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Discussions about money are not allowed ?
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Posted by: rattlesnake6979

My girlfreind and I have had a few arguments recently about money. Initiallly she wrote several letters hinting that she needed money for medical treatment so I wrote to her asking her how much the cost of the treatment was . She never replied so I guessed the cost and sent $ 40 . I asked her a few weeks later if she had recieved the money ( I sent it by airmail ) and she said she had but she said that the amount I had sent was " mala " or small . So as I thought that medical treatment must be more expensive and she said that she needed money also for a visa , I sent money again ( about $ 300 ) and all of this never arrived- I sent it by airmail but my girlfriend said that it never arrived although she made a comment that I should stop sending her the same style of greeting card(I sent the money in greeting cards of the same style and genre ) ( how did she know Id sent the same style of card if she never received the greeting cards ? )

I then asked her again how much the medical treatment was and finally she told me it was 100 greevnas per month - so I was confused as to why she had asked me to help with medical costs but when I sent her money she was unhappy with the help. She told me she was humiliated at having to tell me the cost.
Later she asked me if my parents could give her money - I have not replied to this request and when I phoned her sister to tell her my parents would be coming to meet my girlfriends parents my girlfriends sister was unhappy about my parents staying 2 weeks - I was told 1 month would be better but they would need to pay for accomodation if they stayed with relatives of my girlfriend.
This is starting to make me feel uneasy for my parents who assume that when they meet my girlfreind they will be treated as non paying guests and I have a feeling that when they find out about this aspect of the visit there will be conflict which I am trying to resolve now rather than when it is too late.
I later asked her about this but she said that it was rude and boring to talk about money and that she did not want to talk about money and if I did not trust her she did not want anything to do with me .

Well like man , I didnt ask again but little things have kept bugging me like .....

Money I left with her for english lessons does not seem to have been used for lessons because she says that she doesnt like her teacher but when I asked her if she had a new teacher she told me her teacher was on holiday . I do not know what to believe but since we have been writing to each other for about 10 months and have met twice I would have expected some improvement in her english ( I have written to my gf that life in my country without any knowledge of english will not be a happy experience and will cause her stress which I want her to avoid because I know that apart from the cultural differences if she doesnt speak or understand english she will soon want to return to the fsu .. )

When we went shopping , I bought her some shoes but later she told me she had tried to get the money back but could not so she bought more expensive shoes to replace the ones we had bought together. Likewise , a christmas present I bought and sent to her which she wore when we met has disapeared - God only knows what she does with the gifts I send.

Likewise , when I tell her I love her she has changed in that before she would say that she loved me but now that I say I love her she says she likes me rather than loves me which has dramatic implications for me as I thought when she said that she loved me it was love rather than like .

This is so complicated and I need a wise person to give me advice because although I agree with my gf that It is boring to talk about money, I am sure if and when I marry my wife will be interested in this aspect of our lives if only to know we have enough to live on every month.

When I have challenged her on other issues which were not related to the above, she has replied enigmatically " I am Ukrainian " .

Confused

Posted by: John24689

rattlesnake6979,

You said, "I do not know what to believe but since we have been writing to each other for about 10 months and have met twice." You are not going to like what I have to say. Run Forest, Run. If you are having problems now, what do you think you are going to have if you marry her. You relationship is not progressing. In 10 months and meeting her twice, you should be in love with each other. I think you are trying too much in this relationship. It should come naturally.

If a girl does not like you, you will know it. If a girl likes you, you will know it. If a girl loves you, you will really know it. Since you are not comfortable with the relationship, I would consider trying for someone else. You are not going to change her and you are not going to change.

The first woman I went to see treated me good, but there was not any chemistry. I then went back to Russia and used an agency for a week. After meeting about 25 women, and dating three twice, I rejected all of them for marriage potential. I had to get a date and my interpreter suggested a lady. I had rejected her because she had a 13 year old son. I have four children and have been raising 3 of them by myself. I did enjoy her company, so I started dating her for the last 3 weeks I was there. Four days before I left, I realized that our friendship had turned into love. The rest is history. She and her son will be here on July 24. There was a chemistry of friendship and then love. I was fully prepared on coming home without finding anyone. I did not have to find anyone. I just went to see if I could and I did.

