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Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

I defer to the wise members on here on this issue. Have been talking to this one lady (we'll call her "L" for no real reason).

We've shared emails for a while and talk on the phone often (I'm going say 2 months of constant contact). Last phone conversation she mentions she is going on vacation with her friend to another country (lets say Egypt but its not Egypt but kinda close to it) and said I should join them. Ok not a problem I figure until she says she is leaving in 10 days!!!

Mind you this is a logistical nightmare for me in the sense of rescheduling/canceling all my plans (personal & business wise), missing about a week of my summer college course (is a graduation requirement) and then trying to secure a flight over there. I told her I would try but can make no promises. That was the extent of that topic.

Was her comment along the lines of it would be nice if you could join us. Or is it a legit request? Am I reading too much into this? Would it be insulting to ask her if she is serious about this?

I have also mentioned before I planned to take a trip to her neck of the woods in November. She has expressed concern due to the weather and feels I would not enjoy myself and I would just stay inside all day. She is not opposed to my visit by any means but worries I might hate my time over there.

1.) What should I do about the "Egypt" vacation?

C.) How should I go about letting her know I will be ok during my visit to Russia? I've lived in cold climates growing up but currently reside at the beach in California (she knows this).

YY.) Should I reschedule the trip to Russia for a warmer time to make her feel better? Or is her mentioning of the weather a hint she wants me to visit sooner?

Hmm I never used "L" throughout the post and said the word "she".. What a waste.

P.S: We are talking via phone tomorrow morning so any speedy replies are appreciated.

Posted by: Legal

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

I defer to the wise members on here on this issue.

1.) What should I do about the "Egypt" vacation?

C.) How should I go about letting her know I will be ok during my visit to Russia? I've lived in cold climates growing up but currently reside at the beach in California (she knows this).

YY.) Should I reschedule the trip to Russia for a warmer time to make her feel better? Or is her mentioning of the weather a hint she wants me to visit sooner?

Hmm I never used "L" throughout the post and said the word "she".. What a waste.

P.S: We are talking via phone tomorrow morning so any speedy replies are appreciated.

I don't think that "it would be nice if you could join us" is a legit request. And people who have any common sense understand that sometimes it is just impossible to change the plans so suddenly.

Just tell her that the weather is not a problem for you.

But I think it would be nice if you also will ask her what time she prefers for your meeting, because if she can take her vacation you both will spend more productive time together than the time when she will be working whole day and you will stay alone till evening

Olga (Legal's wife)

Posted by: Texas Proud

Well... I take a bit of the opposite ....

I think it is a legit request.... but that I would not accept the request... there is NO way that I could make plans and get tickets for any decent price etc etc etc.... it was just not good thinking on her part...

And how long has she KNOWN she was going? And why did she not ask you earlier... and if she is going with a friend... either you or her friend will be a third wheel...

yes, tell her you are there to meet her... and the weather is not a problem...

Posted by: dagpop

I would tell her you are in a summer class and can not leave now. I would still keep the trip in November.

Posted by: EasyTarget

Well I am guessing L is going to Turkey and if it was me, I would say something to the effect of.... thank you for the invitation, but because of work & school, I am not able to re-arrange my schedule on such short notice. However I would really enjoy the prospect of traveling with you in the future.

I constantly got the "you'll never survive in the brutal Siberian winters of Russia" spiel. I would reply with something along the lines of, "I ain't no wimpy American, if you can survive all winter, I can survive 2 weeks."

L did know about her trip for awhile I am sure, but L most likely didn't feel comfortable enough with you to invite you until now. I would stick with the original plan of meeting with L later in the year.

Posted by: Legal

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyTarget

L did know about her trip for awhile I am sure, but L most likely didn't feel comfortable enough with you to invite you until now. I would stick with the original plan of meeting with L later in the year.

In Russia you can buy a tour through an agency to Turkey or Egypt even two days before departure. For example one day in Russia I was asked by my friends "Olga we have decided to have a short vacation in Antalya, would you like to go with us? Departure is in 4 days" So there is nothing strange about 10 days

In any case I think JohnnyLaRue and his Lady should arrange the time of their future meeting together.

