What is the age difference of your lady and you? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

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What is the age difference of your lady and you?
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Posted by: Turboguy

I owe you an appology Vic. I was just guessing but I will assume you are right. I have read a lot of the posts in this thread but not all and I have seen some of Don's posts and I think I have refered to them a few times in my posts on this thread. Sorry I missed that one.

The only thing I know about Don is thier age difference. Perhaps he has related that to real life and said what their ages are but if he did I missed that. I had just sort of guessed that she was in her 20's and he was in his 60's but I have no idea. I just sort of assumed that most people in thier 60's don't live in a seniors home.

Last year I had a fiancee here for 89 days and we had close to as much age difference. I was 63 and she was 28. Just for reference I did not hear a lot of comments one way or the other. One of my former employess saw us at at a disco and just made the comment that I was with a young girl. A few people would ask who she was but no real negative comments. Actually she was very young looking for her age and could have passed for 18 so I am sure looks wise it made it worse. I have seen gals at 28 that looked older than they were too. My former fiancees comments about the age difference was that she really didn't notice it. She did complain about the older crowd where we went dancing but there are not a lot of choices here. The people who were important to me seemed to have no problems with it. If I was happy they were happy. My daughter who is 38 had her mind made up not to like her but once she met here she liked her a lot and they got along fine. She was sorry to see my fiancee go back. Hopefully Don will post his comments but that is my experiences anyway. I could see living in a Seniors home being a problem but if they are happy that is all that matters.

Posted by: kencl

I was really surprised by the current pole results. That's a significant number of relationships where the age difference is more than 10 years.

I'm trying to figure out what is a good age to look for. As I learn that many RW either have children or want them, I'm thinking, ok, so part of the package is that I become a father. Great. However, I don't want instant fatherhood unless her children are at least teenagers, so this points to women my age, late 30's early 40s. At the other end are RWs without children, but here is the quandry. An RW in her mid 30's without children, but a strong desire to have them, is going to want to conceive on our wedding night, but I really don't want that. I feel that it's important to have a few years alone with a new wife to build the solid foundation for the family before we bring them into the world. So, this then means that I would need to meet an RW who is willing to wait a few years before we start the family. Well, lets do the math on that one. The oldest she will want to be before her first child, lets say 33. 33 - 2 years to start the marriage = 31. 31 - 3 years to meet, fall in love, and get married = 28. Ok, so the poll shows that this is fairly common, but gosh, I'm 42, and not at this point totally comfortable with the idea of approaching women so young. That would also mean that I would be 48 years older than my first child; that's quite a stretch.

OK, well, I guess I've still got a lot of thinking to do about this. Any thoughts you have would be appreciated.

Posted by: Turboguy

The first few years are quite an adjustment for the new wife, and a bit for the husband too. I think you are smart in not wanting to father a child on your wedding night. Make sure she is adjusted, how ever long that will take and then work on that.

If I were you I would think the range I could look at would be 25-40. I would probably look hardest at late 20's and early 30's and you would have that two years to get adjusted. You should have no pproblem finding a good gal in that range

Posted by: sstbert

hello everyone..... i am new to the site and wish i had found it earlier. i am still searching for my love and i am making my second trip to the ukraine on the 16th that is if my family doesn't take me hostage after the recent events in the uk. my mother is about to have a stroke about me flying.
i went to the ukraine last september and visited a lovely little city called chernivtsi. i met a lot of beautiful women and hated to leave the city and people behind. i enjoyed the slow pace and peacefulness there but did not meet anyone that i thought was THE ONE.
this may sound terrible but one thing i thought about when i was trying to pick an age target for the women i would search out was the fact that if i was with someone younger she would not have as much history behind her. we can never truly know all about these womens past but the older they are the more past they will have. it may sound terrible but it is just a thought.

sst

Posted by: Chrismc

SST

Wecome to RMP...and goodluck with your trip!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sstbert

i would search out was the fact that if i was with someone younger she would not have as much history behind her. we can never truly know all about these womens past but the older they are the more past they will have. it may sound terrible but it is just a thought.

sst

Isn't the same true no matter where you come from? how can you possibly know everything about someones past? it doesn't matter if they live in the same town as you or across the other side of the world! there is good and bad everywhere!

She could say exactly the same about you!! why would she want an older man......with more history as you call it?

You have to be comfortable in yourself and your partner, there is nothing you can change about the past, the future is more important and that is what you CAN do something about!!

Chris

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by sstbert

the older they are the more past they will have. it may sound terrible but it is just a thought.
sst

That is exactly the reason why many are drawn away from these 20 year old teeny bopper bimbo sex kittens. What could they possibly know about the world? Who says that all experiences in the past are bad? Who wouldn't want a woman who is well read, well travelled, and has the beauty of wisdom attached to her experiences? These 20 somethings still have so much to learn. But I guess it all boils down to the strength and experiences of the man looking, doesn't it?

I ditto the welcome sentiments SST. It is good to see the Texas delegation growing. If you find yourself in the Dallas area, let's meet for coffee.

Posted by: sstbert

i must admit that i am overly cautious and skeptical and try to over analyze most things so be patient with me.

ss

Posted by: pwise125

If the man is 50+ he can have a 20 year age diff easily & it's common in E Europe. But how can a 30 year old man have a 20 year diff?? She would only be 10 years old!! I had a 27 year old man who I was helping with his K-1 visa application, ask me how old Lena was? When I said 34--he said "wow that's old!" And I said it sure looks good to me from where I am!! So it all depends on how you look at it!!

Posted by: pwise125

Quote:

Originally Posted by kencl

I was really surprised by the current pole results. That's a significant number of relationships where the age difference is more than 10 years.

I'm trying to figure out what is a good age to look for. As I learn that many RW either have children or want them, I'm thinking, ok, so part of the package is that I become a father. Great. However, I don't want instant fatherhood unless her children are at least teenagers, so this points to women my age, late 30's early 40s. At the other end are RWs without children, but here is the quandry. An RW in her mid 30's without children, but a strong desire to have them, is going to want to conceive on our wedding night, but I really don't want that. I feel that it's important to have a few years alone with a new wife to build the solid foundation for the family before we bring them into the world. So, this then means that I would need to meet an RW who is willing to wait a few years before we start the family. Well, lets do the math on that one. The oldest she will want to be before her first child, lets say 33. 33 - 2 years to start the marriage = 31. 31 - 3 years to meet, fall in love, and get married = 28. Ok, so the poll shows that this is fairly common, but gosh, I'm 42, and not at this point totally comfortable with the idea of approaching women so young. That would also mean that I would be 48 years older than my first child; that's quite a stretch.

OK, well, I guess I've still got a lot of thinking to do about this. Any thoughts you have would be appreciated.

Part of the package does NOT have to be that you become a father!! I did not want children, either to have any with my new Russian wife or adopt any of theirs!! My personal ad simply said "No dependent children." Period, no exceptions! You can explain that you don't want any in letter #1 or 2 like I did. That way you are honest up front! Will you get less letters, probably. Will you still find someone--sure! I had a list of 4 who had adult children or were willing to forgo kids after about 8 letters!! A good husband is more important to RW. It's just USA women who "have to have it all" & then you find you are at the bottom of her list! Don't settle for kids if you don't want them--life is too short to give in on important issues. Best of luck on finding someone like I did--no kids, no issues & a LOT of Love!!

