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Hi, I'm Dave, I'm seeking advice about a Russian woman I've corresponded with...
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Posted by: DaveLH

Hello,

My name is Dave. I discovered this forum while searching for answers to a problem I have been struggling with in my attempts to correspond with a Russian woman who, like me, was searching for love.

To give you some background about me: I am a computer technician living in Southern California. I’m 40 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. Friends tell me that I have a good, kind heart, yet I’m very shy and lacking in self-confidence around young, unattached women (the few that I come into contact with), a lack of confidence borne from several bad relationships with women who mistreated me. For some years now I had all but despaired of any hope of finding a special woman with whom I could build a loving, caring relationship and spend my life with; and I certainly had not considered the possibility of finding love in Russia.

Then this year (on Valentine’s Day no less), completely out of the blue I received an E-mail (to my private E-mail address!) from a Russian woman, saying that her sister married an American and moved to the USA, and now she had asked her sister to find a nice man on dating sites online and send his profile to her, and I’m who she picked out! I have no idea where her sister found my profile, or where she got my personal E-mail — I am not subscribed to any dating sites, much less Russian ones. Only exceptions are Yahoo!Personals, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t make personal E-mails public, and a few specialized ones such as “Green [i.e. environmental] Singles”, which it’s unlikely she stumbled on.

In any case, we started corresponding. For the first week, we were exchanging E-mails every day. She kept saying that she thought I was an interesting guy and that she wanted to “learn me better” (i.e. learn more about me). In her E-mails she addressed me as “Dear Dave” or her “dear friend”. She was always delighted to hear from me, and seemed to need reassuring that I was interested in communicating with her, which I always provided. She seemed very self-conscious about her looks, even though the photos she sent me were gorgeous!, and I tried to assure her that I found her very attractive.
In return, I sent her my photos and she said I was handsome, and that she thought I must have many “fans-girls”, even though I’m shy, a bit (not extremely) overweight, and otherwise not an image of “Prince Charming”, at least not that one could discern from a photograph. But she said multiple times that I seemed so different from the rough, dominating, and dishonest Russian men she had dated, and that she wanted to build a relationship with me that *might* lead to love. She called my letters “wonderful” and showed every possible enthusiasm in continuing the correspondence, as well as expressing hope that it would grow into something romantic.

For that first week I was on Cloud 9!!! All my life I have longed for a woman to at least consider me a contender for romance, and now here she was!!! For even though I think I have a kind and tender soul, and friends have called me “a beautiful man with a beautiful heart”, of the few single women I know, most won’t even go out with me, won’t even give me a chance, because I’m not “Prince Charming”. But now at last, here seemed to be a woman who could recognize and appreciate my goodness, and for the first time in my lonely life I allowed myself to hope that I might find love at last!

Then after the first week, a whole week passed when I didn’t hear from her. On Day 8 she wrote and apologized for the length of time in responding. She offered no explanation, but only said that she would write me “whenever she had the opportunity”. This was on March 11, and it was the last correspondence I have received. I haven’t heard from her since, though I have E-mailed her several times. I told her how much I missed hearing from her and wanted to continue the relationship.

In the last E-mail I sent (last Saturday), I told how that in spite of her previous assurance that she would write me “when she had the opportunity”, the sheer length of time since her last correspondence was causing me to have doubts about her desire to continue communicating with me. I honestly told her about my lack of self-confidence with women, and how I really needed to know how things stood with us, and whether she still cared about me and hadn’t, for example, found another guy she liked better. As of today (Thursday), no response, and she didn't seem like the kind to just ignore E-mails. So now I’m wondering if there’s actually some malfunction in her E-mail that’s causing my E-mails not to be delivered to her, and/or hers to me. Or maybe she’s sick or hurt, or maybe she’s short on funds and lost her Internet connection. Or maybe she did indeed find another man and does not have the courtesy to let me know so I can at least have closure?
Or… Maybe she was a “gold-digger” who moved on to “bigger game”??

Call me a naļve fool, but I so doubt those last two conjectures! She expressed caution about the idea of romance with me, and seemed to want to take it slowly (contrary to how “gold-diggers” are supposed to behave), and at the same time her words seemed artless and sincere, and her interest in me genuine. But then what’s going on??? If I could call her I would, but she said someone stole her cell phone and assured me that she would give me her number when she got a new one. Another idea I had was to contact the Russian Embassy, but I don’t know if they have the time, resources, or inclination to help me find out what happened to her. Then I thought about contacting her sister, but I don’t know her married name or have any contact info for her.

So I’m humbly asking the members of this forum, both Russian women and American men who have experience in these matters, what I should do????? Does this woman’s apparent behavior make any sense to you? What avenues can I pursue to re-establish contact with her, or at least find out why she stopped writing?

