RW waiting for FATE after SIX months? - Russian Ukrainian Belarus Travel Music Woman Dating News

	The Russian Meeting Place: A place to meet people and talk about all things Russian... International Discussions about Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Travel, Music, Russian News, Ukrainian culture, Belarusian Dating, Moscow, Saint Petersburg, Kiev and other intelligent topics about life in the former Soviet Union.

Pages: 1

RW waiting for FATE after SIX months?
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: jbmail

Greetings to the Group,

I think i will read answers from experienced men who have dated or married Ukraine women, before i go any further. I met Natalie thru an agency in Ukraine 5 months ago. we average 3-4 letters a week thru a translator and one video chat per month right now. I am 52, she is 32. She and I have been having a great time and both looking forward to 2 week in June when i arrive

She likes compliments, small gifts of flowers and candy and a few goodies by mail, never asks for a things and is one of the best girls I have every dealt with. She is legit, as i was intoduced to her by her sister in law who married a man from USA, a friend of mine.

My problem is that every other letter, she will say how great we are together and how much fun we will have in June, but she needs to SEE how we develop together, and wants to see if FATE brings us together for life. Then she will say she tests me to see if I will give her more romantic compliments and if I do, she says that I think too much of her?This confuses me as I though video chat was enough to see your partner and decide that we should keep communicating like we have been doing.Friday she says that she will be devasted if things don't work out for us with FATE. I told her I've pretty much made up MY mind, so she will have to be the deciding factor and I was curious why so much concern now that we are getting close to June. I mean we've even discussed bring the K-1 paperwork.She says she doubts there will be any disappointments, but she sounds depressed or negative and I can;t seem to get her to open up as I usually do. Today, she says she feels that I make too much of a fuss over her and that maybe I won;t want her for life. Is this common in Ukraine women that have been out of a relationship for a year or longer? Does that have anything to do with it. She always tells me she can't voice her REAL feelings or passion or thoughts to someone she has not seen, as love talk is intimate and should be done behind closed door, not online or in video.

Any thoughts on this, has anyone else gone thru this? Just wondering

J

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbmail

Greetings to the Group,

I think i will read answers from experienced men who have dated or married Ukraine women, before i go any further. I met Natalie thru an agency in Ukraine 5 months ago. we average 3-4 letters a week thru a translator and one video chat per month right now. I am 52, she is 32. She and I have been having a great time and both looking forward to 2 week in June when i arrive

She likes compliments, small gifts of flowers and candy and a few goodies by mail, never asks for a things and is one of the best girls I have every dealt with. She is legit, as i was intoduced to her by her sister in law who married a man from USA, a friend of mine.

My problem is that every other letter, she will say how great we are together and how much fun we will have in June, but she needs to SEE how we develop together, and wants to see if FATE brings us together for life. Then she will say she tests me to see if I will give her more romantic compliments and if I do, she says that I think too much of her?This confuses me as I though video chat was enough to see your partner and decide that we should keep communicating like we have been doing.Friday she says that she will be devasted if things don't work out for us with FATE. I told her I've pretty much made up MY mind, so she will have to be the deciding factor and I was curious why so much concern now that we are getting close to June. I mean we've even discussed bring the K-1 paperwork.She says she doubts there will be any disappointments, but she sounds depressed or negative and I can;t seem to get her to open up as I usually do. Today, she says she feels that I make too much of a fuss over her and that maybe I won;t want her for life. Is this common in Ukraine women that have been out of a relationship for a year or longer? Does that have anything to do with it. She always tells me she can't voice her REAL feelings or passion or thoughts to someone she has not seen, as love talk is intimate and should be done behind closed door, not online or in video.

Any thoughts on this, has anyone else gone thru this? Just wondering

J

It doesn't sound like anything serious or out of the ordinary.

My opinion is she wants to let love into her heart but she can't do this until you meet. Although Russian women are very loving, they usually do not discuss love or sex over the phone or in mail until you have a serious reltionship. She's just letting you know that you are important to her and hopes a real relationship will develop. She is of course realistic and knows that this my not happen which is her fear.