Posted by: cedarwind

Quote:

Originally Posted by sstbert

i must admit that i am overly cautious and skeptical and try to over analyze most things so be patient with me.

ss

Welcom and WOW sounds just like me...

I can drive the "GF" up the wall asking her questions!

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by pwise125

it's a 2 way street my friend & just what makes you think you will have any say in it. lol

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by pwise125

I will relate a few things I learned talking with RW when I was attending a Social. I did not want more children also. After talking with several ladies who adimently insisted on having children(age mid to late 30's) I finally asked why is it so important to you. The overwhelming reply was it was necessary for me to maintain my beauty and my health. After several discussions I learned the Soviet Doctors borderlined on brainwashing women to believe this. I would be very curious to know if this was a move by the government.

I have also read in other writings that some ladies will go as far as having a child out of wedlock or become pregnant by a different man if unsuccessful with her husband.

Pwise....I wouldn't be surprised if that biological clock goes off and starts putting pressure on you!

Posted by: JamesB

Quote:

Originally Posted by Khashyar

As many of you know, Lena and I have a 13 1/2 year age difference....

(Perhaps this will give us some semi-scientific information about age differences in relationships of people who are in this forum... Good idea, Mark (and Mila) ).

well guys liuda is 22 and im 46 and we get on brilliantly.I am quite young in my thinking and outlook .

Posted by: vic2012

When will people understand that, age is only a number. It is just the difference between the year in which you were born and the current year.

People talk about age, as if it had some specific relevence to do with emotions. Like, he's 55 and she's 30 so you can't have love, emotional security, happiness, contentment etc. But if he was only 40, then WOW, all these things are possible.

Some men (especially heavy drinkers or smokers) look like 50 when they reach 40. And, some men,who look after themselves, look like 50 when they are 60. So, it's quite possible for a woman of 35 to correspond with two similar looking men, but one is 5 years older, ther other 25 years older. So, whats the difference?

It's all about what she sees and feels emotionally in a partner. Not what it says on his birth certificate.

So Kencl,
Stop analysing her age in relation to your age. Just go for one who really interests you, regardless of age. 25, 27, 30, 35.....it makes NO difference. I suggest you read the postings, on the thread you started: What is a RW's idea of a great man. That has far more relevence.

Posted by: pwise125

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

it's a 2 way street my friend & just what makes you think you will have any say in it. lol

Vasectomy in your English-Russian dictionary! That's what i had the girls do--that's WHY I think I will have every say in the matter!!

Posted by: vic2012

My english-russian dictionary says эгоцентрист

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by vic2012

эгоцентрист

Are you sure this means Vaesectomy

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by waiting123

Are you sure this means Vaesectomy

It translates to me as egotsentrist - I assume it means egocentric ?

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by pwise125

Vasectomy in your English-Russian dictionary! That's what i had the girls do--that's WHY I think I will have every say in the matter!!

yes that would give you the upper hand,problem is that most girls want kids & my wife tells me that it is very important as have a child as it binds the family.
so your problem is to find a lady who agrees with you & hope that her ticking clock dosen't bring you undone down the track
marriage is about 2 people forming a partenership,to me that means she should have as much say in things as me.
i'm married to my rw & have been for a few years,yes we have child,yes we have a 12 year age difference but i'll tell you something for free .
our marriage is an equall partenership & we decide things together.
age difference is not a problem,we are very happy & have no regrets.
when you marry your rw you will soon find who wears the pants lol & it ain't you
all you married guys TELL ME I'M WRONG LOL

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

I have to agree 100% there bob... Although, I have it set in stone... I wear the pants in my relationship.... The wife just tells me which pair to wear....

And I completly believe it is a 50/50 relationship...no one party more than the other... a marriage is equal!

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by waiting123

I have to agree 100% there bob... Although, I have it set in stone... I wear the pants in my relationship.... The wife just tells me which pair to wear....

And I completly believe it is a 50/50 relationship...no one party more than the other... a marriage is equal!

i see you are well aware of your place lol
50/50 is the way to go much safer

Posted by: waiting123

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

i see you are well aware of your place lol

I learned my place 2 seconds after I said "I do" at ZAGS!

Posted by: Chrismc

This thread seems to have gone a long way off topic, and has been started yet again in another thread. So to try and bring it back on track so we are not duplicating things, let me give you some you formation to think about! Guys this discussion comes up time and time again, I have said over and over again age is in the mind IMO, it depends on the individuals concerned, no two are alike etc etc, but don�t for one moment think this is a new phenomenon, look back in history and see the same arguments that have been going on for thousands of years.

Historically, unequal pairings are quite common, if not the rule. In Classical Greece, men would typically marry around the age of thirty, and would take wives in their mid-teens, around half their age. Men in positions of prestige or power have often taken young women as lovers or wives. Similarly, women of influence have also initiated relationships with younger men.

Many arranged marriages have been age-disparate, with the husband being much older than the wife. Recently in Western Male / Russian or FSU relationships the Females have been frequently younger than their husbands.

Age disparity in same-sex male relationships was even more historically common than age similarity in such relationships. (Such relationships were practised in Ancient Greece, pre-Modern Japan, Melanesia, Islamic lands and Renaissance Italy.)

Monarchs have traditionally exercised the freedom to choose younger spouses; Henry VIII, for instance, chose women far younger than himself as some of his wives, and a number of female monarchs have chosen younger consorts. Sultans from the Middle-East maintained entire harems of much younger women.

Other historical examples include John Rolfe and Pocahontas, and Laura Ingalls Wilder and Almanzo Wilder (both ten-year differences) in America; William Shakespeare and Anne Hathaway (eight-year difference) in England; and Mohammed, the prophet of Islam, was 15 years younger than his first wife Khadija.

In keeping with modern American mores, a folk formula (sometimes referred to as the Trophy Rule) seems to have evolved so as to compute correct disparities of age between older and younger partners, this being "divide by two and add seven", that is, the younger partner in a relationship should be at least seven years older than half the older partner's age, else the relationship is liable to be subject to moral disapprobation.

The United States Census Bureau's March 2000 statistics show that 800,000 unmarried American couples are more than five years divergent in age, and 7 in 100 of women who have married more than once have a husband six or more years younger than they.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were only seven years different in their ages but apparently believed that it was less socially acceptable for an older woman to marry a younger man, and hence split the difference in their ages and both claimed to have been born in 1914.

There are many factors which draw both young and old into such age-disparate relationships.

Women generally begin to lose fertility as they enter their late twenties, and lose it completely after menopause, while men remain fertile until much later in life, although it declines over time. Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile. Certainly, anyone deliberately looking for a mate to breed with must pick someone of an age of likely fertility. Moreover, senior men, even during prehistoric times, often had access to relationships and resources which would allow for them to foster the growth of their offspring.

Some older partners may seek the connection with the culture of youth, maintaining a connection with the fashion, the music, the media which their age group has ostensibly outgrown. They view the generation gap as an obstacle to overcome, especially if they feel they have "missed out".

Younger partners may be searching for someone who is their superior, either socially or financially more secure, or to provide critical life guidance.