Or am I, in my loneliness and despair, giving too much importance to one woman I only corresponded with for two weeks, and I should move on?

Any advice/feedback/guidance/sympathy would be greatly appreciated!

Dave

Posted by: AkMike

Have you asked her who her sister is and how to contact her? Have you found out how they got your address? Ask...
If they/she can't honestly answer then move on.
Something seems a tad fishy..

Posted by: stevo

I concur - sounds decidedly odd. Have you tried searching for her name with Google or even for some key phrases from her letters? Does she ever pick up on specific points in your letters, or only comment on them in general terms? Usually a story like this would involve a request for money somewhere along the line, perhaps to help with some kind of medical emergency or to pay for plane tickets.

Posted by: Pin Boy

an email, out of the blue, to your private address??? did she explain how she got your address? be very cautious and NEVER NEVER EVER send money to someone you don't know.

Posted by: Stirlitz

You may hear from her again. But this time you will hear a heart breaking story about her mother being hit by a car or suffering a heart attack. You are expected to offer help. Either she will mention it directly or will wait for you to come up. However, I am not sure because it is taking too long. Scammers usually do not wait that long.

The thing is Yahoo! personals are often used by scammers. I assume you only used e-mail to communicate with her? What proofs do you have she is a woman and genuine at that?

At any event never send money to women you have not met in person when dating online. It is a rule cast in stone.

Posted by: BluesTraveler

Dave: my thought is, how did she get your personal email address?

by the way did you really think about what a very long distance relationship would be like? Or did you just like getting the emails?

Posted by: DaveLH

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevo

I concur - sounds decidedly odd. Have you tried searching for her name with Google or even for some key phrases from her letters?

Thanks very much for this suggestion. I did a search, and her name came up on scam lists on www.global7russia.com and www.delphifaq.com. I also found the photos she sent of herself under other women's names, and a letter some other guy received from her which was in German, which the AltaVista "Babel Fish" translator was able to translate enough so I could see that it was the same as one I received but to a different guy.

I feel like such a blind fool. I'm afraid I was brought up to be a good person and to expect the same from everyone else. On the whole, I'm glad I'm this way, but it has made me vulnerable to dishonest people sometimes. I'm still working on developing my "street smarts".

So where do I go from here? Should I attempt to find an honest Russian dating site? I do feel disillusioned with American women and have wondered if I would have better luck from another culture... Is there any way I can determine that a Russian woman would be right for me?

Thanks again to everyone who responded to my request.

Dave

P.S. "She" never did ask me for any $$$ -- So I can only assume that whoever was behind this just revels in the joy of hurting desperately lonely men.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I think maybe this girl was not serious to begiin with but I see a mistake you made.

Former Soviet Union (FSU) women like a strong decisive man. You said you are "shy" and "lacking in self confidence". Maybe you said this to her or it came through in your writing. Anyway, it isn't a death blow but most FSU women do not find it attractive.

I also think she started the "love" process too early which is a warning sign for a scammer. Another reason I think she was not serious. If she is serious she would write at least 3-4 times a week every week.

My advise is to try again if you have the patience, money, and drive to do this. It is an expessive and a long waiting process. Don't think about being shy or lacking self confidence and don't her these things. A serious FSU woman will make you feel like a king and give you all the confidence you need. If you are shy, she will see this and know what to do. So don't worry, these people can put you at ease and make you feel comfortable ... if they like you.

If you are serious about finding a FSU woman for a bride, the best thing you can do is stay in touch with this forum, read, and ask questions. I would not use any American site (yahoo or match.com) to find a foreign bride.

Good sites to start looking are:

www.freepersonals.ru
www.allsinglerussiangirls.com
www.elenasmodels.com

Take care, good luck, and ask questions!

Posted by: AkMike

Dave, If you want to continue down this path and avoid some of the scams and learn alot....
Spend some time reading thru the forum. There's alot of good advice already here that is the results of alot of experience. Good sites are shown down in the dating area.
Your scammer would have come up with a tear jerker story before too long and wanted money for her mothers operation or some other reason.. You got lucky that you discovered her/him (it could be a guy posing as a woman)this soon.

Posted by: Buckeye5704

Hey Dave,

Chin up man! It was scammer that started my search in the FSU. I'm so glad that burly Boris wrote those wonderful letters that got me hoping for the real deal, then actually looking for the real deal.

Hey, you aren't the first guy that got his hopes up that way and you won't be the last. I was a little disappointed when the money request showed up but I was looking for it to come and ROFLMAO before i finished reading it.

What was his/her name, btw?