Olga (Legal's wife)

Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

Easy: I have no idea how long she knew she was going to Turkey (either you are a great detective or I am a bad liar or a bit of both) but I agree with you as my initial hunch was she was not yet comfortable with me to invite me along until recently.

Texas: In her defence she thinks it is easy for someone in the States to hop on a plane and travel freely around the world. She is young (as am I) although she has been to the States for a year on a foreign exchange student program.

Legal: That does make sense but is it rude of me to ask her about taking time off? In other words would you be upset if you were her and a guy told you to take time off in November. I am unsure if it is difficult to get time off work in Russia. I know in Japan it is very difficult to get time off and one women I visited had to lie to her boss to get time off and we made sure we never visited the town she worked in.

Once again thank you to all who replied so far.

Posted by: Legal

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

Legal: That does make sense but is it rude of me to ask her about taking time off? In other words would you be upset if you were her and a guy told you to take time off in November. I am unsure if it is difficult to get time off work in Russia. I know in Japan it is very difficult to get time off and one women I visited had to lie to her boss to get time off and we made sure we never visited the town she worked in.

Once again thank you to all who replied so far.

As Legal's wife I can tell that I really appreciate that Robert submitted the time of our first meeting to my approval

It was difficult for me to take my vacation in January, because January always was a hot working month, but I did it.

Just honestly tell her that the nearest month when you can visit her is November and ask her if she can take her vacation. I think if she is really interested in you and in your meeting she will offer you another option of your meeting in November even if she can not take her vacation

Olga (Legal's wife)

Posted by: clark

I wouldn't have taken her comment "you should join them" as serious. Would it be insulting to ask her if she was serious? Absolutely not, in fact personally that would have been my first response. Don't overlook the honesty aspect. If she says she IS serious are you REALLY able to go and meet her there? If it is not possible then it is not and you should tell her.

On the other hand, if it is possible and you can pull it off without much collateral damage, go for it. It is usually extremely expensive to make such a trip on this short of notice.

Personally I am impulsive as hell. If I thought she was serious and worth it and I wanted to go bad enough I would. But I would not do it at the expense of other obligations or commitments.

Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

Legal: We did talk and she eventually mentioned October would be better for her because she has time off. She would rather meet in another country but is also ok with me traveling to her town. What is the best choice?

She mentioned somewhere warmer to meet would be nice and always talks about how she loves the beach.

If I say another country where is a good country to meet?

Clark: She was serious but accepting that it is not possible for me to go on short notice. Her exact words were "Oh it is a pity" She does respect that I have a college summer class (6 week course) and would have to withdraw (I'd also be out $1200 for the class as well though I did not tell her that).

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

Legal: We did talk and she eventually mentioned October would be better for her because she has time off. She would rather meet in another country but is also ok with me traveling to her town. What is the best choice?

She mentioned somewhere warmer to meet would be nice and always talks about how she loves the beach.

If I say another country where is a good country to meet?

Clark: She was serious but accepting that it is not possible for me to go on short notice. Her exact words were "Oh it is a pity" She does respect that I have a college summer class (6 week course) and would have to withdraw (I'd also be out $1200 for the class as well though I did not tell her that).

Seems like it may too late for you. Late notice and dumping a needed $1200 course doesn't seem reasonable. I would recommend saving your resources from this trip and planning on a nice trip in October or another time. If she is really worth it, she'll wait.

Also, I would recommend visiting her in her city first. Although first visits in an alternate city is NOT the cardinal sin some posters proclaim. The alternate city is usually a vacation spot and may be misleading to you both. It also encourages GTGs and pro-daters. I just caution, be absolutely sure you know enough about her to want to spend a vacation with her. If not you are stuck in a great vacation location with a woman you don't like or have no future with. It could turn into a miserable trip you can't get out of.

If on the first trip to her city and it doesn't work out, you both still have other options without it breaking the bank.

Good luck and get over there.

Posted by: Chillidog

Johnny,

sorry I'm late on this. I have had this same question asked me on a few occasions from a friend of mine from Perm. The first time it was asked, in that conversation I did ask if this was a legitamte question or just asking like

---since I'm going to be in Turkey/France it would be neat to see you there also----

she did say that it just flew off the top of her head, but if I could arrange this travel she would be very, very happy to see me.