Finally, younger partners may see their relationship with an older person as a way of increasing their status within their society. This phenomenon is colloquially called "gold digging" when it involves a strictly mercenary attitude about money.

Older partners may seek the youth which has escaped them. They may seek the sexual vigor of the young, which partners of their own age group may no longer possess. Younger partners, on the other hand, may be seeking a parent figure, or just somebody to provide life guidance.

In some societies age-disparate relationships are seen as aberrant or even perverse. Historically, the "gold digger" mentality has been frowned upon as being akin to prostitution. The age difference that is generally accepted by modern society varies directly with the age of the individuals involved in the relationship; larger differences are more acceptable with older individuals. For example, while a seven-year difference might be considered unacceptable (even illegal in some places) between a 22-year-old and a 15-year-old, it is less remarkable between a 30-year-old and a 23-year-old, and unnoticed completely between a 78-year-old and a 71-year-old.

Few people are willing to defend cases of age disparity such as between a pre-adolescent and an adult. In cases where both partners are above the local age of consent, however, age-disparate couples are quick to defend the legitimacy of their relationships.

While it is true that some relationships have been labelled as "gold digging" (that is to say, the younger partner's primary interest in the older partner is his/her financial circumstance), a popular adage is "love is blind". For those who feel they are in love, it doesn't matter if their partner is several years older than they are. And as factors such as the divorce rate, changing patterns in dating, and basic incompatibilities affecting personal relationships, the average age difference between prospective partners has also changed.

Many find that the younger partner is appreciative of the life experience and wisdom the older partner brings, and the older partner appreciates the vigor, enthusiasm, and new political, social, and cultural perspectives their young partner has to offer.

Sorry for the long winded response�..but there is no definitive answer to this question or topic, but the top and bottom of it is:- do what is right for you as a couple!! and don�t worry what everyone else thinks as you will never be able to please everyone!!

Chris

Posted by: vic2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrismc

do what is right for you as a couple!! and don�t worry what everyone else thinks as you will never be able to please everyone!!

A well researched and interesting article Chris.

The last 50 years has seen major changes in the perception of etiquet, morality, peer pressure and, of course, the freedom of the individual.

I believe that, the majority of people who critisize how other people live their lives, are themselves, living in the past. Providing you hurt nobody, break no laws and cause no inconvenience to those around you, you should be free to live your life, as suits you best.

Oh, you can quote statistics at people, but if two people of greatly differing age want to be together......its their own business, not mine or yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vic2012

It's all about what she sees and feels emotionally in a partner. Not what it says on his birth certificate.

My post #214 above refers.

Posted by: Cheburashka

Quote:

Originally Posted by vic2012

I believe that, the majority of people who critisize how other people live their lives, are themselves, living in the past. Providing you hurt nobody, break no laws and cause no inconvenience to those around you, you should be free to live your life, as suits you best.

Sheesh guys! You make it sound like we have set the rules...and damnit you will follow or else!!!

Of course everyone here is free to be with whomever they want regardless of age. I don 't think anyone has ever said anything to the contrary. And most really don't care. People have asked for opinions, and opinions have been given. And the diversity of thought here is one of the things that makes this board great.

I love this line from "Fiddler On The Roof": "...even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness". Aren't we all entitled to some happiness some times???

Cheb

PS: Mohammed's first wife may have 15 years older, but his second wife Aisa was five when he married her, and he waited until she was eight to consumate the marriage. Yikes! ( all Muslims who read this please don't hunt me down and set Dallas on flames. It's in the Q'ran)

Posted by: zumanity

Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile.

Isn't it what Cindy Crawford promotes all her life?
That's why she switched to Meaningful beauty products.(after all, doesn't the title of the line say the same thing? I guess with age people tend to concentrate more on "meaning".~

But i still think, old guys should stick with elder women, just to be on the safe side*. Adn 15-20 year difference is outrageous
As for providing for a family, younger guys are as good as.. in fact, they are better

good bye

Posted by: vic2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by zumanity

As for providing for a family, younger guys are as good as.. in fact, they are better
good bye

WHY?
FACTS?

Posted by: waiting123

I think in this subject we are all going to see none of us see eye to eye... The whole age thing should not matter except between the two people it involves.

I do not think anybody will ever have all the answers that will satisfy anyone...especially on the matter of age difference between spouses. I have seen all ages work, and I have seen all ages fail...

The best thing to do is be happy for the couple.

Posted by: Kathy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheburashka

Mohammed's first wife may have 15 years older, but his second wife Aisa was five when he married her, and he waited until she was eight to consumate the marriage. Yikes! ( all Muslims who read this please don't hunt me down and set Dallas on flames. It's in the Q'ran)

I am not a Muslim, but I believe you are mistaken in stating this is in the Koran. It is in hadiths and siras. There is a hadith which allegedly is Aisha's recollection of her life, and she states she was 9 when her marriage was consummated, after she commenced menses. There are other hadiths which state Aisha was between 14 and 16 when she married Mohammed. So, I don't think we can know with certainty what theh truth is.

Posted by: waiting123

Actually most writings do agree that Aisha was between 5-6 when she married the prophet Muhammed and the marriage was consummated at 9...

Only the traditional writings like Haditha and Sira say Aisha was 12 - 16.

I think if you read up on the prophet Muhammed you will find almost all writtings and references reflect 5-6 when he took her as his bride.

But later she was accused of being an adultress because she was rescued by Safwan... according to the Qu'ran... Muhammed was told to divorce her, but he did not, he had a revelation that adultery had to be witnessed by 4, that it can not be inferred.

Muhammed later during his last days sought out Aisha, and died with his head in her lap as a proof of his love for her

Posted by: Kathy

Both sources of information are from hadiths and siras. I read about this because shortly after 9/11, a lot of this information appeared online as a method of supporting the assertion that Islam is a false faith and that Muslims are barbarians.

Only the traditional writings like Haditha and Sira say Aisha was 12 - 16.

Some say this. Others dispute it. Here is a good synopsis of the differing viewpoints -

http://experts.about.com/e/a/ai/Aisha.htm#hd4

I think if you read up on the prophet Muhammed you will find almost all writtings and references reflect 5-6 when he took her as his bride.

My point is we can't know the truth definitively because there is no first hand account, and scholars on both sides of the issue provide persuasive arguments.

Posted by: markgm

Guys in the bible it says that this is the ages from Adam through to Noah of how old these guys were when they had there first sons.
Does any one know the fomula for working out there real ages as i have forgotten maybe it is the same in Muhammed's time as well with the age difference being out of wack.

Adam 130 years old

Seth 105 years old

Enos 90 years old

Cainan 70 years old

Mahalaleel 65 years old

Jared 162 years old

Enoch 65 years old

Methuselah 187 years old

Lamech 182 years old

Noah at time of the great flood was 600 years old

Posted by: ham

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathy

these books are fiction...if you take them seriously or literally, they may mean about anything.

Posted by: Volga Trader

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

these books are fiction...if you take them seriously or literally, they may mean about anything.

Not precisely. They are history and philosophy even if you are not a believer.

Posted by: zumanity

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

Guys in the bible it says that this is the ages from Adam through to Noah of how old these guys were when they had there first sons.
Does any one know the fomula for working out there real ages as i have forgotten maybe it is the same in Muhammed's time as well with the age difference being out of wack.

