Does this seem like a bad choice? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

Does this seem like a bad choice?
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: Ray50

I have been writing to someone since February.

We have only managed to speak on the phone once via three way translator. Several months ago she had her handbag stolen with her mobile phone in it. There have been problems with her new phone not being properly set up for international calls. At one point she went 3 1/2 weeks without writing.

This woman has one child and an ex husband very big in the militia. I found out her ex has made trouble for her in the past and I am the only one she has written to. She liked my letter because it was one of the few already translated into Russian. She has a half sister who is married to an American and now lives here. My friend works for the rail system, in Ukraine and has to travel very often.

From our correspondence, I tend to believe this woman. She has no reason to lie unless she wants a free trip to the US but I don't think so. She is a hard working, family oriented person. I think she can continue to live in the Ukraine but maybe is looking for a way to get away from her ex husband who is apparently very abusive and cheated on her during the marriage.

I have been advised against meeting her in September because there may be some danger from her ex husband and she may have a problem obtaining a K1 visa with her son. The ex husband has joint custody of the child.

Even if all this sounds very strange I trust the woman because her letters are different than most. She does not talk of love in one or two letters. As a matter of fact she told the translator she can't fall in love with someone she has never met.

I am very nervous about this trip and I have to make reservations very soon.

I think I have mentioned all the important information.

Thanks for the help.

Posted by: searcher

I think meeting a person helps to resolve many issues and answers many questions, even questions you may not have thought about yet.

You will never know until you have made the trip and met the person.

Posted by: neil277

Hello Panel,

I don't think this is a scam but please be cautious at all times, so her ex husband is in the military please don't worry things will be fine.

I would go but please get visa as some people still travel to Russia without a visa no visa, police car waiting.

This little girl has a boy? this is good which meens you know where she is at night.

Will this lady let you stay at her home? if not you can book appartment and its not to late so dont worry.

Russia is a safe country more so than America and England and other parts of Western Europe.

There are many Russian men who are good husbands to there wife and family, so don't listern to this myth thats going around the internet that they are all bad.

Place of stay Mozart Hotel
13, Lanjeronovskaya str
Odessa,65206 Ukraine

www.mozart-hotel.com

If this is not good ask your lady to book you appartment or you can do yourself over the internet

Regards

Neil

Posted by: neil277

Hello Panel,

To take his rights away will cost around $300 but he still has the right to overturn this after one year, the law is complicated in any country.

She did not talk for a few weeks? i would not be to worried but if you want to use a translator i can recommend www.russianwife.co.uk if this lady is playing games this lady will find out, this lady offers very fast service to the Ukraine.

Regards

Neil

Posted by: Ray50

Hypothetical question.
What if there was an agreement for the son to spend time in the Ukraine with his father and time in the US with his mother?
Joint custody.
Do you think the father would agree to this type of settlement?

Posted by: neil277

Once this guy has lost his rights, its over.

Regards

Neil

Posted by: klawsite

Hi Ray,

I know for you this may be a very difficult situation, but for her it may be a nightmare!!! Also think this way, if she is supporting her and her child. She may not always have money for the internet cafe. This is indeed a difficult situation. If you were very interested in her, then obviously you will need to make arrangements to meet her if you are willing to take the risk. If not, then perhaps you need to look elsewhere!! I am not telling you to look elsewhere, I am just stating that you have too choose whether you are interested enough in this woman to visit her. Also in this instance, the child will definelty complicate things very much, with the father being the way he is.
Taking the father's rights away may be more difficult than Niel has suggested, if the father has maintained support for the child and has shared custody of the child. Things to think about for sure!!

-Kevin

Posted by: neil277

Hello Klawsite,

Yes you are correct in what you say, i took it that this man deserted his responsibilities.

Regards

Neil

Posted by: Ray50

Thanks guys.

To make things clearer, the husband cheated on Irina. They have been apart 2 years. Not sure if a divorce takes a long time in the Ukraine.

Yes the child will definitely suffer, I know because I was 13 when my parents separated.