It is possible she thinks that you give her too many gifts and you are doing this because you might only want sex and not true love or you are trying to buy her love and not serious about a relationship. She doesn't want to open her heart to you until you meet because she is afraid you won't like her or are only coming for sex.

I wouldn't worry about it now. Just continue with what you are doing, it sounds like everything is progressing along nicely!

When you meet her, don't try to "jump her bones". She will let you know when and if she is ready. At some point, if you are serious about her, tell her you want a serious relationship and you will not write to or visit other women. These are the words she wants to hear.

Again, these are my opinions and I can't read her mind ... it is my best guess.

I wish you good luck and keep us posted with your relationship and travel plans.

Take care and happy landings - Steve

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbmail

Welcome aboard the international dating arena. You will get hundreds of god answers here to your questions. I just so happen to be on here now and it looks like I will be the 1st to give you a comment.

In my experience in this , you will never know what you really have until you are face to face. Anything can happen from it being the greatest women you have ever met to you saying"Is this the girl I have been talking with for all this time.

Don't go by your talking on the phone as your final conclusion about your girl.
What matters is what she does. Her actions. Are her actions matching her words? Does he seem to really be interested in you or is she acting like she can't wait for the date to end. There are so many things that come into play when you visit a women there. Is she attentive and listening to your every word when you speak to her? Is she talking on her cell phone while you are sitting there after you traveled a few thousand miles to be with her.

it goes on and on. You just gotta go with your gut and see if you also think she is good for you. It takes two in this. And sometimes guys go over there and they meet a women who is just incredibly beautiful and they will do anything she wants for it to work out even if it doesn't feel right.

There are thousands of stories on this website. Some are beautiful love stories and some are very sad. You might be one of the few that meets your women and it turns out that she is THE ONE. You might meet her and scratch your head and think to yourself that something just isn't right. Sometimes even if it feels right it can go bad a few months later or on your 2nd trip to see her. I wouldn't make any promises to her that you are sure that it will work out and you will definately get married to her. You really don't know what's gonna happen until you spend good time together. She also might be testing you to see just how hungry for romance you are. Keep your senses open and just be yourself and that's all you can do.

Do be a gentleman with her. They like the guy to open the door and pull the seat out for them to sit.

There are no gaurantees here. Hopefully you get on together like a house on fire and spend the rest of your life as a happy man with a caring loving women.

If you want to know anything , just ask even if you think it's a dumm question. There are no dumm questions here because you are going to travel somewhere where people think and live different than we do here in the states. Good luck in your venture! Have fun but don't act desperate. They can see it. And if they are the wrong kind of girl you are in for some ride if they think you are desperate. Remember, she has to be good for you also.

Some guys here will like what I said and some will question it. But I am just giving you my take on it being that I am going on trip #4 and meeting girl #3

Posted by: jbmail

Thanks Steve,

She knows we never mention sex and when i sent her something for her birthday and flowers, we had an understanding that she was not OBLIGATEd to me in any way, so that was 5 months ago

it just seems like she is very LACONIC (her word) lately. i know its hard to get LONG writings from them. She tells me she loves my romantic letters and long 7 page stories of how I see love and relationship, like she is living in fairy tale land, which many UW are, just wanting love and unity, but she is SO hard to read. one day she says her female nature likes compliments, and then she will tell me I exaggerate her as being too good. i tell her I miss her and she doesn't understand how anyone can miss someone they haven't met? She knows my wife died suddenly six years ago at 39 and always treats it tenderly. her letters hardly ever get more than 4 short paragraphs long, very intelligently written, but when i ask her for feeeling, she says she cant discuss in the letters. I never say I LOVE YOU, i will send poems and say i FEEL love for you and I want to make you part of my life and hopefully things will be good in june, then she will be happy for a day and I'll get a reply saying she can't understand and doesnt think anyone can find love in then letters, like she is testing me for responses. Just feels like I'm back in high school at 50+. Ain;t love grand?...J