The first lady I saw last year, I tried for several months to convince myself that it would work. I knew it wouldn't, but I kept trying. Finally, it was over. There was not a chemistry. With my fiancée, there was always a chemistry. She is the most wonderful lady I have ever met. I do know that she loves me and I love her.

If your relationship does not suit you and your desires, it is either you or her. I feel from what you wrote, it is her. In my opinion, find someone else where there is a chemistry. Always keep in mind that you do not have to find someone if it does not feel right.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

John

Posted by: sidney

Good advise John. I couldn't have said it better myself,
Sid

Posted by: Pin Boy

be wary...sound like she's cooling off to you...maybe she has a boyfriend and continues to keep in touch with you for money...very suspicious that she needs ONGOIN medical treatment...what is her condition, diagnosis, and treatment?...my girl tried that, mother had "sick legs>"...when I pressed for details she cut and ran...also did not use the money I provided for english lessons as well....sounds like what happened to me...I mer her on a tour, came back 6 weeks later for 12 days, then went back at Xmas for another 11 days and I still ended up being taken for money...not the ususal scammer/criminal who uses the internet to snag money from a man...I met her family and friends, shared meals daily with her parents, we spent days at the beach with her daughter, ewtc, etc...and in the end, I lost....sometimes I wonder if she was truly using me or was just so focused on the money so much she made me suspicious and I/we pushed each other away...

good luck, stand pat and don't let your better judgement be clouded by your dreams and ideals.

pin boy

Posted by: rattlesnake6979

Pinboy , alot of what you said coincides with my girlfriend -Ive met her freinds her familly - we've eaten together and relaxed together. I ve spent a week in her home town and I will be going on hoiliday with her on 17 th July 2004 for 2 weeks .The uncertainty is caused by a letter in which she said that she would agree to come to my country if I would agree to live in her country if she was unhappy with the life she had. I took my time to reply but after thinking about it I wrote sincerely that I would live in her country . She then wrote to me telling me under no circumstances to live in her country - again I was confused by the fact that she had asked me to agree to live with her in her country but when I agreed to do this she rejected the offer on the grounds that I could not find work - I will only be able to teach english and my girl freind wants a better income if we are to live together in Kiev.
I have asked her to tell me the diagnosis but she has not told me - I will ask again . The cost of the treatment is $ 20 per month - I think this is where the argument started because when I sent her $ 40 ( a guesstimate of the cost of the medical bill ) my girl friend said that what I had sent was " small " and so I sent more money which then was lost in the post . Had my girl freind told what the cost was and had been honest with me I would not feel that something else was demanded because the phrase " small " implied that more was expected of me ...and I would not feel humiliated by the loss of the money . ( I had asked if I could send the money by Western Union but she refused to accept this method of money transfer ).
In a previous letter she had told me that in her country boyfreind''s financially support thier girlfreind so I was willing to go along withn this but at the moment Iwant to know what is going on .

In a word we have problems ....
I suspect by the end of the holiday we will both know how we feel
about the relationship.

Posted by: Pin Boy

good luck...think clearly...use your best judgement and try to be as objective as these situations allow

pb

Posted by: Clarita

Quote:

Originally posted by rattlesnake6979
The uncertainty is caused by a letter in which she said that she would agree to come to my country if I would agree to live in her country if she was unhappy with the life she had. I took my time to reply but after thinking about it I wrote sincerely that I would live in her country . She then wrote to me telling me under no circumstances to live in her country - again I was confused by the fact that she had asked me to agree to live with her in her country but when I agreed to do this she rejected the offer on the grounds that I could not find work - I will only be able to teach english and my girl freind wants a better income if we are to live together in Kiev.

It could be some kind of test from her side. Sure she would not like to live with you in her country but her expectation is that you will bring her to your country.

Posted by: rattlesnake6979

Clarita , I think you are right - we have both tried to see if me living with her in Ukraine would be realistic or whether she could adapt to the english culture ( russians / ukrainian culture is very sociable / hospitable whereas UK/ England is less sociable ) ( apart from me

) by living in England.
I realised once I had firmly agreed and came to terms with possibly leaving England to live with her in her country that maybe it was a test to see if I was willing to compromise as much as she was - I think I past the test as she has written that she wants to come to stay with me .

