Meeting in another city---red flag?? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

Meeting in another city---red flag??
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: Raspberry

This one gal in Mariupol has been corresponding with me the past few months. She said that she would like to meet me elsewhere, and if she takes time off work and is still around, she could "be called by her boss anytime to be at work and asked to go to work. If we can meet in another place and not in my native city, nobody can disturb us.".

Most of the Ukrainian women have cell phones and be called from anywhere, to begin with. Is she one that doesn't have one?

Perhaps she might have an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend that is still around, and doesn't want them to stir up trouble with me......after all, when I was with Tanya, we ran into her ex, who was lying flat on his back on some park, due to being drugged out. But maybe the ex could be in a position to cause problems.

Or she trying to score a free trip or have some other agenda in mind? I'm not about to spring for a trip to, let's say, Turkey or Egypt, on a first meeting.

I think what I am going to do is suggest meeting in Yalta. It's close enough and it's a good environment to relax and talk.

She only understands basic English, and I have not talked to her on the phone yet. Maybe meet at the agency office first, then take off immediately?

Any thoughts or ideas??

Posted by: clark

Raspberry,

I'm personally not the "anti-different city" type myself. A RW could have a long list of reasons why she does not want to meet in her city for the first meeting and all of them be legitimate. Many posters will say always meet in her city first. I say certainly meet in her city at some point, but why first? There is always the chance that you won't hit it off, saves her embarasment and possibly you from having to be tied down to her in her city. If you do hit it off, certainly you'll make more subsequent trips. The idea of having to see her city, meet her family and where she lives on the first meeting is kind of off the wall IMHO.

In my opinion it is only concern for caution and not a red flag. I would say the rule of not sending money to someone you have not met is still a good one. Leave her to her own devices for arriving there. If she stays in a separate apartment or needs a separate hotel room allow her to make those arrangements. Of course at the end of the meeting if one choose to help for those expenses, why not? Before I beat it to death and ramble my point is: Go for it and don't be scared to meet in another town from her own.

Posted by: AkMike

That sounds a bit "off" to me. I'd insist on meeting her at her town so you have the chance to meet her faimly and friends. That way you can see how she interacts with them.
It sounds like she's attempting to hide something...

Posted by: GoingToRussia

You can do want I did and do both.

I wouldn't say it's a must but she should pay her way there. You can spring for the room.

I would guess her mantality would be "spend" "spend" "spend" so get use to it now if you decide to futher a relationship. Just my opinion of course ... not necessary true in this instance.

Go for it and good luck!

Posted by: BluesTraveler

If you meet up in Odessa or Kiev, I don't think that is a bad idea. Not like she is getting a big expensive holiday on your dime. Why not meet in the "neutral" city first?

And if things go well, meet up in her home town on the 2nd trip. I think the work excuse is most likely truthful. Her boss probrably abuses her mobile phone and calls her often. I've seen it.

Actually reading the woman's forums, they suggest that the man doesn't go to their home town, because of the stalker element, and the embarrassment with family and friends.

Posted by: Chillidog

I am more of a 'meet in her home town' but see advantages and disadvantages to both. I see two big advantages in meeting in her home town, one is 'is she trying to hide something, factor' you do get to meet the friends, meet the family--for me this is only when I am confident that there is something to this relationship. Which if something good does comes of it, you will be making a second-third trip and these then can be more of a vacation, and used as vacations for you and her. The biggest disadvantage I see in meeting for the first time in a neutral city is again, 'is she hidding something from me' like is she really married? or some other issues that meeting in her home town can help put to rest. No matter a person's finacial portfolio it is an expense to travel and to do this and still have some basic concerns not answered in the first trip, to me is fighting with fire.
In my last trip what was the final deciding factor on which woman I was going to meet (both did not know English well), one was very happy to meet in her home town, the other wanted to meet in Kiev and bring her translator/friend with her, with me footing the bill for all three, when I stated no-way, she backed down and was then very eager for me to just visit her in her home town. Did I believe she was looking for just a good time? at first, Yes, but afterwards I believe she was just very concerned at our langauge barrier, I think she might have also been a little scared I would not like her town, not have a good time, and therefore not enjoy being with her. She was very apologetic and then said we meet in my town and if their is chemistry the next time we can have a vacation, but the seed was planted and the damage done, I never did meet her.
As for being bothered by her company if she stays in her home town. In this last trip the woman took the whole week off to be with me, but was also concerned that her work would call and she would have to report for work, so her solution was to simply turn her cell phone off. In case of emergancies, or if her daughter needed to get a hold of her, she carried one of her parents cell phones with her.