Adam 130 years old

Seth 105 years old

Enos 90 years old

Cainan 70 years old

Mahalaleel 65 years old

Jared 162 years old

Enoch 65 years old

Methuselah 187 years old

Lamech 182 years old

Noah at time of the great flood was 600 years old

That must be Awe-inspiring!

Posted by: pwise125

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

You said when I marry her--well dude that was back in 2002. You haven't been listening to me! We've been married 4 years! And she accepted that there would be no children when she accepted my proposal--so it IS a 50/50 equal partnership. Your wife thinks kids are important & mine doesn't--that makes them different. It sure does NOT make you right & me wrong! And that "biological clock?" Don't tell me you actually believe that feminist BS? I didn't think anybody did! There is NO such thing!

Posted by: ham

Quote:

Originally Posted by Volga Trader

Not precisely. They are history and philosophy even if you are not a believer.

philosophy maybe.
history...

taking that stuff seriously led to funny mistakes like believing the earth was flat or that earth was what, 5999 years old ( a theologian once computed it using the bible as source )...

Counter-validation:
you may laugh until you turn blue, but say Scientology.
This worldwide cult started by Hubbard is based upon modern cosmogony and Hubbard knows best and he has all the answers...well...millions of people take it very seriously, including top executives, actors etc.
Raelian cults are the same...Jeovah's witnesses...everyone has all the answers and everybody else's in error.
Many think the cults i mentioned are fads.
Try talking with one of them and you'll see...

Posted by: Volga Trader

Quote:

Originally Posted by ham

I think it was supposed to be created in 4004 BC but I can't remember the date. The time was aout 4 o'clock in the afternoon but some people thought it was 2 o'clock. The theologian was an Oxford professor with time on his hands ( :-( ) . He was not serious about the calculation himself but many who followed ...................

We don't have too many of the following sort left here.

Posted by: ira156

Hey Guys, ha ha....the old religion debate.... i had an ex girlfriend who was a Jehovas witness and she put it very well when she said............

if you dont believe no amount of proof with make you......and if you do believe you dont need proof........

my answer was....i believe what i see....you see what you believe

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by pwise125

you are free to believe anything you like,i hope for your sake your wife realy agrees with you & is not hurting inside
info
i never claimed right or wrong,read my posts
i'm big beleiver in each to there own & your opinion is of value the same as mine.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by ira156

Hey Guys, ha ha....the old religion debate.... i had an ex girlfriend who was a Jehovas witness and she put it very well when she said............

if you dont believe no amount of proof with make you......and if you do believe you dont need proof........

my answer was....i believe what i see....you see what you believe

my old man taught me that if you beleive nothing of what you hear & only half of what you see,you won't get to much greif in your life

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

my old man taught me that if you beleive nothing of what you hear & only half of what you see,you won't get to much greif in your life

Smart fella Bob

Posted by: skinsfan

when this thread started, i posted that there is a 14 1/2 yr difference in the age between myself and my wife. My wife and i NEVER think of the age difference...i know after almost 11 months after her arrival that our love and dedication to each other is extremely strong. it is such a blessing to arrive home after work and see such bright and loving eyes to greet me.

for those of you that think that a greater age difference is a problem in the making...well, sometimes you may be correct. that being said, i think there is a lot to be said about experience...if i knew before what i know now........oh well..........a woman is a a beautiful instrument that must be played well in order to hear the best music......for that, it is always good to have experience !!

my wife feels secure with me, not just financially, but more importantly, emotionally.....our home is always filled with laughter....we both respect each other in a far deeper way than i ever really dreamed of........

and for those who believe that the younger women cannot feel sexually attracted to older men....well, you all still have much to learn.....

age difference aside, in order to have the best results in a relationship, IMO you must look as deep inside your woman as possible......understand who she really is, and if there is a hint of deception...run like hell.....if you find that heart of gold, hold that woman close, love and care for her with all of your heart....
...

Posted by: mistermopar

"age difference aside, in order to have the best results in a relationship, IMO you must look as deep inside your woman as possible......understand who she really is, and if there is a hint of deception...run like hell.....if you find that heart of gold, hold that woman close, love and care for her with all of your heart...."

Very well put Skinsfan,and that should go for any age differance,my friend is 4 years older.

Randy

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinsfan

when this thread started, i posted that there is a 14 1/2 yr difference in the age between myself and my wife. My wife and i NEVER think of the age difference...i know after almost 11 months after her arrival that our love and dedication to each other is extremely strong. it is such a blessing to arrive home after work and see such bright and loving eyes to greet me.

for those of you that think that a greater age difference is a problem in the making...well, sometimes you may be correct. that being said, i think there is a lot to be said about experience...if i knew before what i know now........oh well..........a woman is a a beautiful instrument that must be played well in order to hear the best music......for that, it is always good to have experience !!

my wife feels secure with me, not just financially, but more importantly, emotionally.....our home is always filled with laughter....we both respect each other in a far deeper way than i ever really dreamed of........

and for those who believe that the younger women cannot feel sexually attracted to older men....well, you all still have much to learn.....

age difference aside, in order to have the best results in a relationship, IMO you must look as deep inside your woman as possible......understand who she really is, and if there is a hint of deception...run like hell.....if you find that heart of gold, hold that woman close, love and care for her with all of your heart....
...

hey skins i know exactly what you mean,its great to come home to smileing eyes,respect of eachother is the most important thing of all.
theres 12 years between us but it is only on rmp that it is ever raised,matters not to us & certainly hasn't affected our feeling for each other
natasha is fond of saying she has found her other half,makes me feel great
cheers bob

Posted by: Olga S

Hi Group,

I understand this thread was intended for men to vote on, but I think it�s also a good place for me to make my first real post. My American husband, Doug is 20 years older than me and we will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary in January. He recently put together a little photo essay documenting our cross-cultural marriage with a big age gap. I have copied it into RMP�s �Russian Photo Galleries� under �OlgaS� because I think it illustrates some of what I am going to say here. You can find it under my name. The captions for the photos were written by Doug, but I changed them a little because the photos are in my album. I agree with everything he said in them, so you can consider the words to be coming from me as well.

Age gap is a very controversial issue with Russian �mail order brides.� My opinion is that age gaps up to 20 years are O.K., but they are the exception not the norm, and the conditions for both partners have to be just right. And how often does that happen? I know a lot of Western men look young for their age. And that�s good. I believe that physical attraction is important in any relationship, and it�s certainly important to RW. My husband, Doug looks very good for his age. Even in America he dated local women10 to 20 years younger than him. He was engaged to an American woman 15 years younger than him. But staying in shape and looking good isn�t all.

You also have to have the same goals and values in terms of what you and your younger Russian wife expect out of marriage and a life in the West together. In these areas large age gaps can make big differences - differences that are often overlooked by RW-AM couples in their eagerness to come to the West (for her) and to have a beautiful young wife (for him).

Almost all young RW who do not have any children yet will want to start a family (have a child). And they will want this family and child to be their husband's top priority. Young RW will have high
expectations in this area. They are just starting out in life and their views about family are fresh and optimistic, if not a bit naive about all of the responsibility, expense and sacrifice that goes along with it. If you look for a RW who is between 20 and 30, your chances of ending up with one like this are much greater.