Posted by: jbmail

You guys work faster than 911 does here. i was posting as you were answering. i agree with you both. She is so good to me and very attentive. the ladies at the agency are close friends with her and without mentioning names, its a good agency. When she wa sick, they called me and her and read letters back and forth. Natalie just wants a loving man and she always tells me how romantic I am, but at my age, i KNOW what NOT to say. i talk about romantic walks on the beach and fioreside chats in the woods and she loves that talk, thats as deep as I go, unless she does mention about rolling over with a husband and feeling a warm biody again beides her old dog every morning, funny! I made the mistake 3 times of aski ng her months ago if I get my apartment in town, if she will help me shop and could I cook for her. They say you should never mention aprtments to someone until later on, but about a month later, out of the blue, she said if we get past our first days, she will gladly cook for me at MY place during the DAY. So you see my point, she is not shy and sensitive, but a well-bred woman

i just wish I could get her to stop having me read between the lines, so i would know what she wants from me

be well

j

Posted by: GoingToRussia

I don't think she is trying to get you read between the lines. She's trying to communicate the best she can. Remember, you are from 2 different worlds, culture and language. You will have many misunderstandings but you need to work through them.

Don't worry, everything sounds great ... but I would lay off the talk about your feelings about love. Talking about walks on the beach are great but keep your love feelings to yourself until you arrive and the time is right ... and believe me, you will know when the time is right!

Take care J

Posted by: vic2012

I posted only yesterday about homesickness. It can be a killer. But your GF sees not only a relationship here with you, but a link to someone she trusts and can communicate with when she arrives, her sister in law. And it looks like she's set her heart on it.
So I would caution you to be careful about how you move forward from here. It looks to me like she's already yours. But you must think about what YOU want.
I think that if you want to be with her, then you're already sorted.

Posted by: BluesTraveler

jbmail: She has insecurity's like every other person on the planet. Sometimes we build things up too much in our minds, and she doesn't want you or herself to be disappointed.

Posted by: jbmail

Thanks for all the replies. she will not have any contact with the sister in law as we will be in the USA and she will be wherever. I guess my main concern is how UW show their feelings and how they look at current realtiomns

for instance, I always thought that since I have been the ONLY one close to her in all these months and that we adore each other(her words too), that she can't wait to meet me, its been a long wait, etc, that we would meet, go out to diiner and get to know each other inn person and get closer while I am there. I also figured and assumed that IF we were still together on the 2nd day, then we were golden, but WHY does FATE keep coming up in all her letters recently. is it because we are getting closer to the date of meeting. I mean she will say: If fate wants us to be together, we will, but if not, then there is NO way to fix it and it won't happen. you would THINK that after all we've been thru, FATE isn't going to be the deciding factor, as I clearly DON'T know what the word means. I know FATE would determine if my plane goes down or not, but this relationship should be a GIVEN by now, wouldn't you say, or is the FATE idea just part of the UW ritual meaning , as long as you show up and we are happy, FATE will keep us together. i guess being in your 50's, it just doesn't bring back any memories of dating like I did it, when you dated a girl and if she called the next day, you were IN? I know we are always having understandin language issues, even with a translator reading her letters, but I make myself PRETTY clear in my 5-6 page letters and she thinks I am great writer and romantic, it just seems different all of a sudden. today, she says she is worried that I give her too many compliments, she's not all that perfect and she doesn't want anyone worshipping her. That was her opening line in todays letters, just seems odd?

Any remarks on this theory guys?

Posted by: GoingToRussia

As I understand it, fate to a RW means that if it is destined, it will happen. In other words, if you were meant to be together ... you will be. Don't read anything else into it and don't worry, everything appears normal and she sounds like a keeper.

She is afraid that you complement her too much and she will not be able to live up to your expectations and therefore disappoint you. Ease up on the lovey dovey stuff and concentrate on being together and getting to know each other.

By the way ... I'll be 53 very soon.

Posted by: AkMike

Hi JB,
First let me say that I'm shocked if my take is correct. So let me get this straight.
You've never been there to meet her face to face?
If so How in the world can you be thinking about discussing a K-1 let alone even thinking the "L" word? It's way early!
Meet and build a solid friendship first. IMO You're going wayyyyyy fast.