Because my father cheated on my mother, I did not want to have anything to do with his new family and I lost contact with him for many years, ages 15 -17 and 21 - 30. I remember the years very well.

In the beginning my father had visitation rights but later his new wife started having children so he stopped calling. I ran into him when I was working in town and saw him occasionally at lunch time. He even tried to find me a job with his company. When I got a different job in the suburbs I lost contact again.

At the age of 30 I was able to accept my father for being less than perfect but still my father.

I do plan to go through with my trip and irina has said she will try to keep us far away from her ex-husband.

It will not be easy but I have decided to go and be very cautious.

Posted by: klawsite

Ray, I wish you the best of luck! It may be difficult curcumstances, but hopefully something great will come out of it for you and Irina.

Best Wishes,
-Kevin

Posted by: James Riske

As a father of a 12 year old daughter that I see every weekend without fail, I'm shocked at how some of you so callously wish to take this man's child away from him.

Have you considered what's best for the little child? Have you considered that this woman seems willing to take her own child away from his/her father?

I'm not clear on how close the man is with his child or if he's really abusive or what, but I'm sick and tired of these Russian women taking their children out of the country and away from their fathers. Men are parents too and some of us care very much.

James

Posted by: Jill

Gotta agree with James here. Of course, I don't know the details of the situation, but if he has been a good, supportive father, I certainly hope that he will not be denied his parental rights. I realize that he cheated on his wife (which I think is despicable), but I don't believe that that necessarily reflects on his ability to be a good parent.

On the other hand, if the guy's a lowlife, then that's another story. We just don't have all the facts here.

I just hope that all concerned--mother, father, and especially child--get treated fairly in all this.

Good luck to all of you!

Posted by: Ray50

This has been well thought out by me in spite of several people telling me to look elsewhere for a different woman.

Once you establish a connection with someone it is difficult to back away. What complicates the situation is her being 4,500 miles away.

In the US it would be no problem for us to date. Since she advertised on a marriage site, she is actively looking to meet someone from the east.

I have weighed everything, including the risks and I discovered that I like Irina. I will meet her and see how it goes. Her son is mature enough that he should have some idea where he wants to live.

If Irina and I fall in love it will take about 18 months to bring her here and the son will be 16 or 17 and maybe have a better idea what he wants and where he wants to live.

Posted by: James Riske

Ok, if the child will be 16 or 17, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it if he were younger. If you do this, consider having the child spend his summers with his dad in Russia and the rest of the time with you.

Just remember, that you're only hearing one side of the story from her about the breakup. And even if he had an affair on her, the child shouldn't suffer. My ex had multiple affairs on me but I still bite my tongue and get along with her for the sake of our daughter and mutual visitation and things pertaining to our daughter.

If you marry this woman, remember that you are also taking responsibility for her son and that you may have to pay for his flights back and forth to Russia. Consider this before you marry her.

You seem like a good guy and I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

James

Posted by: Ray50

Well I went to Kiev September 19, met Irina and she was wonderful. I could not have asked for a more perfect woman. Beautiful, thoughtful and sweet. We spent 2 days in Kiev, 6 days in Yalta and 2 days traveling by train from Kiev to Simferopol and back to Kiev. I was with Irina 24 hours of each and every day. She only left me three times for a few minutes.

I did not meet her family because she wanted me far away this time. There is talk of marriage and I'm going for it.

Why let this perfect woman go. She met me at the airport, woke up with me at 3am to see me off and cried when I left her.

A few US women cried for me, but usually because I didn't make enough money, wasn't good looking enough or maybe I accidentally stepped on her foot.

Irina treated me like I was royalty placing me number 1. For 10 days she cooked for me, protected me, and showed me what life would be like with her as my wife.

We are going to deal with her ex and try to reach a compromise.

The happiest 10 days of my life.

Posted by: Jim_FL

Ray,
Having gone through it, time is on your side - don't be racing to get an absolute answer from the father immediately, and definately talk seriously with the son to see what he wants.

Posted by: sidney

Ray we are happy for you and Irina.
Sid