You may say that you are willing to have a child with your new RW wife, but are you really or would you just be saying that to "close the deal"? And will you really be able to make this new "family" your top priority and give it the fresh and optimistic attention your new RW wife will expect? A lot of older guys who already have kids say they will do this, but when it comes right down to it, they can't put their whole heart into it. A young 20-30 y.o. RW will expect you to. And you are even less likely to put your whole heart into it because you are still raising three children from your previous marriage.

Also, the children from the previous marriage tend not to accept the new, young RW in the long run (even though they say they will at first). And this can also erode your marriage to a young RW. Believe me, I have seen this happen up close a couple of times already.

If you look for RW in the 30-40 age range, you will find lots of beautiful ones with great figures, I assure you. These women will most likely be single moms. Their children will still be their top
priority, but they will be less idealistic about the whole "perfect family" experience. Raising your children from previous marriages together will be an equal compromise for both of you, and a much more realistic approach to a balanced marriage with you both having the same respective goals and values.

There are also a lot of younger single moms in FSU - in the 20-30 y.o. range, but these RW tend to be much more dependent on their own parents, especially for taking care of their children (Babushka raises the child) and do not do well when they come to the West and suddenly have to take care of themselves, their child, and a new husband.

Hope it helps

Olga Salem

Posted by: mistermopar

Very good post Olga,I enjoyed reading it and will agree with all of it.

Myself I am looking for someone that dose not want to have children,as my daughter will be 19 soon and I do not want to start over with babies.

Randy

Posted by: ham

Quote:

Age gap is a very controversial issue with Russian �mail order brides.� My opinion is that age gaps up to 20 years are O.K., but they are the exception not the norm, and the conditions for both partners have to be just right. And how often does that happen? I know a lot of Western men look young for their age. And that�s good. I believe that physical attraction is important in any relationship, and it�s certainly important to RW. My husband, Doug looks very good for his age. Even in America he dated local women10 to 20 years younger than him. He was engaged to an American woman 15 years younger than him. But staying in shape and looking good isn�t all.

You also have to have the same goals and values in terms of what you and your younger Russian wife expect out of marriage and a life in the West together. In these areas large age gaps can make big differences - differences that are often overlooked by RW-AM couples in their eagerness to come to the West (for her) and to have a beautiful young wife (for him).

If it worked for you, then i'm glad: all the best. It never worked for me. As well, IF (if) i could successfully date supermodels at home, it would make no sense to be here, same as you see no millionaire in a queue to fill forms for food stamps. I recurringly receive spam advertising stocks. They say these unheard of stocks can be bought today at 0,5$ and within one week they'll sell for 10$...we all know it's hogwash.
I've been going to a gym since 1988 with some times off, but that made no difference even if in some feats i can positively compare to drug assisted fellows.
I have 2 postgraduate degrees, I'm on my (veeeery sloooow) way towards a second and third B.A and a third postgraduate degree via distance education at state universities. It might take years to accomplish all that, but my point is that i saw no difference.
The first coming pretty thing would roll on the floor laughing if i introduced myself and if i were to discuss things i either do professionally or study, they would hover a mile over her head (they sometimes do go over my own head ).
And no, i haven't disabilities; i haven't a nose as big as a concorde and i don't weigh 300 kg.
So you'll excuse me if i find hard to "buy" what i have never beenable to "sell" this far .

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Great post Olga, please keep them coming!!!!!

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olga S

Hi Group,

I understand this thread was intended for men to vote on, but I think it�s also a good place for me to make my first real post. My American husband, Doug is 20 years older than me and we will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary in January. He recently put together a little photo essay documenting our cross-cultural marriage with a big age gap. I have copied it into RMP�s �Russian Photo Galleries� under �OlgaS� because I think it illustrates some of what I am going to say here. You can find it under my name. The captions for the photos were written by Doug, but I changed them a little because the photos are in my album. I agree with everything he said in them, so you can consider the words to be coming from me as well.

Age gap is a very controversial issue with Russian �mail order brides.� My opinion is that age gaps up to 20 years are O.K., but they are the exception not the norm, and the conditions for both partners have to be just right. And how often does that happen? I know a lot of Western men look young for their age. And that�s good. I believe that physical attraction is important in any relationship, and it�s certainly important to RW. My husband, Doug looks very good for his age. Even in America he dated local women10 to 20 years younger than him. He was engaged to an American woman 15 years younger than him. But staying in shape and looking good isn�t all.

You also have to have the same goals and values in terms of what you and your younger Russian wife expect out of marriage and a life in the West together. In these areas large age gaps can make big differences - differences that are often overlooked by RW-AM couples in their eagerness to come to the West (for her) and to have a beautiful young wife (for him).

Almost all young RW who do not have any children yet will want to start a family (have a child). And they will want this family and child to be their husband's top priority. Young RW will have high
expectations in this area. They are just starting out in life and their views about family are fresh and optimistic, if not a bit naive about all of the responsibility, expense and sacrifice that goes along with it. If you look for a RW who is between 20 and 30, your chances of ending up with one like this are much greater.

You may say that you are willing to have a child with your new RW wife, but are you really or would you just be saying that to "close the deal"? And will you really be able to make this new "family" your top priority and give it the fresh and optimistic attention your new RW wife will expect? A lot of older guys who already have kids say they will do this, but when it comes right down to it, they can't put their whole heart into it. A young 20-30 y.o. RW will expect you to. And you are even less likely to put your whole heart into it because you are still raising three children from your previous marriage.

Also, the children from the previous marriage tend not to accept the new, young RW in the long run (even though they say they will at first). And this can also erode your marriage to a young RW. Believe me, I have seen this happen up close a couple of times already.

If you look for RW in the 30-40 age range, you will find lots of beautiful ones with great figures, I assure you. These women will most likely be single moms. Their children will still be their top
priority, but they will be less idealistic about the whole "perfect family" experience. Raising your children from previous marriages together will be an equal compromise for both of you, and a much more realistic approach to a balanced marriage with you both having the same respective goals and values.

There are also a lot of younger single moms in FSU - in the 20-30 y.o. range, but these RW tend to be much more dependent on their own parents, especially for taking care of their children (Babushka raises the child) and do not do well when they come to the West and suddenly have to take care of themselves, their child, and a new husband.

Hope it helps

Olga Salem
www.goeastnow.com

It just goes to show you dont have to be old to be wise. Very informative O. I have said quiet a few times in different posts that Western men should seek partners similar to the age group they have had in their own countries. I like your Doug have always been with women 10-14 yrs younger than myself. My RF is 13 yrs younger and we have never really brought it up. We are very natural and relaxed with each other, have many things in common, and some we dont. But our main morals and life goals are the same. I think i give her an emmotional stability that allows me to be much more understanding of her needs. The thing to me is if you are 50 and havent had anything in common with 20yr olds since you were 20 ....... why do you think that is suddenly going to change.

Posted by: Andriy Shevchen

Quote:

Originally Posted by ira156

I have said quiet a few times in different posts that Western men should seek partners similar to the age group they have had in their own countries.

