How I became a GCD (staying in an unhappy marriage for the Green Card) - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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How I became a GCD (staying in an unhappy marriage for the Green Card)
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Posted by: elkipalki

It was pretty easy for me. My hubby smokes pot, then yells at me, he watches porno sites and lies to me, he makes me work my @ss off in his buisness and doesn't pay to me, he makes me be his maid at home picking up all **** for him, he tells me that he loves me just once two months ... maybe.... He drinks every day and leaves me in a house int he wilderness... That's easy... It is so easy to kill love..... It takes just a little... Thank you all who was raised like this..... Now I do not believe that I can have a kid with a man, I know thatfirst I need a financial security to raise my future child, and then - maybe - a man besides me...

Posted by: Khashyar

Hello elkipalki,

I understand that you feel upset and angry and hurt...

Not all men are like your husband...

Can you tell us a bit more about your circumstances?

I assume that you are a Russian woman married to a Western man??

How long have you been married?

Feel free to write in the Russian Language Forum on this website. It has a lot of supportive Russian women who can give you great support and ideas.

I'm sorry that things are hard for you.

Khashyar

Posted by: Khashyar

Perhaps if you share some more of your circumstances, then people can give you helpful feedback...

Khashyar

Posted by: Pin Boy

anyone...what's a GCD???

Posted by: searcher

Quote:

Originally posted by Pin Boy
anyone...what's a GCD???

Perhaps Green Card Divorce???

I must admit I feel sorry for her too!!!!

I don't know the circumstances. Not all men are like that but also I have been hearing a bit about similar problems.

Unfortunately there are men out there how are looking for someone to be their servant, etc.

Some men feel that they are "rescuing" these women and that some how they will be "eternally in debted" to them. Disgusting!

Elkipalki,
Please tell us more about your situation! It doesn't sound like a very happy and healthy situation, indeed.

Posted by: rtking

Elkipalki,

That's horrible to hear! I'm terribly sorry that you've found such a relationship. I can honestly tell you that there are many good men out there. I can understand that love can only go so far... but it doesn't sound as if your love is being reciprocated (returned to you.)

As Searcher said, there are some men who feel that they "deserve" to do this to another person because they "saved" them. I am absolutely disgusted as such a thought.

Bob

Posted by: elkipalki

Guys, I am sorry for not replying sooner. I don't want to discuss this at any russian forum or to anybody else, because I know that it is useless, it was my own fault, I just lost my mind of feelings when I thought that my love will help him to be another man. And I know that not all men are like this, maybe just
99 %

GCD means Green card digger and this is who I am now. The only reason I live with my husband is because I want to get a Geen Card. I just wanted to warn those ones, who think about bringing a wife from somewhere else. If you want to doll, get a rubber doll, if you want a dog, go to a human society and adopt a puppy, but if you want a partner, just think a hundred times of what you are doing - your future wife might not like some facts of your life I encountered with my husband. And if you make her shut up and she doesn't "*****" about "studing gynecology" on some Internet women, for example, that doesn't mean that she accepts that. You can do everything while somebody depends on you, but then don't be surprised that you were dumped and don't tell everybody that you were so unlucky to marry a GCD.

Posted by: rtking

Wow Elkipalki... it's a pity that you find yourself in such a situation where you have given up your hopes and ethics. I can understand why you might be upset. And I understand that maybe you don't have many options: Become a GCD or return to your home country (and may lose your eligibility to return to America for some years.) It is truly a difficult situation you are in.

I wish you luck in your situation.

Bob

Posted by: Jill

I am very sorry to hear your story, elkipalki. You know this really makes me mad

This why I get so upset by some of the posts I read (not so much on this site, but others), and some of these websites like "Russian Women Advocacy." There are some men out there who have come to see "traditional" Russian women as being some kind of servants who should be so thankful just to have a Western husband, no matter how badly he treats her

And this makes him feel so important! It's disgusting

But elkipalki, as others have told you, there ARE good men out there. I guess you have two chioces right now: either wait to get your green card, then leave your husband and find someone else; or go back to the FSU.

Just don't sink to his level and never lose your sense of self worth.

Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Posted by: Jill

BTW, are there children involved, or is it just you and your husband?

Also, I was curious--how long did you know your husband before you got married? Hw much time did you spend together before you came to the US? Were there any warning signs that maybe other FSU women could look for in order to avoid this situation that you are in?

Posted by: David N.

