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Have a Russian baby. Need help/advice

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Posted by: am ivan

A couple of years ago I lived in Russia. While there, there was one lady that I knew for a year through friends before we started dating each other. We really only dated for a couple of months. I went away on holiday then when I returned we were set to go to dinner one night but she never showed and stopped all communication with me. A couple of months later I heard she was married and pregnant. I assumed she got back with her ex boyfriend and dropped me. Tried to get in touch with her but she refused my calls, messages, emails, etc. Eventually I left Russia and my life moved on.

Two and half years later I get a note from her out of the blue that says she is sorry for how she acted back then. My response was that the past is the past. No heard feelings or anything. After this she responded saying that she found out shortly before I was to return to Russia that she was pregnant. She was scared thinking I would want an abortion or that I would think she was pressuring me into marriage with the baby so she chose to ignore me. A couple weeks later her exboyfriend proposed to her and they got married. She is still married but also says that the baby is mine and that the only people that know this are her, her husband and now me.

I guess my concerns/questions are do I have any rights? I do not want to take the baby from them or even disrupt their life as they seem happy but I feel that if it is my child then I should at least be a little involved. I am assuming that her husband is on record as the legal father in Russia even if he is not the biological father, which probably means that I have no voice when it comes to the child. Would I have any legal obligation within Russia?

Would the child have a right to citizenship within the U.S. if proven that I was the father?

Any help or advice from anyone that might have had a similar situation would be much appreciated. At the moment I am confused and there is not a lot of information out there for something like this.


Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:
Originally Posted by am ivan
A couple of years ago I lived in Russia. While there, there was one lady that I knew for a year through friends before we started dating each other. We really only dated for a couple of months. I went away on holiday then when I returned we were set to go to dinner one night but she never showed and stopped all communication with me. A couple of months later I heard she was married and pregnant. I assumed she got back with her ex boyfriend and dropped me. Tried to get in touch with her but she refused my calls, messages, emails, etc. Eventually I left Russia and my life moved on.

Two and half years later I get a note from her out of the blue that says she is sorry for how she acted back then. My response was that the past is the past. No heard feelings or anything. After this she responded saying that she found out shortly before I was to return to Russia that she was pregnant. She was scared thinking I would want an abortion or that I would think she was pressuring me into marriage with the baby so she chose to ignore me. A couple weeks later her exboyfriend proposed to her and they got married. She is still married but also says that the baby is mine and that the only people that know this are her, her husband and now me.

I guess my concerns/questions are do I have any rights? I do not want to take the baby from them or even disrupt their life as they seem happy but I feel that if it is my child then I should at least be a little involved. I am assuming that her husband is on record as the legal father in Russia even if he is not the biological father, which probably means that I have no voice when it comes to the child. Would I have any legal obligation within Russia?

Would the child have a right to citizenship within the U.S. if proven that I was the father?

Any help or advice from anyone that might have had a similar situation would be much appreciated. At the moment I am confused and there is not a lot of information out there for something like this.



WOW! I think you need to get a paternity test to find out if the baby is yours. I'm sure this can be done in Russia. And if you are the father what would you like to happen? I don't think the mother will let the baby leave Russia to come to the U.S. but If I was the father of the baby I sure would want the child to know who I was.

I wish you the best in this situation. At some point it may get hard for you to deal with this knowing you have a child across the world and you can't be with him or her every day. I am sure the baby has alot of love from these 2 people but it still can be difficult wanting to just spend tile with your child when you know the child is so far away from you.


Posted by: Pin Boy

think you might get better advice from a lawyer. you'll get opinions here. good luck.

pin boy


Posted by: Chillidog

I agree with Pin Boy seek legal advice, probably someone with some background of International laws. I believe any lawyer will allow the first consultation at "no cost" then afterwards you will really need to do some deep thinking and sort out your feelings. I wish you all the best!!!!


Posted by: BluesTraveler

The questions you need to ask yourself are
1. What do you want with regards to the relationship with your alleged son?
2. What is in the best interest of the child?
3. What happens if they get divorced?

IF they were in the US there would be no black and white issues. There have been cases where it turns out the ex-husband is not the father, but because he acted like a father for a few years, he still has to pay child support. Strange but true.

If the husband put himself down as the father on the birth certificate, and is currently acting like the father, I don't think you have any obligations. However if they get divorced it is very unlikely he would pay child support.

Citizenship rights is a very grey area. I don't think the child would be entitled to US citizenship if you are not listed on the birth certificate.

If it was me, before I would offer any financial assistance I would want a paternity test done. Trust but verify.


Posted by: blucatz

Paternity Test, first thing before making any decisions. Second, why is she contacting you now? Third and most important, What do you want? If you answer all 3 questions and still want to move forward to be in the childs life, don't ask questions here or find on internet, contact an attorney that specializes in this area. Don't mess around with this, spend the money, hire an expert. Good luck in whatever you decide.


Posted by: GentleGiant

as above, and good luck.

I would hate to think a child of mine was out there and I could not see them or have them know me.


Posted by: AkMike

I think the first and formost question should be what will be best for the kid. If the child has a good loving home with caring parents then you should NOT do anything.. Contact or bithday cards.. Nothing. You were a sperm donor. Not the father.
The father is the one who is raising it. Who stepped up to the plate after she was prego and carried the ball.
Don't disrupt the kids life.


Posted by: am ivan

Thanks all and all fair comments. At the moment I have just recently found out so of course the paternity test has passed through my mind. After living there I know what it is like. Currently I am basically searching for information to be as best educated as possible on potential options going forward and deciding how I want to proceed. Eventually if it comes to it (hopefully not) then yes a lawyer will get involved. If anyone knows of one could you please let me know. I live in asia at the moment so I am not in Russia or the US with easy access to a lawyer that knows either countries laws.

She has made it clear that she does not want anything from me or me to do anything. She wants to maintain status quo. She wanted me to know because she thought that I should know.
I want to honor her wishes but also to keep in contact with her and aware of what is happening in the life of my child. Yes ,as one poster commented, I am just a sperm donor but I shouldn't be and I wouldn't be had she informed me in the first place instead of 2.5 years after the fact. In that regard I feel like my hands are tied now even if I did want to do something. I don't live in Russia and really she could cut off communication now easier than she did in the first place.

This situation didn't occur overnight nor will it be resolved over night. I do appreciate everyone's comments and view points. The situation has been on my mind a lot lately and there are a lot of people on this forum that are able to provide an objective third party view that are knowledgeable of russian/western relationships. Thanks for that.


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