Posted by: solstice

Perhaps she is talking about the chemistry women are always bringing up these days. I would say that unless you're over doing it with gifts it might be the attention she has never had before. I had started talking with a UW around Christmas a couple years ago and sent her a small gift. She was completely taken off guard, she had never recieved a gift like that before. And I am sure your girl (& probably you) will become more nervous about the uncertainties of how things will be in person as the time for your meeting comes closer. Maybe by reassuring her of your feelings towards her it will calm her down and make her more confident in your relationship. I'm sure there are others on here that will be giving you some good advice as well. Just keep upbeat about everything and your feelings will probably be passed along to your girl. But it might be a good idea to take things a little slower.

Posted by: jbmail

That is the best answer I;ve heard, although they all are good. Now that you mention it, she said to me on the phone last week. I am not all that perfect as you make me out to be, I am honest and a good person, but sometimes you think too much of me. maybe you exaggerate my good parts of me?

She went on to say, don't worry about me, you don't have to try so hard!

So what you says makes sense. i do read into thing depply with her, as I am doing what they always tell you not to TRYING TO FIGURE A wowmans mind

be well

J

Posted by: royalpalace774

You are getting answers by guys who have done this for a while and even though they might not say the exact same things, they will all mention something very valid pertaining to your meeting your girl for the 1st time.

Everyone seems to think you should beware of the lovey dovey stuff. In other words, don't take it for granted that this is a sewn up deal and you are sure you are marrying her and living happily ever after.

You are not going to know anything until you are with her and to see just how things go. I wouldn't make any comments to her that you are all ready sure that this relationship is forever. You don't know. You hope it turns out wonderful. But believe me, anything at any time can go great or bad. Some guys here have met a few women and taken 5 or 6 trips and still haven't met THE ONE that they think is good for them. Some guys got lucky on trip one and are happily married to a great girl.

All the stories are different here and yours is soon about to unfold? Who knows, you might meet a raging lunatic or a soft spoken women. You never know until you are there.

I talked 6 straight months to a women and went to meet her. I knew on day 2 she was out of her mind. Point blank asking me for money. I looked at her and said NO! That was my 1st trip there and it goes on with my last women who I had a K1 visa with and she would have been here in about 1 or 2 months but she ended it and we don't talk to each other anymore.

On Sunday I leave to meet women number 3.

Good luck and may the angel of love be with you on your 1st trip.

Posted by: clark

jb

It is actually as simple as putting the cart before the horse. You connected with her 5 months ago and it's going to be another 5 months before you actually meet her and get a clarification if what you feel is "real". You've been discussing some serious feelings with the "L" word and K-1 visas and such. From your description it appears that she wants to believe you, but she may also be a bit afraid that your somewhat of a flake. In general the mentality of the woman your dealing with is: 1) there cannot be love until you have met and learn of each other. 2) 10 months is a very long time to have to wait for validation of what you say is true. A lot can happen in the next 5 months of waiting. You've made or making these declarations or promises and in a way pidgin-holed her into it as well. I'm not saying that you or her are not having these feelings. Just that you have absolutely no idea how true they are until you've met and had those same discussions eyeball to eyeball.

There is the very distinct possibility that one or the other of you won't like the other when you are actually face to face. Personality, looks, demeanor or a long list of other things could turn either you or her off. From your description it sounds as if you are both serious and this is a good thing. I'd suggest that you back off of the "future together" discussions until you meet (explain that to her..she'll think you better for it) and get over there quickly and see her. Why wait till June? Go now

Posted by: jbmail

Are far as not meeting or being a flake, we were past that the first two months. I mean when we chat, the whole family chats now as its a family thing. Brothers, mother and father too. We bOTH have personal parts of each other, gifts, pictures and we share everything. Don't forget, sister in laws can validate alot for someone, not like you are dealing with someone you don't know. We are having a reunion with family in June and she and I part of it. She and i video chat fior months and exchange pictures, I knop all her family, so its not like we haven't seen each other and yes, we've had our share of misunderstandings, but the translators work them all out and now she is taking English lessons and I am studying Russian. At first her dad didn't like the idea, now i am staying there for two days when i go over and then into my apartment, as i did not feel right refusing his offer to stay, even though it is cramped with four of them in an apt. you KNOW I won't be sleeoing in HER room!!!