Elkipalki ,
If I may be so bold to offer advice , it would be to start a log book / diary , of all the hours you work and any money you are paid . Get his customers to write you thank you notes ( tell him they are for the company wall !! and keep a copy for yourself ) .
Find someone to talk to , who can give you support when the times comes to take your case to court , because that is where this is going to wind up , make no mistakes and have no doubts about this . This person has a substance problem , and from the sounds of things is starting to show signs of physical abuse . You must be prepared to show that you have tried , but this person is an abuser .
After a while you can seen an attorney and they can help you build your case , and even set up a sting when he has drugs in his possesion . Talk with someone you trust first before you do this , it has dangers . Let some one who knows the system do this not you , clear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
He is not going to change , do not try to , it would be a waste of your time , he would only see this as your " nagging " him and become worse . It is a substance problem , not anything you have done , nothing you will do will ever be right with him , because he is very insecure and refuses to seek help ( just a guess on the last one ) .
Last , I would rather see you go home safe , than be hurt , remember the real ratio of nice guys is much higher than 1% .
take care
dn

Posted by: Keystone

Elkipalki, I would like to ask one question of you.

Where you a GCD from the beginning?

Regardless if your origainl intentions where pure or not. I would aid any abused person. Here is a link with information you might find beneficial.

http://endabuse.org/programs/immigrant/

You don't have to have your green card to leave your husband and it is possible to get your residency faster for abused women.

I hope you can resolve this.

Keystone

Posted by: James Riske

I think you guys are too quick to not consider his side of the story or the fact that she's admitting to only staying in the marriage at this point to get a green card. As it is now, she's deceiving him.

I'm not taking his side by any means as he sound as if he's neglecting her, not abusing her but he's just a general slouch and not caring about her happiness or needs. There's plenty of people out there like that, both male or female.

But giving her advice to set him up to take money and what not is ridiculous, particularly after you know that she's staying the marriage only for a green card. This of course, means that she will have to pretend affection to him and keep the illusion alive. And what kind of person does that?

In my mind, they are both at fault at this point and there will no 'winners' in any of this.

I strongly suggest marital counseling for the both of you as a couple. Have someone sit down and talk to the both of you and try to find that love that you once had and try to communicate better from an honest perspective.

All this nonsense of lying and deceiving and taking secret notes and whatnot will only lead to more games and heartache.

James

Posted by: rattlesnake6979

Elkipaki, I feel sad that both of you are in this situation. I would like to know , does your husband actaully help you at all because from what I can see he sounds like he lives in a world of his own - internet porn , drink , drugs, and a house in the wilderness. ?

My gf is from the fsu and I have thought long and hard about marriage ( I have never been married ) and I asked my gf how she felt about accepting help from me- at first she was Ok but I asked her directly - do you feel humiliated about having to depend finacially on me and you know , she said she found it humiliating alot of the time . ( We do not live together at the moment - I phone her and write ) So your thoughts expressed in this thread has woken me up to the reality that helping someone will not at the end of the day lead to happiness if all the other person really wants is separation .

Elkipaki , if he is as dysfunctional as you say - ie a sexaholic ,an alcoholic and drug addicted things can only get worse because addicts are selfish people . If you love him the only love he'll respond to is tough love - tell him that you know about the porn and the drinking and the drugs and tell him that he MUST attend Sexaholics Anonymous or you WILL divorce him- tell him that youve had as much as you can take of his lies and deciet and shock him with this ultimatum My gut feeling is that the shock of hearing this from you may get him thinking that life without you could be much worse - You need help too- you can get help from al anon which is a self help group for the wives of alcoholics/ addicts . The people in these organisations know how you feel and know what you are going through because they also have husbands who are alcoholic and they will be able to support you.

I hope your life and your husband's life improve soon.

Posted by: Donna_pedro

There are two things I know for sure about life -
1. People treat me exactly as I let them. Sorry for the manisfest knowledge.
2. Tolerating abuse modifies your personality. It changes you completely, burns you out, destroys you. years ago I came out a very unhappy marriage completely destroyed,with no self esteem, pride or anything and it took me quite some time to put myself back together.
I am sorry, to my opinion you need to sort out your priorities - USA, GC, etc do not need to come for such a huge price. Moreover, your hubby knows that you are intended to pay any price for staying here and he will make you pay the highest one.
You are right, men should know a woman is not a doll that you use when you are ready to play, but women should know to - DONT LET YOURSELF BE A DOLL. Everything is in your hands.
PS. I have a feeling that I know you. Solnishko? Fox? Rings a bell?