Pete

Posted by: azamuner

Ok that is some wierd ass spam.

Please delete NSWB's post above me.

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by rattlesnake6979

My girlfreind and I have had a few arguments recently about money. Initiallly she wrote several letters hinting that she needed money for medical treatment so I wrote to her asking her how much the cost of the treatment was . She never replied so I guessed the cost and sent $ 40 . I asked her a few weeks later if she had recieved the money ( I sent it by airmail ) and she said she had but she said that the amount I had sent was " mala " or small . So as I thought that medical treatment must be more expensive and she said that she needed money also for a visa , I sent money again ( about $ 300 ) and all of this never arrived- I sent it by airmail but my girlfriend said that it never arrived although she made a comment that I should stop sending her the same style of greeting card(I sent the money in greeting cards of the same style and genre ) ( how did she know Id sent the same style of card if she never received the greeting cards ? )

I then asked her again how much the medical treatment was and finally she told me it was 100 greevnas per month - so I was confused as to why she had asked me to help with medical costs but when I sent her money she was unhappy with the help. She told me she was humiliated at having to tell me the cost.
Later she asked me if my parents could give her money - I have not replied to this request and when I phoned her sister to tell her my parents would be coming to meet my girlfriends parents my girlfriends sister was unhappy about my parents staying 2 weeks - I was told 1 month would be better but they would need to pay for accomodation if they stayed with relatives of my girlfriend.
This is starting to make me feel uneasy for my parents who assume that when they meet my girlfreind they will be treated as non paying guests and I have a feeling that when they find out about this aspect of the visit there will be conflict which I am trying to resolve now rather than when it is too late.
I later asked her about this but she said that it was rude and boring to talk about money and that she did not want to talk about money and if I did not trust her she did not want anything to do with me .

Well like man , I didnt ask again but little things have kept bugging me like .....

Money I left with her for english lessons does not seem to have been used for lessons because she says that she doesnt like her teacher but when I asked her if she had a new teacher she told me her teacher was on holiday . I do not know what to believe but since we have been writing to each other for about 10 months and have met twice I would have expected some improvement in her english ( I have written to my gf that life in my country without any knowledge of english will not be a happy experience and will cause her stress which I want her to avoid because I know that apart from the cultural differences if she doesnt speak or understand english she will soon want to return to the fsu .. )

When we went shopping , I bought her some shoes but later she told me she had tried to get the money back but could not so she bought more expensive shoes to replace the ones we had bought together. Likewise , a christmas present I bought and sent to her which she wore when we met has disapeared - God only knows what she does with the gifts I send.

Likewise , when I tell her I love her she has changed in that before she would say that she loved me but now that I say I love her she says she likes me rather than loves me which has dramatic implications for me as I thought when she said that she loved me it was love rather than like .

This is so complicated and I need a wise person to give me advice because although I agree with my gf that It is boring to talk about money, I am sure if and when I marry my wife will be interested in this aspect of our lives if only to know we have enough to live on every month.

When I have challenged her on other issues which were not related to the above, she has replied enigmatically " I am Ukrainian " .

Confused

ALOT OF SHAKEY STUFF HERE. I WOULD BEWARE ABOUT WHAT IS TO COME!

Posted by: weather-7

Quote:

Originally Posted by rattlesnake6979

I sent the money in greeting cards of the same style and genre ) ( how did she know Id sent the same style of card if she never received the greeting cards ?

I remember my friend's sister desided to send her some money by letter. She put them into the post-card. So the card arrived without any money inside. It's a silly idea to send money by post. But if you'll do it by Western Union, the person who receive the money must pay a tax, so he'll lose a certain percent of the amount.
And just a friendly advice: you'd better look for another girl.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by weather-7

And just a friendly advice: you'd better look for another girl.

rattles' post is nearly 3 years old and I would guess they are either living happily together or living happily apart?

Well, the sequel was told in a later thread : http://russianmeetingplace.com/foru...61&page=7&pp=15

Posted by: Texas Proud

This seems very fishy to me also....