All should be well, but I like to hear mens advice and problems they had. Don't forget, the sister in law talks about the k-1 to her and they talk about what SHE went thru, but she is still a little concerned. Its a BIG jump to come to USA and leaving everythingbehind. She did tell me that she felt secure with me and if all worked out, she would come to be with me when the time was right, so with her brains, she thinks all thru, she is VERY sharp

Thanks for all the tips

Posted by: blucatz

I would still make a quick trip to Ukraine, its an easy trip, no visa's, the flights are not that expensive and you can do a 3-4 day trip with no problem. I would not wait till June. At least get the first initial meeting over with, put her mind at ease on whether FATE will shine on you. Sounds to me that is what she has been hinting at, she wants that first meeting to be sure that you two will work out before getting her hopes up about the future.

Posted by: AkMike

JB,No one has called you a flake, BUT actually being with someone is alot different than a video chat. Watching the way she treats her family and friends in real world situations is alot better way to judge a person.
I'd hate to have you become a "One Week Wonder" with out having been there even a week.

Posted by: royalpalace774

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

JB,No one has called you a flake, BUT actually being with someone is alot different than a video chat. Watching the way she treats her family and friends in real world situations is alot better way to judge a person.
I'd hate to have you become a "One Week Wonder" with out having been there even a week.

AKMIKE IS RIGHT! Even talking for months to a women every single day for 5 months is not a indication that everything is going to be wonderful!

You just have to be there and there is no other way to know what you got until then. And then even if it feels right you got to hope it keeps on feeling right without any crazy stuff happening in between.

Posted by: clark

jb

You came here for advice because you obviously had some questions and doubts of your own. It does sound like the two of you are really into each other and as I stated earlier that is a good thing. It may be very real and turn out to be everything you both hoped for. I for one and most likely everyone on the forum hope for your sake it is everything you've hoped for. We've seen many before you. Some of them are us. We are on your side and wish you and her the best.

Heres the problem. You haven't met her. It's very easy to fall head over heels with the picture, the emails, the voice on the telephone and the webcam. You have built up this perfect woman inside your head and now you have stars in your eyes that she is just like you imagined. How fair is that to her? Chances are she is not. She is a very real woman with likes and dislikes. She'll do things you'll absolutely love and other things that will have you spitting nails. You won't know these things until you meet her and spend time with her. She'll have this same outlook on you too. It's a lot easier to imagine what you want her to be than it is for her to actually be that person.

I personally think you are on the right track. But the road you choose to getting to your final destination many times leads to tragedy some where along the way. There is no right or wrong way to this endeavor. It's what ever works for you. History and the numbers are not particularly in your favor. That doesn't mean that it won't work for you. IMHO

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Me and my fiancee felt the same way about each other as you do about your girl before we met. I went to meet her, not to marry her. I couldn't find a thing wrong with her before I met her, I thought she was the perfet girl for me.

Well after I met her nothing changed, she was still perfect. I loved everything about her. The second meeting I found 1 minor flaw I could deal. But all in all she's the match for me and her son and I are great together.

I'm a very happy guy and wish you the best of luck with your adventure!

Posted by: clark

GTR, not to rehash bad memories for you but for the sake of this thread. Didn't you feel that way about your first woman as well and even after you met her?

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

GTR, not to rehash bad memories for you but for the sake of this thread. Didn't you feel that way about your first woman as well and even after you met her?

No not really, we had many mis-understandings and I knew she was hiding something. I thought it was her second business but it was another guy. She also didn't want to talk about her father or son. The only other person she talked about was her cousin ... the whole time I knew her. So I knew she had "things" she didn't want to share ... even after we were married. Very secretive woman.

Posted by: clark

GTR
Thats all hindsight and looking back. But before you met her (without going back to hunt the thread) you were just as giddy then as jbmail is now. You seem to be comparing your second time around to his first without giving him the benefit of your first experience which has similarities.

Posted by: GoingToRussia

Quote:

Originally Posted by clark

GTR
Thats all hindsight and looking back. But before you met her (without going back to hunt the thread) you were just as giddy then as jbmail is now. You seem to be comparing your second time around to his first without giving him the benefit of your first experience which has similarities.