Right on, I see western men come to Kyiv to hunt for brides, no problem with this except they are old men picking up teenagers. I'm talking 50-60 with 17-19 year olds. I will go out to dinner in Kyiv and see father time with blushing virgin bride. Sometimes they are underaged. Men, stick to your own age please. You look like pervs with such an age difference.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

Andriy, what you have just said is nothing like what Ira said.

Posted by: Dave_N_Elvira

Have 7 years between Elvira and myself. Age wise I am 7 years older than her, maturity wise she is probably 7 years older than me

. This we both feel is a good age difference. Elvira wasn�t interested in meeting anyone more than 10 years older. After trying my hand at dating a few 20-25yo�s (I was 35 at the time) I pretty much saw a level of immaturity in them and decided to try something closer to my age (26-30yo age group). Met a few ladies in this age group and my wife Elvira when she was 28 and I was 35. I just seemed far more in sync with this age group.

Posted by: ira156

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave_N_Elvira

Have 7 years between Elvira and myself. Age wise I am 7 years older than her, maturity wise she is probably 7 years older than me

Dave i bet if you have a look back ...the women here you had most in common with here were also the same 26-30 group. I had many enquirys from women ( girls ) 18-20...im 46. There is no way i would have enough in common to carry on any sort of meaningful relationship with a girl of that age...no matter where she was from. My RF is 33 and that the age of woman i was going out with here anyway.

Posted by: Alleycat

Having dated a few rw in the past, I have generally found them to be more mature for a variety of reasons. The age group I would date in the UK are 24 - 28, so myg current g/f is a bit younger at 21, but I found her if anything more mature than her UK/Norway counterparts.

But, maybe that's just love making me blind.....

Posted by: I/O

Touchy subject this age thing. Here goes my take on it. I went searching with all the so called right ideas in mind. Found my "Perfect Match" and I guess it could have worked in some ways, but without condeming anyone, enough to say it did not.

Arrived home from a long trip disappointed and disgusted. Going through the inbox of my profile on a site, hitting the delete button time after time, I was delayed by a phone call and happened to open a letter for whatever reason.

The rest is history and I plan to be married to someone considerably younger than me, who is in some ways much sharper than I am. We have found a balance of her younger enthusiasm with my sober experience. We pull each other right left and centre at different stages and love each other more and more for it as time goes by.

The matter is to understand and be realistic about age differences. We do understand each other's goals and desires. She can push me to do things I would not other wise do and I can temper that with some guidence from time to time, which she very much appreciates.

If there is a substantial age difference, it must be undertood and respected by both partners, but it is not something to be feared.

I/O Who refuses to be pushed on this subject by popular theories.

Posted by: youlek

Quote:

Originally Posted by don4

Hold your hats people I am a young 67 and she has been here two months and so far ok she is 27.

It is terrible.
As for me I don't believe in such love

Posted by: GoeastLJ

I asked this question to my lady friend in St Petersburg. This was very important for me and I also wanted to hear her views on cultural differences. She is 31 and I am 45. She decided to tell me about her girlfriend who got married to a man younger than her. Here is the excerpt (unedited):

>>>>About difference of age I can give u 1 example - u know I have some friends in Turkey as a rule they r russian - people who r working this country many years. But if I started 2 communicate with them I met also some crosscultural cupples. Some of them r my good gfriends now. One my shefriend is 37 years old now, 3 years ago she met a boy. Turkish boy 21 years old. it was impposible 2 times - becouse of difference in age and difference in social layers - he is from reach but simple family - she is.. o she is top manager in big moscow company. 3 times it was impossible - becouse of diff in traditions also.but... it happend.Now he is russian student, he left his country for her and he did it against his family wish. Now she is waiting 4...(we all r waiting 4 her baby hahaha all company r worry of her) so she is not working. He is working 4 her. Can u imagen life of oriental man in Moscow? I think u cant - England is very different. So he was as on the war every day - all first year.. He did it 4 her he changed his life 4 her now she is ready 2 do it 4 him and 2 leave her family and her job and her country and 2 live in Turkey.)))) <<<<

Posted by: Manchester

I just voted - I am 36, Mrs Manny is 30

Posted by: youlek

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

>>>>About difference of age I can give u 1 example - u know I have some friends in Turkey as a rule they r russian - people who r working this country many years. But if I started 2 communicate with them I met also some crosscultural cupples. Some of them r my good gfriends now. One my shefriend is 37 years old now, 3 years ago she met a boy. Turkish boy 21 years old. it was impposible 2 times - becouse of difference in age and difference in social layers - he is from reach but simple family - she is.. o she is top manager in big moscow company.

ha-ha, I hope nobody believes that there was love from that man.
For men, living in Turkey, Egypt and other alike countires, Moscow is like New York for Russians.
He married her to have a legal escape from Turkey.
She needed to offer him to live in Turkey ...love would disappear

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by youlek

Really? Is there no trust in humanity anymore? Surely there must be a few people that really want love?

Posted by: youlek

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

Really? Is there no trust in humanity anymore? Surely there must be a few people that really want love?

surely it is love when a woman, having 3 kids, marry 4th kid.
Just I know such men. It is not the first case.
Thier only purpose is to leave their country.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Given that humans are spontaneous, and the fact that there is a period when the human body might remain visibly constant and not show the effect of time (a 38 year old might look same as a 28 year), you (any) could meet and fall for someone who is much older than you (any) if you meet in a nightclub. Age will probably be the last question you ask. If you find the person is pleasant in every sense and sh/he exhibits the qualities you desire in a partner, would you call everything off once you learn that they are much older than the age limit you have set yourself? Finding a partner via the internet is different because you might only look at profiles of people within the age range you have set yourself, although there may be good people outside that range. I am 45 and the lady I am meeting is 31 and she had set herself a limit of 40. We have been communicating since July. She has a lot of commitments at home, she has a good job. I challenged her on this but she said she thinks I show all the qualities she wants in a man (!!!). What do you think? I am cheating myself?

Posted by: youlek

We are not talking about you.
If that man was from the USA, Europe and etc, I'd believe that it is love
But as he is from Turkey, I'll NEVER believe
sorry

Posted by: solstice

GoEast I don�t think you�re cheating yourself but if you are I must be really doing myself wrong. A 14 year age spread is not that bad, my lady is also 31 but I�m 58, maybe that doesn�t confuse the h*ll out of me. I never planned it this way and even though it�s never been a problem for her I�m the one saddled with the reservations. When she�s 40 I�ll be 67, even writing it down makes me question my good sense. But each time we talk any logic I might have goes out the window. Maybe someone can talk some sense to me about that.

Posted by: youlek

FOR ALL BLIND MEN OR WHO CANT READ
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 38 YO WOMAN AND 21 YO MAN FROM TURKEY

Posted by: solstice

Sorry, but doesn't the topic at the top of the page say something about the age difference of your lady and you.?

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by solstice

GoEast I don�t think you�re cheating yourself but if you are I must be really doing myself wrong. A 14 year age spread is not that bad, my lady is also 31 but I�m 58, maybe that doesn�t confuse the h*ll out of me. I never planned it this way and even though it�s never been a problem for her I�m the one saddled with the reservations. When she�s 40 I�ll be 67, even writing it down makes me question my good sense. But each time we talk any logic I might have goes out the window. Maybe someone can talk some sense to me about that.