So she understood that people cannot just drop things and meet on a minutes notice.

Why I am really replying/posting is about your future travel plans.

Have you asked her when she can get time off??? and plane your trip around this time???

This is what I have always done in the past (it was also asked and planned in advance so we/I could corridinate and get the same time off)

Of course if you are travelling to meet many this makes it more difficult but still worth a try in making sure the women you are going to meet have some free time set aside to be with you, instead of seeing them for a few hours after their done with work each day.

Posted by: blucatz

I wouldn't have taken the invite serious, sounds like she was just being polite. Besides, I wouldn't even have considered it when she's gonna have another person along. I hate being a 5th wheel and unless you speak fluent Russian they could be talking about you right in front of you and not even know it. Very uncomfortable situation for me.

Posted by: I/O

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

Last phone conversation she mentions she is going on vacation with her friend to another country (lets say Egypt but its not Egypt but kinda close to it) and said I should join them.

Maybe she is inviting your for a "Threesome"?

Or she is.....

or did you consider her friend might be ............Boris?

IMO, the invitation was a throw away line and as such, I don't think the women is particularly interested in you. Nevertheless, Russians often go on vacations at short notice as there is always last minute deals to be had.

I/O

Posted by: Raspberry

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

Maybe she is inviting your for a "Threesome"?

Or she is.....

And it's usually Egypt or Turkey, since most FSU residents can obtain visa upon arrival. Most of the rest of the world requires a visa, and takes pre-planning.

Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

She is not opposed to me going to her city. Her only concern was the weather. October is the best timeframe for her. She also understands I am unable to drop everything and emailed me and apologized for thinking that.

Maybe its just me but I've been a 3rd/5th wheel with Japanese friends and my Japanese is not great but never felt awkward. Besides if they were talking about me I couldn't care less. Also I've traveled to Oz and been a 3rd wheel and we all got along great.

I am curious about the visa thing since 4 women I am conversing with have been to the States on vacation. One has a sister out here, another has friends out here (whom I have spoke to over the phone after I tried to call her bluff and was wrong). One was here on a student visa and has since returned and the last apparently has a tourist visa since she called me from Philly today (caller ID showed the area code) and I called her home phone in Russia a week ago.

Yes 4 people is not a lot and of all the women I have talked to at one time or another do not have such visas. I assume the 4 women are the exceptions to the rule and not the norm.

Anyways thanks to everyone who replied (even those I disagree with)

Posted by: goforit

Even if she is serious there is no way I would mess up my graduation to go somewhere on such short notice.

Posted by: Raspberry

By the way, I would get my priorities at home straight, before going. So, stay in school---this is NOT an emergency. And you certainly know what the weather will be like in the FSU in November, so at least you're mentally prepared.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Many posts all over the place...

Some comments.... as I said... I think it was legit... but since this was to be your first meeting... I would not want it to be with a third... you know how girlfriends can be...

If it was someone I knew... and it was her girlfriend, I would have NO problem at all... but that is not the case...

As for Legal wife's comment... even here you can make a trip with only a day or two... it is just not something that most people do.. but when it was cheaper... and you could get to the gates without a ticket (yes... a LONG time ago) I knew someone who used to fly standby... they would just hang around and see if they saw a plane going somewhere and would just jump on any plane... and even now I get emails from Continental on Wed or so for 'weekend' trips that are cheap (well cheaper...)...

Do talk to her... if there is a connection... make plans to meet... and see where it goes... so far, from the way you are writing... it seems more like a 'friendship' instead of a relationship....

Posted by: Raspberry

Actually the last-minute cheap ticket deals come from agencies who cut a deal to buy a big block of tickets. In fact, in the UK and Germany you can get airfare(and hotels)for really cheap right at the airport. In fact there is a lot of competition in European airports such as Frankfurt and Manchester.

Posted by: Chillidog

Quote:

Originally Posted by I/O

IMO, the invitation was a throw away line and as such, I don't think the women is particularly interested in you.

I/O

I would not jump too quickly to this assumption. Personal experience has shown me this is not always the case.