Oh sure I was "pumped" to meet her but I knew she wasn't perfect ... but perfect enough to go meet her.

With my fiancee I loved everything about her before and after I met her for the first tme. I didn't feel this way about the first girl.

Posted by: jbmail

I agree with every post so far, excpet for the going over sooner. I HAVE to go in June, thats costing me $3k, if I go now, its another 2-3k. Some of you guys have unlimited resources, don't have to work. I have my own business, and its hard enough closing down for 9 days ONCE a year, never mind twice and its costly in money going over and LOST money while I am closed. Computers don't stay healthy for long, they always need me, right

As an update, we had a 3 hour talk and she and I agreed that everything in 5 months has been what we both wabnt, but she wants to spend 9 days with me with family around and YES, we need to have translators draggin their ass behind us. She stated that she wants ALONE time with me and she isn't SHY, but she can't say she'll marry ne until after we spend time together, thats all. She is also insecure and her BIGGEST fear is that I will get there abd decide that she is NOT what I am looking for , although I'm pretty flexible and easy going. She confided in me that she has a tatoo of a butterfly on her inner elbow and she was worried about THAT??? So, you see how some of these women think

I think things will be fine on the week in general and then we'll go from there. She told me she is old fashioned for 32, and was taught that FATE is just another word for "get here and see if I want you for the rest of my life"

Be well,

J

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbmail

I agree with every post so far, excpet for the going over sooner. I HAVE to go in June, thats costing me $3k, if I go now, its another 2-3k. Some of you guys have unlimited resources, don't have to work. I have my own business, and its hard enough closing down for 9 days ONCE a year, never mind twice and its costly in money going over and LOST money while I am closed. Computers don't stay healthy for long, they always need me, right

As an update, we had a 3 hour talk and she and I agreed that everything in 5 months has been what we both wabnt, but she wants to spend 9 days with me with family around and YES, we need to have translators draggin their ass behind us. She stated that she wants ALONE time with me and she isn't SHY, but she can't say she'll marry ne until after we spend time together, thats all. She is also insecure and her BIGGEST fear is that I will get there abd decide that she is NOT what I am looking for , although I'm pretty flexible and easy going. She confided in me that she has a tatoo of a butterfly on her inner elbow and she was worried about THAT??? So, you see how some of these women think

I think things will be fine on the week in general and then we'll go from there. She told me she is old fashioned for 32, and was taught that FATE is just another word for "get here and see if I want you for the rest of my life"

Be well,

J

Where are you getting the 2-3k figure for a few days in the Ukraine? Are you flying first class and staying in a presidential palace or something? You can get a round trip ticket to Kiev for $600 and I was only talking 2-4 days, I also own my own business too, so I know what its like to shut down and go on these endeavers, my truck will not drive without me or my others will not run without my dispatch.

Posted by: AkMike

I cannot believe that you're using the "M" word already with a woman you've never met!
Try to keep in mind that she's still a stranger! One you've talked to but still a stranger. And you're as much of a stranger to her.
Would you consider talking to marriage to a web-friend you've never met from the other side of town? The other side of the country?
IMO It's time for a reality check my friend.

Posted by: Pin Boy

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucatz

You can get a round trip ticket to Kiev for $600 .

are you sure about this price? where have you seen this figure?

pb

Posted by: AkMike

The best I've found now is about $1000 from Miami Fl and 1700 from Ak.
$600 is if you bring your own fuel!

Posted by: AkMike

I think JB is quoteing his money numbers as 'possible earned $$$' Not money spent. It's not lost money because you cannot lose something you've never had. But I'd venture to say that it may be the best bux he's ever spent. If things aren't as they seem now it'll cost ALOT more to undo the mistake.

Posted by: royalpalace774

I just payed $920.00 for a round trip ticket to the Ukraine on cheaptickets.com and lat July I payed 1400.00 for the same flight roundtrip.

If anyone knows where I can pay less, let me know.