If she is NOT saying she loves you SHE DOES NOT!!!!

Say it again.. if she does not say she loves you she does not.....

She 'likes' you and it seems is willing to marry you to get out of her country and to a better life... and she MAY stay with you, but maybe she will not... either way, YOU WILL BE FRUSTRATED as you would want a loving wife and you would be trying SO hard with little results....

Find a woman that you love that loves you and don't try so hard with this one... it is destined to end either now or a few years from now...

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by rattlesnake6979

I do not know what to believe but since we have been writing to each other for about 10 months and have met twice I would have expected some improvement in her english ( I have written to my gf that life in my country without any knowledge of english will not be a happy experience and will cause her stress which I want her to avoid because I know that apart from the cultural differences if she doesnt speak or understand english she will soon want to return to the fsu .. )

Yes Rattle is correct. If you send money for English lessons, you should see an improvement in 3 months or less.

I wouldn't tell your girl that not knowing English "will cause her stress". Be suppotive and tell her if she doesn't want to learn English in the FSU, then she can learn when she arrives. Also tell her you will help her and teach her English. Remember that these women have more to thnk about then learning English. They are giving up family, friends, culture, work, and their lifestyle. They are doing this for YOU! Be positive and be supportive.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

...it is destined to end either now or a few years from now...

It looks like this relationship progressed to marriage, but it has already ended in tears... (note rattle's posts are from 2004!)

Posted by: Chrismc

Guys this is an old story, more here GoeastLJ has it right.

Posted by: nocomfortzone

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoingToRussia

On the whole idea of learning english, yes, you should be supportive and understand it is not easy just as any of us learning another language is not easy and clearly the girl herself would want to learn english for herself to start with. If she does not then i'd wonder how committed that person is to a potential relationship and living in an english speaking country. Similarly from a females point of view if you have no desire at all to learn even some basic russian i'd not waste my time if i was her.

I know Natasha wanted to learn english because her step father encouraged her and she'd been looking in the paper for ones locally so about two months into getting to know her i felt like gifting her a few sessions to atleast get her started via the translation company she was using for the e-mails between us. I really started off just to help her out in general by gifting a few english lessons more to open up her world in general in the long run regardless of whether i meet her or not. As months went and a relationship developed i added a few more for her and there was also the incentive for helping us both out in communication but i know as we got closest to meeting she was scared i'd think she could speak english fluently and when i meet her i could tell she was not too confident. I think she was just scared of sounding stupid and a bit shy so i think you need to encourage a person and let them know you don't expect too much. Actually she had a lot on her plate, with her job as administator at a cafe, a university course and english lessons and she kind of let it out when i was there she was finding it hard to juggle it all. She did not say a whole lot in english but one day i was reading the newspaper outside a place we were meeting and she greeted me in english but at first i did not notice i, just greeted her back like i would with any english speaking person and did not even acknowledge she'd done well as my mind was too much on what i'd just been reading immediately prior to her arriving. It was later on i remembered, but i wish i'd given her a bit more recognition because she probably practiced those words for some time to impress me and i must have come across like it was nothing. A few days earlier i had greeted her in Russian saying "Good afternoon, beautiful Natasha" in the russian translation which i practiced a bit beforehand and she was impressed and telling the translator about it when she turned up so i think she was trying to return the favour but i never even noticed which i regretted later not recognising the effort she must have put in.

Whatever the case of your own relationship, if you can help out with english lessons and you know they are not a scammer and they expressed a desire to learn on their own then do what you can. Least you will be helping out a willing student of opening up the wider world for themselves which english can surely do, especially with the internet. However i'd be cautious and suspicious if some girl you just got to know was expressing to learn english and *expecting* you pay for her lessions. That may be fair enough if you actually had a relationship and she was in your country , otherwise tell them to take a hike and move on.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

It looks like this relationship progressed to marriage, but it has already ended in tears... (note rattle's posts are from 2004!)

Wow.. had not noticed and even though I try and keep track... I don't remember the relationships of others on this board... but I do remember the break up now...

To bad he did not get the advice back then... but from what I remember, he has moved on and is happy now..