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

Actually the last-minute cheap ticket deals come from agencies who cut a deal to buy a big block of tickets. In fact, in the UK and Germany you can get airfare(and hotels)for really cheap right at the airport. In fact there is a lot of competition in European airports such as Frankfurt and Manchester.

Raspberry, you without a doubt are the most knowledgeable of travel on the forum. I know what you state to be true because I had taken advantage of some. Some of those I tried to bend and turn to fit where and what I wanted and in the end turned out to be more expensive. Unless you happen to find one exactly as you want it can be a hassle.

For Johnny to get to a specific place in Turkey at a specific time can be tough to do without added expense. Those last minute deals are great if you're willing to go with the flow and on their itinerary.

As TP mentioned, I too have hung around an airline desk and coped a cheap last minute seat but just because I happen to have had the time to wait and see if there was one available.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

As TP mentioned, I too have hung around an airline desk and coped a cheap last minute seat but just because I happen to have had the time to wait and see if there was one available.

Yes... this is not for someone who wants to be at a location at a particular time.... it is for an adventure... like going to the store and seeing what is the 'blue light special' (for the uneducated... this used to be a staple at the K-Marts... they had a cart with a blue light on the top of a big pole... they would move it around the store and turn the blue flashing light on and announce over the loudspeaker what was on sale... sometimes it was 'while supplies last' which could be 5 minutes... it then could go away for the day OR moved somewhere else for another sale...)

So you just have to have this desire to go somewhere where everybody else does not want to go... so there are many empty seats... might as well get a few bucks off you than fly with an empty seat... THEN when you arrive...start to look for a hotel or hostel to stay....

I have not ever done this.... but knew a few who did.... and my brother did it because he got 'airline rates' so it was really cheap for him...

Posted by: Raspberry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Texas Proud

I have not ever done this.... but knew a few who
did.... and my brother did it because he got 'airline rates' so it was really cheap for him...

The price is right, but you have to be prepared for all contingencies. Airline employees have the best---and sometimes the worst, too. Sometimes it will involve convoluted routings, and/or hotel stops and/or ground transportation combinations.

One of my co-workers had World Cup tickets a couple of years back, and the flights were full to Germany. In fact the flights to anywhere in Europe were full. So, he left a couple of days early, went to Bangkok, spent a few days at his girlfriend's there, and then took Thai Airways' BKK-FRA trip.

Posted by: swindoom

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

Her only concern was the weather.

My first visit to Russia was in the middle of a Siberian winter when it was -25 centigrade during the day. I had a great time, lots of snow and plenty of time outside walking everywhere.

Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

Yes I know about last minute deals but to get to the exact place and find a last minute deal is not all that easy or cheap. I guess it's not so much the flight but the hotel.

I do understand about the priorities thing and IF I did withdraw the class I would have to make it up next semester or the next semester (take 5 classes as opposed to 4). The only loss I would have is the $$ since it is past the drop date to get a full refund. Well that and the extra work for next semester..

But I plan to finish the class and will shoot for October/November.

Side note: She did admit she thought it was easy for someone in the States to be able to hop on a plane and go anywhere. She did mention how on USA TV they have no trouble traveling on short notice (The Amazing Race, travel shows...etc)

Once again thank you for the replies.

Posted by: Texas Proud

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

Side note: She did admit she thought it was easy for someone in the States to be able to hop on a plane and go anywhere. She did mention how on USA TV they have no trouble traveling on short notice (The Amazing Race, travel shows...etc)

Once again thank you for the replies.

Wow... getting their info from travel and 'reality' game shows.... the thing they do NOT tell you on those shows are that they are getting the flights for free... or are planned way in advance (the travel shows)....

True, if you REALLY wanted to fly there, you could buy a ticket... but it is VERY expensive if you do not plan...

I do agree with you... finish the class... go when you can... your education will be more important in the long run.... and if she is the one... a few months will not take that away....

Posted by: EasyTarget

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyLaRue

She did mention how on USA TV they have no trouble traveling on short notice (The Amazing Race, travel shows...etc)

You can tell her that on the Amazing Race, the seats were held for the contestants in advance during the race planning. How do I know? The producers contacted my airline 4 months in advance to hold seats on a bunch of different flights. We said no problem, pay us in advance.