Posted by: Spakoyna

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

I cannot believe that you're using the "M" word already with a woman you've never met!
Try to keep in mind that she's still a stranger! One you've talked to but still a stranger. And you're as much of a stranger to her.
Would you consider talking to marriage to a web-friend you've never met from the other side of town? The other side of the country?
IMO It's time for a reality check my friend.

Ya gotta admit a mail order bride now is a far cry from what it was before! At least he is talking and seeing her on a webcam! I will be honest here. A lot of this is frame of mind. If both parties envolved are tired of looking...dating...playing the game. Miracles can happen!

Posted by: AkMike

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

These "new fangled ways" might make it easier to toss the loop around a gal but it doesn't take the place of knowing how they act in real life.

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkMike

Thank you AK. this has been my only point. I really hope it works out for jb. But jb, your looking for advice and knowledge, take some or not, it's up to you. Wouldn't you like to enter this maze armed with proven information? Keep in mind NOTHING is concrete in this arena. I only say approach with MUCH caution. Hope for the best and expect the worse.

My glass is half full BTW

Posted by: deccie

I agree with Mike and Clark.

it seems natural to me that OF COURSE she is being cautious and not opening her heart fully right now because you two may not be suited once you meet.

It is also possible you may never get there - at least as far as she is concerned.

BTW, I also disagree about your comment about computers. A well run and well maintained computer system should run for months without your intervention.
They should not "get sick quickly".

Posted by: clark

Check your flight prices on Vayama or Kayak, Much better I have found. jb think of what you are considering. The woman of your dreams is worth 3K unexpected expense right now as opposed to waiting until June and someone has beaten your time or worse she isn't the lady you thought and you spent the money anyways in June. It sounds to me that she is waiting for you but how long is a wonderful woman going to wait for you? 10 months anything can happen. She's not across town but she is still alive.

Us guys here are much like you. I personally can't go on a whim. My finances are as strangled as yours. I personally would not let that stop me IF this IS the one. I would go and not let nothing stop me if I were aching as much as you. You at most will have a couple hundred bucks more invested by going early. You'll have a peace of mind much earlier too. I really wish you good luck and hope it works out.

Posted by: clark

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spakoyna

I agree miracles can happen. But you can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. It takes some effort

Posted by: jbmail

Well, I certainly have stirred up the pot. I listen to all posts and then pick from the best advice as i see it. I have discussed with her and June is fine, she is waiting for me and has NO intentions of doing anything else. we will spend the time together during the reunion and she says she does NOT need 8 days to decide if we will be happy together after all we have been thru and know about each other. I feel the same way. Aw Mike was too quick to jump on my previous message, I NEVER mention Marriage or K-1, it has been HER mentioning that she cannot marry a man that she does not love and right now she has very strong feelings for me as a person, she thinks i'm a kind loving attentive man who needs a loving woman (her words) which she hopes will turn into love for both uf us in June, of course , you have to remember, her whole family is rooting for us and thinks I am great so far, so YES, she is in the prime of her life and mentioning children as her wish and always mentions that MARRAIGE is her only concern after LOVE and to have a united family before she gets any older. She has asked me a dozen times how I view married life, etc, so its her, not me, so as you stated, NO reality check needed. At 52m I've had my reality checks in life and this is NO different that my Ex who doied suddenly and was away when i met her in then usa. We saw each other once in person before she left for overseas to work and then we stayed together, so the only thing missing is the FACE to FACE. BTW, My plane tickets RT thru Delta from Boston to Kiev and the shuttle plane from Kiev to Kharkov was $960.00 total, trip insurance $73.00 and apartment top notch 2 bedroom, high speed internet and all luxuries $700.00 for 9 days

Thanks for all the advice and tips

J

Posted by: Spakoyna

I hope you understand I was partially joking with a ring of truth to it! I felt the same way as you, very serious probing letters to each other. I had no doubts after we met she was the one and started the K1 after our 1st meeting. I subsequently made 3 additional trips staying 1 month 2 times and 2 the last. I honestly believe if we had not spent that additional time together our odds of being together now would be very small.