Solstice, I agree. I set out not to go for anyone below the age of 38, but found myself getting only communicating with those in their early 30s. These young ladies have repeatedly questioned my sanity when I said 30 was young. One lady asked me to tell her the real reason why I didn't want to take her seriously. I have been converted.

Youlek, ok I think you know better. For the blind or those that can't read, may I suggest you try another medium as they will still not get your point even if you shout

Posted by: youlek

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

Youlek, ok I think you know better. For the blind or those that can't read, may I suggest you try another medium as they will still not get your point even if you shout

To tell the truth, I don't believe in love btw young ladies and old men, but it is up to everybody
But I'll never believe in love btw 38 yo woman and 21 yo man from Turkey... it is all about money and country
but it makes both happy: woman gets a young "macho", macho gets a better country. ha-ha-ha sovet da lubov

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by youlek

There are a lot of things I don't agree with as well, but I think it is a matter of choice. People go for what makes them happy. Life is short and I think there are times when people follow their hearts. And, yes you are right about people using each other. There is what is called symbiosis - mutual benefit. Let me tell you another story. There was this retired accountant I knew. He had a lot of money but he was single and found life very boring. He was in his late 60s but decided to go for a young lady in her 20s. He married her. He lost a lot of his friends because they did not approve of his decision.

The young lady looked after him until he died in his 80s. In his dying days, he explained to his friends that the previous 15 years or so had been the best of his life and did not regret his decision to marry a woman so many years younger than he was. He explained that he knew the woman probably married him for money, but he also married her for her looks. Nothing wrong with that. She made him happy, she was happy because she had the financial freedom.

Youlek, I hope you don't check a man's age before you go out with them. Ok, there extremes - I wouldn't date a woman in her 20s

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoeastLJ

The young lady looked after him until he died in his 80s. In his dying days, he explained to his friends that the previous 15 years or so had been the best of his life and did not regret his decision to marry a woman so many years younger than he was. He explained that he knew the woman probably married him for money, but he also married her for her looks. Nothing wrong with that. She made him happy, she was happy because she had the financial freedom.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, they both knew exactly what they would get from their relationship and I bet they were both happy for the 15odd years they had together.

What does it matter what others think, as long as they were happy.

Posted by: youlek

People are free to do whatever they want, but don't say that it is love btw old men and young women

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Originally Posted by youlek

People are free to do whatever they want, but don't say that it is love btw old men and young women

How can you say whether it is or it isn't....they are not you! they are two different people, with different lives, different outlooks and different needs from their relationships. It may not be right for you, but you can't say love is never involved whatsoever between a a couple where one partner is much older than the other.

It may not be love as you know or understand it, but it may be their type of love which is all that matters to them surely!

Posted by: solstice

Excellent point there Chris.

Posted by: bobjf

chris is right ,regardless of your view on life,love or whatever,you do not have the right to decide someone elses feelings.
how can you decide if someone is in love or not,simple your not them so you can't
how many times does it have to be said that age either way is intirely up to the couple concerned & dosen't matter what you think or approve of.
everyone has different values but its about time other people stopped looking down on someone because they chose to be different
we have this problem in our embassy in moscow where immigration case worker decides whether your relatsionship is genuine on her perceived values & her interpretatsion of immi laws re the same.
totaly unfair concidering it is based 1 interview & statements.
so she is a bit like you youlek & is decideing on someone else's feeling without knowing them or how they interact together.
you are intitled to your opinion but just remember it is just your opinion

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by youlek

People are free to do whatever they want, but don't say that it is love btw old men and young women

youlek this is only your perception. in the world we live in today there are many women that love older men as there are younger men that love older women you will find this in every country.
It is not up to us to decide it is between the couples.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by youlek

People are free to do whatever they want, but don't say that it is love btw old men and young women

Let's hope you don't get a job in the Immigration office, Youlek. All over the world, money or no money, there are lots of people in relationships where one is older than the other. I am sure there is more to life than just looking at someone's age.

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

chris is right ,regardless of your view on life,love or whatever,you do not have the right to decide someone elses feelings.
how can you decide if someone is in love or not,simple your not them so you can't
how many times does it have to be said that age either way is intirely up to the couple concerned & dosen't matter what you think or approve of.
everyone has different values but its about time other people stopped looking down on someone because they chose to be different
we have this problem in our embassy in moscow where immigration case worker decides whether your relatsionship is genuine on her perceived values & her interpretatsion of immi laws re the same.
totaly unfair concidering it is based 1 interview & statements.
so she is a bit like you youlek & is decideing on someone else's feeling without knowing them or how they interact together.
you are intitled to your opinion but just remember it is just your opinion

Sorry Bob, I was leaving you guys in relative peace whilst I have been doing a few other things, whilst nevertheless reading a bit along the way. However, the direction this thread has taken, has been a bit too much for me to restrain myself.

There is enough difference in age between mine and I that I have been to hell and back to try to figure it all out. All my negative logical thoughts, are mere theory, because when we are together, personally, socially and commercially (3 areas you will always need to interact with your partner) my fear logic is proved wrong time and again.

You have raised a very pertinent and more importantly relevant point in this post, particularly for us Aussies, but probably for some others. The embassy system smells to high heaven and is completely divorced of any logical approach when it comes to interviews, assessments and so forth.

But and here is the BUT. Clue bat time and some people do need hitting with it and very hard at that. The system is what it is and is not going to change any time soon. The risks of failure in high age gap relationships are higher than normal. The risk of finding a visa jockey in the high age gap situation is higher. Hellooooooooooo anyone out there catching on?

We are here, the likes of me that is only part way through this process, Bob and others who have it shot to bits, as an example and measuring device for the new comers to this. There is enough risks in finding the right partner abroad, without deliberately puting yourself in the even higher risk bracket when it is entirely unnecessary. There is enough trouble in your own countries without importing more.

Sure big age gaps can and do work, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Deliberate seeking of young skirts etc is a sure fire way to plan a crash and burn. The example of the Turkish man and the Mother from Moscow barely warrents comment. Simple arrangement for whatever reason. Their personal choice, but please don't let any of us blow hot air up the bums of the people who are reading this and thus encourage them to plan their own spectacular crash and burn.

Being a friend is not always about saying sweet things, it is about telling the truth. The truth here is that wide age gap relationships are high risk.

Posted by: Chrismc

Quote:

Being a friend is not always about saying sweet things, it is about telling the truth. The truth here is that wide age gap relationships are high risk.

Yes they may be higher risk, but no one can doubt that they do exist and some of them more importantly last! and work!

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

Your right mate they are high risk. But everyone that has developed a relationship with someone overseas and gone to see them is taking a big risk all of us that have done it know what high risk is.
I know that if you do go into a big age gap difference relationship you need to be comfortable with it and not have any doubts about it and this goes for both couples.
Both Nat and I have a large age gap and both of us have been through alot in the last 20 odd months as most know.
Both of us have been really determined to stick together through it all where most people would have given up long ago.
The love that we share together is what has enabled us to get through this time and believe me it has been a big test for us both.
Both Nat, Dana and myself are still on this journey as well
I asked Nat once only about our age difference and her reply was Markoo if i was 40 and you were 40 but i looked 25 and you looked 50 my love for you would not change age is nothing it is whats in your heart that matters so dont mention it again and if you do i will slap you.