Tim

Posted by: AkMike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckeye5704

What was his/her name, btw?Tim

Why you two timing bastade,, Boris is still waiting for you and here you're looking at Hairy Ivan...

Posted by: Buckeye5704

Hey Mike, there's plenty more of the ole Timmy express to go around. Ivan better get off his butt and drop me a line quick.

Posted by: AkMike

LOL, hehehehe

Just hang tight I'm sure he'll get right on that!

Posted by: joelunchbox

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveLH

Thanks very much for this suggestion. I did a search, and her name came up on scam lists on www.global7russia.com and www.delphifaq.com. I also found the photos she sent of herself under other women's names, and a letter some other guy received from her which was in German, which the AltaVista "Babel Fish" translator was able to translate enough so I could see that it was the same as one I received but to a different guy.

I feel like such a blind fool. I'm afraid I was brought up to be a good person and to expect the same from everyone else. On the whole, I'm glad I'm this way, but it has made me vulnerable to dishonest people sometimes. I'm still working on developing my "street smarts".

So where do I go from here? Should I attempt to find an honest Russian dating site? I do feel disillusioned with American women and have wondered if I would have better luck from another culture... Is there any way I can determine that a Russian woman would be right for me?

Thanks again to everyone who responded to my request.

Dave

P.S. "She" never did ask me for any $$$ -- So I can only assume that whoever was behind this just revels in the joy of hurting desperately lonely men.

I doubt there are many people here that haven't had the same emotion as yours. It is because we are honest caring people. If it will make you feel better you can search through my posts--hint, the first ones, and read about my experience. One of two things will happen to you now. Either you will write off foreign women completely and forever. Or, and I think this happens a lot, you will want to learn more about the FSU, its people and sometime in the future, you will send an email to someone, somewhere. My "gold digger" experience was actually a nice experience. It helped me learn what was involved with long distance relationships, passports, visas etc. And more importantly, it got me started thinking aobut what exactly I was lookimg for in my wife. That was three years ago. My fiance and I had a bit of a laugh when we talked about on my last trip to Tashkent. No matter where you look, there is a lot of effort involved. Good luck!

Posted by: redhawk

twas a scammer who got me started as well, i even kept boris's beautiful fotos of her supposed self(nastya sherbakava),and all emails. it was in november of 2006. after a month of every day emails,she asked for money(music please- dunt... dun...dunnn!!!!...) got me curious,2 trips and 15000 later, now here i am,waiting for my real RW to go to her interview at embassy may 20th.
dont give up Dave,im also a dave,and we are different,but dont let anyone BS you,this is one long, hard,EXPENSIVE process.

elenas models is where i found mine.but others GTR listed are good as well.

Posted by: dagpop

Dave, you got a taste of russian women and I hope it leads to finding a real woman looking for a man. If you are shy around women, the best antidote is to get into the thick of it with meeting them and being able to talk to them. The best way to cure your shyness is to tell yourself that you are going to get out there and find a woman and not be afraid. Good Hunting!

Posted by: raptor9

Dave,

As I understand it you were contacted even though you had not signed up on a service. This is unusual and is a "red flag". Have you signed up on a pen pal site perhaps? I hade done this as well as a few of the agencies (there are many). I was sometimess approached by women from the penpal site. What I found was it is generally a scam. I suppose it is possible that some of these ladies are genuine but it is costly to find out you are wrong. In time I discovered that I was being sent form letters. The letters were nice but failed to answer my questions when I replied. I verified this by writing to these women at their e-mail from a new e-mail account that I created. Sure enough, I was sent the very same letters again (word for word) and the same pictures. I am trying to remember if you have said she had given a telephone #. If so, call her. Contrary to popular belief many Russians have telephones (home, mobile or both). If she does not respond any longer to your messages and you did not meet from a legitimate agency the chances are good that you have become a victim. Yes it hurts. If you are interested in a woman from Russia (they are truly wonderful) contact a legitimate agency and proceed with caution. I have met a very wonderful woman this way and I have been to Russia 2x to meet her. It is worth it but takes time and understanding. Good Luck!

Posted by: JohnnyLaRue

My guess is maybe a friend used his email address to sign up for something? I've had in the past "friends" use my email address to sign up for things and I get stuck with the spam in my inbox.

Posted by: Brian2

Dave,

As everyone says, the email is a scam. I've recieved similar things dozens of times. (It's funny to recieve the exact same email & photo 3 times one day, all from different email addresses)

However, if you are interested, it's worthwhile to look into the legitimate ways of meeting. This site and similar are very useful resources.

Just remember the old saying - "if it looks too good to be true, it probably is".

regards

Brian

p.s. yes, I know I'm late responding. I never noticed this thread when I got back from Russia in April.

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