So do I see her concerns or request as a red-flag, No, not if this has been the only bump. She may not have many opportunities to see many places outside of her general town,and is just excited for you two to be together.

Posted by: Chillidog

Quote:

Originally Posted by BluesTraveler

If you meet up in Odessa or Kiev, I don't think that is a bad idea. Not like she is getting a big expensive holiday on your dime. Why not meet in the "neutral" city first?

And if things go well, meet up in her home town on the 2nd trip. I think the work excuse is most likely truthful. Her boss probrably abuses her mobile phone and calls her often. I've seen it.

Actually reading the woman's forums, they suggest that the man doesn't go to their home town, because of the stalker element, and the embarrassment with family and friends.

which women forums do you refer to?

Posted by: royalpalace774

As far as meeting in another town other than where the women lives can be ok. An example: I am going this summer to meet a women who lives in Sumy. I wanted to go to sumy and she asked if it was OK if we met in Kiev or Odessa. I asked why. She said that she lives in a small town where everyone is up each others business.

She told me she had a friend have an American man come visit and when the man left everywhere the women went she was asked questions by people in town and this went on for weeks. She was the talk of the town and she said that many people hope for your failure when it comes to these kind of things.

The girl I am visiting this summer said if we hit it off on trip one trip 2 she will bring me to see her mother and friends. hat's totally fine with me.

So Just maybe the women doesn't want everyone being nosey and asking a million questions?

Posted by: Buckeye5704

A good question to be sure.

I am actually thinking of doing both at once.

I am planning to meet my favorite in her town then rent a car and drive to Crimea and spend a week there with her. I think I just might get an apartment there and have the other ladies I want to meet come there for a few days each. I gotta find out where in Crimea mum lives though...

On another note, I signed the sale agreement on the house today with a closing date of mid May. Another major hurdle potentially done with. Don't forget now, I was ALREADY selling the dump for the divorce stuff.

> > > Ukraine

Posted by: AkMike

I suggest you plan on taking a train and tazis to get around Ukraine. Drivers there are scarey. You'll need an international drivers license to drive there too. Your regular one won't work. And when you get flagged over to pay a fine/bribe you won't be able to fluently try to talk your way out of it..

Posted by: Buckeye5704

I'm getting the license before I go , but SHE"S driving. I ain't a idgit ya know. I handled Germany, France and Italy so far. I'm looking forward to the challenge! I could always break into my crazy lunatic routine to through the copper off his stride.

Oh, wait that's my NORMAL state. I'll think of sumpin. Oh! LOOK a butterfly!

Found a Russian lady here who gives lessons too. I hope to be functional when I go. At least I want to avoid ordering the proprietor instead of the pelmenis (sp?).

Tim

Posted by: AkMike

LOL, Ok I just want you to know that in my professional opinion, (34 yrs as a commercial truck driver) I am sure that they are trained by kamakazi pilots during a demolition derby. No joke!

Posted by: Chillidog

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

LOL, Ok I just want you to know that in my professional opinion, (34 yrs as a commercial truck driver) I am sure that they are trained by kamakazi pilots during a demolition derby. No joke!

Yeah, but the dang difference is these kamakazi pilots do not hit anything

, they just cause everyone else to, leaving a pile of wreckage in their wake

Posted by: disculmawsu

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

LOL, Ok I just want you to know that in my professional opinion, (34 yrs as a commercial truck driver) I am sure that they are trained by kamakazi pilots during a demolition derby. No joke!

Mike I agree with not driving in Ukraine or Russia - they are worest drivers I have ever seen. Even the taxi drivers are crazy - I took a private hotel driver from the airport to hotel (and back) during my trip to Archangelsk - both times the driver was driving 70 miles an hour on sheet of ice which passed for a road.
During my trip to Moscow this winter, I saw at least seven accidents in the space of a hour going from the airport to my hotel at 10:00pm at night!
I will leave the driving to the Russians and Ukrainians.

Posted by: AkMike

Even when taking busses to Kiev from Cherkassy I sit way in the back of the bus away from the impact area. I strated doing this after our bus got passed from behind by another bus while we met another going the other way, all on a 2 lane road. And then the bus that did the passing pulled over at the next roadside coffee kiosk... Crazy!
I figured that bus drivers would drive a bit better than cars but they're the same..
Possibly it's a grass roots version of 'Zero Population Growth'.