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by markgm

Mark. I have no problem with any of that and I think you guys have well enough proved your committment to each other and it is none of anyones, including my business. I think the age thing between yours and you is similar to mine and I. There is something to be said for the detirmination of that age group.

My concern here is not playing sunshine boys to all the newer readers. Big age gaps are higher than average risk. Much higher. They have choices, like you and I did. I don't want to see me or anyone else blowing nice warm fuzzy air up the bum of someone who has stars in their eyes. It ain't that simple. It is all dammed hard work and if previous marriage is any indicator, the hard work will multiply 10 fold after marriage.

If it happens it happens, but be sensible in the initial search. Young skirt chasers come back to these forums time and again with sob stories when it was all plain enough from the start but they were thinking with the small head and flew off the cliff when it wasn't necessary to a final and costly crash and burn.

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Chicken and egg. There is a big age difference, statistics do not support our union. From what I read, it means that this is a ready made excuse if the marriage fail. It also means that no effort is put in because of the prejudice. Follow your heart. I believe the important factors are as you have listed, I/O -personal, social and commercial.

Posted by: youlek

who sees love in their eyes?
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f...7dfdf2f272b.jpg
I agree that women like older men, but not who are 20 and more years older.

Posted by: Chrismc

While age differences may not seem to be a big "deal" in many relationships.

Age is a state of mind. That, by far, is one of my favourite things to say when individuals point out how �old� I am. The truth be known, though, I do not know how to �feel� 49 years old. It is just inconceivable that I am �old�.

In some places, the senior citizen discount starts at age 55. That�s less than 6 years for me now. Does this mean that I am about to be �old� or a �senior citizen�? God forbid!

Yet, what does age have to do in the entire spectrum of life? Who makes up the rules as to how individuals can act or be at a certain age? And who is the person who made up the �rule� that the man must be older than a woman, but not �too� much older?

I have no idea who made that rule up, but the bottom line is that when the relationships develop, they develop.

After all, I do not know of many people when becoming close to another person even in friendship to boldly come out and ask that other person: �How old are you?� Does that really matter at that stage? When you are with another person and getting to know them, you have a general sense of how old a person is by the way that they look, their mannerisms and so forth. So, why push the issue?

Posted by: GoeastLJ

Merry Christmas to all our FSU members. Youlek, don't drink too much Vodka! Us the pensioners, will still need your advice to get us through this year (and more importantly, to find that special someone!!!)

Posted by: markgm

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

It is high risk mate i agree and as i have said here before many times on RMP that if you venture into one of these relationships its not for the faint hearted.

Posted by: bobjf

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

relatsionships can & do fail for a lot of reasons but it is via couples own doing.
i still say that age thing is personal just as no one else can say whether you love someone or not.
yes it can make life difficult for reasons you say but by the same token are you going to allow anyone to say you your wrong because they think it.

i do agree that some seek age groups that would seem unrealistic but it has & does work for many so i'm not about to tell them there wrong,i got far to much of that from so called well meaning family & friends to do it to someone else
there is 12 years between us but it is only our buisness just as i'm sure your or anyone else a serious deal would say
conciderable age difference in rw/male relatsionships is fairly normal in russia according to my wife & others.
it may not be accepted as the norm but does seem to be that way here.
there are many sucsessfull couples here who make it work.
it comes down to personal opinion & matters only to you.
if as you have, decided to go forward then age thing is not going to stop you & like me you will do whatever it takes to make it happen.
this process is hard enough without worrying about what others think.
yes i had the same doubts as you,mostly because of others saying i was wrong, mine made me see like yours that it wasn't part of the equation
cheers

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

Bob, 12 years is nothing. You don't even come in to the bracket of people I am speaking too. (Not trying to cut you out of discussion) Mark and I have 15,16 or 17 years difference in our relationships. Borderline in my view but workable as has been proven. But I for one, will never push the new comer to do like wise. As well as it works for mine and I, there is complications that we often don't expect. Mine and I, as convinced as we are, are still very much in the learning phase. Bottem line is we don't know "jack". We just thought we did.

Repeating myself I know, but the current relationships are not my focus here. It is the new readers and players in the market that I want these forums to get in the ear of.

It is the responsibility of the seasoned ones to stand between the cliff and the lemmings to an extent. Suger coated, pretty words simply chase the lemmings over the cliff mostly to a crash and burn. Net result is that FSU women as a whole get a bad rap, which makes it all the harder for yours and my partners to assimilate in these countries of ours. So yes there is something selfish in my discorses on this subject.

I make no apology to anyone for feeding someone some barbed wire reality. We all need it from time to time.

Posted by: bobjf

i/o in who's opinion does our difference not count hmmm
well i'm glad you don't think so but i sure copped a lot of crap from others re cradle snatching,includeing some what i thought were good friends & even a couple of bros no longer welcom in our house.
where am i pushing anyone,simply stated its no ones business but theres.

i do not condone anyone seeking a big age gap but it does happen from time to time & i do know rather a lot about marks case & he feels the same as i.
while i don't think it is a particully wise move to try to bridge such a gap the fact is rw's are very different to western girls & have a very different outlook on life
i can see were the difference could become a problem for many reasons
facts are that it does happen,many even suceed & as i'v said i don't incourage it but i'm also damn sure it is none of my buisness & will dispute that it is anyone elses.
also stated this process is hard enough without self doubt on any aspect.

i repeat please remember you are not just playing with your own life & do not go into this deal with your eyes closed or without knowing your completly willing to do whatever it takes to see it through,concider very carefully any doubts you have but also don't become parinoid over info that may not apply in your situation

your last sentence applies also to you.

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobjf

i/o in who's opinion does our difference not count hmmm
well i'm glad you don't think so but i sure copped a lot of crap from others re cradle snatching,includeing some what i thought were good friends & even a couple of bros no longer welcom in our house.
where am i pushing anyone,simply stated its no ones business but theres.

Bob. Nobody suggested you were pushing anyone. Period. I've been and am going through the same issues with the so-called friends. 12 years is quite within so-called acceptable range even by Au measure. I admit to being surprised anyone has raised that with you as an issue.

I have no paranoia or for that matter fear about my situation, however I am realistic enough to understand that will be times when this old f@rt wishes to stay home and put his slippers on and she wants to do something more exciting. That can apply regardless of age.

I am not going to dictate to anyone which age bracket is most suitable for them. But and here is the BUT, think about it carefully for yourself and do some homework, because as Bob says here, the FSU girls have different perspective, but if you are 50 and find the hot young wife and you have a son who is 19-20 you are going to have a host of issues to deal with you never expected.

Here is an example: I am GM of a mid sized company with about 50 shareholder/investers. Comapny get-to-gethers require me to walk the walk and talk the talk so to say. Can my partner handle this. Of course age is not the criteria here in and of itself, but her experience may well be. The younger she is, the less likely she will have the experience and if she can't handle it, then she of course will be un happy and so it goes. You will need to do 500 times more for your foreign than you might have to for a local woman, but you can't do everything.

In my situation, this as above was something that interested me and of course when mine was here, I threw her off at the deep and so to say. The company gathering and wow, you could see it, who is the hot younger woman with Mat? It was like flies to sh!t. She quietly greeted them and