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Posted by: annagybe

Hi, I thought I should introduce myself, as I'm a "dreaded" American woman involved with a Russian man. Been lurking on this forum for at least six months. This forum is much more balanced than I originally suspected.
Probably going back to Russia (St. Petersburg), sometime late this summer or early fall. But that may change because found out today I'm may be joining the ranks of the unemployed.

-anna-

Posted by: Jill

Welcome, Anna!

Yes, there are some real decent people on this site, so do stick around!

Posted by: Castlestormer

Quote:

Originally posted by annagybe
I'm a "dreaded" American woman

LOL Anna. Is there something we should know about? Did you recently go on a killing spree or something like that? Or do you consider yourself "dreaded" because you are American?

We like American ladies around here. OK, some of us like ALL ladies around here.

Welcome!

PS: Seattle is one of my favorite cities in the world. You have the first Starbucks on Pike Street. And you are a short car ride to another of my favorite cities: Vancouver, BC.

Posted by: rtking

Quote:

Anna wrote:
Probably going back to Russia (St. Petersburg), sometime late this summer or early fall. But that may change because found out today I'm may be joining the ranks of the unemployed.

Welcome Anna,

We're a friendly group, and we respect each others' opinions. So (in a failed attempt to sound chic), "Jump on in! The water's warm!"

As for the unemployed part... I feel your pain. My contract with my current client is ending a bit early and I'm going to feel the financial pinch pretty well. But maybe this is the opportunity you've been looking for to travel a little. I had always planned to take some time off at the end of my contract and spend 2 months travelling to Taiwan (where my grandparents were from), then down to Hong Kong (never been there), Australia and New Zealand, and (if time and money permits) Vladivostok, Saint Petersburg, and Moscow.

Bob

Posted by: annagybe

When I said dreaded, tongue was firmly planted in cheek.
Regarding Seattle, there's a great song by Robyn Hitchcock, "Viva Sea-Tac" (Sea-Tac is the airport), with a chorus... " We have the best coffee, computers and smack (heroin)" I about died laughing when I first heard it.
Coffee keeps us going through the long grey winters. The big secret is that the summers are great here, but we don't like to tell people that.
I was considering going back to school, so I guess there's no time like the present. I am also planning to go back to St Peterburgs sometime this summer.
In Vladivotsok, the regional musuem has the strangest taxidermied fight between a siberian tiger and Bear. It looks like they're dancing, and I'm not sure if there's any correlation to reality. Also they have a amur leopard (stuffed) which is practically extinct. I know of two good restaurants, but I have to look them up again. One is in the train station if you can believe. I'll put them in the travel section later
Definitely take the ferry around the harbor, to see the rusting relics of the Soviet Navy, complete with listing submarines.

-anna-

P.S. My Father's Australian, so technically I'm only half-American.

Posted by: Zaftra

This is a great group of people.

Posted by: myshka

I too, am married to a Russian man. Mine is Siberian, where is your husband from? I live in your neck of the woods also.

Posted by: Guest

Hi everyone, I'm new here.
I am in a long-distance relationship with a man in Russia who has been trying for some time to get to the United States. I don't want to bring him here on a fiancee visa just yet because neither of us is ready for marriage yet (we've known each other for several years but haven't spent much time getting to know each other in person)and we take the fiancee/marriage legalities seriously.

Here is my question: women (Russian or American women who have had some experience with Russian men) have told me on several occasions that Russian men don't consider infidelity in marriage as seriously as Americans would. I know it's impossible to generalize and everyone has their own individual moral values, but I'm wondering if there is any truth to this idea I keep hearing that Russians have a more casual additude to this than Americans do. People have told me that this is almost expected from Russian husbands because the women are willing to put up with it. Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Posted by: Jerico

California girl ,
Yes i have heard the same thing that Russian men like to fool around a little bit but American men do the same I guess.
Not me though

I am loyal to my future fiancee but i hope she gets here quick because , well you know what I am talking about

Posted by: Jill

Hmmm...The infidelity knife cuts both ways, unfortunately. A lot of couples I know in Russia and Ukraine have a sort of "don't ask don't tell" unspoken agreement on the matter. Both the husband and the wife fool around and as long as they don't throw it in each other's face, both people are content to pretend it doesn't exist.

But like all stereotypes, there are many, many exceptions. It's something you should definitely have an open conversation about.

Posted by: Guest

Thanks for your input! I know it can be a common thing among Americans too – but I had heard, though, that for Russians it wouldn’t be a reason to seek divorce, for example, because it’s not taken as seriously in the culture there (or it’s expected that men be promiscuous even when married).
I actually did speak (by email) to my russian man about this and he sort of agreed and said he thought it is because people get married too young there, and often they find they have married the wrong person and go looking for “satisfaction” elsewhere. He has told me that even though he sees why they do this, he thinks it is dishonest and wrong, but that if someone gives in to “temptation” once, it’s better not to say anything to the spouse. (Whereas I know that some Americans will actually confess infidelity to a spouse even if it’s over and done with).
I almost don’t want to ask him anything further... he has asked me to “wait” for him to come here and I am, but from what I have heard of Russian men not taking it that seriously, I almost couldn’t imagine him “waiting” for me for so long and when we probably won’t even see each other again until next year.

It’s hard!

Posted by: Jill

That's funny--that's exactly what my husband says about infidelity here--that it's the result of marrying too young and not "sowing your wild oats" first. There could be something to that.

As for your situation, I sympathize. I can imagine how hard it must be to be in a long distance relationship (although I've never been in one myself). It seems to me that the wisest thing to do would be not to have unrealistic expectations (both for yourself and for your boyfriend). Let it play out naturally. Everyone promises "I'll wait for you." Some really do, and some don't. It's actually a common situation here due to the draft (so boyfriends/girlfriends sometimes must part for as long as two years). Again, some wait, some don't. The saddest situation is when one person waits and the other has long since moved on.

Like I said, it seems to me that the best thing to do is to not force the issue right now and just see how things progress.

Of course, I could be wrong as I really don't know anything about your relationship (e.g. how long you've been together, if it has always been long distance or not, etc.).

Well, good luck to you!

Posted by: annagybe

Hi,

I'm still lurking occasionally. Since gettine laid off, I went on a pre-planned cruise to Alaska with my father for his 75th birthday. Saw the Russian Church in Juneau. Very tiny, but the icons are from Russia, the congregation is mostly Native. Reminds me a bit of pictures of wooden churches in Northern European Russia (White Sea area).
Went to Klamath Falls, Oregon (between Crater Lake and California) to find a apartment for school this fall. Came back to Seattle, had my car window smashed in and my laptop (Mac G4 Powerbook) stolen.

Same day I got a call for an interview for a job I had given up on.

Had the interview, only preliminary. We hopefully hear next week if I get a second interview. Fingers crossed, knock on wood etc, because they would train me, instead of forking out money for another bachelor's degree.
So now I'm in total limbo, and still trying to figure out how to get to Russia in September.
Hope all is well

-anna-

Posted by: Jill

AARGH! Sorry about your computer

Good luck with the job! Ni pukha ni pera