum software's edited word list

although I don't like to "censor" too much here)

Regarding rap....

I think that a lot of rap is an expression of creative word play, but I think that when some rap songs are read (without hearing the music and the vocal melody), then the lyrics can lose their musical quality.

I see, Flashing, that the rapper who you posted was not really being violent, but was talking about reacting if someone called him a "spic."

Also... Let's all try to stay close to topic in this thread.... Let's try to either comment on the poem about scammers, or post some poems of our own about Russian Relationships....

Khashyar

Posted by: CanadianKevin

Well it’s been some time since I posted the poem and as some have pointed out it’s not much of a poem. However, I’m curious that no comments have really been made about what the poem was trying to say.

The few comments that were made make me think that most missed the subtle underling message I was trying to convey. I chose the title "Paranoia," but perhaps “The Irony” would have been better or possibly blunter “The Double Standard.

I didn’t want to be too cryptic but from the feed back I’m thinking not many understood the theme or message I was trying to convey.

Three points to help clarify: First, this poem wasn’t about me or any one person. Second was meant as a critical look at both genders not just women. Third, it was a combination of my observations of many of the posts both here in the scammers section and also from other areas.

Posted by: FlashingEyes

Oh, you mean you were trying to communicate a message? Well then in that case the "I wrote it just for me" argument doesn't really work if you really wrote it to communicate with others - the fact is that you were immediately told what you are actually communicating (or failing to communicate), to wit:

"So this girl is 19 with 2-3 children, told you she loved you after a week, then goes out with other men or just blows everyone off and goes to the beach every few days, when she could be working, but still wants you to send her money to support her lifestyle."

If this is too complicated for you, think about telling a joke - it's not effective when someone keeps messing up the details - "So these two people walked into a bar, and one of them said I'll get a haircut - wait, ok they walked into a Supercuts, and then his friend said yea I hear a lot of people get haircuts here - no, wait, it was a barbershop on Rodeo drive that they walked into..." If your vision isn't clear and the lack of clarity in your vision is reflected in the lack of cohesiveness of the details, it's easy to predict that your message won't be effective.

But you don't listen, instead you say, "read whatever interpretation you wish into it. That’s the beauty of poetry." Well, are you going to stick with your original position or are you now abandoning that position and instead saying "the poem {your word not mine} was trying to say [something specific]...the subtle underling message [you were] trying to convey..." It seems to me you want to have your cake and eat it too - and to argue both ways.

If you are truly wanting to write a poem, and not just another piece of jibberish that comes off like a poorly told joke, then first and foremost you must be able to write something that truly communicates a deep and carefully considered message concisely presented in a cohesive format to an observant reader, and in order to do that you have to meet certain standards of craft. Think of yourself as a house builder - is your foundation secure, do your parts fit, are your walls the same height, have you remembered to leave doorways where they are necessary? If all you have put together is an unlivable domicile then you should hesitate to call it a home; if all you have put together is some incoherent thoughts then you should hesitate to call it a poem.

Posted by: Khashyar

I personally appreciate the fact that someone has made a sincere attempt to express something in the forum in a creative way, even if it may or may not be published in Poetry magazine...

I want people to feel comfortable to post any of their thoughts or creative expressions, without the fear of being criticized for it.

I think that all of us can express our thoughts here, without the fear that it will be judged by professional literary critics

So, as an English major and a former newspaper reporter, I ask that we relax a little bit, and enjoy sharing and reading our thoughts

Khashyar

Posted by: FlashingEyes

Khashyar,

I think it's highly inappropriate for you in any way to criticize the feedback I offered in this case. If you will only read 2 posts back and not just 1 you will clearly see that feedback was requested. Noone else has offered any feedback, including you, despite your proclaimed expertise (which, by the way, is not very impressive to someone with my background). It seems what you are really saying is that all feedback should be praising the work, no matter how pathetic it is.

The work is terrible; however, I have offered positive steps that can be taken to improve future works. The level of my advice has been professional, as you have noted, but I can hardly agree with your suggestion that we should only offer baby-level feedback to posts on this forum. What you are essentially saying is that because I in fact really do know what I am talking about and can offer professional-level advice I should leave the responses to those who don't know what they are talking about and can't offer professional-level advice. Right. Gotcha.

So please in the future do not criticize me that my feedback should be less accurate, professional, or knowledgeable.

Posted by: ConnerVT

No matter where you are from, it is not in good taste to criticize your host in public.

Posted by: Khashyar

Hello Flashing Eyes...

I know that you put a lot of thought in your criticism of Kevin's poem.

My point is that I think that Kevin was posting his poem just to share it with others, and not to receive a detailed literary critique.

Some people would be less willing to post their poetry and intimate thoughts if they felt that it would be thoroughly critiqued. So sometimes it is good just to read, accept and enjoy what someone has written, and offer them criticism if they ask for it. It seems to me that Kevin was offering his own comments that the readers of his poem may have been missing the message that he had intended, rather than asking for a critique.

I just don't think that we need to ruffle our feathers about discussing a member's poem, and perhaps it is better just to enjoy and discuss it without negatively criticizing it.

Regarding my qualifications to speak about poetry. Yes, it is true that I am not a Nobel Laureate in poetry (although I had that goal when I was younger). Yet, I do feel that I have some qualifications to speak about poetry, since my undergraduate major was English with an emphasis in poetry and creative writing, and I also did graduate work specifically in poetry and creative writing.

Mainly, I just want to say that I think that one of our intentions here in this forum is just to enjoy talking to one another and sharing our thoughts and experiences about Russia. That is why most of us are here.

Khashyar