You may not believe it but it is very difficult and stressful for a lady to uproot and move to a totally different culture 1/2 way around the world. Most all the woman we know from the FSU will tell you it takes a full year to as they say "have adaptation". The time we spent together solidified our relationship and removed any doubts she might have had if we hadn't spent the time together(A major thing she didn't have to worry about). To be honest I think she might've had cold feet and not come!

I wish you the best of luck and it certainly helps that she has family here!

Posted by: jbmail

I was not flaming anyone, we are here to discuss and I agree with you. She has 3 people who moved over here, but 500 miles away, but she knows what they went thru. She has been researching this for a year now and she does NOT want to leave, but realizes she may have to if she finds true love with me, and tells me that if I am the ONE, that she knows we will be able to work thru all the problems and hurdles, so we trust each other, plus she has family guiding her. When we talked the other night, she confided in me that she made a wish with her mom on New Years Dinner table, that she hopes I am the one that takes her heart and she would be ready to go in a year, as long as she knew she had the right person. She would live with me me tomorrow as a roomate, no problem, but like she says, she wants TRUE LOVE if she is leaving her country as she can find NICE men anywere in Ukraine, they are just not marrying material

I understand her alot better now, about how FATE has to work into their lives and how they cannot say loveable words, etc, until they meet someone,. Everyone is different, for instance, i got a video chat with her for xmas and she told me that love finds her in 2008, she hopes it will be from me. Me, on the other hand, told her something in a different way, but never mentioned LOVE, so there are ways to express concerns and attachemnts. and of course we are BOTh prepared that it could fall apart in any of the days, so we just have to go thru the paces and see. I have a saying in my life, it goes like this; I would rather be alone the rest of my life, than to be miserable with my partner, and she agrees with me.

be well,

J

Posted by: AkMike

Ok JB Now I understand better where you're at. It wasn't explained to good or I misunderstood.. No Matter.
I just wanted to make sure that you didn't have blinders on. You'dbe suprised how many that have passed thru here have. And I've seen it personally.
I don't want to see another divorce thread.
I hope that I haven't offended you in any way.
Mike

Posted by: jbmail

Like I said, no offense taken. Everyone has concerns, including me, thats why we write, to avoid the pitfalls and mishaps and learn from others. Some people see things differently than others and a mixed group is what we want

Good talking
j

Posted by: blucatz

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pin Boy

are you sure about this price? where have you seen this figure?

pb

I priced a flight back in November from CMH to Kiev for $672 round trip thru Orbitz.com

Posted by: AkMike

The fuels gone up alot since then so I'd bet the fares have also.

Posted by: blucatz

Its still the cheapest place to visit in the FSU and the easiest.

Posted by: AkMike

It's my second home! I don't really care for big citys anywhere. But Cherkassy is similar sized to Anchorage so I can get by fine. We're going to be looking for some semi rural property sometime soon.

Posted by: jbmail

On pricing flights, i spent at LEAST 5 hours in the last month comparing. If you are NOT fussy about arriving in Kiev in late afternoon,and don't mind going thru London or Amsterdam (some with LONG layovers) and want to leave from Boston, you can get limited flights for UNDER $700, even $600

I went with ALL Delta, no changing terminals, direct flight, and arriving 9:05AM , which gives me 4 hours to clear customs and get the ONLY flight to Kharkov before dark. Short layover in Paris on the return, and leaving Kiev at 11am vs 6am, all for $785 including Agent fees. Not a bad deal.

On another note, YES, many times when she told me she would wait, she mentioned that she would put her life on HOLD, as long as I promised I would show up in spring. Don't forget, its not like I'm someone that no one knows and could be a serial rapist out there . Having a family member who knows me gives peace of mind. My comment on computers breaking down, is that I have 400 clients in 3 cities who rely on me to BE available when their homne opr business computers break down. I do take weekends off, but the phone rings all weekend for Monday morning service calls, so i can't go far being the SOLE owner and I'm not big enough to hire someone full time, so its me for 50 hours a week. I will have someone covering me for emergencies while I am gone, but only for ONE week, so YES, I have to carefully plan my trips.If they take 20 computer calls to another service man while I am gone, thats alot of LOST revenue @ $95 an hour, so you can see my concern

be well,

J