Posted by: blucatz

I am meeting my lady in another country for the simple reason that we want to see if there is anything between us before she introduces me to her little girl and the rest of the family. No sense in getting the little girls hopes up if there is nothing there between us.

Posted by: Stirlitz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

This one gal in Mariupol has been corresponding with me the past few months. She said that she would like to meet me elsewhere, and if she takes time off work and is still around, she could "be called by her boss anytime to be at work and asked to go to work. If we can meet in another place and not in my native city, nobody can disturb us.".

That sounds a little fishy. If she is off work why can�t see just tell him she is not available? Or simply not to answer the telephone at all?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

Most of the Ukrainian women have cell phones and be called from anywhere, to begin with.

Right. However, if she is in another town she can explain it to the boss. But I do not understand anyway why not just say she is busy or turn off the phone at all for a few days.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

Perhaps she might have an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend that is still around, and doesn't want them to stir up trouble with me.....

Might be. Or she simply does not want anybody in her town to know she is dating a foreigner� or anyone. Mariupol is a small town and most people are connected to each other in one way or another, rumour spreads fast. I think I understand her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

Or she trying to score a free trip or have some other agenda in mind? I'm not about to spring for a trip to, let's say, Turkey or Egypt, on a first meeting.

I don�t think she is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

I think what I am going to do is suggest meeting in Yalta. It's close enough and it's a good environment to relax and talk.

Good idea. By the way Mariupol is dull and not fun, unlike Yalta.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

She only understands basic English, and I have not talked to her on the phone yet. Maybe meet at the agency office first, then take off immediately?

Is she the only woman you are meeting? OMG. Make sure you talk to her on the phone before you embark.

Quote:

Originally Posted by disculmawsu

Idiots. Sad truth. I usually drive 50-60 mph, very seldom faster. And you know what?! I am not that slow at that in the final run!! For example, when I drive from Odessa to the Crimea (300 miles) it takes me about 6 hours. When somebody drove the same way at 70-80 mph all the time it took them 5:30. So what? So much risk and stress for stupid half an hour!! Unbelievable how silly people can be.

Posted by: Raspberry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stirlitz

That sounds a little fishy. If she is off work why can�t see just tell him she is not available? Or simply not to answer the telephone at all?............. But I do not understand anyway why not just say she is busy or turn off the phone at all for a few days.

This is the only real issue I find bothersome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stirlitz

Mariupol has over 400,000 people.....but it still has a "small town" feel. I've been there four times, and now how it operates....And I was just thinking about this one girl I used to see there....she may now be in the U.S. now....but her friends are all still in Mariupol. So the odds of being disturbed are much higher, with this being considered. Better to meet elsewhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stirlitz

Is she the only woman you are meeting? OMG. Make sure you talk to her on the phone before you embark.

No, there are two others in different cities. I do not have her phone number yet, though. And she does not speak English.I know some Russian, but I think I will need a translator for some things.
.

Posted by: Stirlitz

You can rely on me then.

Posted by: Legal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raspberry

Our first meeting was in Saint Petersburg. I took vacation. But during that time my boss and my subordinates were calling me almost every day. So I really was glad that we decided to meet in other city.

Olga (Legal's wife)

Posted by: Legal

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucatz

I am meeting my lady in another country for the simple reason that we want to see if there is anything between us before she introduces me to her little girl and the rest of the family. No sense in getting the little girls hopes up if there is nothing there between us.

I absolutly agree with you.

But honestly I don't know if I could bring myself to go to another country to meet a man. Probably I'm too cautious.

Olga (Legal's wife)

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Legal

I absolutly agree with you.

But honestly I don't know if I could bring myself to go to another country to meet a man. Probably I'm too cautious.

Olga (Legal's wife)

Well, we are meeting in Moscow first then flying to Egypt, then back to Moscow for 2 days. It will be 16 days total together.

Posted by: OzGuyLooking

I can understand your concern Raspberry but I also understand why she wouldn't want to hang around her home city. I would go to a nearby city, Kiev maybe, and do the touristy thing there and get to know each other. Then if things are ok go back to her home city and take your chances with the boss calling her. I know my friends leave their cities for a break cause their bosses call them constantly if they can.